Date: Sunday, August 31st, 2008
Theme: "Rock 'N' Roll High School" by The Ramones
FLASHBACK -- July 7th, 2008
The final scenes from Vanity are shown, including that of newly-crowned World Champion, Morgana, laid out on the floor, having her title strewn out in front of her. Unconscious, she barely responds to medics that hover around her, creating mass panic and confusion in the circle that surrounds her.
The medics strap her onto a stretcher and hoist her away, rolling her towards a nearby ambulance. After she is put inside, the medics shut the doors to the vehicle, allowing the sirens to blare on, with the ambulance pulling out of the parking lot of The Colosseum.
Before the image fades out, the camera zooms down upon the World Title, which remains on the floor, having been left behind by an injured Morgana.
What will its fate be? With Morgana out of action, who will be the new holder of the title?
Tonight we find out.
Suddenly, his cell phone rings.
"SHAWTY I COULD TAKE YOU DER"
"SHAWTY I COULD TAKE YOU DER"
"SHAWTY I COULD TAKE YOU DER"
After several moments of the ringtone singing to him, the man finally becomes abuzz and sits up, sand falling off his body. Overhearing his phone, he picks it up and answers it, without a care in the world.
Man: Hey, Corey Page here.
Alas, this crisp man, with the skin of a tomato, unveils his identity. It's the owner of Sin Wrestling, which was last on the air back in July, leaving everyone for its annual summer vacation. Weeks have passed and surely it's time to get back to action, right?
The voice on the other end begins hollering out to Corey Page.
Voice: Where the heck are you?! The show's about to get underway! Remember?! Sin Wrestling... Back to School...?! It's today! Where the hell are you? Hell, where have you been for the past several weeks?!
Each time Corey goes to answer, the person on the other end of the line bellows out another question.
Corey Page: I've... uh...
Voice: We need you here; things are about to get underway!
Corey Page: Th-- things?
Voice: I just told you! Back to School is starting! Right now!
Corey Page: Uh... I'm on a beach...
Voice: What?!
In a daze, Corey looks at his watch.
Corey Page: What day is this?
Voice: It's August 29th! That's what day it is!
Corey Page: If it's August 29th, that means...
Corey finally looks down at his glistening, burnt body.
Corey Page: Oh Jesus, I've been here for several weeks.
Voice: Huh? Who are you talking to?! We need you here, boss!
Corey Page: My skin... it's on fire!
Voice: Yeah, well... you're due at the gymnasium.
Corey Page: Augh...!
Click.
The voice on the other end of the line hangs up, leaving Corey Page a blazing, melting mess. His skin almost peels off, as he goes to rise from the beach, diminutive beach rocks and sand spilling from his pores and black shorts.
He looks to his right, noticing a cameraman film his actions.
Corey Page: You've been filming me the entire time and you didn't say anything?!
The cameraman shrugs his shoulders and eats his sandwich that he had been holding.
Cameraman: I just figured you were dead!
Corey Page: It's time to go Back to School...!
Corey rushes past the hungry cameraman, tip-toeing across the sand, barely able to walk.
Cameraman: Heh... and I didn't even finish high school.
Seconds later, the cameraman picks up his camera and tripod and hustles after Corey Page. This is how we begin tonight's return event for Sin Wrestling.
A preview of tonight's action is shown, including everything that happened at the last event, which was Venity. In the meantime, "Rock 'n' Roll Highschool" by The Ramones plays in the background.
Well I don't care about History
Rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school
'Cause that's not where I wanna be
Rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school
I just wanna have some kicks
I just wanna get some chicks
Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school
Images of Booger winning the Ultraviolence Title, Roxy Erikson winning a future title shot and Destiny Daniels easily defeating Mike Phantasy are shown...
Well the girls out there knock me out, you know
Rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school
Cruisin' around in my GTO
Rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school
I hate the teachers and the principal
Don't wanna be taught to be no fool
Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school
Following that, the image of Chris Carson beating Sebastian York, allowing him to retain the Impulse Title, only to find out his ex-wife is taking his child away, is shown. Ditto with the return of The Day Labourers, who debut their newfound MMA fondness.
As the song proceeds, portions of the World Title match are shown, including Stevie Swing striking Declan with "The Last Dance" superkick and covering him, only to have Morgana break the count. It then shows Morgana hitting The Morgasm on Declan, allowing her to become a two-time champion, and winning the last of Declan Turner's million dollars.
Stevie Swing is shown devastated at her loss, while Morgana and Declan shake hands, with Declan being taken out on a stretcher.
Fun fun rock'n'roll high school
Fun fun rock'n'roll high school
Fun fun rock'n'roll high school
Fun fun, oh baby
Nearing the end of the song, the screen then displays the absolute brutatily in Vanity's main event, between Casanova and Zimdela Brudon. It shows them fighting inside of the ring, only to take things to the floor, where the begin fighting all the way to the back, and even to the outside, where Zimdela is tombstoned onto an anthill of Fire Ants.
Absolutely bloodied, the last few scenes is that of Casanova relentlessly smashing away at Zimdela's skull with the chair, smashing him open so much, that even a piece of his cranium is showing.
The song finally closes out, last showing Casanova looking back into the ring, looking wildly at Zimdela Brudon, a new era of rage unleashed into him.
Seconds later, the image zooms out and the camera focus on a ring that's centered in the middle of a high school gymnasium. Fans are gathered around, many of them rowdy teenagers that are looking for some blood and action, stomping their feet, hoping for a good time.
Their waiting finally comes to an end, as Lex Robinson and Steve Hebert take their seat at the announcing table, officially getting things underway.
Your Dark Prince...
Has Returned...
A single light shines on the stage, and standing in the middle of the light, is "The Dark Prince" Stryker Graff. With a look of determination, he cracks that trademark smile of his and makes his way down to the ringside area. He slides under the bottom rope and stands in the middle of the ring, where he spreads his arms out, calling for the lights to shine back on.
Lex Robinson: Ladies and gentlemen, we start off Back to School 5 with a bang! Sin Legend Destiny Daniels faces off against Stryker Graff in our first Bracket match.
Steve Hebert: Really. Stryker Graff?
Lex Robinson: Yes. Stryker Graff. Or did you not see the hundreds of fliers, commercials, and merchandise talking about this Pay Per View?
Steve Hebert: ... I thought it was a misprint.
The arena goes black and a low hiss is heard. "I'm So Sick (T-Virus Remix)" by Flyleaf fades in harshly, cranked up to its highest setting possible. An image appears.
/ the
destiny
show
i will break into your thoughts
with what's written on my heart
Scarlet fireworks explode in chain up to the top of the entrance ramp, where the flames form a ring of fire from which Destiny emerges. She sways down to the ring, an albino snake resting atop her shoulders.
i'm so sick infected with where I live
let me live without this
empty bliss,selfishness
i will break! break!
Handing the snake to a stagehand, she slides into the ring, reveling in the reaction of the crowd. She tests the ropes, motions for her music to be cut, and feigns a devilish smile.
destiny
fulfilled /
Steve Hebert: Yeah, Double D! Rip his arms off! Beat him with the bloody stump!
Lex Robinson: Jesus Christ, what's wrong with you?!
Steve Hebert: I'm trying to get the crowd hyped. They probably forgot who this guy is.
Lex Robinson: Graff is really struggling with that arm, slapping at his shoulder, trying to get some feeling back in that arm. He shifts his weight—irish-whip on Destiny towards the turnbuckle. And she hits it hard! Graff follows it up with a running forearm! Catches her square in the jaw; she stumbles forward away from the turnbuckle; Graff bounding off the ropes behind her with a HUGE BULLDOG!
Steve Hebert: The new guy is gonna steal it!
Lex Robinson: Steve, he's been here before. He's not new! He's even a former World Champ!
Steve Hebert: Pffft. Kick out Double D! Flash your tits!
Lex Robinson: Graff does go for the easy cover, but Destiny is out on one.
Steve Hebert: Don't scare me like that!
Lex Robinson: Graff raises her up and smiles to the crowd as she's dazed. What is he doing?!
Steve Hebert: He's got the same idea I do! Finger in the butt, Graff! FINGER IN THE BUTT FATALITY!
Lex Robinson: Graff leers at Destiny and then throws her into the ropes. She lunges back dodging a clothesline; SPEAR! SPEAR! Right into the canvas! Graff goes down hard! She mounts him! Rights and lefts all over the place! And Graff looks to be knocked out cold!
Steve Hebert: Haha! Goddamn, where is my fucking popcorn?!
Lex Robinson: Destiny ascends the top rope. MOONSAULT!
Steve Hebert: She's goin' for the cover!
Lex Robinson: And Graff kicks out after two!
Steve Hebert: He looks like his going to throw up.
Lex Robinson: And Destiny and Graff get up slowly; circling each other. Both wary of what the other is capable of, making sure this crowd tonight—Destiny charges and ducks underneath Graff's legs and kicks one of them out! Graff drops to one knee—SIDE CROSSKICK TO THE FACE!
Steve Hebert: Jesus Christ, did you hear that echo?!
Lex Robinson: Graff is in serious trouble here. Destiny rolls him up!
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: No! Only a two-count!
Steve Hebert: Graff put his foot on the rope!
Lex Robinson: He breaks the count, trying to regain his bearings. Destiny picks him up by his hair. Forearm smash by Graff, catches Destiny! Another! And Another! Irish whip into the ropes, catches Destiny on the return and smiles as he gives her a SNAP BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!
Steve Hebert: Damn! She hit the mat almost as hard as I beat my wife!
Lex Robinson: Graff with the cover! The crowd counts along!
The referee drops down...
...1...2...!
Steve Hebert: Oh, sweet Jesus.
Lex Robinson: Graff can't believe it! But Destiny's resilience in unmatched!
Steve Hebert: And she kips-up!
Lex Robinson: Destiny unfazed by the suplex, leaps into the air with a full body press! She latches his arms and forces him to the ground, sliding to the back! She's got a knee into his back and an arm wrapped underneath her own as she pulls back! Good lord, that happened so fast! She's got him in a standing modified verson of The Cottonmouth!
Steve Hebert: The crowd is eating it up!
Lex Robinson: She's has it locked in hard! She's trying to get him to tap!
Steve Hebert: Come on Double D! Make him bleed!
Lex Robinson: Graff holds on! He's trying to shake her free! He snakes his arm out! Breaks the lock! She's still got him by a Rear Naked Choke! He's struggling towards the corner! And runs backwards into a turnbuckle! And again! And Destiny cannot hang on!
Steve Hebert: She's still running after him!
Lex Robinson: Graff turns to face her in the center of the ring! She leaps! Graff with the arm around her neck! He lifts her up!
Steve Hebert: DARKNESS FALLS!
Lex Robinson: Graff hits his version of a Uranage! And Destiny goes down hard.. he hooks the legs!
...1...2...3!
Steve Hebert: Graff pulls it off!
Lex Robinson: Stryker Graff puts on a great match, returning to Sin and advances to the Main Event. There's still more to come, though, folks!
Steve Hebert: I still say he should've given her the finger in the butt fatality...
As Destiny lays silent and unconscious, Stryker kneels down and lightly kisses her hand before leaving the ring and moving on to the Ladder Match.
Steve Hebert: What a nice fellow.
Lex Robinson: That just adds insult to injury. There was no need to do that.
Smirking, Stryker Graff drops Destiny's hand and arrogantly exits the ring. Walking to the back, he listens to the jeers from the fans, as he walks past the curtains.
Winner: Stryker Graff
Chris Carson: Finally. The good ol' fuckin' USA.
No one's in the cafeteria, as classes have ended long ago, but something's cooking already. Carson sniffs to himself, sets down his duffel bag, and walks into line, where some lunchladies are cooking up...yeah, it's not a pretty sight.
Chris Carson: Pizza. Now.
One lunchlady turns to face Carson, and...it's actually Ace Rodgers!
Chris Carson: God! Dammit, Ace! First it's a fish plant, now this?!
Ace Rodgers: We have to make the coin for Sin, you know, Carson.
Chris Carson: At least wear something other than a hairnet! Dammit, man!
Ace puts a scoop of...something on a plate.
Ace Rodgers: Ready to wrestle again, Carson?
Chris Carson: I will, once I get some food in me.
Carson turns a little green, as Ace appears to put something...meatish...on the plate.
Ace Rodgers: Well, I have something that might make you feel good.
Chris Carson: Please tell me it's fuckin' edible.
Ace reaches over and drops something heavy on Carson's tray. The Impulse Title!
Ace Rodgers: I wouldn't eat that, unless you were Andrew Keller.
Carson just smirks to himself and slowly sets the title on his right shoulder.
Chris Carson: The only thing that would feel better? The World Title over my other shoulder.
Carson puffs on his cigar while Ace starts to pick his nose with the tongs he was serving food with. Carson's grin turns to sick nausea, and he finally hustles out of the cafeteria.
Ace Rodgers: Huh. Wonder what's eating him.
The scene fades out, last showing Ace tasting some of his...meat. Disgusted, he twists his face in horror and pats his belly.
Ace Rodgers: You know...
He then smacks his lips.
Ace Rodgers: It wasn't too bad...
He takes another bite, as the image fades out.
The screen switches to the backstage area, where Sebastian York is shown entering the school. He is looking straight ahead, knowing that his match is up next. Unfortuately, what he doesn't realize is that Booger is making a charge at him from out of sight.
Steve Hebert: Look at that lazy bum getting here late. Doesn't he realize--- hey!
Lex Robinson: Out of nowhere, Booger attacks him, striking him with a clubbing blow to the neck, throwing him into some aluminum trashcans!
Steve Hebert: The Ultraviolence Title is even hanging out of Booger's mouth. It's like he's some sort of rabies-infected dog... with that title acting as foam. My god, I miss that burly, round man.
Lex Robinson: That "burly, round man" has become a monster.
Steve Hebert: Good... and he has a referee with him! This match is getting underway. It's for the Ultraviolence Title; the winner moving on to tonight's Ladder Match for the World Title match. Imagine, Booger can be an Ultraviolence and World Champion, too!
Lex Robinson: Hey, things can go the other way; Sebastian York could defeat Booger for that title and then climb the ladder, becoming the new World Champ.
Steve Hebert: Over my dead, diseased body.
Having Sebastian York downed amongst a pile of aluminum trashcans, Booger begins stomping and kicking at Sebastian York, still having his Ultraviolence Title hanging from his beefy mouth. Picking up a trashcan, Booger holds it over his head and heaves it at Sebastian York, smashing it against his back.
Steve Hebert: Booger heaves that trashcan just like Donkey Kong!
Lex Robinson: Trashcans may not be barrels, but they hit just the same. Grabbing Sebastian's hair, the large Booger man lifts the former Impulse Champion up to his feet and clobbers him with another brutal blow to the forehead, using his fists as a weapon.
Steve Hebert: Good! Beat him! Eat him, if you have to!
Lex Robinson: Taking another trashcan, Booger places it over Sebastian York's head and body, trapping him inside.
Steve Hebert: Hah! Yes, right where he belongs -- inside of a trashcan.
Cackling like a maniac at Sebastian York's expense, Boogen widens both of his arms, only to bring them clapping together against the side of the trashcan, ringing York inside. Giving a little more chuckle, he balls his fist together, pulls back and relays forward, punching the trashcan, knocking Sebastian York down!
Booger: Take that, queer!
Steve Hebert: Listen to that trashtalk! I love it! The new and improved Booger is awesome, Lex.
Lex Robinson: Not quite. And... uh... what's next?
Steve Hebert: He's grabbing another aluminum trashcan, holds it into the air... and turns it upside-down. He's pouring the garbage inside into his mouth! He's hungry, Lex!
Lex Robinson: Ugh, disgusting...
Having devoured some garbage, Booger powers himself up, even lifting Sebastian York to his feet, still trapped inside of the trashcan. Delivering another thunderous blow with his elbow, Booger hoists Sebastian up onto his right shoulder, about to drive him, trashcan and all, into the wall of the school.
Lex Robinson: Oh no...
Steve Hebert: Booger's going to heave him towards the wall, like a dart!
Lex Robinson: On Booger's right shoulder, Sebastian York is able to squirm off, just as Booger was about to launch him. Able to pluck the trashcan off his head, Sebastian quickly throws it at Booger's head, cracking it against his skull!
Steve Hebert: Agh! Not good!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York is picking up other random trashcans and is throwing them at Booger, now!
Steve Hebert: Now he thinks he's Donkey Kong! Ridiculous!
Striking with a flurry of kicks and punches, Sebastian York grabs Booger by the head and ears, and drags him down the school corridors. He slams Booger's face off the wall, leaving behind a tiny trace of blood that has arisen on the Ultraviolence Champ's forehead.
Lex Robinson: Blood is spurting from Booger's head!
Steve Hebert: No way, it's just ketchup!
Lex Robinson: For the second time, Sebastian York bashes Booger's skull off the wall.
Steve Hebert: Gah! God why?!
Booger: Don't touch me, faggot!
Lex Robinson: What the...?
In a burst of anger, Booger turns around, blood slowly pouring out of the wound on his forehead, and grabs Sebastian York by the throat. In retaliation, he flings Sebastian against the wall, using his strength to nearly put Sebastian through the gyprock.
Steve Hebert: Whoa... Booger throws him against the wall, but did you see that? He almost threw him though the wall!
Lex Robinson: Wouldn't that have been something?!
Before either announcer can blurt out another word, Booger steps back and charges ahead, like aroaring rhino.
Steve Hebert: Holy shit, Booger is running at Sebastian York...
Lex Robinson: He's going to flatten him against the wall! Holy crap...!
However, upon seeing the stampeding Booger, Sebastian York drops down to his knees, allowing for Booger to jump overhead. Unfortunately, it also results in the entire wall falling down, Booger being sent through the plaster, rolling around the floor in the next room, in a pit of his own blood.
