To start things off, they would lock up, with CAPS LOCK escaping some of the holds, only to envigorously show off and taunt the crowd. Phoenix is not too fond of this, as he goes on the offensive, nailing some dropkicks and even a springboard-moonsault, which he hopes will keep CAPS LOCK down.
After this moonsault, he hooks a leg...
...1...2...
However, CAPS LOCK kicks out.
Phoenix even tries for a Tornado DDT, but as he swings out, CAPS LOCK pushes him off, only to then nail him with... a running eye-gouge!
Stunned for the moment, Phoenix Winterborn turns around, only to be leveled with a vicious running lariat, catching him off-guard. Eventually, CAPS LOCK goes for a powerbomb, but Phoenix squirms out of that, lands behind CAPS LOCK and then leaps onto his shoulders, trying for a Victory Roll.
Unfortunately, this leads to Winterborn's downfall, as CAPS LOCK remains on his feet, only to turn the rollup attempt into a standing fireman's carry. Two seconds later, CAPS LOCK nails the ALT+F4, kneeing Phoenix in the face and then goes for the cover.
...1...2...3!
CAPS LOCK gets the victory. Afterwards, he stands over Phoenix Winterborn, yelling at him, even picking him up to attempt another ALT+F4, which the crowd doesn't agree with. Fortunately for Phoenix, he slips out of the hold, nails a series of back-spinning heel kicks to the back of CAPS LOCK's head and sends him rolling out of the ring!
CAPS LOCK walks to the back, holding his head, having the victory. Phoenix Winterborn may have lost this match, but he will live to fight another day.
Winner: CAPS LOCK
Decorations, dreidels, menorahs and glowing lights are to be found all within the confines of Stevie Swing's house, as the camera turns on, beginning tonight's show. The host for this evening's holiday pay per view, Stevie Swing stands before her decorated Christmas tree; or holiday tree, for all you PC-folk. She is trimming the branches and placing the last of the bulbs on, while standing at her window, occasionally gazing out at the crowd gathered around her house, ready for tonight's action.
Stevie Swing: This night will be great! I will make sure that this will be better than the show at Morgana's, that rat-faced whore! I hope she dies! I will ruin her! I will kill her! I will--...
The aura of baking cookies and vomit soon overcomes her.
Stevie Swing: Hmmm...
Turning around, she sees one of her partners for tonight's main event and Tag Wars Trophy match. In other words, she sees Chris Extreme stand before her, dressed in his usual attire of white boxers... and nothing else.
Stevie Swing: Uh, don't you think you'll be a little cold.
She looks at his freezing, hard nipples.
Chris Extreme: I need to piss.
Yup, that's his response.
Stevie Swing: Uh...
She points to the left.
Stevie Swing: Down the hall. But don't be long! We've got to tag together for the night! Remember, it's you and I -- not you and Morgana! Remember, Stevie loves you; and not Morgy!
The only reply she receives is that of Chris Extreme slamming the bathroom door and then relieving himself.
Stevie Swing: Now, for those cookies...
Stevie heads off to the oven, getting the cookies she baked out of the oven...
Stevie Swing: Tonight, Morgana, I piss in your face and retain my World Title and show everyone why I'm the Ultimate Survivor!
Bending over, she puts on some mittens and pulls out the cookies, only to be rejoined by Chris Extreme.
Chris Extreme: I just pissed in your sink.
Stevie Swing: ...What?!
Chris Extreme: Now let me eat your cookie, you dirty, lesbian dyke.
Chris moves in on Stevie, trying to grab her by the crotch...
Stevie Swing: No! We have a match to wrestle!
Chris Extreme: Oh yeah.
With that, Chris Extreme hurries away, allowing Stevie to turn off her oven and prepare for tonight's festivities.
Stevie Swing: God bless us, everyone!
Taking a bite out of the Christmas Tree-shaped cookies, she walks off, exiting her house.
Julia: Steeeevie? You home? Hey? it's me, Julia! I spoke to you over the phone?
Apparently Stevie's preoccupied with baking. Julia walks into the house and looks about, seeing nothing but Hanukkah decorations set up, even a few smiling pictures of Stevie with her family (of course, back when Stevie was a he).
Julia: Uh...yeah, I'll just make myself at home, I guess.
Julia makes her way to the bathroom area, hanging the garment bag up and unzipping it.
Julia: Stevie? I'm going to be using the shower and the bathroom to change. If you don't mind?
Again, no reply to Julia's call.
Julia: I should have texted her or something.
Julia starts to undress and step into Stevie's shower. Before she turns the knob, something can be heard...faintly.
...daah dunt...
Julia peeks her head from the shower stall.
Julia: What was that?
Nothing. Julia just shrugs it off and ducks behind the curtain, only to hear it again.
Daaaah dunt.
Julia looks out from the shower again, a little more paranoid.
Julia: Who's there?!
Again, nothing.
Julia: Geez, sounds like violins or something.
Julia finally turns the shower on and begins to lather up. By this time, she's got shampoo suds in her eyes and water in her ears, the soundtrack accelerates...