Steve Hebert: Holy Jesus!
Lex Robinson: Booger has just gone through the wall! My God! Plaster, wood and pieces of the wall remain everywhere. I... I've never seen anything like this!
Steve Hebert: Oh Christ, listen to those moans of pain from Booger.
Booger: Ugh.... owwie.... auuughhhhh...
Lex Robinson: And here comes Sebastian York, through the hole in the wall... he jumps onto Booger, looking for the pinfall! The referee, who had been following both men, drops down and makes the cover!
The count is made...
...1...
Lex Robinson: One...!
...2...
Lex Robinson: Two...!
...
Steve Hebert: No! Booger kicks out! Thank fucking Dickens!
Lex Robinson: Annoyed at the lack of a pinfall, Sebastian York stands to his feet, looks around and realizes he's in the empty science laboratory.
Steve Hebert: Just great. I hope he falls in some hydrochloric acid.
Lex Robinson: Picking up a stool, he watches as Booger slowly gets to his knees, rolling around, trying to get to his fat feet.
Steve Hebert: He's glandular, not fat.
WHAM!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York breaks that stool over Booger's back! Pieces of wood splinter everywhere!
Steve Hebert: Son of a bitch!
Lex Robinson: Furthermore, Sebastian grabs one of the broken legs of the stool and uses it as a blade to jab into Booger's head! He's trying to widen the cut on Booger's head.
Steve Hebert: Just as the tip of it reaches his skin, though; Booger lets out an awkward cry and pushes Sebastian back. Old Yorkie, who is probably still crying about his loss to "The Creep", immediately returns to trying to stab him, which is a criminal offense, which means he oughta be arrested.
Lex Robinson: It's all part of the match, Steve. So is Booger shoving Sebastian York back, forcing him to smash against the chemical locker. Storming out, he kicks Booger in the head, striking him directly in the cut on his forehead. Still with the leg stool in hand, he goes to strike Booger again, but the attempt is once again thwarted.
Steve Hebert: Thwarted? Fuck that, Booger punches Sebastian York in the gut. That's what happens. Booger jumps up, like a bolt of lightning and quickly snaps a punch to Sebastian York's face...
Lex Robinson: Well, it was more like he barely rolled to his feet, gasping for oxygen as he rises.
Steve Hebert: Close enough! Either way, he bashes his ham-like fist into Sebastian York's stupid, gay face!
Lex Robinson: Well, yeah. He strikes one; but as he goes to strike for the second time, Sebastian ducks down... resulting in Booger smashing his head into the glass casing that holds the chemicals! In fact, it causes a major crack in the casing.
Angry at missing his target, Booger begins to circle around, only to have Sebastian York deck him with the leg of the stool once more, only to have it crack in half. Furthermore, he grabs Booger's head and proceeds to smash it repeatedly against the window casing, dislodging several of the bottled chemicals inside.
Steve Hebert: No, Booger; there's no food in there!
Lex Robinson: He's no looking for food; Sebastian York is instead bashing his face off the glass window. Relentlessly smashing Booger's head off the casing, Sebastian begins chipping away at the glass, until.... oh shit...
Steve Hebert: Booger's skull goes directly through that glass window, shattering it!
Glass splinters to the ground, falling to the floor like glittering snowflakes. Holding his eyes, Booger tries to rub the glass out, but ends up cutting his eyelids.
Lex Robinson: Booger frantically rubs at his eyes, trying to remove the glass shards from his eyes; but it's all no good. The more he rubs, the more he bleeds! Sebastian York is aware of this, as he reaches into the glass cabinet and pulls out a bottle of some chemical, opens it up... and throws it into Booger's eyes!
As soon as the liquid splashes into his eyes, Booger moans out in pain.
Booger: Auuughhhh... my eyes! My eye! My beautiful eyes!
Steve Hebert: He's been blinded, Lex! And that homosexual shithead, Sebastian York, isn't helping things!
As Booger stumbles around, Sebastian York creeps up behind him, chopping his right leg out from under him, resulting in the large man falling to his knees, literally creating a rumbling all throughout the school.
Steve Hebert: Did you feel the ground shake? I know I did!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York delivers a running-kick to the back of Booger's skull!
Steve Hebert: The poor guy can't even see; and it's all because of Sebastian York! How's he supposed to defend himself?!
Lex Robinson: If he wants to win, he'll have to figure out a way. Right now, Sebastian York is picking up a fire extinguisher, which would normally be used in case of a fire emergency inside the lab. Instead, he uses it to bash against Booger's skull, knocking him down even further!
Steve Hebert: This is awful!
Lex Robinson: In a daze, a blinded Booger tries to stand, but he is swiftly kicked in the bellybutton by Sebastian York... who happens to get his foot stuck!
Steve Hebert: Yes! This could be the break Booger needs!
Lex Robinson: Unable to break free from the colossal man, Sebastian tries plucking his foot away, but it's no good. Despite unable to see his opponent, Booger grabs onto him, pulls him near and begins chewing and gnawing on his arm and shoulder, trying to rip his flesh off!
Steve Hebert: That's the idea! Eat him, Booger!
Lex Robinson: Hollering out in pain, Sebastian York connects some elbows to the cut on Booger's forehead, gaining a forceful release. Using all of his strength, he's finally able to pull his foot out of Booger's navel, enabling him to stand on his own two feet again.
Steve Hebert: Drat. Luckily, that bite did some damage, though. Like a zombie eating a whore. A dirty, dirty whore; which is also what Sebastian York's mother is.
Lex Robinson: Uh...
Steve Hebert: Stumbling around, Sebastian York hunches over, holding his ankle, trying to regain feeling in it, after it was stuck in Booger's belly. Making some noise, including some disgusting and foul grunts, Sebastian gains Booger's attention, allowing the champ to blindly wave his arms about, until grabbing another bottle of chemicals. Burn him alive, Booger!
With nothing else to do, Booger aims in the direction that he hears Sebastian York, and flings the bottle at him.
Lex Robinson: But Sebastian York remains ducked down!
...and the bottle smashes into the wall, the chemical inside burning right through!
Steve Hebert: Damnit! Why couldn't that have struck Yorkie in the face?! It would have been an improvement!
Lex Robinson: Was... was... was that acid of some kind?
Steve Hebert: Problaby. I hope!
Hunched behind a nearby desk, Sebastian York grabs another bottle that contains another chemical. Palming it in his hand, he throws it towards Booger...
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York throws another compound towards Booger... who then eats it! He just gobbled it right down! ...Was that an acid?!
Steve Hebert: ...I... uh... I hope not!
Sebastian York: Eat that, you fat bastard.
Once digested, the chemical spills open inside of Booger causing him to get a sick, disgusted look on his face. Before he can react, Sebastian York charges at him, jumps upward and connects with a superkick to his face!
Lex Robinson: Bam! What a kick by Sebastian!
Steve Hebert: My God, what a stupid lobster.
Lex Robinson: That's what Chris Extreme would call him, too!
Steve Hebert: I miss that man so much.
Lex Robinson: Stumbling blindly backward, Booger bumps against the smashed window of the chemical locker. He has a blank look on his face, as he still cannot see; and especially not liking the kick in the mouth he just received. Swinging his arms violently, he tries to remain upright, but Sebastian York is quick on the attack.
Steve Hebert: Look at that faggot attack Booger, while he's blinded. It's just not right. Sebastian punches Booger over-and-over again, wanting to kill the poor man. Someone call the cops on this child molesting faghole.
Lex Robinson: Booger may be unable to see; but he's able to successfully reach out and grab Sebastian York, striking him with a punch to the groin!
Steve Hebert: Hah! Yes! Good job! Even though he can't see Sebastian York, he reaches out, grabs him by the neck and begins squeezing, hoping to choke the miserable life out of that prick. Like a madman, Booger rams Sebastian York's head off a nearby desk and table, putting the pain into him. See, Lex, you don't have to be able to see to hurt someone -- you just need a full belly.
Lex Robinson: That chemical Booger ate must have lit a fire in him... literally. Even with the blood pouring down his face, he's able to mount a decent attack against York, who cannot protect himself, as Booger presses him into the air.
Steve Hebert: Look at that brute strength...!
Lex Robinson: Actually, it's just pure, unadulterated fat.
Steve Hebert: Close enough.
Pressing Sebastian York overhead, Booger throws him halfway across the room, sending him crashing into a cage that houses several animals. This, of course, sets the animals off, making them squeal out in horror.
Booger: Is that you squealing, York? You'll be squealing when I stick my fat cock in your butt.
Lex Robinson: What the heck did Booger just say?
Steve Hebert: Uhm... nothing.
Lex Robinson: Eh... the animals in that room have been set off, with Booger following the trail of their squeals. Luckily for Sebastian York, who is bruised and beaten, he is able to crawl to safety, hiding behind a desk, while Booger stomps forward, still unable to see.
Bulldozing forward, pushing and throwing random stools and desks out of the way, Booger nears Sebastian York, reaching out for him, but unable to find him.
Booger: Come out, come out, wherever you are...
Steve Hebert: He thinks they're playing "Hide and Seek"!
Lex Robinson: No.
Steve Hebert: Oh. Darn.
Feeling around, Booger searches for his opponent, who is hiding safely away behind the desk.
Steve Hebert: Look at York cowering away...
Lex Robinson: He's preparing an attack, I'm sure...
Putting his hands on an animal cage, Booger reaches inside, snatches out a mouse and stuffs it into his mouth, biting the head off it. While smacking his lips, enjoying his snack, Booger begins speaking out loud some more.
Lex Robinson: That's disgusting! What is she?! Some sort of monster?!
Steve Hebert: No, he's just a Booger!
Booger: What are you, Yorkie?!
Booger shouts out, trying to find Sebastian York. However, it's York who finds him.
Lex Robinson: Out of nowhere, Sebastian York leaps onto Booger's back, wrapping his arms around his head, trying to choke him out. Booger swings his arms to-and-fro, trying to pry Sebastian off him, finally able to peel him off by flinging him overhead, smashing him through several of the animal cages that smash and crack!
Steve Hebert: Animals skitter and scurry about everywhere. Hell, there goes a lizard.
Lex Robinson: I think that lizard popped out of Booger's asshole, actually.
Steve Hebert: ...Oh. Well, there goes a gerbil.
LeX Robinson: ...It still came from Booger's asshole.
Steve Hebert: Oh, for God's sake!
Booger: Gawrharharhar!
Having Sebastian York laid out upon the pile of cages that lay on the table before him, Booger calls for the end, as he stumbles backward, feeling a desk behind him.
Booger: It's time to go squish, York!
Lex Robinson: What's Booger up to, now?
Steve Hebert: He's climbing onto the desk behind him, just like how he'll climb that ladder later tonight to become the new World Champion!
Lex Robinson: But he can barely see?! In fact, he's pretty much blinded!
Steve Hebert: Don't worry. He has Sebastian York laid out in front of him. Things are fine.
Lex Robinson: Eh...
Swatting his belly and chest like King Kong, Booger climbs atop the desk, which bends under the pressure of his own massive girth. Sadly, he doesn't realize that Sebastian York has slide off the table full of animal cages.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York rolls off the table; but Booger doesn't know it!
Steve Hebert: Uh oh...!
Lex Robinson: I told you, Steve! I told you he was blinded!
Steve Hebert: You shut up right damn now!
Lex Robinson: To the side, Sebastian York lays on the floor, holding his breath, not wanting to giveaway his location. Watching in glee, he looks on as Booger leaps off the desk, crashing onto the animal cages and through the table! There's twisted metal and broken wood galore!
Steve Hebert: Oh, merciful Jesus.
Lex Robinson: Animals are squished! Those poor, poor animals! Oh my God!
Steve Hebert: And just like the douchebag-slash-weasel that he is, Sebastian York piles the desk onto Booger and lays atop the desk, requesting that the referee make a count! This can't end like this! Booger can't lose his title already...!
Lex Robinson: Wide-eyed and speechless, the referee counts, trying not to get his hand filthy with animal blood...!
The referee drops down, watching as Sebastian York lays atop the desk that covers Booger...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: No... please... no!
Lex Robinson: It's gonna happen...!
...3!
Lex Robinson: He does it! We have a new Ultraviolence Champion!
As soon as the three is made, Sebastian York hops off Booger, staggers awkwardly about and is then awarded with the Ultraviolence Title from the referee.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York has done it! Booger tried to squish him like a grape, but Sebastian York was able to wisely prevail!
Steve Hebert: I... I think I'm going to cry. You just know that this is going to anger Booger. He's going to be so pissed.
Lex Robinson: He'll have to yank himself out of that heap of desk and dead animals first.
Steve Hebert: Maybe he'll eat his way out.
Lex Robinson: Not only that, but he'll need something to clean out his eyes.
Polishing the Ultraviolence Title, which had been covered in ketchup and mustard stains, Sebastian York groggily exits the science labouratory, where he is greeted by a dozen or so fans, many of which are female. They circle around him, congratulating him on his victory, as he wraps the title around his waist, feeling victorious.
Steve Hebert: What a sickening image. Even worse is that Booger doesn't even get to move on to the Ladder Match. Can you picture Booger trying to climb a ladder and having it break on him? I can! But now it's all ruined!
Lex Robinson: He'd end up having to pile everyone up and use them as a ladder.
Steve Hebert: [stunned silence] ...My god, that would be amazing.
Lex Robinson: Speaking of the World Title, I had an interview with the doctor that was supposed to handle and take care over Morgana. We talked about how she managed to sign herself out without anyone knowing, so roll the video.
Steve Hebert: Aren't you at least worried about Booger?!
Lex Robinson: No, not really.
Steve Hebert: Poor Boogsies.
A rumbling comes from beneath the plunder of animal cages, dead animals and broken desk. It's Booger's stomach. Eating his way to his feet, he looks angry... but still blinded.
Booger: You'll pay for this, Sebastian York. You'll pay dearly!
He balls his hands into fists and walks away; but not before blindly stumbling into another desk, toppling it over. Instead of exiting through the door, he instead punches another hole in the wall, collapsing even more gyprock, walking through it.
Winner: Sebastian York
Lex Robinson: Hello ladies and gentlemen, I'm standing here with Dr. Piers Black, that medical doctor that was assigned to monitor Morgana.
Dr. Piers Black: Oi mate, good day. I can't speak for long, I got a busy day's work to do, y' know, mate?
Dr. Black speaks in an Australian dialect, keen on letting Lex know that he can't be bothered for long.
Lex Robinson: Fine, fine; I'll let you get back to work in a second. But first, what about this situation with Morgana? She was sent to your hospital, under your guide and care... and she goes missing...?! What gives?!
An annoyed expression forms over the doctor's face, obviously not liking Lex's tone.
Dr. Piers Black: Aye, mate... she was here; it looked like she ha' somet'in' wrong wit' her back and 'er shoulders. I never got the chance to evaluate her. She left sho'tly after she got check'd in. It ain't my fault or th'hospital's fault, ya know? We can't control e'rything people do 'round here.
Lex Robinson: I see, I see. But she taken away in am ambulance... and was on a stretcher... how could anyone not notice her checking out?! How could anyone not realizing she had left the premises and gone to god knows where?! She hasn't been since or heard from since; we don't even know of her condition because you guys never got around to checking her!
The doctor's annoyance continues to grow, as Lex grates at his last nerve.
Dr. Piers Black: This is a very understaffed and under-budgeted hospital, mate. We can't play God, ya know?
Lex Robinson: But she's a wrestling superstar; and--...
Tiring of the buzzing questions, Dr. Piers Black steps aside, walking away from the interview.
Dr. Piers Black: Aye, look, that's all I can say, sir. We tried to do the best we can, and I'm sorry...
The doctor trails off, officially leaving Lex behind. Before long, Lex sighs and airs his grievances over the shortened interview.
Lex Robinson: Eh, I guess that's a wrap.
Standing still, he calmly watches Dr. Piers Black walk away, pushing his way through a door and exiting out of sight.
Lex Robinson: Well, it's time for our third match of the huge Super Bracket for the Sin World Title, and...uh...Steve? Is there really anything we can say about it? I mean, we haven't seen Generic Heel wrestle since...uh...
Steve Hebert: That's just it! The guy's probably been fighting intergalactic luchadors! Wrestling gladiators in Ancient Greece!
Lex Robinson: Ancient ROME, Steve.
Steve Hebert: Who's to say G-Heel didn’t fuck up time and space? He could have wrestled them!
Lex Robinson: G...what? Whatever, I don't even think that quantifies an answer.
The lights go dim and "I love the Cocaine" by Buckcherry plays. Roxy Erikson does a cartwheel to the middle of the stage and throws her arms into the air, showing off a sparkling silver bikini, with knee-high matching silver boots. Her blonde hair is loose and wild, showing lack of care.
She gets down to one knee and again throws her arms into the air, posing for all the fans as the giant screen behind her Flashes in huge letters.
Roxy stands and begins dancing her way down the ramp, giving them high-fives and kisses on the cheek. She even does a running slide into the ringm under the bottom rope, and on her belly.
Once inside, she stands up and poses on the second rope of the corner post of the ring before moving to the opposite corner. She jumps down, blows the crowd a kiss and waits for her match to begin.
Lex Robinson: Well, it looks like Roxy's sobered up a little over the break. I expected her to celebrate her big win at Vanity...uh...in the only way she knows how.
Steve Hebert: Lex, if Roxy celebrated any more with the drugs she has, she'd be glowing in the dark. I'm sure she's already had a few lines.
The crowd starts to sit down, not many of them really looking forward to Generic Heel's entrance. From the sound system, a drum roll starts up...
Steve Hebert: This promises to be a big event! They're busting out the music for Generic Heel!
Lex Robinson: You're kidding. A big event?
The curtains part with a crash of cymbals, and Generic Heel comes bounding out looking rather energetic and with a microphone in hand.
Lex Robinson: Yeah, pretty big.
Generic Heel pulls the microphone up to his mouth.
Generic Heel: Feast your eyes to the new and improved Generic Heel, pussies! 50% more heel! Miles more generic than the average wrestler! And the first wrestler ever to win a wrestling title in a wormhole!
Those in attendance start to hiss in disbelief.
Generic Heel: What? Swear to fuck it happened! It's made of anti-matter so I had to leave it home! Can't have it explode when it touches the Woooorld Title I win tonight!
Lex Robinson: Wow. The crowd is actually...booing?
Steve Hebert: Well, duh, Lex. He's a HEEL.
Generic Heel climbs the stairs and hops into the ring, all while Roxy is busy wiping at her nose. The bell rings! Roxy and Gen. Heel circle around the ring.
Lex Robinson: Heel's still talking smack...and that gets a poke in the eye from Roxy!
Steve Hebert: And Heel pokes Roxy in the eye right back!
Lex Robinson: Not exactly a technical start to the match...but here comes Heel with a charge, and Roxy takes him down with a drop-toe hold!
Roxy gives Heel a few slaps to the back of the head, then bounces off the ropes to give Heel a flying kick to the face.
Lex Robinson: Roxy's quick into a pin...!
...1...
Steve Hebert: Not even a two-count! Heel's made of stronger stuff than that!
Heel slips to his feet and backs to the ropes. Roxy ties up with Heel, but Heel gives her a shove to the mat.
Steve Hebert: Heel's patented Palm Shove of Death!
Lex Robinson: Okay, now you're just making stuff up.
Roxy slides back to her feet, but Heel jumps up onto the middle ropes, bouncing off them to hit a flying forearm across Roxy's face! Roxy shakes it off and gets back onto her feet...
Lex Robinson: And...another flying forearm from the Heel! This time from the top rope! Wow...that was actually an...impressive move. He gets into a pin...
...1...
Lex Robinson: ...but gets only a one-count.
Steve Hebert: I'm...as stunned as you.
Lex Robinson: You are?
Steve Hebert: Yeah...I mean, no! I saw this coming all along!
Roxy has to slide out of the ring to regain her bearings, but Generic Heel just climbs the turnbuckles and leaps to hit Roxy with a crossbody!
Lex Robinson: Wow! This...Generic Heel's actually showing displays of talent? Am I really saying this?
Steve Hebert: He must have developed a new arsenal while wrestling as a representative for the Milky Way.
Lex Robinson: Well, he's actually taking to the air a little more.
Roxy rolls onto her knees to recover, but gets a double axe-handle across the back. Heel jumps to the apron and climbs back into the ring, dancing about as the ref starts a ten-count.
Lex Robinson: It's like he's lighter than he used to be.
Steve Hebert: Helium enema, maybe?
Roxy manages to get into the ring at the count of five. Heel attempts another dropkick, but Roxy steps aside and plants her leg across Heel's neck with a leg drop. She sits into a pin, but gets only a one-count.
Steve Hebert: C'mon, Heel! Shock the world!
Lex Robinson: Roxy drags Heel back to his feet and goes for a running lariat, but...Heel manages to leapfrog Roxy! He hits a quick neckbreaker on Roxy!
Steve Hebert: Man, it's like he's Super Generic Heel!
Lex Robinson: Into the cover!
...1...2...!
Lex Robinson: Roxy gets her shoulder up in time!
Steve Hebert: She's going to need marijuana if Heel keeps at this rate. For...medicinal purposes, of course.
Lex Robinson: Of course.
Heel backs off as the referee checks on Roxy. The crowd is booing a lot more, as Heel sizes up Roxy, bounces off the ropes once...
Lex Robinson: A Superkick to Roxy’s chin!
Steve Hebert: Pin her crackpipe to the mat!
Instead of going for the pin, Heel climbs the ropes and bounces high off the top turnbuckle and hits a frogsplash across Roxy!
Lex Robinson: Holy crap!
The cover is made...
...1...2...3!
Heel lifts his head after the bell rings, then jumps to his feet and celebrates!
Lex Robinson: I can't believe what I just saw! Generic Heel actually...looked impressive? He wins and advances to the Finals!
Steve Hebert: Generic Heel's going to add his seventy-fourth World Title to his resume! Mark my words!
Lex Robinson: Whatever, Steve...
Heel slides out of the ring and beats his chest like a gorilla after the ref raises his hand in victory. Heel taunts the booing crowd and moonwalks backstage, while the ref rouses Roxy, whose nose is bleeding pretty heavily from the frogsplash. She walks dizzily up the ramp and behind the curtain.
Winner: Generic Heel
Chris Carson: ...the hell?
Startled, Chris Carson looks at the man he battled with at Vanity, his muscles tensing, getting himself into a fighting stance. Alternatively, Sebastian stops right in front of Carson, and just stares at him, not saying a word.
In comparison, Carson doesn't budge; and the two men stare eye-to-eye, the tension thickening. All of a sudden, York extends his hand outward to Carson, who looks down in disbelief.
Chris Carson: Huh-- hmm....
Looking York in the eye, as if trying to read him, "The Creep" takes a slight hesitation, only to reach forward and accept the handshake. In repy, Sebastian smirks, and backs out of "The Creep"'s locker room, leaving him with a baffled look on his face.
"Bang Your Head" by Dope Stars Inc. begins to play and the lights fade as dizzying white spotlights begin to swirl around the audience.
Lex Robinson: And let's not forget, this is Bracket D, with the winner moving on to that big ladder match at the end of tonight...for the World Title!
Jay James walks out from the back, wearing a pair of electric blue daisy dukes and a matching halter top; white winged tipped boots, and white fingerless arm-bands finish off the look.
Lex Robinson: ..oh, and it's for the Impulse Title as well.
Steve Hebert: Sweet Jesus, shut the fuck up already. I'm trying to jerk off to Jay here.
Lex Robinson: Because fat Frenchmen jerking off is just what our fans want to hear about.
Steve Hebert: It is. I am using chicken grease as lube, too.
Jay jogs down the ramp, kind of ignoring the crowd, and slides underneath the ropes. She then proceeds to her respective corner and holds her arms in the air. However, this is a hint of anxiety behind her eyes.
Lex Robinson: Hm, is it just me or does Jay seem a little out of it?
Steve Hebert: Probably just you, but it has been a while.
Lex Robinson: Still jerking off?
Steve Hebert: Nah, all done. Can I use your shirt for a second?
Lex Robinson: Fuck no.
Going 0NCE!
Going TW1CE!
THREE times, I’m GOOOOONE!
Red pyro explodes in the form of two fiery upward torrents from the stage, as Theory Of A Dead Man's "Invisible Man" charges onto the speakers. However, instead of Chris Carson, a stampede of rabid fans, perhaps fifty easy, charges from the entrance and surrounds the ring, just about all of them making the ring quake as they stomp to the tempo.
Steve Hebert: THE CREEP!
Carson is part of that crowd, shoving his way towards the ring, not acknowledging the support he gets from his supporters yet. He climbs the stairs and turnbuckle, posing in front of the the audience and the crowd of "Creepheads" and letting out an intense roar. He turns to his opponent and stares a hole through them, as the tidal wave of supporters retreats backstage.
Lex Robinson: As I said earlier, in addition to the winner moving on to challenge for the vacated Sin Wrestling World Title later tonight, they will also take home the Impulse Title. And if we remember, it was Jay that Carson won the title from in the first place!
Chris Carson paces around the ring, letting his title drop to the mat. As a ring attendant snatches the title away, Carson glares at Jay, not looking pleased at all.
Lex Robinson: Carson seems a little irritated.
Steve Hebert: Good. Maybe we'll see some blood tonight.
Lex Robinson: I thought you liked Jay?
Steve Hebert: Fuck that.
At last, Carson and Jay lock up in the middle of the ring. The larger, taller Carson has the advantage, using his height as leverage and slamming his body forward, into Jay, and knocks her flat on her back. As Jay struggles to get to her feet, Carson knocks her back with a boot to the face.
Steve Hebert: God yes, more!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is merciless.
Staying right on Jay, "The Creep" grabs her by the hair, forcing her up off the mat. Almost instantly, he pulls her into a front face lock. But a few seconds later, he has her up in the air, as if to go for a vertical suplex. However, he instead drops her forward, crushing her abdomen against his knee. Jay falls down on to her back, nursing her stomach and groaning.
Lex Robinson: Damnit, he is just manhandling her. She isn't putting up much of a fight at all.
Taking a moment to shoot a glare at the crowd, Chris Carson is back on Jay, flipping her over on to his stomach. Shortly thereafter, he bring a leg drop crashing down across Jay's back. He flips her over, pulling her up.
Steve Hebert: Look at her tits flop!
Lex Robinson: Have a little class, Steve. Christ.
Wasting no time, Carson places Jay in a standing head scissors. He then hoists her up on to his shoulders, as if to go for a powerbomb. However, instead, he falls backward...but on the way down, Jay manages to slip out of his grasp, landing on her feet. Unfortunately, she hesitates, just long enough for Carson to turn around and bring her down to the mat with a chop block.
Lex Robinson: Goddamn, Jay really doesn't seem prepared for this match. Someone should ring the bell before Chris Carson seriously injures her!
Steve Hebert: Pussy.
Back in control, Carson peels Jay up off the mat once again. This time, he shoots her across the ring in an Irish whip. On the rebound, Carson lifts her into the sky and drops her on her back, via a spine bomb slam that echoes throughout the gymnasium. The audience groans.
Steve Hebert: Owned.
Lex Robinson: I might agree with you for once.
Jay seems completely dazed as Chris Carson guides her into another standing head scissors. This time, it is a C.C. Bomb that awaits her, and with a thunderous crash, Carson is successful in hitting it.
Lex Robinson: Fuck, just end it already!
Steve Hebert: Hell no, needs more saggy tits flopping around in our feces.
Back in the ring, Carson doesn't bother with his usual "shushing" motion/gun with silencer schtick and alternatively skips straight to his version of the Camel Clutch, "The Silencer." With one hand across Jay's chin and the other latched tightly over her mouth, Carson wrenches back...but not before burying his knee in her back.
Lex Robinson: This could be it..
Steve Hebert: Pop her tits!
Lex Robinson: Get off her tits already!
Steve Hebert: Never, ever.
And sure enough, in a matter of moments, Jay submits. The bell sounds as "Invisible Man" by Theory of a Deadman hits, proclaiming "The Creep" the winner. He is soon handed his title and heads to the back, undoubtedly to prepare for his match later in the evening.
Winner: Chris Carson
Chris Carson: Fuck...yeah. Haven't lost a goddamn beat.
Carson grins to himself as he looks down at the Impulse Title back on his right arm.
Chris Carson: At this fuckin' rate, the big prize I've been waitin' years for will be...
The sound of high heels distracts Carson, who looks up from his title. Right on cue is the smug face of his ex-wife, Julia.
Julia: ...money in the bank?
Carson's sneer returns quickly.
Chris Carson: Whorebag.
Julia: Aw. How nice. You remembered what I called you in bed. My whorebag.
Chris Carson: Fuck off, bitch! You tried to ruin my life once. You lookin' for the back of my hand this time?
Julia: Ah, no. I'm looking for that monthly divorce check you pay me. Monthly. It's been more than four weeks. Pay up.
Chris Carson: Fine, fine. Whatever, bitch. You'll get your check. As long as you use it to buy Junior something nice and not condoms for the pool boy.
Julia makes a droll face, rolling her eyes.
Julia: And here comes the witty humor. I so missed that, Carson. It's going to take some getting used to, because I won't be hearing much more of it.
Julia shoves a few folded papers into Carson's chest. Carson almost drops his title keeping them from falling.
Chris Carson: What the fuck are these?! I'm not paying your bills!
Julia: They aren't bills, dumbass. They're a judge's orders. See, I managed to convince the state of Massachusetts that you're one sick man to be taking his kid and putting him in danger. Hell, you're the next Clark Rockefeller to her! These are to tell you that I've filed a restraining order. Not only do you have to stay away from your son, but you have to stay away from me. Fifty feet from me, to be exact.
Carson clenches his teeth hard enough to make veins stand on his neck.
Chris Carson: Bitch, YOU better be the one keepin' fifty feet away from me.
Julia: Yeah, probably not the way the judge sees it. I'm going to be staying here to watch your big match tonight, Carson. But don't worry. I'm sure I'll be fifty rows up.
Julia leans in and cups her hand over Carson's mouth before kissing the back of that hand. her grin goes from shiny to menacing.
Julia: Now get to stepping.
Carson shakes his finger at Julia.
Chris Carson: I'll get Junior back. Just you wait.
Carson grumbles his way back back towards the locker room. Julia is left there with a smug smile plastered on her face.
Well, give us your sad sad trip.
I GET IT
IT ALL MAKES SENSE
YOU'RE THE PERFECT PERSON, SO RIGHT
SO WRONG
LET'S ALL LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINARY LIFE
Lex Robinson: It's Declan Turner, everybody! It looks so weird to see him sans the World Title, too.
Steve Hebert: That wench/whore, Morgana, had to go and beat him for it. But she got what was coming to her, in the end. A nice old beating down in the backstage area.
Lex Robinson: Yet we still don't know who or what did that. We don't even know where Morgana is, for cryin' out loud!
Steve Hebert: Ah, yes... Sin Wrestling surely is a professional organization.
Lex Robinson: In any event, Declan tries to regain the title that he lost. As a matter of fact, he can even become the Television Champ. He faces Casanova, the current champ, who, as you all remember, battled Zimdela Brudon at Vanity. And when I say battle, I mean it.
Steve Hebert: Yeah, they literally beat the hell out of each other. Zimdela Brudon's skull was showing and everything. Vicious and disgusting... a new side of Casanova, who is much more appeasing.
Lex Robinson: Quite frankly, I believe the crowd was taken aback at the rage he displayed.
Steve Hebert: It's been a long time coming.
The tinkling bells mark the beginning of "Rock Superstar" by Cypress Hill, as the arena lights suddenly go dark. With the guitars beginning the main part of the song, multicolored lights begin to pulse along with the beat, revealing Casanova to be standing on the stage, staring behind sunglasses over the ring and crowd. He heads toward the ring, high fiving a few fans and basking in the audience response, which is quite varied, before rolling into the ring and crouching in one of the corners, ready for the match.
Steve Hebert: Speak of the Devil -- and I mean "Devil", here he is! It's Casanova!
Lex Robinson: He comes to the ring with the Television Title wrapped around his waist. Ironically enough, though; Declan Turner gets a louder ovation of cheers than him, which is weird because Casanova is usually beloved by the fans!
Steve Hebert: The fans don't know what the fuck, Lex. They're idiots, it's plain and simple as that. They're just scared that Casanova has stepped it up a notch; fearing that he'll never return to what he once was.
Lex Robinson: "What he once was"? What is he now?
Steve Hebert: Errr... you know, better... meaner. He's willing to do what it takes to get things done. The best way to go about things, in my humble opinion.
Lex Robinson: Humble? Yeah, right.
Once inside, Casanova hands his Television Title over to the referee, who promptly holds the belt high in the air. Leaning against his own corner, Declan glares across the ring at Casanova, who doesn't mince words, as he steps into the center of the ring, awaiting the bell.
Lex Robinson: Here we go. Casanova steps up...
Ding... ding... ding!
Lex Robinson: There's the bell...
As it rings, Declan Turner whips himself out of the corner, appearing to attempt a spear on Casanova, who lightly slips aside, allowing for Declan to breeze on by.
Steve Hebert: Well Jesus, Declan is in a hurry to start things.
Lex Robinson: It felt more like a mind game, if anything. He had no real intentions of taking down Casanova. This is backed up by the fact that Declan is staring backat him, snickering at him. Of course, Casanova is pretty serious here; wanting revenge for the humiliation of being hanged upside-down a few months ago.
Steve Hebert: At least he wasn't crucified... like, you know, Jesus!
Lex Robinson: The two men near each other, with Casanova asking for a knucklelock, which Declan obliges. It's going to be a test of strength, Steve.
Steve Hebert: Let's see those Herculean muscles, boys.
Lex Robinson: As Declan and Casanova interlock their first set of hands, Casanova catches Declan off-guard, striking him with a kick to the gut, which hunches him over.
Steve Hebert: Aha! See, that's how you get things done!
Lex Robinson: On top of this, he follows up with some chops to the chest of Declan, knocking him against the ropes. Striking him with some forearms, Casanova whips Declan Turner across the ring and ducks down, looking for a backdrop. However, as Declan returns, he knees Casanova in the jaw, bounces back against the ropes and connects with a running-STO!
Steve Hebert: That's also how you get things done... I guess. Meh.
It literally takes Casanova zero seconds to get back up to his feet, as he pops up to his knees and then up to a standing base. Right away, he side-headlocks Declan, taking him over with a takedown. Just as quickly, Declan responds by headscissoring the vampiric champion, dislodging his hold around his head.
Lex Robinson: Declan wisely finds an opening... and both men pop right back up... only to have Casanova hip-toss Declan, bringing him down to the mat. As Casanova hunches over, about to lift Declan up, he is struck with a swift kick to the base of his forehead, snapping him back. Once more, Declan pops up... and charges at Casanova, with another attempted spear!
Steve Hebert: He actually tries to hit it, this time, too! But Casanova wisely steps aside, kneeing him in the face! You have to be paying attention at all times, see?
Lex Robinson: Declan falls on his knees, hanging across the middle rope, whilst holding his face. Sneaking up behind him, Casanova places one foot across the back of his head and begins choking him across the rope. To inflict further damage, Casanova steps up onto his back with two feet, applying even more pressure with the choke.