Duh dun duh dun duh dun...
Julia: Huh? Hello? Stevie?
Julia notices something moving over the shower rod...is that...a shark's fin?!
Julia: What in God's...!
FLUUUUUSH!!
Julia shouts in surprise, as the shower water suddenly gets real hot. She almost trips on herself as she grabs a towel and leaps out of the stall, only to see...
Julia: CARSON! What the FUCK!
Chris Carson just stands there with a boom-box in one arm, blaring the theme to "Jaws" while his other hand holds a shark-fin prop. He puffs on a cigar, while his foot comes off of the toilet's handle.
Chris Carson: Oh, didn't know that was you in there, Jules. Thought perhaps Stevie's old lady was in there.
Julia wraps herself in her towel.
Julia: Damn it, Carson! You know it was me in there! Quit being such a jerk!
Chris Carson: All right, all right. You got me, okay? Can you blame me? I just couldn't wait to run your nose in it that you're gonna have to stand there and do nothing when I beat the shit out of your great "protector", Casanova.
Julia just mutters to herself as she dries off.
Julia: I'm not going to have to do anything, Carson. I'm going to enjoy every minute of watching Casanova destroy you.
Chris Carson: You won't get alimony if he kills me.
Julia: I'll MANAGE.
Carson just grins to himself, tapping ash out into the toilet.
Chris Carson: So? Where's Junior? I wanted to wish him a Merry Christmas.
Julia starts to grin warmly to herself.
Julia: Ah, you'd have to ask Casanova that. He's babysitting Junior for me. Since I had to get ready to look nice for the shark cage, I asked him to take GOOD care of him.
Carson's eyes widen, and he just about catches his hand around Julia's throat, but stops barely short.
Chris Carson: You did WHAT?! With HIM?! Are you nuts?!
Julia: Like I trust you more than I trust him. Now, you better go find your son. I have to get myself prettied up.
Carson just sneers to himself, dropping everything onto the floor. He curses to himself and storms off, suddenly shouting out for Junior, while Julia just laughs to herself and walks back into the shower, tossing the towel off before anyone can see her cans...
"I Saw Your Mommy" by Suicidal Tendencies plays on the speakers and the lights dim, with a single spotlight shining towards the entranceway, leading Zero out from the backstage area. He's wearing his usual black wrestling attire, combined with his black and white luchadore mask. The sounds of his song continues to bolster throughout the area, leading him towards the ring, which he hops onto. Hopping over the top rope, he officially enters the ring, where he pays no attention to the crowd, but sets himself up for his match.
Lex Robinson: Welcome everybody to Chicago, Illinois, the site of Christmas at Stevie’s, which, as you might have guessed, is being held in Stevie Swing’s front yard.
Steve Hebert: For being a Jew, the dyke knows how to put on a show!
Lex Robinson: We’re kicking off tonight with the finals of the Tag Wars tournament, a triple threat tag team match featuring four participants in tonight’s main event match, as well as exciting newcomer Steven Jones and his partner Zero, who is already in the ring.
Steve Hebert: That’s one dirty Mexican, Lex.
Lex Robinson: That he is.
The lights around the ring die down. Spotlights crisscross through the crowd, who rises up in anticipation. The sound of a lead guitar strumming back and forth queues up over the PA system and the main guitar riffs to "Out Of My Way" by Seether play, as the words "Out of my Way!!!" explode over the P.A. system. Steven Jones walks out, standing atop of the ramp, as the crowd explodes in cheers and salutes their hero. Jones stands on the rampway with his arms outstretched, taking in all the crowd as it gets him pumped up. "Out of my.... WAY!!!!!!" is heard one last time, as Jones starts to walk down the rampway in rhythm as the lyrics kick in.
"I can’t pass up this opportunity to make myself absurd,
I can’t pass up this opportunity to let myself be heard.
Would you, like to, be the one who sees me lose this all,
Would you, like to, be the one who sees me fall.
Nobody’s gonna stand in my way
Give it up son, I’m doin’ this my way
Nobody’s gonna stand in my way
Give it up son, I’m doin’ this my way
You like to think the worst is over now, but you cant breathe at all
You like to think you’re owed a favor now, man you’ve seen it all
Did you, want to, be the one who pushed me off the wall,
Did you, want to, be the one who let me fall."
Steven Jones slides through the ropes and runs to one side of the ring and raises his fist, getting a loud cheer. He then runs to the other side of the ring, getting another cheer from the arena. He walks to the turnbuckle as the crowd gets louder. He raises up his fist.
"Nobody’s gonna stand in my way
Give it up son, I’m doin’ this my way
Nobody’s gonna stand in my way
Give it up son, I’m doin’ this my way
You can’t hold me down..
You can’t hold me down..
You can’t hold me down..
You can’t hold me down.."
Steven Jones gets off the turnbuckles and hits the opposite Turnbuckle, as the crowd reaction is the same as he raises his fist.
"I can’t pass up this opportunity to make myself absurd,
I can’t pass up this opportunity to let myself be heard.