Steve Hebert: He's jumping up and down, too; driving his two feet into the back of Declan! When he's finished, he uses Declan's back as a springboard, sending him sailing over the top rope. On his way down, Casanova delivers a guillotine-kneedrop across the back of Declan's head, snapping his thread even more against the ropes!
Rolling into the middle of the ring, Declan holds his throat, barely able to breathe. Capitalizing on this, Casanova slides back inside, steps to his feet and begins stomping and kicking at Declan, until he is balled into the corner.
Lex Robinson: You knew Casanova was wanting revenge; and as of now, he's getting it. He's repeatedly kicking and stomping at Declan's head, making him unable to move out from the corner. Lifting Declan up, he strikes with a back-elbow to the jaw and then whips him across the ring, sending him flailing into the opposite corner. Here comes Casanova, charging in...
Eyeing Casanova speed towards him with an attempted avalanche clothesline, Declan rolls to the side, resulting in Casanova smashing against the turnbuckles. Mounting a comeback, Declan jumps to his feet, doing his best to strike Casanova with some rapid-fire kicks to the stomach.
Steve Hebert: Well shit, Declan is retaliating, alright.
Lex Robinson: After striking with a stiff-uppercut, Declan lifts Casanova onto the top rope, sitting him on the top turnbuckle pad.
Steve Hebert: He's even climbing up alongside him. Giving Casanova some punches to the cranium, he goes for a no-handed hurricanrana type thing...
Lex Robinson: But Casanova holds onto the top rope, leaving Declan to backflip back into the ring, landing on his own two feet! However, seeing an opening, Casanova launches himself off the top rope with a swan-diva lariat! It's the Carpe Nocturn!
Steve Hebert: So much for that Declan retaliation.
Lex Robinson: Rolling over, Casanova makes a cover...
The referee begins to count...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Declan kicks out at the count of two!
Annoyed at the lack of a pinfall, Casanova slaps his hands off the canvas, rises to his feet and begins stomping and kicking at the fallen former World Champ. Lifting him up, Casanova is quick to punch him across the jaw, push him against the ropes and then hold him up into a suplex position. Before long, he has Declan's feet laid out on the top rope, still held up in a suplex position, only to swing around, bringing Declan down with a corkscrew neckbreaker, while his feet are hung up on the ropes!
Lex Robinson: Casanova drops Declan on his the back of his head and neck!
Steve Hebert: It was like some sort of twisty, corkscrew type thing! Either way, Declan probably has a broken neck.
Lex Robinson: We'll see, now; as Casanova goes for another cover.
Once again, the referee drops down, beginning his pinfall.
...1...
Steve Hebert: Oh shit, there's one...
...2...
Lex Robinson: And there's the two...
...
Steve Hebert: Declan places his right foot on the bottom rope! The count is stopped! I knew that what would happen.
Lex Robinson: I'm sure you did.
Steve Hebert: I did! I also know that Casanova will lift Declan up to his knees, elbow him in the noggin'... only to have Declan grab onto his pants and throw him through the ropes!
Lex Robinson: Casanova is quick to get back up on the apron, though. However, before he can re-enter, Declan pops up, delivering a shoulderblock-strike to him, halting him in his tracks. After delivering a quick left fist to Casanova's skull, staggering him back, Declan hastily rises, steps out onto the apron alongside Cas, and begins giving some more blows to him!
Steve Hebert: What the...? They're not blowing each other, Lex!
Lex Robinson: Gross! No, I mean they're exchanging punches, going back-and-forth, trying to gain the advantage!
Steve Hebert: You made it sound that way!
Lex Robinson: Shrugging off some of Casanova's punches, Declan elbows his opponent in the face and then grabs onto him from the side... it looks like he's going to go for a uranage from the apron-to-the-floor!
Steve Hebert: Oh Jesus, that could be lights-out for Casanova, if he hits that. Well, as much as "lights-out" is for a vampire, anyhow. Even though vampires don't exist. God, I'm so confused.
With Declan trying to lift Casanova off his feet and slam him onto the floor, all the way off the apron, Casanova quickly responds by keeping both hands hung onto the top rope.
Lex Robinson: Casanova refuses to be dropped off the apron... and now, he's sending some elbows to the back of Declan Turner's head. This gives him the chance to escape from Declan's clutches, furthering this by kneeing him in the gut.
Steve Hebert: He even seems to be taking a page out of Zimdela Brudon's notebook! Hoisting Declan up into a bearhug, Casanova leaps off the apron... delivering a spinebuster to Declan, driving his back across the top of the ring railing!
Lex Robinson: My God! Declan may have been crippled by that! And Casanova isn't letting up, either! After dropping Declan across the railing, he is quick to begin stomping and kicking away at him, definitely wanting to teach him a lesson. Despite the loud cries of pain, Casanova lifts Declan up, smashes his face off the ring apron and then whips him back-first into the ring steps!
Steve Hebert: Pow! He whipped Declan so hard into those steel steps that he sent them flying!
Lex Robinson: Of course, the referee has his count going, too.
True to word, the referee remains in the ring, counting both men out...
...1...2...3...4...5...
Lex Robinson: Once again, Declan is lifted up... only to have his face smashed off the ring railing!
...6...7...8...
Lex Robinson: And then he has his face smashed into the ring apron, yet again!
...9...
Steve Hebert: At the count of nine, Casanova wisely slides into the ring, only to slip back out. That effectively kills the count, forcing the referee to start all over again.
Lex Robinson: Indeed you're right, Steve. This allows Casanova to turn his attention back to a fallen Declan, picking him back up, only to smash him back-first against the steel railing. Letting out a low groan, Declan collapses onto his rear-end, allowing for Casanova to begin choking him with his left foot.
Steve Hebert: And the fans aren't even liking this! Some of them are actually booing Casanova's antics! How rude of them.
Lex Robinson: They want to see the match brought back into the ring, stopping this beatdown on the floor.
In the meantime, the referee continues his countout to both men...
...1...2...3...4...
Lex Robinson: Declan is picked up again, only to be whipped back-first into the ring post! Casanova isn't letting up at all, is he?!
Steve Hebert: He's wanting to teach Declan a lesson. I don't blame him.
Stepping back, Casanova allows for Declan to slowly rise, holding his back, in torrential pain. While the referee counts, the Television Champ charges ahead, steamrolling towards Declan...
...5...6...
Lex Robinson: Casanova charges...
Eyeing the champ charge at him, Declan takes one step ahead, allowing him to latch onto Casanova and release belly-to-belly suplex, catching him by complete surprise!
Steve Hebert: Oh crap...!
Lex Robinson: Declan catches Casanova with a belly-to-belly suplex on the floor! That sends him reeling against the ring railing, too!
...7...
Lex Robinson: At the count of seven, Declan slowly rolls inside...
...8...
In a daze, Casanova gets to a kneeling position...
...9...
Lex Robinson: We're at nine! He could be counted out!
Steve Hebert: Actually, that's not a bad idea. This way, he'll retain his title...
Lex Robinson: Wait... Declan is interfering with the referee's count!
Steve Hebert: Goddamnit, just let him count!
Lex Robinson: Rolling to the floor, Declan officially makes the referee restart his count. He focuses on Casanova, who remains on his knees, trying to get back to a standing base. Declan, who stumbles towards the champ, knees Casanova in the jaw and follows that up with a blatant martial-arts kick to the jaw.
Beginning his count anew, the referee goes to countout both of them, yet again...
...1...2...3...4...
Lex Robinson: Next, Declan uses some repeated kneelifts to strike Casanova in the face, following that up by pulling him up to his feet. Smashing his face off the ring apron, Declan rolls the champ inside and slides in after him.
Steve Hebert: That poor referee can finally stop counting, too. He's been rambling like an autistic for the past while.
Once inside, Declan stands over Casanova, who is trying to get back up, only to be struck with a quick roundhouse-kick to the side of his head. Shrugging it off, he proceeds to keep rising, but has Declan jam his knee into his gut. Placing Casanova into a standing headscissors, Declan goes to hoist him up into a powerbomb position, but has the movement halted, partially thanks to the damage done to his back.
Steve Hebert: So much for that idea; eh, Declan?
Lex Robinson: The powerbomb is thwarted. Alternatively, Casanova goes to backdrop him, trying to free himself; but it's useless, as Declan keeps his hold on him. He's able to freely flow the move into a sunset-flip, rolling Casanova up...
Seeing this, the pinfall is made by the referee...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: It's only a two-count, though!
Steve Hebert: Casanova is able to roll backwards, freeing himself!
Fortunately, he's able to roll to his feet before Declan can. Jumping forward, Casanova connects with a "Shining Boot" to the front of Declan's face, knocking him onto his back.
Lex Robinson: Wow! That kick came out of nowhere!
Steve Hebert: Eh, things happen.
Looking agitated, Casanova walks around Declan, even giving him some stiff kicks and stomps to his back. Placing his left foot on Declan's spine, Casanova reaches forward, grabs onto both of his hands and pulls back, applying even more pressure to his back.
Steve Hebert: Look at that! Casanova is going to put his boot right through his back!
Lex Robinson: Can he make Declan submit?!
Steve Hebert: ...I'll signs point to "no".
Lex Robinson: Wiggling his way behind Casanova, slipping between his legs, still with Casanova's hands holding onto his, Declan delivers a seated-dropkick to the back of the champ's... uh... well, behind and knocks him forward. This causes Casanova to bounce off the ropes, with Declan kipping-up to his feet, allowing him to deliver a jumping spin-kick!
Steve Hebert: Casanova, having received a face full of Declan's left foot, stumbles backward and bounces back off the rope... only to charge forward and then connect with a running big-boot to the face of Declan!
Lex Robinson: They just exchanged big kicks to the face! The fans are absolutely torn. It's almost as if they're turning against Casanova, which is just amazing!
Steve Hebert: Speaking of which...
Casanova, observing Declan on his knees, holding his face with his right hand, with his left hang gracing his back, rolls out to the floor. Out here, he shoves the ring announcer out of the way, grabs his chair and slides back into the ring with it.
Lex Robinson: What's going on? This isn't a No-DQ match...
Steve Hebert: True, but if he gets disqualified, he keeps his title. On top of that, he just wants to show Declan some pain. He really doesn't care about this match.
Lex Robinson: But if he hits him, he's literally pissing away a shot at the World Title, too!
Steve Hebert: Meh. Casanova's a changed man, Lex.
Lex Robinson: He's holding that chair up high... oh God, don't do it, Casanova...
He hesitates, obviously having second thoughts, even with the chair over his head, about ready to connect to Declan's back...
Lex Robinson: Don't do it!
This second thought lasts long enough, giving the referee the ability to move in next to him and yank the chair out of his hands!
Steve Hebert: What the hell is that referee doing?!
Lex Robinson: He's getting that chair out of the ring! It's not a No-DQ match; it's a straight-up singles match for the Television Title!
Steve Hebert: He has no business!
Lex Robinson: Shocked, Casanova swings around, noticing the referee having taken the chair out of his hands.
Steve Hebert: Man, he's pissed. And I don't blame him, quite frankly. The referee has no business taking that chair.
Looking up, seeing Casanova's back turned, Declan takes advantage of this by pushing his opponent forward, knocking him face-first into the chair being held by the referee!
Steve Hebert: Casanova goes right into the chair! All because of Declan!
LeX Robinson: He poppped up, like a bat out of hell! Casanova stumbles back... Declan with a schoolboy-rollup!
Steve Hebert: Oh dear, he's leaning on Casanova's legs... and... and... he's holding onto the top rope! The referee doesn't see that, though!
The referee, shocked to have Casanova smash into the chair, drops the weapon and falls to the canvas, making the count.
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: No! This can't happen to Casanova! Not like this!
Lex Robinson: It's his fault for bringing the chair into the ring, Steve!
...
Steve Hebert: But... but... Declan's hand...!
...3!
LeX Robinson: Holy crap, we have another new champion! Declan Turner defeats Casanova!
Directly after the three is made, Casanova kicks out; but it's far too late. The three has been made and he's on the losing end of the match. Declan quickly leaps out of the ring, jumping over the middle rope, where he receives the Television Title!
Steve Hebert: I... I... I don't know what to think!
Lex Robinson: It's so odd... the fans are actually cheering for Declan's victory!
Steve Hebert: They're clapping him on the back, as he leans against the railing, holding his back. This is almost sickening. It's like I've entered into Bizarroland. Is this Bizarro-Sin Wrestling, Lex? It has to be. The next thing you know, you'll be having sex. I think I need a Tylenol.
Walking to the back, proudly displaying his newly won title, Declan listens to his name being called the victor, while Casanova pops up in the ring, in a rage. He turns to face the referee and punches him in the face, much to the chagrin of the fans.
Lex Robinson: Casanova just punched the referee! My God! He really is changing into something awful.
Steve Hebert: That stupid referee had it coming. Holy Christ.
Lex Robinson: Ugh...
Declan Turner exits to the back, passing the black curtain, while Casanova looks angrily on from inside of the ring, actually getting some jeers. The image then fades out.
Winner: Declan Turner
Booger: [coughing from the dust] Sebastian York, are you in here?!
Some scared kid runs by him, trying to spare his own life.
Booger: York, is that you?!
Booger waves his arms around, grabbing the kid wearing a red shirt, blue jeans and a geeky pair of glasses on his face by the scruff of his neck.
Booger: Aha! It is you!
Kid: N- n- nooo.... auughhhh...
Seconds later, Booger lifts the kid off his face and tosses him into his mouth.
Booger: I gotcha!
The kid is digested headfirst by Booger, with only a single leg sticking out of the large man's mouth. Soon enough, the kid is entirely inside of Booger, who burps, licks his lips and thinks out loud.
Booger: Hmmm... doesn't taste like faggot. Maybe it wasn't him.
Librarian: G- g- g- go away, you monster!
Overhearing these harmful words, Booger begins to cry.
Booger: Don't be mean to me. :(!
However, he soon realizes his newfound attitude. He isn't going to let some old bag call him names and walks all over him.
Booger: Actually, no. I'll do what I want. Suck my cock, you old whore.
Blinded, he actually faces a 12 year old girl and says that to her.
Librarian: Get out!
Booger: [grumbling] Fine! I'll find him elsewhere, then.
Angered, Booger stomps out of the library, stepping through the giant hole in the wall that he created.
Lex Robinson: Listen to these fans pop, Steve. For once I'd like these fans to not encourage these two.
Steve Hebert: What do you mean, Lex? These fans are cheering these guys on because they are the innovators in Sin Wrestling. While your Morgana's and Stevie Swings frolic around the ring in their tired old wrestling matches... these two are pushing the envelope. Not garbage wrestling either -- MMA!
A "Yo!" booms out of the PA system, followed by "Y'all Want a Single" by KoRn. Savage Youth jumps out from behind the curtain and begins to hop up and down as the crowd begins to chant "Yo, Yo, Yo!" Savage Youth runs down to the ring, climbs in and makes a fool of himself in the ring in various ways.
Steve Hebert: Lex, were you as surprised as I was at the letter Savage Youth sent Xander Gates?
Lex Robinson: Not really. Xander Gates has been anything but inspired in the ring for the past year. Maybe he's just trying get his partner fired up for this match. I don't blame him. In the past this has worked with the teams of...
Steve Hebert: No. I meant... did you know he could write?
"Death March" by Black Label Society strikes the speakers, thus bringing out Xander Gates, who is dressed in a black priest's robe. Standing atop the entrance, he basks in the hatred of the fans, who continue to jeer him as he makes his way towards the ringside area.
Lex Robinson: Oh, what is this? What's going on here.
The camera pans to the inside of the ring where the duo of The Day Laborers and Savage Youth are all having a hearty laugh at the expense of Xander Gates.
Lex Robinson: What're they laughing at?
Steve Hebert: [laughing] Oh, come on, Lex! I think it's clearly obvious. If you show up to the ring dressed like a clown, expect to get laughed as one. What's with the whole preacher man get up?!
Lex Robinson: That's his ring attire. It's part of his gameplan. It's to intimidate his opponents before kicking their asses. You should know this; he's only a Sin Wrestling Hall of Famer.
Steve Hebert: Yeah. Right. ...He is?
Lex Robinson: Yes.
Steve Hebert: Right on. Well, excuse me if I'm not up-to-date with my SW knowledge.
Once he rolls in, Xander walks into a corner to keep picking on the fans, waiting for his match to commence. Savage Youth comes over and shoves Xander Gates. Xander shoves back and we can see Savage Youth throw his arms up and point across the ring at their opponents.
Steve Hebert: There's already problems with these two!
Lex Robinson: I think Savage Youth just wants Xander Gates to concentrate on the opponents at hand first, and worry about the fans later.
Devry-certified MMA referee-slash-ring announcer, Buck Travis grabs a microphone at ringside to make the introductions.
Buck Travis: Welcome ladies and gentleman. We have a special treat for you tonight! Tonight, you will witness history be made as the men in this ring will engage in a World-Premiere match of it's kind. Ladies and gentleman, the following match is a no time-limit, MIXED! MARTIAL! ARTS! TAG TEAM! MATCH!
The fans cheer loudly at innovative match!
Buck Travis: Introducing first, at a combined weight of 193 kilos... They are The Day Laborers! Representing the team first, he excels in the styles of lucha libre and terrorism. He is Uncle Sam's masked stepson, your worker for a day, THE FIRST EVER MASKED MIXED MARTIAL ARTIST... The Masked Day Laborer!
The Masked Day Laborer steps out from his corner as the cheers grow louder. The Masked Day Laborer climbs to the top turnbuckle, taking in the cheers.
Lex Robinson: Well, I'll give them this. For what they lack in fighting skills, these two make up with charisma.
Steve Hebert: Lack in what? You better watch that condescending tone, Lex. Or D.L. will fold you in your chair like a burrito! And then eat you!