Would you, like to, be the one who sees me lose this all,
Would you, like to, be the one who sees me fall.
Nobody’s gonna stand in my way
Give it up, I’m doin’ this my way
Nobody’s gonna stand in my way
Give it up, I’m doin’ this my way
Out of my way"
Steven Jones then jumps off the turnbuckle and starts to pace around the ring, as his music fades and the lights return to normal.
Steve Hebert: Sebastian York may be a huge fag, but he raised a good question: Who the fuck is Steven Jones?
Lex Robinson: He’s new, Steve, but he looks to be an exciting addition to the Sin Roster.
Steve Hebert: He’s new?
Lex Robinson: That he is.
Steve Hebert: He hasn’t earned the twenty minute entrance, Lex.
All My Life I been searching for something...
Something never comes, never leads to nothing...
Nothing satisfies, but I'm gettin close...
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope
The words MADE FOR TV appear on the screen as the lights in the arena slowly began to dim and "All My Life" by the Foo Fighters progresses on. An array of baby blue lasers shoot into various directions, moving about, in time with the rhythm of the music.
As the song drops in, explosions go off, as Sebastian York makes his way to the top of the ramp, rocking out to the music. He hops up and down atop the ramp before bursting into a full sprint towards the ring.
Sliding into the ring, he pops up onto his feet and lifts both of his hands into the air, drawing a huge pop from the crowd as pyro shoots into the air from the each corner. As the pyro display dies down, Sebastian nods to the referee and waits for his match to begin.
Lex Robinson: And here’s Sebastian York, who has an opportunity to make a clean sweep tonight. He could win the Tag Trophies, the TV Title, and the World Title if everything goes his way.
Steve Hebert: That’s nothing compared to Stevie Swing last year, Lex. He could have won the Impulse, TV, and World Titles.
Lex Robinson: But she lost every match.
Steve Hebert: She was on her period, Lex. She has a strong flow.
Red pyro explodes in the form of two fiery upward torrents from the stage, as Theory Of A Dead Man's "Invisible Man" charges onto the speakers. However, instead of Chris Carson, rabid fans, numbering triple-digits easily, stampede from the entrance and surround the ring, just about all of them making the ring quake as they stomp to the tempo.
I always know where you are
You never know where I am
You got me sneaking around
Like the invisible man
Carson comes out onto the ramp in mid-chorus, barebacked and oiled up, wrestling tights sharp in a fire-red/ice-blue design. The crowd around the ring, and in the stands as well, respond to Carson's double middle-finger salute with a roar.
You'll never know where I've gone
You've gone and done it again
You've got me sneaking around
Like the invisible man
Another pyro explosion, and Carson starts shoving his way towards the ring, not acknowledging the support he gets from his supporters yet. He climbs the stairs and turnbuckle, posing in front of the the audience and the crowd of "Creepheads" and letting out an intense roar. He turns to the referee and stares a hole through him, then at his opponent, as the tidal wave of supporters retreats backstage.
Lex Robinson: And there’s The Creep. His newfound swell of popularity is certainly surprising, considering his generally anti-woman stance.
Steve Hebert: Fuck women, Lex. They’re fucking evil, and God forbid you’re around one with a Dracula hole.
Lex Robinson: A Dracula hole?
Steve Hebert: A bleeding cunt that preys on men, sucks them dry, and leaves them for dead. Dracula hole.
The silent crowd gazes in awe as a giant, heart beating globe of Earth slowly descends from above. In horror, the people watch as the Earth begins to bleed. When the Earth finishes its descent and reaches the surface of the stage, Chris Extreme's voice is heard shouting from within Earth's core.
The Earth explodes into smithereens and "Sonne" by Rammstein blasts over the speakers. Bloody, flaming pieces of the planet fly in the air and land on the closest people in the crowd. From within the wreckage of Earth stands "Lord Nazi" Chris Extreme in his white boxers and white socks.
To a roar of hateful boos, "Lord Nazi" swaggers arrogantly down to the ring. Seeing different people in the crowd, he taunts them with racial slurs and sacrilegious blasphemies. On numerous occasions, "Lord Nazi" points to himself, gloating and power tripping. At ringside, he threatens more fans in the front row by spitting in their faces, swearing that he will kill each and every one of them, but they oddly still cheer for him.
Walking up the steel steps, "Lord Nazi" walks into the ring, ready to start his match.
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme finds himself in an interesting position tonight, finding himself teaming with, of all people, Stevie Swing in both tonight’s opening contest and the main event.
Steve Hebert: It’ll be alright. They’re kindred spirits.
Lex Robinson: Stevie Swing is a Jew, Steve.
Steve Hebert: What, and because Chris Extreme is a Nazi, he has a problem with Stevie’s ethnic heritage? It’s 2009, Lex: Move on. Lex Robinson: Well...
The arena plunges into complete darkness, sending the fans at ringside into a total frenzy. Some flip open their cell phones, others hold their lighters up, all trying to get a glimpse of what’s going on. After about a minute of total black, Rihanna’s “Disturbia” begins to blare through the house speakers, accompanied by a deep red strobe light.
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be- dum bum
What’s wrong with me?
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be- dum bum
Why do I feel like this?
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be- dum bum
I’m going crazy now.
The arena goes dark again, and the fans continue to go crazy, only now their response is overwhelmingly negative. A spotlight shines onto the ramp, revealing the now famous pink glass and tissue paper vagina with its familiar silhouette.
The music kicks on again, and the spotlight is replaced by the deep red strobe from before. Stevie Swing bursts through the vagina, Sin Wrestling World Title draped on her shoulder, as Rihanna sings and the fans boo and throw their garbage at the champ. The Ironwoman of Sin Wrestling pays them no attention, strutting down to the ring in her moon boots and ring jacket.
Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gon' play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
Your mind's in Disturbia, it's like the darkness is light
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia.
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia.
Stevie slides into the ring, popping up onto her knees at the center of it. While the crowd continues to boo at a deafening level, the champion places her title at the center of the ring and stands, disrobing, revealing her attire—red bellbottom wrestling tights and a spandex halter top to match.
She dances over her title, in a jerky style that befits her theme music, as fireworks go off behind her. When the song dies and the lights return to normal, Stevie paces the ring, waiting for the match to get underway.
Lex Robinson: And there’s Stevie Swing. She’s got to be worried tonight, Steve, with no less than seven people looking to take her title tonight, there are four people in the ring at this very minute who would like nothing more than to humble her in front of her own home.
Steve Hebert: And don’t forget Chris Extreme, Lex. He fucking hates Jews.
Lex Robinson facepalms as the referee checks the competitors for illegal weapons. He hands Stevie Swing’s Sin Wrestling World Championship to the timekeeper.
Lex Robinson: It looks like it’ll be Stevie Swing kicking off tonight’s show with Zero, who helped Stevie defend her title against Sebastian York a few weeks ago. The rules of this match are simple: The competitors in the ring can tag in whoever they want, and the first team to make the pinfall wins.
Steve Hebert: Stevie Swing in six moves.
Lex Robinson: The referee calls for the bell, and we’re underway. Stevie and Zero circle each other, the Mexican superstar talking to the World Champion. Zero uncharacteristically extends his hand to the champion, maybe to solidify the alliance from Swing’s match with York, but the Champion replies with a slap to the face!
Steve Hebert: She’s going to have to wash the grease off in the back, Lex.
Lex Robinson: Zero looks to respond with a slap of his own, but the champion ducks! Zero turns around and gets a kick in the midsection! Stevie sets her doubled over opponent up for a piledriver, but Zero flips her over with a back body drop! Stevie lands on her feet though and runs at the ropes. Using the ropes as a springboard, Stevie leaps back at Zero, catching him with a hurricanrana, but Zero is too strong and pulls Stevie upward before dropping her with a massive powerbomb!
Steve Hebert: Holy shit!
Lex Robinson: Instead of going for the pin, Zero is climbing the turnbuckles! He looks down at Stevie before leaping off with a beautiful 450 double knee strike—but Stevie moves!
Steve Hebert: The champ is too smart for that kind of crap, Lex. She scrambles to her feet, sets, and drills Zero in the face with a stiff buzzsaw kick! She goes for a cover...
...1...2...
However, Zero kicks out at two!
Lex Robinson: Not quite.
Stevie picks Zero up and deposits him in Sebastian York and Chris Carson’s corner. York looks like he wants to attack Stevie, but he holds off to see what she does. Stevie goes to tag in Chris Carson, but Carson refuses, looking wholly uninterested in taking on Zero.
Steve Hebert: That faggot, Sebastian York, sticks out his woman hand for the tag, but Stevie Swing is awesome and spits in York’s fag face!
Lex Robinson: Jesus, you're awful.
Steve Hebert: Hell no, dummy, that's Chris Extreme.
Stevie Swing whips Zero into the corner and follows him in with a clothesline.
Steve Hebert: York tries to get into the ring to respond to Stevie, but the referee owns his ass and makes him stay in his corner. This allows Stevie to choke Zero with her moon boots; a wise fashion choice if ever there was one.
Showing quick wits, Stevie makes the tag to Chris Extreme, who steps between the ropes and drills Zero with a closed fist. while Stevie does the same. Extreme does it again, and it looks like the two are competing to see who can hit Zero the hardest.
Steve Hebert: Really, this is to Chris Extreme’s advantage. He’s in a handicap match with Zero, Uno, and some other fag later tonight, and killing Zero now would at least even the odds.
Lex Robinson: Extreme gets one more punch in on Zero, and blood starts trickling from under his mask!
Steve Hebert: Zero has a vagina on his face!
The referee ejects Stevie from the ring, but not before she can get another shot in for good measure. The referee separates Extreme from Zero, but Zero charges forward...
Steve Hebert: "Lord Nazi" ducks Zero’s feeble, Mexican attack and drills him with a Nazi German Suplex! He hangs on for the cover...!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: But Zero kicks out, in honor of Che Guevara!