Buck Travis: His partner, he hails from the streets of Bakersfield. He's everyone's favorite spanish gangster rapper. He excels in the style of back alley brawling and Abu Ghraib Torture... The Unmasked Day Laborer, Johnnyboy!
Johnnyboy digs into his pocket and pulls out a pair of pliers and snaps them at his opponents, intimidating Savage Youth.
Lex Robinson: In the style of Abu Ghraib Torture? What the hell does that even mean?!
Steve Hebert: It means we'll have Savage Youth confessing to war crimes by the end of this match! Come on, Lex. You saw the video!
Buck Travis: And their opponents... introducing first. Excelling in the plain old boring style of wrestling, Savage Youth.
Savage Youth steps to the center of the ring as some faint cheers are heard. Buck places the microphone underneath his armpit in a condescending manner, giving Savage Youth a few pity claps.
Lex Robinson: What? That's it? After those long introductions, all Savage Youth deserves is his... his name?
Steve Hebert: Well, if Savage Youth didn't like it, he should've brought his own ringside announcer.
Buck Travis: And his partner. Standing in the blue corner...
Buck Travis smirks and uncontrollably laughs. He tries to regain his composure.
Buck Travis: And his partner. Standing in the blue corner...
Buck Travis loses his composure again as he begins to laugh.
Buck Travis: His partner. In the closet... err... in the corner. With the black dress.... I'm sorry, I can't do this!
Buck Travis begins laughing uncontrollably much to the disappointment of Xander Gates who didn't receive a proper introduction.
Steve Hebert: It's true. Because he's wearing a big black nightgown! Ha ha ha ha!
Xander Gates rushes across the ring and nails Buck Travis across the head with a lariat. Turns to Johnnyboy... LARIAT! The Masked Day Laborer... LARIAT! Savage Youth... LARIAT!
Xander Gates: You wanted me to show up, huh? Well, I'm here now!
Xander Gates kicks Savage Youth out of the ring. He reaches over the top rope continuously pointing and taunting at his partner on the ring mat below. Unaware to him, The Masked Day Laborer has gotten up and has bounced off the far ropes, charging at Xander Gates at fullspeed! Xander ducks in time as The Masked Day Laborer flies up and over the ropes onto the steel barricade at ringside!
Steve Hebert: Look at Xander clean house! He's a menace!
Lex Robinson: He's ready for some action. Meanwhile, Johnnyboy rushes at Xander, but he moves at the last second, and Johnnyboy goes feet first through the ropes! Luckily, his Mexican instinct kicks in, as he grabs ahold of the middle and top ropes and swings his lower body around and kicks the unaware Xander Gates in the butt.
Steve Hebert: Owned.
Xander Gates loses his balance and stumbles forward giving Johnnyboy enough time to regain his composure atop the ring apron. Xander Gates turns around and Johnnyboy takes leaps with a catapult head scissors sending Xander Gates flying across the ring!
Steve Hebert: He doesn't just know back alley brawling, he knows Lucha Libre too!
Lex Robinson: What a nice headscissors takedown! Johnnyboy continues the attack by picking up Xander Gates. He Irish-whips him into the corner, climbs the second turnbuckle and begins to wail away on his head...
Steve Hebert: Uno! Dos! Tres! Four! Cinco! De Mayo!
Lex Robinson: Johnnyboy jumps back and Xander Gates falls face-first to the mat. Damn...
Johnnyboy looks to his corner and tags in The Masked Day Laborer. The Masked Day Laborer immediately climbs to the top turnbuckle and Johnnyboy gives him a hand by helping him slamming him on to Xander Gates fallen body!
Steve Hebert: How about that team work, Lex?
Lex Robinson: It's mighty impressive. I gotta say.
Steve Hebert: Feh.
The Masked Day Laborer rolls Xander Gates over...
Lex Robinson: Look, it's a rollup!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Xander Gates kicks out! Thanks be to Xander.
Lex Robinson: The Masked Day Laborer gets up and argues with referee Buck Travis. He wants a faster count.
Steve Hebert: Don't do it! Don't you dare slap that hand, amigo. That's grounds for a tap out!
The Masked Day Laborer grabs ahold of Xander Gates legs... opens wide and meets his size 10 construction boots to Xander's groin!
Steve Hebert: That's the blueprint approval!
Lex Robinson: We know perfectly well what it is, Steve. I don't think that's a legal move however, even in the world of MMA.
Steve Hebert: Sure it is, Lex! It falls under strikes!
The Masked Day Laborer picks Xander Gates off the mat and whips him across the ring, into his corner. Right away, Savage Youth slaps Xander Gates on the back and jumps in over the top rope. The Masked Day Laborer charges at him, but Savage Youth hits a quick hurricanrana...!
Lex Robinson: A rana by The Masked Day Labourer! He rolls him directly up into a pinfall!
But Buck Travis doesn't attempt a pinfall!
Lex Robinson: What's this nonsense?!
Steve Hebert: Well, if you've been following along, Lex, you'd know that pinfalls are only permissable after top rope attacks. It's right there in the book of MMA rules. Buck showed me before the match!
Savage Youth, however; won't let go of the pifall, whether Buck counts it or not. Buck drops to the mat and questions The Masked Day Laborer.
Lex Robinson: What the name of Zod?!
Buck Travis: Can you continue?!
The Masked Day Laborer: !!!
Buck Travis: No answer is the same as forfeiting!
Thinking quickly, and knowing The Masked Day Laborer won't talk, Johnnyboy climbs in the ring and hits Savage Youth with a dropkick!
Steve Hebert: Nice save by Johnnyboy there!
The Masked Day Laborer rolls away while Savage Youth rubs his chest which is now glowing red with Johnnyboy's bootprint.
Lex Robinson: Is it really necessary for them to wrestle in construction gear?
Steve Hebert: Johnnyboy heads back to his turnbuckle to await the tag. The Masked Day Laborer slowly, but surely, crawls his way to the same turnbuckle... but Savage Youth drags him back to the center of the ring!
Lex Robinson: He flips The Masked Day Laborer around and grabs ahold of his foot... The Masked Day Laborer struggles, however; and uses his free foot to kick Savage Youth back!
Steve Hebert: Those boots are an unfair advantage to those two. I wouldn't be surprised if they're steel-toed, either! It'd be just like their types to pull something underhanded like this.
Lex Robinson: "Their" type? What's that supposed to mean. You calling all wetbacks, cheaters?
Steve Hebert: No. I'm just calling those particular two that!
The Masked Day Laborer finally makes the hot tag to Johnnyboy, who runs into the ring, dishing out the punishment. He dropkicks Savage Youth back against the ropes, turns to Xander Gates and dropkicks him off the apron, as well! He grabs Savage Youth into a fireman's carry! He plants him with a Central Valley Driver! He makes the cover...
Lex Robinson: The Central Valley Driver! The cover is made!
Steve Hebert: What the...
...
...
Steve Hebert: Buck Travis refuses to count the pinfall!
Lex Robinson: I'm quite surprised here. Buck Travis is calling a decent fair match.
Steve Hebert: That's right, pal. If Johnnyboy wants a pinfall... He's got to hit a top rope move!
Lex Robinson: And that's precisely what Buck Travis is explaining to him. He's pointing at the turnbuckle. Johnnyboy points at the turnbuckle, and he asks for the fans' approval! The fans approve! They want to see a top rope move!
Steve Hebert: He better make up his mind if he wants to go upstairs or not. These fans can only cost you the match and not help you win!
Johnnyboy drags Savage Youth's body closer to the corner before climbing the turnbuckle. Johnnyboy flies off the top turnbuckle!
Lex Robinson: The Cherrypicker!
Johnnyboy hooks the leg...
Steve Hebert: Well, finally, there's the count...
...1...
Lex Robinson: Xander Gates is up!
...2...
Lex Robinson: Xander Gates grabs Savage Youth's foot...
...
Steve Hebert: Thr--... No!
Buck stops the count. Johnnyboy demands to know why! Buck Travis points at Savage Youth's foot on the bottom rope!
Steve Hebert: His foot was on the bottom rope?! His foot was on the bottom rope!
Lex Robinson: In no time, Johnnyboy removes Savage Youth's foot from the bottom rope and tells Buck Travis to count the pinfall again. But Buck refuses to!
Steve Hebert: Well, I'm confused as fuck.
Buck points at Xander Gates!
Steve Hebert: What the hell is going on here?!
Lex Robinson: I think Buck Travis is saying that Xander Gates is the legal man, now. Xander's tagged in!
Steve Hebert: Any minute now, I'm expecting everyone to burst into The Macarena.
Johnnyboy rolls Savage Youth outside the ring and dares Xander Gates to enter the ring. Ultimately, Xander declines the invitation. He tells Johnnyboy to step away from the ropes and give him a clear path in...
Lex Robinson: Johnnyboy steps away and Xander Gates climbs the ringsteps in the corner... He looks around... and steps into the ring. Quickly, Johnnyboy rushes him and hits him with a shoulder thrust into the corner. Xander Gates tries to fight him off, but Johnnyboy uses leverage by grabbing the middle rope on opposite sides of the turnbuckle and driving his shoulder into Xander Gates some more! Whoo doggie! Johnnyboy hitting The Bulldozer right there! Is this it for Xander?
Steve Hebert: Holy shit, he's going to hit him with a Dan Black?!
Finally, Buck Travis steps in and tells Johnnyboy to allow some room for Xander to get up. Johnnyboy doesn't want to give him any breathing room, though. Buck Travis forces his way between them and pushes Johnnyboy away!
Lex Robinson: I really am surprised Buck Travis is calling a fair match. Even by these weird standards.
Steve Hebert: If it were me, I'd have shot myself long ago.
Lex Robinson: Xander Gates, now sitting in the corner shoves Buck Travis out of the way; but Buck Travis isn't one to be pushed around!
Buck Travis shoves back and breaks in a rage, as he begins punching uncontrollably to Xander Gates' head!
Steve Hebert: Surely, this is illegal, yes?
Lex Robinson: I... uh... I have no idea!
Finally, Johnnyboy and The Masked Day Laborer pull Buck Travis off!
Lex Robinson: At least we finally have one referee that fights back!
Steve Hebert: Screw that. He should be battered... like a housewife.
Xander Gates peers his head out from between the middle and bottom ropes to catch a breather. Johnnyboy doesn't let up the attack, however; as he attacks Xander Gates by placing his head on the bottom rope and stepping on it.
Lex Robinson: Using the top rope for leverage, he continues to apply pressure. Buck Travis finally regains his composure and begins refereeing the match again!
Steve Hebert: Well, it's about time, I'd say!
Buck Travis: Do you give up?!
Xander Gates refuses to say yes.
Lex Robinson: Does he give up?! Come on Buck. This is an illegal move. This isn't a submission move! Break it up!
Buck Travis: Do you give up?!
Savage Youth runs into the ring and tackles Johnnyboy to the mat!
Lex Robinson: Another brilliant save!
Buck Travis turns his attention to Savage Youth to instruct him to leave the ring immediately.
Steve Hebert: Savage Youth needs to leave the ring. This is STILL a tag team match! I think. Hell if I know.
Savage Youth grabs ahold of Buck. He points at the red welt on his throat and demands to understand why that's a submission hold. Choking someone on the bottom rope.
Lex Robinson: Surprisingly, I'm with Savage here. How is that a submission hold?!
Steve Hebert: Beats the fuck outta me.
Xander Gates kicks the bottom rope and points at the back of his throat.
Xander Gates: That's grounds for disqualification! You can't expect that to be a real submission move! What the hell do you mean, "Do I give up?!" Hey, don't walk away from me!
Steve Hebert: Uh oh.
Lex Robinson: Oh God, he said it.
Buck Travis turns his back to Xander Gates and motions for the bell to be rung. And he grabs a mic.
Buck Travis: Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great regret that I announce this contest has come to an end. And your winners, by way of submission, THE DAY LABORERS!
The Masked Day Laborer and Johnnyboy celebrate as they're announced the winners of this match.
Lex Robinson: As usual, Buck Travis makes up the rules.
Steve Hebert: It's just like in Mexico, Lex. What happened to all that Buck Travis is calling a fair match talk. Huh, Lex? It seems to me you're not paying attention like our referee Buck Travis was. I suppose that's why he's certified to ref these types of matches and you're not.
Lex Robinson: What're you talking about. There was no tap-out. I'm watching the match here at ringside. I'm only a couple yards away!
Steve Hebert: Well, certainly true. However, Xander Gates did give up. It's right there in the replay. Producer, can we replay that again?
And through the magic of television, the replay comes across the screen which shows Xander Gates giving up:
Xander Gates: That's grounds for disqualification! You can't expect that to be a real submission move! What the hell do you mean do I give up?! Hey, don't walk away from me!
With that, we fade out, last showing a peturbed Xander Gates holding his hands on his hips, while shouting discouraging words at Savage Youth. The Day Labourers, on the other hand, joyfully return to the backstage area, having another... uh... victory in their column.
Winner: The Day Laborers
Sebastian York: Here you go, kid.
He signs an autograph for a kid, who is roughly 13 years old.
Kid: Thanks! It was awesome that you beat that Booger! He's so fat and ugly!
Sebastian York: Heh, you're welcome. It was a tough task; he's a big guy.
The shadow creeps over them, forcing the kid to promptly run away. Booger, who had guided himself along the walls of the school, still unable to see properly, uses his ears to find Sebastian York.
Booger: Found you...!
Before Sebastian York has any time to react, Booger attacks him, much like earlier in the evening. His two fists come smashing down onto Sebastian York's neck and head, dropping him to the cold, hard floor, enabling him to stomp and stand on Sebastian York's ribs and chest.
Booger: You think you're better than me! That you're prettier and better looking than me! I'll show you!
He stomps some more on Sebastian York, wanting to crush his ribs.
Booger: You want to make fun of me...
Wrapping his big, beefy hands around Sebastian York's throat, he pulls the new champ to his feet, forcing the title to drop on the floor.
Booger: You want to beat me...
He then powerslams Sebastian York onto the floor, shaking the entire building!
Booger: Look how handsome you are now! If I could see you, I'd laugh in your face. Instead, I'll just do this...
BLAMMO!
The entire school rattles, as Booger splashes himself onto Sebastian York, still blind; and still covered in the blood of dead animals.
Booger: You want to be champion? Nuh uh!
A bunch of Sin Wrestling officials rush into the scene, trying to force Booger away from Sebastian York; but their efforts are futile, as he pushes each of them away.
Booger: Get away! Get away from me!
It isn't until several officials pull out stun-guns, tasering him, that Booger pulls away from Sebastian York. He runs blindly off, like a wild animal, allowing for some officials to check over Sebastian York, who complains about his ribcage.
Official #1: Are you alright?!
Just then, Corey Page arrives at the school, walking into the scene. The first thing he notices is Sebastian York laying on the ground, a scene similar to that of Morgana's attack at Vanity.
Corey Page: Oh Jesus, not again.
Sebastian York: Ughhhh....
The image slowly fades out, showing medics hovering around Sebastian, checking on his condition. Right now, it looks like he'll barely be able to make it to tonight's main event.
Or will he?
Steve Hebert: Yeah, and they’re both gay.
Lex Robinson: WHAT!?!?!
Steve Hebert: Yeah. Didn‘t you get the memo?
Lex Robinson: Oh, will you shut up?
Steve Hebert: Jeez, touchy about homosexuality, are we?
Lex Robinson: Folks, Tony Millennia versus Regan Chambers is up next!
Steve Hebert: You are so gay.
Steve Hebert: What a show off!
Lex Robinson: What are you talking about? Regan Chambers is a two-time World Champ, and a Hall of Famer! If he wants to moonsault into the ring, it‘s his prerogative.
Steve Hebert: You know, you already told everyone once that he was a champ and a Hall of Famer, why do you keep repeating yourself? Are you on the crack?
Lex Robinson: ...
Say say my playmate
Won't you lay hands on me?
TRANSFER MY TRAGEDY!
Through a curtain of fireworks, Tony Millennia steps out to rampant roaring from the crowd, his eyes set on the ring cast before him.my mind's aflame
We could jet in a stolen car
But I bet we wouldn't get too far
BEFORE THE TRANSFORMATION TAKES!
AND BLOODLUST TANKS AND CRAVE GETS SLAKED!
Lex Robinson: Wow, Tony Millennia looks to be in tip-top shape for this match up, as does Regan Chambers. The last we saw Tony, he was being stretchered out of The Colosseum after his match against Jonathon Collins. Come to think of it, I wonder how this one will start off? Both men have undergone significant changes since 2004, but I‘m sure there‘s no love lost between them.
Steve Hebert: No, they haven‘t lost any love. They‘ve found some.
Lex Robinson: Will you just keep quiet, and call the match?
Steve Hebert: How can I call the match, monsieur, if I am to keep quiet? You Americans... so homophobic!
Lex Robinson: I. AM. NOT. HOMOPHOBIC!
Steve Hebert: No, just a homo. Or maybe a hobo. I'm not sure.
Lex Robinson: [sigh] Alright, fans, it looks like both men are in the ring, the ref checking them for weapons... and there‘s the bell!
Right away, Tony Millennia and Regan Chambers step to the center of the ring, going toe-to-toe, both men jawing back and forth, it appears.
Lex Robinson: I wish I could hear what they were saying!
Steve Hebert: "Oh baby, I love you. Oh baby..I love you too!" Just a hunch.
Lex Robinson: Damnit, knock it off. Millennia really laying down some trash talk now, and Chambers is just smirking in his face. Oh! Millennia just slapped Chambers, and the crowd is going nuts! Oh man, Chambers is all over Millennia, and these two are both swinging away now.
Steve Hebert: Swinging on through the closet. So sweet.