Lex Robinson: Extreme looks to be tired of Zero, and he tags in Sebastian York, who has his sights set on Stevie Swing at the other end of the ring. Zero struggles to his feet, blood dripping down the mouth hole of his mask, exhausted, and York is right on him!
Steve Hebert: That sounds dirty!
Lex Robinson: I didn't mean it. I swear!
In the meantime, York whips Zero into the ropes. The masked Mexican bounces off them and runs right into a spinning heel kick from York, who looks very proud of himself. York kicks at Zero, who rolls over to Stevie Swing and Chris Extreme’s corner. Zero reaches out and slaps Stevie Swing’s leg, and the World Champ doesn’t look happy.
Lex Robinson: Pissed, Stevie Swing gets into the ring, running her mouth about York the whole time. The two tie-up in the middle of the ring, but York has the strength advantage and shoves Stevie into the ropes. She charges back and York goes for a clothesline, but Stevie baseball-slides between Sebastian York’s legs! She gets back to her feet and jumps onto York’s shoulders, rolling forward with a victory roll!
The referee counts...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Hell no...!
...
LeX Robinson: York rolls through -- with a cover of his own! The referee counts again, this time in favor of Sebastian!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Stevie breaks the count, and then springs forward, tagging in Steven Jones! I can’t blame her, either -- York’s balls were all up in her face.
Lex Robinson: Nevertheless, Steven Jones looks happy to finally be involved in the match. He sizes York up, getting his first look at main event competition here in Sin.
Steve Hebert: York’s in the main event now? How far we have fallen.
Lex Robinson: Wasting no time, York charges at Steven Jones, who sidesteps and takes out York’s legs with a sweeping strike. York lands flat on his back--...
Steve Hebert: A place he should be accustomed to.
Lex Robinson: ... and Jones goes for an elbow drop, but York rolls out of the way!
After this, York goes for an elbow of his own, but Jones rolls out of the way, now. The two men get to their feet and tie up at the center of the ring, jockeying for position. Jones kicks York in the back of the knee, giving him enough leverage to force York down into a double underhook…and there’s a backbreaker!
Steve Hebert: Jones goes for the cover...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: No! He kicks out!
Moments later, Jones lifts York to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Before York knows what’s happened to him, Jones has him in the air and sends him crashing to the mat with what he calls the End of the Line.
LeX Robinson: "The End of the Line"! Jones gets up and runs at the ropes, going for a springboard moonsault, which he calls The Great Depression... but York has his knees up!
Steve Hebert: Sebby gets up, locks Steven Jones up before dropping him with a DDT. He goes for the cover...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: ...but even his perfectly frosted hair isn’t enough to give him the win!
Upset, York looks to complain to the referee, but he goes over to his corner and tags in Chris Carson, instead.
Lex Robinson: Carson looks at York with extreme disgust, but he climbs into the ring. He walks right past Steven Jones though, straight to Swing and Extreme’s corner, and tags in the World Champion!
Steve Hebert: Carson is a coward, Lex. He doesn’t want to fight this emo fag, so he’s going to get a woman to fight his battles.
Lex Robinson: He’s got a lot on his mind, Steve. Casanova has pretty much abducted his child!
Steve Hebert: So, when a gay does it, it’s “adoption,” but when a vampire does it, it’s “abduction?”
Lex Robinson: It’s abduction because that’s what it is, Steve. Now back to the match. Swing is stalking Jones though, and that’s what we need to pay attention to. Steven Jones is starting to get to his feet, but Stevie chops him down with a sharp kick to the chest. Jones tries again, but Stevie kicks again, this time at his head.
Steve Hebert: Good! Knock him out!
Lex Robinson: Jones tries for a third time, but he anticipates the kick, catches Stevie, and brings her down with a legwhip! Jones still has control of Stevie’s leg, and now he has her in a death lock!
Steve Hebert: Stevie cries out, but I can’t tell if it’s in pain or because she’s orgasming. Possibly both!
Steve Hebert: She grabs the ropes, and the referee calls for the hold to be broken, but Jones ignores him. Stevie uses her free leg to kick Jones in the face, and her other leg comes free. She gets to her feet and runs at Jones, but he ducks out of her way like a gang of cool kids was coming to beat his emo ass. He follows Stevie Swing into the corner and hits her right in her Jew nose with a high knee!
Jones goes for the running bulldog, but Stevie hurls Jones halfway across the ring! She runs, jumps over Jones, and hits a moonsault! Standing up. Stevie goes for a standing shooting star press... and connects!
Lex Robinson: "Time Warp" tonight! The cover is made...
Steve Hebert: She's hooking the leg, too!
...1...2...
Before the ref can count to three, Sebastian York comes out of nowhere and hits Stevie in the mouth with his boot, breaking up the pinfall!
Steve Hebert: Why that stupid fag cares about the Tag Trophies, I’ll never know.
Lex Robinson: Jones uses the distraction to punch Stevie in the mouth a few times, wriggling away from her. He makes the tag to Zero, and Swing makes one to Extreme!
Steve Hebert: Zero runs at Chris Extreme, but "Lord Nazi" kicks him in the gut, yanks down his boxers, and hits a Cock Factor! Yes! It's over!
LeX Robinson: What's even worse is the stains in Zero's underpants!
Steve Hebert: Disgusting... but it's going to be over!
Lex Robinson: ....Wait... wait...! Stevie Swing makes the blind tag, slapping Chris on the shoulder, and climbs the turnbuckles. She leaps off…and hits the Five Star of David! She hooks the leg...!
...
Before the referee can start counting, Extreme pulls Stevie off!
Steve Hebert: Damnit, Chris Extreme, wake up! You had the match won, dummy!
Lex Robinson: They're arguing! Chris and his partner, Stevie Swing, are arguing over Zero's prone body!
Steve Hebert: The two should shut the fuck up and pin him. I’ve got better things to do here tonight.
Lex Robinson: Like what?
Steve Hebert: Start a fight with the tuba playing cripple outside of Grant Park.
Lex Robinson: Well, they’re not done arguing, Steve, but here comes Sebastian York! He charges at his two opponents and clotheslines them out of the ring! York waits for the two of them to get up before slinging himself over the ropes, taking both Extreme and Swing to the floor!
Steve Hebert: And there goes that emo fag, cannonballing onto the pile! It’s a total clusterfuck at ringside, and poor Stevie is awash in a sea of balls!
Lex Robinson: Zero is up to his feet after taking the Cock Factor and the Five Star of David, but he turns around right into a boot from Chris Carson—THE C.C. BOMB! "The Creep" hooks Zero's leg...
The count is made...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: One... two...
Steven Jones is unavailable to save Zero...
...3...!
Lex Robinson: Three! Chris Carson did it; he and York have the Tag Team Trophies!
Steve Hebert: Ugghhhhh...
Chris Carson stands up, looking worried, not really caring for the Trophy which is handed to him. Sebastian York, on the other hand, looks much more excited, thinking that this is the first piece of glory for him tonight. Rolling inside, he graciously accepts his trophy, holds it in the air and gets a loud cheer from the fans, who appreciate his effort.
Steve Hebert: Sickening.
LeX Robinson: Oh, c'mon, you've seen worse.
Partners for later tonight, Chris Extreme and Stevie Swing, continuing bickering all the way to the back. Steven Jones, meanwhile, shakes his head and rolls Zero out of the ring. Accepting his defeat, he shakes both Chris Carson's and Sebastian York's hand and exits to the back, also getting a decent reaction.
Steve Hebert: Sportmanship... pluh!
Chris Carson soon returns to the back, wanting to get his son away from Casanova; whereas Sebastian York remains in the ring, continuing to celebrate.
Winner: Sebastian York/Chris Carson
Morgana: Meh. Mine's better.
Calmly entering the locker-room and catering area, which has been provided by Stevie, she sits on a bench and rests, getting herself prepared for tonight's main event. In contrast, with the other participants in the match, sans Mike Phantasy, she will be the only person who won't be pulling double-duty tonight, which should fit her well. Nevertheless, she must remain in tip-top shape and be ready at all expenses.
Before anything can happen, she goes into a coughing fit.
Morgana: Ugh... I feel like shit. Cold and flu season is awful.
She pulls out a bottle of cough medicine from her pink purse and takes some. Laying it on a table next to her, she leans back, wanting to take a nap.
Morgana: Eh, I've got time to kill, why not? I will celebrate my two year anniversary in Sin Wrestling my taking a nice rest. I deserve it, right? I mean... I am sick.
She looks around, seeing no one.
Morgana: Who the hell am I talking to?
Shrugging, she crosses her arms and leans back, resting her head against the wall.
...Zzzz...
A few seconds pass and a large shadow engulfs her. She begins talking in her sleep.
Morgana: "Our arrows will blot out the sun!" Then we shall fight in the shade!
Ironically, the shadow thats on her blocks out the sun. On top of this, it also awakens her, causing her to be startled. Unfortunately, nothing can prepare her for the image in front of her.
Booger: Hi.
The deceased Booger stands in front of her, sickly pale and eating a cheeseburger.
Morgana: Holy crap! Booger! I... I... wait, aren't you dead?
Looking glum, Booger nods.
Booger: I am. Luckily, instead of going to hell, I am stuck in purgatory, eating a cheeseburger for a lifetime. It's not so bad.
Morgana: Mmmm. Shouldn't you be haunting a local Burger King or something?
Booger: Nope. I've come to warn you that tonight, you'll be visited by three other ghosts. One from the past, present and future... so, uh, be on the lookout.
Booger begins fading away, but Morgana yells out to him.
Morgana: Wait!
Booger: What?
Morgana: Are you kidding me?! Ghosts don't exist!
Booger: Oh, really? Then how do you explain my presence?
Morgana: ...Too much cough medicine. I hate the winter time... and colds.
Looking to her right, she sees the bottle of Robitussin she took to suppress her cough and then looks to Booger. However, he is gone.
Morgana: Oh, what the shit?