Lex Robinson: Chambers looks like he‘s gaining the upper hand here, and thundering in some vicious right hands on Tony Millennia. Chambers has him worked all the way back into the turnbuckle, and ooooh! A hard knife-edge chop! Another one! Another one! Jesus! He‘s peeling the skin off with those! Wait a minute, Millennia just grabbed Chambers and threw him into the corner... and a chop of his own! Another one! And another!
Millennia continues to light Chambers up with repeated chops before finally grabbing him around the wrist, where he whips him to the far side of the ring. Instead of landing in the corner, Regan stalks up the turnbuckles to land on the top rope, as Tony charges in after him. Flying high, Chambers flies off the top rope with a moonsault, but Tony rolls through, coming back up to his feet. He turns around just in time to see Chambers barreling in for a clothesline.
Lex Robinson: Whoa! Tony drops in the nick of time, and takes Chambers down face first-into the turnbuckle with a drop-toe-hold. Millennia's back up to his feet. He grabs Chambers by the hair of the head, hooks him and then snap suplexes him, sending Regan back down to the canvas! He floats over, going for a pinfall...
As usual, the referee counts...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: He kicks out! It's way too early for that, anyhow.
Steve Hebert: Yeah, I think he knows that. He was just pinning him down to whisper sweet nothings into his ear.
Lex Robinson: You‘re sick.
Steve Hebert: No, I‘m French!
Lex Robinson: Close enough.
No time after that, Tony jerks Regan back up to his feet and pushes him against the ropes, throwing him to the far side. Regan Chambers rebounds and Millennia goes for a clothesline, but Regan ducks it. Alternatively, Tony goes for a back elbow, but Regan ducks that, as well. Tony then drops his head for a backdrop, but Chambers does a flip over Tony's back, landing behind him.
Lex Robinson: Nice agility there by Regan Chambers. He hasn't missed a step since he's been gone.
After this, Tony turns around quickly, but is caught in the midsection with a stiff boot. Chambers darts to the ropes for momentum, and barrels back in, hitting a swinging neckbreaker!
Lex Robinson: Wow! What an impact! Regan's not going for the cover and that could be a costly move. He pulls Tony Millennia back up to his feet, and hooks him around the midsection... gutwrench suplex!
Flipped over onto his back, Tony is privy to a pinfall attempt from Regan Chambers. The count is made.
Lex Robinson: The referee counts...!
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: But only gets a two!
Steve Hebert: Wow, he barely got out of that!
Lex Robinson: Thanks for joining the match, Steve!
Steve Hebert: Any time.
Lex Robinson: Millennia's being pulled back up to his feet, and being directed into the corner. Ouch! He's struck with one chop... and another... and another... and one more! As of now, Regan Chambers is paying Millennia back for those chops earlier!
Steve Hebert: Oh, they’re just masochistic love taps!
Lex Robinson rolls his eyes, as Chambers continues chopping away at Tony Millennia. Pulling Tony out from the turnbuckle a little ways, Chambers reaches down and lifts Tony, sitting him on the top rope, while also climbing up to the second.
Lex Robinson: It looks like Tony Millennia is about to take a ride off the top rope, but how is Regan Chambers going to choose to do it?
Steve Hebert: I don‘t know, but Tony seems to be dazed after those chops.
Lex Robinson: Yeah, and Chambers is calling to the crowd. He ste[s all the way up to the top rope... and he hops off, wrapping his legs around Tony‘s head for a hurricanrana! Wait-- no! Tony catches him and drills him back down to the canvas with a sit-down powerbomb!
Steve Hebert: I’d stand to wager that the tempo of the match just changed!
Lex Robinson: Yeah, I think so! Tony was impacted just as bad by that stunt, but now he‘s starting to crawl over to Chambers...
The referee makes the count...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: That ugly retard, Regan Chambers kicks out!
Lex Robinson: Holy crap, that was close.
Both men lay there for a moment... and the Ref instinctively begins to count them down and out.
...1...2...3...4...5...6...
Lex Robinson: Millennia is crawling for the ropes!
...7...
Steve Hebert: Yeah! But so is Chambers!
...8...
Lex Robinson: Millennia just grabbed the middle rope, and he‘s hoisting himself up. Chambers, on the other hand, is doing the same thing on the opposite side! As a result, the ref stops the count, as Millennia and Chambers slowly turn to face each other. Tony see‘s Chambers first... and he dashes off into a full-out sprint, looking for a clothesline!
Steve Hebert: Regan Chambers duck down, though! He sends Tony Millennia to the outside with a big backdrop, smashing Tony up against the steel ring railing!
Chambers collects himself for a minute, and then stares out of the ring to the outside where Tony Millennia lays crumpled against the steel barricade. He slowly makes his way over to the turnbuckle, and starts to climb.
Steve Hebert: What the hell is Chambers doing?
Lex Robinson: Uh…it looks like he‘s going up top. Surely, he isn‘t thinking of flying... or is he?!
He is.
Lex Robinson: Regan Chambers... Regan... with a flying dropkick all the way out to the floor! That shot spikes Tony's head off the steel steps! I cannot believe what we just saw, folks. Regan Chambers perched high on the top rope just dove off, throwing both his feet on Tony Millennia, who was in a seated position, leaning against the steel barricade. The back of Tony‘s head appears to be busted open... and Chambers is just lying there, lifeless! The ref is starting the count, wanting to count them both out.
Steve Hebert: What a loss that'd be!
...1...2...3...4...5...6...7...
Lex Robinson: Wait, Regan Chambers is stirring...
...8...
Lex Robinson: He‘s pulling himself by the ring apron...
...9...
Lex Robinson: He just rolled into the ring, and back out to break the count!
Steve Hebert: What an idiot! He could have won the match right there. Tony Millennia looks like he‘s unconscious.
The ref starts a new count as Chambers slowly stumbles over to Tony Millennia, who remains slumped against the barricade. He reaches down, pulls Tony up, grabs his arm and then points to the steel steps. He whips Tony into the steps; but Tony stops himself before the impact.
Lex Robinson: Tony Millennia almost crashed into those steps,,, and slowly, he turns to face Chambers... who rushes in to a side slam on the floor!
Steve Hebert: Good heavens.
Tony lifts Regan up and rolls him back inside. He throws himself atop of Regan, looking for the cover...
Lex Robinson: Here we go...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Regan Chambers kicks out at the count of two!
Steve Hebert: Even I can‘t believe that one! What‘s it going to take to stop these guys?!
Lex Robinson: An act from God, probably. Tony Millennia can‘t believe it, and quite frankly, neither can I.
Slowly, Tony rises, showing off the laceration on the back of his head. Lifting Regan up with him, he immediately locks in the full-nelson clutch!
Lex Robinson: This could be the big opportunity Tony Millennia needs...
Steve Hebert: He's going for that move... which is the first time in the longest while it'll actually be hit, if it's accurate. Tony is on quite the losing streak.
Lex Robinson: We shouldn't speak so soon, as Regan Chambers slips out of the full-nelson!
Steve Hebert: Bah!
Lex Robinson: He opts to instead latch onto Tony's head and bring him down with a bulldog!
Still with Tony's head tucked beneath his armpit, Regan Chambers rises about to nail a second bullog. However, as he charges out, wishing to jam Tony's face into the canvas, his plans are quicklt reversed.
Lex Robinson: Regan goes for another bulldog... but it's countered! Turning the page, Tony pushes Regan forward, allowing him to land squarely on his feet. This allows Tony to hook him from behind, applying another full-nelson... one which Regan cannot escape from! He hits it! The Millennial Descent! He makes the cover on Regan Chambers!
Steve Hebert: It's like Deja-Vu of 2004 all over again!
Rolling Regan over, Tony hooks the leg, while making the pinfall...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: There's one... two... and...
...3!
Lex Robinson: Three! The referee slaps his hand off the mat three times in a consecutive fashion! This match is over! Tony Millennia... wins...?!
Steve Hebert: Holy shit, it's a miracle. The face of Jesus will next appear on the trunks belonging to Tony. Bet on it!
Lex Robinson: What a match-up! We knew it was going to be intense, and they didn’t disappoint! But coming up next is the main eve-- wait a minute... who is that coming out of the entrance?
Steve Hebert: Uh... I haven‘t seen him before.
Lex Robinson: Wait a minute... I recognize him! That‘s “Mr. Fantastic“ Johnny Storm! He‘s been retired for, like, three years! What the hell is he doing at our PPV? What's he doing in Sin Wrestling?!
Steve Hebert: I don‘t know, but he just slid into the ring, and Tony Millennia doesn‘t see him.
Johnny Storm hops onto the apron, wearing a black t-shirt with the words “Mr. Fantastic: Let God Sort Out All The Rest” embroidered in gold. With an ebony, serpent headed cane clutched in his right hand, he sneaks up on a celebrating Tony Millennia.
Lex Robinson: What's going on here? What business does he have here?!
Steve Hebert: Stop asking me these questions!
The fans cheering quickly fades to boos, as Tony slowly comes down out of the corner, not understanding what's going on, until he finally views the person standing across from him. Tony Millennia’s face goes from confused-to-defensive, stalking over to meet Storm in the center of the ring. The two men begin jawing back and forth with one another, and then suddenly, without warning, Storm brings the cane up into Millennia’s ribs, doubling him over in a grimace of pain!
Lex Robinson: What the Christ?! He just hit Tony Millennia with that cane! Storm waits until Tony Millennia goes through a brutal match to stage an attack on him! What a coward!
Steve Hebert: I don‘t know…I sort of like it... just sayin'.
Lex Robinson: You would! Now what‘s he... oh!
Johnny Storm brings the cane harshly down onto the back of Tony's already bleeding, injured head! Dropping to the canvas, like a sack of bricks, Tony's unable to defend himself, as Storm soaks up the jeers.
Lex Robinson: What a cowardly attack! He's even poking Tony in the ribs with his cane, jabbing it in... wait a second... is he electrocuting Tony?! Holy hell!
Steve Hebert: Tony is getting fried!
A sizzling sound emerges from the ring, while Tony Millennia begins convulsing heavily. Smoke billows from his various orifices, electricity pumping throughout his body, popping across his skin. When complete, Storm pulls up on his cane, smirking, as the crowd continues their chants of disapproval. Stepping over to the ropes, Storm beckons for a microphone, and once he has it, he turns to address the crowd with his trademark sarcastic grin.
Johnny Storm When I received my contract package from SIN Wrestling, I was told to show up here in Miami, at Back To School 5! I was to meet all the boys, introduce myself to the brass... but much to my dismay, I pulled up in my limo, and there was no welcoming committee. Nobody even bothered to step in, and show me around. Well... [he chuckles] I know my way around a wrestling set; and I had always heard that here in Sin Wrestling, Tony Millennia was sort of welcome wagon. So, here’s to you, Tony. Thanks for showing me around. If the competition is as stiff as you, well... [he chuckles again]... I guess I’ll do just fine.
Throwing the mic to the canvas, Storm jerks up his cane, grins at the crowd one more time, and then hops down from the ring, He makes his way to the back, as EMTs rush out to check on Tony Millennia.
Lex Robinson: Does that mean that Johnny Storm has signed with Sin Wrestling! Oh My God! Can you believe this?
Steve Hebert: Electroshock therapy for everyone, I say!
A crew of medics surround Tony, trying to keep him from convulsing, as the scene fades out; last showing newcomer, Johnny Storm, snickering at Tony's expense.
Winner: Tony Millennia
Stryker Graff
Stryker Graff is backstage, staring lovingly at himself in the mirror. Flexing and standing like a winner, he admires his looks, reassuring himself of victory.
Stryker Graff: It's time to do this. It's time to become a two-time World Champion. All the ladies will love it.
Before the image fades out, he is shown admiring his muscles, something the cameraman obviously gets tired of showing.
Sebastian York
A crowd of officials and medics remain crowded around Sebastian York, who is grimacing in pain, having his ribcage taped up. They're telling him that he shouldn't compete in the main event, that his ribs are too worn down to step into the ring, but he shrugs off their attempts at stopping him.
Medic: You can't get in that ring, you hear me? If you do, you risk getting even more injured.
Sebastian York: I'll risk it.
Medic: But...
Sebastian York stands up, pain showing on his face, pushing his way past several officials.
Official: Be careful, Sebastian.
He simply rolls his eyes, as he travels forward, holding the Ultraviolence Title in his right hand. To himself, he's hoping to add more gold to his new collection.
Chris Carson
Taping his wrist up, Chris Carson is shown angrily talking to himself. With a snarl on his face, he slaps his wrist tape down and walks off.
Chris Carson: She thinks she's so smart. She thinks she can control things. When I win that title, I'll then get my son back and spit in her face.
Walking off, he straps his Impulse Title around his waist and disappears from the camera.
Generic Heel
The camera switches to the bathrooms, showing Generic Heel walking out of... the women's bathroom... ?!
Nothing is said. He (she?) doesn't speak a word. Instead, Generic Heel steps forward, cracking his (her?) knuckles, readying himself... or herself.
Declan Turner
Declan is still celebrating his victory from earlier over Casanova. Unfortunately for him, his back is still sore, as he uses his right hand to cover his upper-back. As he walks on by, he stands next to Sebastian York, whom he looks up and down, laughing at his taped ribcage.
Declan Turner: What kind of faggot wears tape? Real men wrestle without showing their injuries, you shitheel.
Spitting at Sebastian's feet, Declan Turner walks off, leaving the Ultraviolence Champ looking annoyed.
Fade out.
Lex Robinson: It's main event time, Steve!
Steve Hebert: I guessed that by the hanging World Title, the ladders; and the ugly, retarded children standing up, in applause.
Lex Robinson: That's some good foresight, Steve.
Steve Hebert: Thanks, I try. I'm just happy to get out of this hellhole before a hurricane strikes.
Lex Robinson: Perhaps this is a bad time to tell you that the next Eternity event is being held in New Orleans?
Steve Hebert: Oh Jesus. There probably won't even be a New Orleans by the time Eternity comes around. What are we going to do? Have an event on a raft, surrounded by a bunch of dead, floating bodies?
LeX Robinson: If it comes down to it, yes.
Steve Hebert: Jesus Christ, I better get paid double for this.
The arena is engulfed in darkness, with the exception of the flashes from camera in the crowd. Finally, Stryker Graff's voice fills the arena...
Your Dark Prince...
Has Returned...
A single light shines on the stage, and standing in the middle of the light, is "The Dark Prince" Stryker Graff. With a look of determination, he cracks that trademark smile of his and makes his way down to the ringside area. He slides under the bottom rope and stands in the middle of the ring, where he spreads his arms out, calling for the lights to shine back on.
Steve Hebert: The first person out for the Ladder Match is Stryker Graff, everyone. And boy, this is a beautiful man. If this guy were a chick, I'd make out with him.
Lex Robinson: ...Uh...
Steve Hebert: What? I'm just telling the truth.
Lex Robinson: Well then, isn't that something?
All My Life I been searching for something...
Something never comes, never leads to nothing...
Nothing satisfies, but I'm gettin close...
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope
The words MADE FOR TV appear on the screen as the lights in the arena slowly began to dim and "All My Life" by the Foo Fighters progresses on. An array of baby blue lasers shoot into various directions, moving about, in time with the rhythm of the music.
As the song drops in, explosions go off, as Sebastian York makes his way to the top of the ramp, rocking out to the music. He hops up and down atop the ramp before bursting into a full sprint towards the ring.
Sliding into the ring, he pops up onto his feet and lifts both of his hands into the air, drawing a huge pop from the crowd as pyro shoots into the air from the each corner. As the pyro display dies down, Sebastian nods to the referee and waits for his match to begin.
Lex Robinson: Here's the new Ultraviolence Champion! Earlier tonight, we witnessed him defeat Booger for that title--...
Steve Hebert: Only because Booger was blinded! But he sure got revenge later on, didn't he? Booger literally squished ol' Yorkie like a grape... like a pancake... like a... I'm running out of metaphors here.
Lex Robinson: Good. Sebastian's ribs are taped up, obviously still feeling the pain of having Booger fall on him. Goddamn, that was awful.
Steve Hebert: I'm not sure if the ring can hold all of that beauty in the ring.
Lex Robinson: For the love of God, stop.
Going 0NCE!
Going TW1CE!
THREE times, I’m GOOOOONE!
Red pyro explodes in the form of two fiery upward torrents from the stage, as Theory Of A Dead Man's "Invisible Man" charges onto the speakers. However, instead of Chris Carson, a stampede of rabid fans, perhaps fifty easy, charges from the entrance and surrounds the ring, just about all of them making the ring quake as they stomp to the tempo.
Carson is part of that crowd, shoving his way towards the ring, not acknowledging the support he gets from his supporters yet. He climbs the stairs and turnbuckle, posing in front of the the audience and the crowd of "Creepheads" and letting out an intense roar. He turns to his opponent and stares a hole through them, as the tidal wave of supporters retreats backstage.
Steve Hebert: And we go from beauty to the downright hideous and ugly.
Lex Robinson: What? You're not a "Creep" fan anymore?
Steve Hebert: He's changed, Lex. Just like Declan Turner, he's changed. He's letting a woman, his stupid ex-wife, run rampant over him. It's sickening.
LeX Robinson: Eh, whatever you say. We have both the Impulse Champion and the Ultraviolence Champ in the ring. All that remains is the Television Title; but first...
Generic Heel walks to the ring, with no music.
Steve Hebert: Best entrance, ever. That and it seems as if Generic Heel is growing tits. Going through a black hole must have really changed him.
Lex Robinson: When the Large Hadron Collider turns on, we may all have tits.
Steve Hebert: Hey, I'm fat; I already have tits.
Lex Robinson: Well fine, we may all be vaporized.
Steve Hebert: Don't be silly. Generic Heel went through a black hole and he's fine... or she's fine... hell if I even know.