Fade out.
Lex Robinson: It's money time! We've got the $25000 match coming up!
Steve Hebert: You ever wonder where Corey Page got that much money to throw in one match?
Lex Robinson: By writing bad checks to Shane Donovan for his entire SW run. Here comes our first competitor now!
There's the sound of a lone saxophone resonating through the sound system, as Felix Fliehr steps into the room, twirling with his arms outstretched as Pink Floyd's "Shine on You Crazy Diamond" plays. He then slides into the ring, before spinning a final time.
Steve Hebert: This kind of thing is why we need a Wellness Policy.
Lex Robinson: They'd probably nail you for vicodin and roofies.
Steve Hebert: Roofies? Has your wife been switching glasses on me?
"American Nightmare" begins playing, and the crowd gathered begins booing loudly as Hell's Keeper makes his way into the room. The boos are replaced by chuckles as the towering figure clonks his head on a low doorway, coming into the room, and in response to the crowd's amusement, promptly smacks a few fans around, and chokeslams one through a window and out of the house.
Steve Hebert: Sweet Jesus. Stevie Swing will make him pay for that broken window.
Lex Robinson: Make him? I don't think anyone makes Hell's Keeper do much of anything, other than whatever he wants, whenever he wants.
Hell's Keeper slides into the ring, staring a hole through Felix Fliehr, as the music fades.
Steve Hebert: Well, now that the legitimate competitors are here, I suppose it's time for the old bag to make his entrance...
Lex Robinson: That's no way to talk about a legend, Steve! You screw my wife, fine. But insulting Xander Gates? This is where I draw the line!
"Death March," by Black Label Society hits the speakers, and the crowd in the room goes nuts, as Xander Gates appears in the doorway into the room, complete with robe and hood over his head. He tosses the hood back, as the crowd cheers louder, as he makes his way into the ring.
Lex Robinson: See, Steve? You can't respect a legend, but this crowd sure can.
Steve Hebert: I don't understand these people.
The bell rings, but the three competitors pause for a moment, as an official opens a briefcase on the announce table, exposing the thousands of dollars. The three stare at it for a moment, before the briefcase is closed.
Lex Robinson: Get your hands away from there, Steve.
Steve Hebert: D'awww.
The trio explodes into motion as Hell's Keeper makes a sudden lunge for Xander Gates, apparently having sized him up as his best competition in this match. Unfortunately for him, though, Fliehr and Gates both charge at Keeper in turn, and batter the giant back, first with a clothesline from Gates, then a high leg lariat from Fliehr!
Lex Robinson: Neither of these men may be a match for Hell's Keeper one on one, but even the giant can't hold up under a barrage of shots from two men!
Steve Hebert: He's huge, though, Lex. They'll start to hurt each other like the dumb little punks that they are, and then Hell's Keeper will crush them, one at a time.
Lex Robinson: It might not take even that long, Steve. Gates goes for another clothesline, looking to send the big man over the ropes to outside the ring, but Keeper catches him with a huge thoat chop, sending the Hall of Famer staggering to the middle of the ring!
As soon as Xander is temporarily stunned, Hell's Keeper ducks a big kick from Felix Fliehr, which hangs him up on the top rope by that leg. Keeper heads to the opposite ropes, and Fliehr can't extricate himself before the giant slams into Fliehr, sending the smaller man not only over the ropes, but a good dozen feet out of the ring as well.
Steve Hebert: Dear god, what a shot! Power like that will have this twisted man climbing to the top of Sin Wrestling in no time!
Lex Robinson: There's a lot more to wrestling than pure power, though. Xander's sizing Keeper up now, while Keeper stares menacingly at Fliehr, who is curled into a painful heap amidst the crowd, where he landed.
Steve Hebert: A chop block? Who wrestles like that?
Lex Robinson: Someone who has to use his brains, not just his size.
Xander Gates drops Hell's Keeper to one knee with the chop, before rocking Keeper back with a huge European uppercut! The big guy still doesn't fall, though, as Xander rears back to the ropes, and throws a hard shoulder into Hell's Keeper!
Steve Hebert: Still nothing. Go back to obscurity, shmuck.
Lex Robinson: How would you fight Hell's Keeper, Steve?
Steve Hebert: I'd tell him you called his mom fat, and then sneak a rollup in while he's using your ribs as toothpicks.
The crowd goes nuts as Xander rears back one more time, looking to finally bring down Hell's Keeper! He goes to the ropes, and tumbles right outside the ring, as Felix Fliehr returns, holding the ropes low to dispatch Gates, and then taking his own shot at the giant with a vaulting shoulderblock from the apron to inside the ring!
Lex Robinson: The crowd isn't happy with how Felix gave Xander the slip, but they're loving that the giant is finally down on the mat! Fliehr with the cover!
...1...
Not...even...close. With a titanic press, Hell's Keeper pushes Fliehr off of him so hard that Fliehr ends up across the ropes in the corner, on his stomach! Xander comes around that side of the apron, and gets his revenge on Fliehr by climbing the ropes, and stepping onto Fliehr to launch a double axehandle across Keeper's forehead!