The arena goes dark as the words blaze across the screen.
Well, give us your sad sad trip.
I GET IT
IT ALL MAKES SENSE
YOU'RE THE PERFECT PERSON, SO RIGHT
SO WRONG
LET'S ALL LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINARY LIFE
Lex Robinson: Every other Sin Wrestling champ is currently in the ring right now!
Steve Hebert: And the World Title hangs overhead. The first person to race up a ladder and pull that piece of awful down becomes the new champ.
Lex Robinson: Yup, Declan and Stryker Graff will become a two-time champ, if they win. Chris Carson has always tried to get the big win, but has failed; so this is the perfect opportunity for him. Ditto with Sebastian York, who is bandaged up, but ready and willing to fight. Generic Heel... well, I'm surprised he even got this far.
Steve Hebert: I gotta agree with you on all of that. Except I hope Sebastian York falls off that ladder and breaks his neck.
The five combatants remain in the ring, staring each other down, waiting for the bell to ring.
LeX Robinson: Here we go...
Ding... ding... ding...!
Lex Robinson: There's the bell!
Steve Hebert: And everyone goes scrambling! "The Creep" and Generic Heel instantly slide to the outside, aiming for one of the ladder, both of them grabbing it at the same time. In the meantime, Sebastian York and Declan Turner square off, locking-up and exchanging blows with each other.
Lex Robinson: Yup; all of this, while Stryker Graff relaxes in a corner, flexing for the fans, allowing them to admire him.
Steve Hebert: Declan and Sebastian soon go fist-for-fist, also; with Sebastian unfortunately gaining the upper-hand. Declan is whipped into the ropes... only to bounce into a leaping leg-lariat from a faggy taped-up Sebastian York!
Lex Robinson: Outside, "The Creep" blasts Generic Heel's face into one of the setup ladders, nearly knocking it over. Taking it, he goes to slide it into the ring, only to have Stryker Graff finally decide to bring himself into the match. Seeing "The Creep" set the ladder on the apron, he watches as Sebastian York bursts forward, striking with a baseball-slide dropkick to the man whose hand he shoot earlier!
Steve Hebert: "The Creep" stumbles back, still with that ladder in hand, too...
Lex Robinson: Stryker Graff climbs to the top rope and dives off, hitting a top rope dive onto Chris Carson and the ladder! Holy shit!
Steve Hebert: Even funnier is Generic Heel laughing at "The Creep"'s expense; hah! I'd love to smack his tits.
Lex Robinson: Uh...
Steve Hebert: Stryker, obviously feeling slight pain from that reckless dive, stands up, stumbles around... only to receive a punch in the jaw from Generic Heel! What a bad motherfucker.
Watching from inside the ring, Sebastian York goes to join everyone on the floor, about to climb over the middle rope... only when Declan Turner pops up and kicks the middle rope, crotching him!
Steve Hebert: Thank god. No more children for Sebastian York. His current one is a little parasite, anyhow.
Lex Robinson: He crumbles back into the ring, while Generic Heel kicks Stryker Graff and then double-underarm DDTs him onto the floor! Picking up the ladder, Generic Heel slides it into the ring and rolls in with it, hoping to set it up...
Steve Hebert: But he's stopped by Declan Turner, who, uh... kicks him strongly in the head. That stops that, I guess. It keeps Generic Heel held up in the corner, in a cowering position.
Lex Robinson: Backing up, Declan has more plans for Generic Heel, as he bounces off the far set of ropes... looking to hit him with a running kick-to-the-face in the corner. However, before he can strike, Chris Carson yanks Generic Heel out of the way...
Steve Hebert: Awww... I guess "The Creep" isn't too bad, after all.
Lex Robinson: ...he begins smashing his elbow across Generic Heel's face, as he's hung out over the ring apron!
Steve Hebert: Oh, fuck that.
After missing Generic Heel with a kick to the face, Declan Turner is dragged outside of the ring by Stryker Graff, putting him into a position he got very familiar with earlier. In fact, Stryker is keen on focusing on Declan's back; as he knees him in the spine, turns him around, and then suplexes him, dropping him across the ring railing!
Steve Hebert: Good! That's what he deserves for what he did to Casanova!
Lex Robinson: Ouch! For the second time tonight, Declan Turner has been draped back-first over that ring railing! That has got to hurt.
Steve Hebert: That's music to my ears.
Rolling back into the ring, holding his groin and ribs, Sebastian York stands to his feet, realizing that the only person left inside with him is Generic Heel, who is hanging halfway out of the ring.
Steve Hebert: That homo, Sebastian York, is up to something, Lex.
Lex Robinson: He's grabbing that ladder. I do believe he's setting it up, too...
Indeed. Sebastian York lifts the ladder up and sets it underneath the hanging World Title. Looking up, he steps onto the first few rungs, beginning his ascent.
Lex Robinson: Already, Sebastian York is climbing the ladder...!
Steve Hebert: There's no way he's going to get up there. Hell no; no chance at all.
Lex Robinson: This match could be over already!
From outside, Stryker Graff becomes aware of an ascending Sebastian York, deciding to burst into action.
Steve Hebert: Not if Stryker Graff has a say...
Rolling inside, Stryker immediately goes behind Sebastian, finding himself underneath him. Reaching up, he grabs onto Sebastian's tights, holding him in place, while smashing him with some fists to the lower portion of his spine. Resting him on his shoulders, he goes to deliver a powerbomb off the ladder onto York, but Sebastian is able to hang on.
Steve Hebert: A powerbomb, perhaps?!
Lex Robinson: Actually, Sebastian halts the powerbomb attempt from Stryker Graff!
Dazed, Stryker Graff stumbles forward, with Sebastian York still on his shoulders, not fully away from the ladder. They bungle towards the ropes, where both men go up-and-over the top rope, collaping to the floor!
LeX Robinson: They both fall to the outside! The ladder, meanwhile, remains in the ring, stood up underneath the World Title!
Steve Hebert: Ugh, "The Creep" realizes this, too.
Lex Robinson: Seriously. Like a bat out of hell, he sees the opportunity before him and stampedes towards the ladder, commencing his climb. Here he goes...
Steve Hebert: He's too old to be climbing shit like this!
Slowly, but surely, "The Creep" makes it up the side of the ladder. Unfortunately, as his ascent continues, Declan recovers on the floor, noticing how close Chris Carson is to retrieving the title. Regaining his wits and wanting to regain the World Title, Declan knows that he must shake off the pain in his back and get back onto the ring apron.
Lex Robinson: Steve, Declan is back on the ring apron. He views "The Creep" rising, trying to obtain that title. He's up to something...
Pulling back on the top rope, Declan jumps onto the rope, springboards off it and flies through the air, connecting with a spear to the ladder!
Lex Robinson: He hits a springboard diving spear to the... to the... ladder!
Steve Hebert: How cow!
Lex Robinson: The ladder topples from beneath "The Creep", who goes "tits-up" in the air, crashing all the way to the canvas!
Steve Hebert: My God, he has a broken hip! Old men aren't supposed to fall like that!
Lex Robinson: He... he speared the godforsaken ladder, of all things!
Steve Hebert: It got the job done, I guess...?!
In the meantime, Sebastian York recovers on the floor, grabbing a second ladder, which he uses to bash the edge into Stryker Graff's gut. Sliding it into the ring, York turns his attention back to Stryker Graff and then whips him into the ring railing, leaving him there, out of the picture.
Steve Hebert: Just as quickly as all that happened, Sebastian York re-enters the ring, having another ladder in his hands. Once inside, he targets Declan Turner, dropping the ladder across Declan's already injured back! Gah!
LeX Robinson: When he turns around, he also bares witness to Generic Heel charging at him... only to lift the ladder up and bash Heel in the face with it!
Steve Hebert: At least his newly grown tits are in fine condition.
Lex Robinson: Taking the ladder, Sebastian York wedges the ladder across the adjacent middle rope, positioning it in the corner. From here, he lifts Generic Heel up, nails him with a swift side-kick and then suplexes him onto the ladder! Freakin' ow!
Steve Hebert: Ugh, oh God.
Lex Robinson: Laying Generic Heel across that ladder, he chops him across the chest, steps to the outer portion of the ring apron and climbs to the nearest parallel turnbuckle pad. He aims up Generic Heel, about to crashland onto him...
Steve Hebert: Wait... no! Out of nowhere, Stryker Graff heaves a steel chair at him, literally crotching him on the top turnbuckle pad! For the second time tonight, Sebastian York lands on his balls! There's definitely no more children in his future... I hope. These guys are making sure of it.
Climbing onto the apron, Stryker Graff uppercuts Sebastian York, making sure he remains dazed. Climbing up alongside him, he manages to turn the Ultraviolence Champ around, hook onto his side with a side-triangle lock and then hit the Darkness Fall off the top rope onto Sebastian York!
Lex Robinson: Darkness Falls off the top rope... onto Generic Heel, who had been laying there on the ladder, which splits in two thanks to the force of both men crashing down on it!
Steve Hebert: Holy Jesus!
Lex Robinson: If Sebastian York's ribs weren't injured before, then they certainly are now!
Picking himself up from the mess that he created, Stryker Graff steps away from the rubble... only to have Declan Turner charge at him and strike with a leaping knee-kick, which bashes Stryker Graff in the face, tripping over the fallen men behind him!
Lex Robinson: Out of nowhere, Declan Turner blasts Stryker Graff! Not only that, but he lifts up Sebastian York, who had been squirming in pain on the canvas. We all know the history between these two men. They just don't like each other, at all.
Dragging Sebastian into the center of the ring, he positions him around the original fallen ladder. He scoops Sebastian up, hoping to body slam him onto the rungs, but Sebastian squirms his way out of it, landing behind Declan.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian moves himself to safety. He's behind Declan... he's lifting him up into a back-suplex position... and then drops him down, back-first onto the ladder!
Steve Hebert: Declan has that injured back, too! Dear God, if Declan gets ahold of Sebastian, he'll probably exact revenge by breaking his ribs. That's if Declan can even stand after that.
From behind Sebastian York rises Chris Carson, who had just witnessed York drop Declan on the ladder. Swinging York around, he stares him down, everyone aware of the history these two also share...
Lex Robinson: Oh boy. They shook hands earlier in the night, will they beat each other down, now?
Steve Hebert: Here comes Generic Heel, who had gotten to his--or--her feet. Whatever it is these days.
Lex Robinson: Generic Heel goes to attack both Sebastian and "The Creep"; but they are well-aware of his presence.
Steve Hebert: Or her presence!
Lex Robinson: Eh... Generic Heel attempts to double-clothesline both participants, who duck down, allowing for him to pass on by them. From behind, Chris Carson wraps both hands around Generic Heel's chin and drops back, daggering both knees into the back of Generic Heel, nailing a perfectly executed lungblower!
Steve Hebert: Sebastian York is actually teaming up with "The Creep", too! This is definitely bizarro-world.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York bounces towards the ropes, while Generic Heel remains laid across Carson's knees. Slingshotting back, Sebastian York hits a springboard moonsault onto Generic Heel, pancaking him into Carson's knees!
Steve Hebert: Oh man...
Sneaking up behind Sebastian York, who quickly stands back up, Stryker Graff moves in and lifts him onto his shoulders with a reverse standing fireman's carry.
Lex Robinson: From out of left field, Stryker Graff hits a reverse Death Valley Driver on Sebastian, smashing him onto the ladder!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Holy crap, what a surprise! That surprised the fuck out of me, just as much as it caught Sebastian York off-guard.
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is quick to move in on Stryker, though...
A kick and a punch later, Chris Carson hoists Stryker Graff up and drops him across the ladder with "The C.C. Crash", much to the delight of the fans, who roar their head off!
Lex Robinson: Directly after that, Chris Carson drops Stryker Graff across the ladder! Dear God, bodies are flailing everywhere!
Steve Hebert: "The Creep" kicks and stomps everyone away from-and-off the ladder. He goes back to setting it up beneath the World Title. If the same thing happens as before, and he ends up falling all the way to the canvas, we may have a death on our hands!
Lex Robinson: He's starting to climb it. We may have a new champ right here. "The Creep" could become both Impulse and World Champ!
He only gets 1/3 of the way up the steel ladder, though. At this point, Generic Heel regains his footing, stomps towards the ladder and pushes it over, sending Chris Carson crashing down across the ropes, throat-first!
Lex Robinson: No!
Steve Hebert: It wasn't as far up; but he almost got his head guillotined off! All thanks to Generic Heel and his-or-her titties.
Lex Robinson: Taking the ladder in his hands, now; Generic Heel focuses on Chris Carson and runs towards him. Wham!
Steve Hebert: And he doesn't mean the 80's band, folks.
Lex Robinson: He smacks that ladder directly into the back of "The Creep", sending him tumbling to the floor! Turning around, he notices Sebastian York about to stand...
Steve Hebert: He runs at him... but that bastard, York, ducks!
Lex Robinson: And Declan jumps up from a kneeling position, striking Generic Heel with a monstrous spear! Not only that, but Generic Heel falls back, sending the ladder smashing into Sebastian York's face, just as he turns around! Looks like he gets him, afterall.
Steve Hebert: Haha. That's what he gets for being a metrosexual douchebag.
On the floor, a woozy Chris Carson grabs another ladder and slides it inside, having it join the original and the broken one. Taking a breather, he stands still, watching from the outside as Declan Turner sets up the original ladder, attempting a climb.
Steve Hebert: Declan Turner, who screwed over Casanova earlier tonight, is trying to get hat belt, now. However, Chris Carson isn't going to allow for that to happen. Climbing on the opposite side of the ladder, "The Creep" reaches ahead, grabs onto Declan's face and begins pounding it off one set of rungs! Beat the hell out of each other. That's what they both get for changing.
Lex Robinson: "Changing"?
Steve Hebert: Yeah, you heard me. They used to be cool; and now they're not. So, fuck them.
Lex Robinson: It's nice to be back in high school again, I see.
Steve Hebert: Nuh uh. High school didn't have "The Creep" bashing some guys face off a steel rung, cutting him open, which is what's occuring right now. ...Okay, maybe it did; but still.
Lex Robinson: You've got one thing right -- Declan is cut open, thanks to Chris Carson. Nevertheless, they both try to get to the top.
Steve Hebert: Thankfully, Stryker Graff is quick to stop the actions of both men. Taking the ladder "The Creep" brought in, he suplexes it against Declan Turner's own back! You heard me; he suplexed that goddamn ladder into Declan, who can barely hang onto the current rung.
Lex Robinson: This is giving Chris Carson the chance to climb a little higher, though...! He just has to reach out a little bit...
Steve Hebert: Generic Heel's not going to have any of that!
Through his mask, Generic Heel can see Chris Carson inching closer and closer to the main prize -- the World Title. Opting to shrug off the damage done to him, he walks up behind "The Creep" and simply -- but effectively -- punches him in the testicles!
Steve Hebert: That'll do the trick!
Lex Robinson: Generic Heel climbs up a few rungs beneath Chris... it seems like he...she... it is biting at "The Creep"'s testicles! What the bloody hell?!
Steve Hebert: Holy Jesus. Yes! Bite those nuts off! It makes me fear for my own manliness, but do it anyhow!
On one side of the ladder, Declan hangs, with Stryker Graff attempting to pry him off. What they don't realize is that Sebastian York has temporarily rolled out of the ring, grabbed the chair Graff flung at him earlier and uses it to smash against Stryker's back!
Lex Robinson: What a shot by Sebastian York, who blasts the chair across the back of the former World Champ!
Steve Hebert: That dummy! This is giving Declan a second chance at trying to climb the rungs!
Lex Robinson: Disposing of Stryker by throwing the chair at him and having him catch it, Sebastian jumps forward and then superkicks the chair into Stryker's face! The chair goes flying; and so does Stryker Graff. He now turns his attention to his often-nemesis, Declan Turner, who is level with Chris Carson...
Steve Hebert: Christ, all Declan needs to do is reach up and grab the title.
MB>Lex Robinson: You think that, don't you? However, Sebastian York is taking the second ladder and is setting it up side-by-side with the original. Wasting no time, he bolts up that ladder like a streak of lightning, standing next to Declan, who tries to fend him off with some fists! It's no good, though; as Sebastian strikes back with some punches of his own, nailing Declan Turner in the cut above his right eye!
Declan attempts to fight back from Sebastia York's attack, but it's all in vain. Soon, Sebastian has him reeling, leaving him in prime position for an attack. In a matter of seconds, Sebastian York is leaping sideways, only to curl around Declan, bringing him down from the ladder with a devastating sunset-flip powerbomb!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York powerbombs Declan off the side of that ladder!
At exactly the same time on the other side of the ladder, Generic Heel takes Chris Carson down with a reverse hurricanrana, sending him crashing all the way down to the canvas!
Steve Hebert: Chris Carson and Generic Heel go plummeting down, too! All four men hit the ring at the exact same time! My Jesus, the only person remotely conscious right now is Sebastian York, who comes out the best in those series of falls.
Lex Robinson: You're right, Steve. Sebastian's leaning against the ladder, trying his best to stay afloat, but with those taped ribs, it's so hard.
Steve Hebert: And you can thank my buffet buddy, Booger, for that.
Lex Robinson: Dear God, you and Booger at a buffet would bankrupt a restaurant.
Steve Hebert: Was that an insult, Lex? Are you calling me fat again? You better fucking not be. I'll fucking sit on you.
Lex Robinson: Please don't.
Steve Hebert: I just might. Why? Because Sebastian York is climbing that goddamn ladder. I swear to God, if he's able to climb up there and grab that title, I'll sit on you and then kill myself.
Lex Robinson: He's going for it! This is his best chance, too! Go Sebastian, go!
With each step Sebastian makes up the ladder, he holds his ribcage, finding it difficult to breathe. Nevertheless, the fans are going wild, glad to see him coming closer to the title.
Lex Robinson: He's getting there!
Steve Hebert: This cannot happen! My Jesus no!
Lex Robinson: He moves up several more rungs. Just a little bit more!
Awakened from his daze, Declan Turner sits up, with the World Title in mind. Looking up, he notices Sebastian York nearing the title he formerly held, not wanting him to lay his hands on it.
Lex Robinson: But wait, Declan Turner is up, as well. Can you believe it?!
Steve Hebert: As long as it isn't that other douchebag, I'm happy.
Lex Robinson: Can Declan catch up to Sebastian York? I don't think so. Sebastian's at the top of the ladder right now...! He's reaching out. He has the title!
Steve Hebert: Oh God why?
LeX Robinson: He just needs to pull it down!
Aware of this, Declan takes a few more steps up the ladder, places his hand on Sebastian's behind and shoves him over the top of the ladder, sending him flying through the air!
Lex Robinson: No! Declan, out of nowhere, pushes Sebastian York over the top of the ladder! He couldn't remove the title! That last-ditch effort drains Declan, as well, forcing him to drop harshly off the ladder!
Steve Hebert: Thank God! On top of that, Sebastian York plummets down onto Chris Carson and Generic Heel, bringing them back down, ala bowling pins!
Everyone remains laid out in the ring, a lack of motion quite visible from anyone with a clue. The first person to stir is actually Stryker Graff, complete with bloody forehead.
Steve Hebert: Oh no. Stryker's pretty face has been ruined. All thanks to Sebastian York, too. This is awful. This is worse than 9-11.
Sensing the lack of movement from the other participants, Stryker Graff latches onto the ladder Sebastian York brought into the ring. Thinking he has the match won, he slowly escalates, climbing each rung with sense of victory in his step.
Lex Robinson: With blood pouring down his face and soaking his chest, Stryker Graff is the next to begin his ascent!
Steve Hebert: He isn't fast enough, though. Hurry, you beautiful, handsome man!
Lex Robinson: Damn right he isn't fast enough... "The Creep" is up and is following behind him. Grabbing onto his foot, "The Creep" tries to yank Stryker down, but to no avail. Instead, "The Creep" moves around to the other side of the ladder, opting to begin climbing the original one, which lays side-by-side to the second one.
Steve Hebert: Ugh.
Lex Robinson: He quickly scurries up the side of it, hoping to combat Stryker Graff in receiving the title. He's actually up there before Stryker, too! Wow! He wasted no time!
Up here, Stryker Graff and Chris Carson angrily exchange punches, with Carson getting Stryker's blood all over his knuckles. In the mix of all this, they don't recognize the fact that Generic Heel has rolled to the outer portion of the apron and springboards through the air.
Lex Robinson: Generic Heel, of all people, flies through the air and lands on the side of the ladder! Holy crap!
Steve Hebert: Good lord, he was like some sort of frog.
LeX Robinson: He gets into the action, as well. He punches Stryker Graff, elbows "The Creep" and reaches out for the title...
Steve Hebert: But Declan Turner uses the steel chair to whack him across the back! All the way from the canvas! That bastard! Why would he do this?!
Lex Robinson: Uh, probably because he wants to win.
Steve Hebert: Hmmm... solid reasoning, but still!
Still with the chair in his hand, Declan Turner now focuses on Stryker Graff, attempting to whack him across the back, too. Just as he goes to swing, however; Sebastian York jumps onto the ring apron, grabs the chair and rips it out of his hands.
Steve Hebert: Hah! It's almost like what happened with Casanova earlier. Except instead of a referee taking away a chair; it's a douchebag doing it.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York uses the chair to blast against Declan Turner's skull! Holy cow! He literally reamed him!
Hopping to the floor, dropping the blood-stained chair as he lands, Sebastian York hunches over and pulls out two tables from beneath the ring. He sets one up, followed by the other, which he conveniently places atop the other.
Steve Hebert: That moron, Sebastian York, is building a castle, while Stryker Graff, Generic Heel and Chris Carson remain at the top of those ladders! What the hell is he doing?!
Lex Robinson: You're indeed right, Steve. Perhaps Sebastian should be more focused on what's happening on the inside because the three men are within inches from yanking down that title.
Steve Hebert: Seriously. Hell, Generic Heel is reaching up right now, taking one extra step...
Lex Robinson: He might actually do it. Holy crap, could you actually believe that?!
Steve Hebert: He's a former 50-time World Champ, so yes, I could. Or maybe it was 60... or was it 90? I don't remember. Either way, he's going to be the new champ! I can sense it!
Perhaps Steve speaks a little too soon, as Chris Carson thankfully stops him, much to the abundant joy of the crowd! Clubbing him across the neck and back, "The Creep" attempts plucking him down, but Generic Heel strikes back with some elbows.
Steve Hebert: No! Goddamnit! That's the second time in a row that Generic Heel has been denied victory!
Lex Robinson: Even Stryker Graff is giving some strikes to Generic Heel!
Steve Hebert: Son of a bitch.
Lex Robinson: I shouldn't speak so soon, though. Generic Heel quickly chops back, even striking with some Indian-style tomahawk chops! When Stryker Graff goes to swing back, Generic Heel blocks it by applying a side-Triangle lock! At the top of the ladders, he even knees Chris Carson in the gut... and applies a facelock. What's he up to-- oh!
With Stryker Graff and Chris Carson in his clutches, Generic Heel drops back -- hitting Stryker Graff with a reverse Russian legsweep, while giving "The Creep" a DDT... all from the top of the ladders!
Steve Hebert: Yep, they're all dead. Call the funeral home. Order some caskets.
Lex Robinson: You just might be right with that assessment!
Upon seeing this, Sebastian York rolls back into the ring, takes a glance at the ladder, thinking he should climb it. Instead, he opts to turn his attention solely on Declan Turner, who is laying in a pool of his own forehead blood, attempting to stand up.
Lex Robinson: That may be a big mistake right there by Sebastian. By all rights, he should be focusing on climbing that ladder; and not Declan, but... oh well.
He kicks a bloody Declan Turner in the skull, showing why he's the new Ultraviolence Champion. Turning around, he grabs the second ladder, positions it in the corner and goes to whip Declan into it.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York is going to vault Declan Turner's injured back into that steel ladder...!
However, at the last second, the Irish-whip is reversed. Coincidentally, Declan sends Sebastian towards the ladder, hoping to effect his ribcage.
Lex Robinson: Wait, no... Sebastian York is sent towards the ladder... but he holds up at the last second! He turns around...
Steve Hebert: Declan goes for a spear...!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York steps out of the way! Declan Turner goes sprawling into the ladder, spearing it for the second time tonight! But this time, things don't turn out as planned; as he's left howling out in pain!
Steve Hebert: Even worse is that douvhebag eyes an opening and begins climbing the other ladder!
Lex Robinson: He's going to try once again for that title...
Steve Hebert: Luckily, Generic Heel rises, shaking off the damage from jumping off the top of those ladders. He... he... he actually runs underneath the ladder. Don't you know that's bad luck?!
Jumping onto the middle rope, Generic Heel springboards back and lands on the side of the ladder, on the part that holds it open. Right away, he begins striking at Sebastian.
Lex Robinson: Look at that athleticism! That's the second time he's jumped onto a ladder like that! Using his legs and arms, he tries prying Sebastian York off, finally deciding to knee Sebastian in the ribcage. A few more kicks later, Generic Heel drops Sebastian York off the ladder, sending him crashing onto Declan, who remains laid out on that other ladder! Wow!
Steve Hebert: He's trying to slink around, getting onto the proper part of the ladder. Just as he does, though; Stryker Graff comes from behind and forces Generic Heel to sit on his shoulders. Peeling him away from the ladder, he hopes to Electric Chair drop him onto the canvas, but falters. Jumping off a bloody Stryker Graff, Generic Heel instantly ducks beneath a running-lariat from Chris Carson... which instead hits Stryker, knocking him off his feet, sending him to the floor! Goddamnit! That was not supposed to happen!
Lex Robinson: Really? Then what was?
Steve Hebert: I don't know... "The Creep"'s supposed to be dead... or have a broken hip or something. He's old, for Christ's sake! Poor, poor beautiful Stryker!
Lex Robinson: This leaves Chris and Generic Heel as the last two currently standing. Turning around, Chris goes to take Generic Heel down with a vicious punch... but it gets ducked! Generic Heel is quick to react... by poking Chris Carson in the eye!
Steve Hebert: That's just as effective as any DDT, powerbomb or flippy-doo hurricanrana, Lex! Want me to prove it?
Lex Robinson: No thanks.
Steve Hebert: Because I can prove it.
Lex Robinson: I said "no".
Steve Hebert: Fine, fine.
Much like Sebastian York before him, Generic Heel tries to whip Chris Carson into the ladder. However, before "The Creep" smashes into the ladder, he stops himself, turns around and views Generic Heel charge at him.
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson puts the breaks on...
Steve Hebert: But Generic Heel is running at him...
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson stops that, as well. He throws Generic Heel up into the air... but Heel lands on the ladder. In desperation, Generic Heel tries climbing up to grab the World Title, but Sebastian York pops up, finally removing himself from being tangled with Declan Turner! Superkicking Chris Carson, he begins climbing up the other end of the ladder, trying to stop Generic Heel, who is reaching out and has his hands on the title!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Grab it! Get it!
Sebastian finally reaches the top, where he exchanges punches with Generic Heel, stopping him from pulling it off the hook. Before anything else can happen, though; an enraged Declan Turner stands and runs forward.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York stops Generic Heel from grabbing the title... but he can't stop Declan from pushing the ladder over! Both Generic Heel and Sebastian York go flying... landing on the top rope, crotching themselves!
Steve Hebert: Holy Jesus, that's the third time for Sebastian York!
Lex Robinson: At this point, you may be right about him having no more children.
Oddly enough, Generic Heel calmly removes himself off the top rope, acting as if nothing's happened. Meanwhile, Sebastian York is shown to be in a rack of pain, wincing his eyes, trying hard not to vomit.
Steve Hebert: I told you Generic Heel's a chick! He has to be... or she has to be... or something!
Lex Robinson: But... but...
Bad back and all, Declan follows the previous move up by grabbing Generic Heel and using him/her/it as a battering ram. Declan literally flings Generic Heel at York, knocking them both off the apron, sending them to the floor!
Lex Robinson: Declan just made Generic Heel spears Sebastian York! He picked him/her/it up and flung her like there's no tomorrow at the Ultraviolence Champ!
Steve Hebert: That officially leaves Declan as the last man standing in the ring, too! Eyeing the ladder, he sets it back up beneath the title. He's going to become a two-time champ... and a double-champ. Oh God, those disgusting fans are going to eat this up.
Lex Robinson: Rightfully so. He worked hard to get there!
With no one around him, Declan confidently rises to the top, almost able to reach out and unhook the World Title.
Lex Robinson: He almost has it. Just a little more...
Steve Hebert: Ugh...
Suddenly, like a flash of lightning, someone runs past the camera, entering the ring from the dark recesses of the crowd.
Lex Robinson: Whoa...! Wait! It's Casanova!
Steve Hebert: What the...?! What's he doing here?!
Due to his positioning, Declan doesn't see Casanova enter. This leaves Casanova open to charge forward and push the ladder over, sending Declan flying from the ring, crashing through the double-stacked set of tables that Sebastian York had put together earlier!
Lex Robinson: No! He's not supposed to be involved in this match! No! Declan eliminated him earlier in the night!
Steve Hebert: That's what he gets for making a fool out of him! I told you Casanova is on a deadly mission, Lex!
With a brooding smirk, Casanova calmly exits the ring, the jeers more evident, as he callously walks backstage.
Lex Robinson: This was Declan's match! He had it won! He pretty much had the World Title in his grasps!
Steve Hebert: Oh, will you calm down?!
Lex Robinson: No way! He was screwed by Casanova!
Steve Hebert: So? Declan screwed him earlier by taking away the Television Title.
Lex Robinson: This is an outrage!
Soon enough, the other four participants roll into the ring, noticing that a bloody Declan Turner is now outside, having smashed through a double-stacked set of tables, laying in a heap. They instantly try capitalizing on this -- with Stryker Graff being the first.
Lex Robinson: This is messed up!
Steve Hebert: Shhh... Stryker Graff's setting up the ladder.
As he begins his ascent, though; Chris Carson comes up from behind. Twirling Stryker around, he punches him in his bloody forehead, kicks him in the gut and then hoists him up into a vertical suplex position...
Lex Robinson: I can't get over this...
Steve Hebert: Me neither; what the heck is Chris Carson doing to Stryker Graff?!
Lex Robinson: I mean--... well, "The Creep" has Stryker lifted upside-down! He runs forward and throws him to the outside with "The C.C. Bomb"! My God! Holy shit! That pretty much eliminated Stryker Graff from things, you gotta think so!
Steve Hebert: Kinda like how Casanova eliminated Declan!
Lex Robinson: It should be the other way around: Declan eliminated Casanova from advancing. He had no right to come down here and interfere like that. What a terrible job by the officials.
Steve Hebert: Hey, I've been calling the officials terrible for years. Now you're catching on. Good on you.
With his head spinning in every direction, Chris Carson tries to focus on the ladder, finding it difficult to do so. With the fans actually rallying behind him, wating him to regain his son, they chant for him, as he tries to climb to the top.
Lex Robinson: Ugh... well, "The Creep" is going for the gold, now. Can you get it? Or will some other asshole want to come down and ruin things?! Casanova is a changed, changed man!
Steve Hebert: He's a vampire; what do you expect?
Lex Robinson: I thought you said they don't exist...?
Steve Hebert: After what I saw not too long ago, I changed my mind. Edward Cullen, Nosferatu... Count Chocula... they're all real.
Breathing hard, Chris gets halfway up the ladder, when he is interfered with by Generic Heel.
Lex Robinson: And what do you know, Generic Heel interrupts "The Creep"'s ascent.
Steve Hebert: Phew. Grabbing him by the balls, Generic Heel tries to coax him down.
Lex Robinson: It's no good, though! "The Creep" wickedly stomps on Generic Heel's face! That'll get him to release the hold!
And it does. Generic Heel, though, is persistent.
Lex Robinson: Generic Heel steps to one of the corners... and he grabs the other ladder. Holding it up, he jabs the edge of it into Chris Carson's lower-back!
Steve Hebert: Just before "The Creep" can reach upward, too!
As Generic Heel is occupied with Chris Carson, Sebastian York moves in, trying to get the title.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian moves in, now... god, what's the condition of Declan Turner on the floor?
Steve Hebert: In all likelihood... not good!
Lex Robinson: Oh man...
With everyone else's attention diverted, Sebastian York is able to make it to the top of the ladder, where he grabs onto the title.
Lex Robinson: Wait... holy shit, Sebastian York has the World Title! He just needs to unhook it! If his ribs weren't injured, he'd be able to reach up further and unhook. But thanks to Booger, it's not happening!
Steve Hebert: Good! Thank God for Booger! Generic Heel realizes what's happening, so he/she/it/whatever motions to Chris Carson to turn around. And there "The Creep" says his dreams almost being whisked away by Sebastian York! Just as "Yorkie", as "The Creep" would say, was about to remove the title, Chris Carson places both hands on it! He yanks back, trying to pull it out of Sebastian's hands!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York will not have any of that, though!
Steve Hebert: Back and forth they go, trying to pry the title away from each other... all while Generic Heel sets up the second ladder. Racing up the rungs like a madman... madwoman... madsomething, Generic Heel gets himself involved in the struggle.
Lex Robinson: Listen to these fans, they're going nuts!
Steve Hebert: Fuck 'em! Becuase Generic Heel, from the other ladder, begins kicking Chris Carson in the face, prying him down a few rungs! Sebastian York goes to pull the title off... but Generic Heel leaps from one ladder to the other, effectively knocking "The Creep" off, after jumping on his fingers!
Lex Robinson: My God, it's now between Generic Heel and Sebastian York...!
Pulling back and forth like cats and dogs, both of them struggle for power over the title. It isn't until Generic Heel sees an opening that a change occurs.
Lex Robinson: Generic Heel... pokes Sebastian York in the eyeball! Oh god!
The instant reaction for Sebastian York is to remove one hand from the title and cover his eye. This is just enough Generic Heel needs to gain the upperhand.
Steve Hebert: Brilliant!
Lex Robinson: Generic Heel grabs Sebastian York's head and begins repeatedly smashing his face off the top of the ladder! His face must have been bashed against it at least 30 times or so!
Steve Hebert: What's even better is that York has completely released his hold on the title. He now hangs over the top of the ladder, allowing for Generic Heel to climb on top of him...!
Lex Robinson: Wait a second...
Steve Hebert: Generic Heel has the title. It's pulled off the hook! We have a new World Champion! Holy shit yes! Generic Heel wins!
Lex Robinson: What the hell is going on?!
Steve Hebert: We have a new World Champion, Lex!
Having retrieved the title, Generic Heel flops all the way down to the canvas, clutching the title with all of his/her/its might.
Lex Robinson: We've seen this before. I'm not sure... what the heck is going on here?!
Steve Hebert: I just told you -- we have a new World Champion! And it's Generic Heel!
The final images of the pay per view are shown:
- Stryker Graff laying unconscious on the floor, a victim of "The C.C. Bomb" to the outside.
- Chris Carson laying on his back, disgusted with his loss and denial of World Championship gold.
- Sebastian York still hung out on top of the ladder, having his face busted open. The bandages around his ribs, forced to wear them because of Booger, are partially torn.
- Declan Turner remains at ringside, covered in his own crimson mask, crumpled between two sets of wooden tables.
- Generic Heel. New World Champion; but is there more than meets the eye?
Fade out.
Roll credits.
Winner: Generic Heel