Lex Robinson: Wow, Hell's Keeper damn near takes Xander's head off as he thwarts the axehandle with a hard right hook to Xander's jaw! Keeper continues the carnage with a big kick to Fliehr's ribs, which bounces him off the ropes in the corner, and right back into the middle of the ring.
Steve Hebert: Felix is holding his ribs in pain, while Hell's Keeper sizes him up. It's gonna get messy.
Lex Robinson: The look on Keeper's eyes says he's thinking the same, Steve. Moving into a wrist lock on Felix, Keeper backs him into the corner, and simply unloads on him, punch after punch.
Steve Hebert: And now moving into shoulder thrusts, Felix isn't gonna have an intact rib by the time this is over.
Lex Robinson: I'd guess not. Keeper yanks him up, and steamrolls out of the corner to drive Felix Fliehr to the mat in the middle of the ring with a devastating powerslam! Keeper with the cover!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: The goth only gets to two!
Lex Robinson: Xander with the save! That might've been the end for Felix right there, he's looking like he's in la-la land.
Steve Hebert: Keeper's getting up, and he looks pissed!
Lex Robinson: Pissed or not, Xander drives him right back down to the mat with a DDT before he can even get off of his knees!
Hell's Keeper looks nigh-unstoppable, however; as he begins to quickly rise again, as if impervious to Xander's best efforts. Xander looks frustrated, but takes to the ropes, leaping from the second rope with a springboard dropkick, which takes Keeper back to the mat.
Lex Robinson: I'd tell Xander to go for a cover, at least put some pressure on the big guy, but he doesn't even have a chance right now, Hell's Keeper is already getting back up!
Felix Fliehr is finally staggering to his feet, and nearly gets run over as Xander charges at the rising Keeper again, cracking him upside the head with a beautiful Shining Wizard! Xander races behind the slumped Keeper, and somehow finds the strength to toss the big man back with a German suplex! He holds it, bridged, as the crowd goes nuts!
Steve Hebert: How the hell?!
Lex Robinson: Who knows! He's bridging it for a pin, and Felix Fliehr sees an opportunity, also throwing himself across Keeper's torso for a cover!
...1...2...
At the last second, the giant breaks free!
Steve Hebert: This time, it's the goth that's kicking out!
Lex Robinson: You better watch your mouth.
Steve Hebert: Yeah, or he'll put a curse on me.
Fliehr and Gates both check with the referee in disbelief that it wasn't a three count, before realizing they were both trying for the cover! They turn to each other, trading blows back and forth!
Steve Hebert: This is the beginning of the end. Without those two on the same page, working over Hell's Keeper, they're already done.
Lex Robinson: He's not the only one in the match, Steve. There are three competitors, and Xander and Felix could lose just as easily with one or the other getting a pin, rather than Hell's Keeper.
Steve Hebert: That's cute, but really...it's the big guy or no one, Lex.
Felix Fliehr takes the quick advantage with an arm drag, but Xander quickly counters by flipping Felix over as well with a fireman's carry.
Lex Robinson: A quick legdrop from the Hall of Famer, and he's locked in an armbar! Felix looks to be in agony...
Hell's Keeper, now fully back to his feet, stomps Xander Gates until he breaks the hold, and then lifts Xander off the ground by his arm, before striking him in the ribs with his free hand, sending Xander crashing back to the mat.
Steve Hebert: And again! And again! There's your legend, Lex, a splattered mess on the mat.
Lex Robinson: Not a good moment for Xander, that's very true. Felix gets to his feet...and he finds himself blasted with a kick to the abdomen, and set into a standing headscissors by Hell's Keeper!
Steve Hebert: Setting up for Hell's Powerbomb, this is the end!
Lex Robinson: Not so fast! Somehow, Xander Gates has crawled over to Hell's Keeper, and begins striking the giant with shots to the lower back!
Hell's Keeper releases Felix Fliehr, before turning his attention to Xander. He whips Xander to the ropes, where he meets the Hall of Famer with a titanic boot, which vaults Xander clear over the ropes and to the floor outside the ring, clearly unconscious.
Steve Hebert: Holy crap. After a shot like that, Xander Gates is going to wake up thinking he's still NEWA champ.
Lex Robinson: Something like that, Xander appears to be done. Felix isn't looking too hot either, as Keeper picks up right where he left off, setting up the Hell's Powerbomb!
Steve Hebert: Hell's Powerbomb! Straight from hell!
Felix Fliehr hits the mat so hard that the house rattles. Hell's Keeper stares at his unconscious opponents for a moment, before slowly making the cover on Felix Fliehr.
...1...2...3!
"American Nightmare" begins playing, as Hell's Keeper is handed the money briefcase by the referee. He snatches it away, before making his exit, all the while glowering menacingly at nearby fans.
Steve Hebert: There's a big angry man with a future!
Lex Robinson: Who knows how far it'll take him, but it's gotten him $25,000 tonight, and left Xander and Felix cratered in his wake. Medics are aiding them now, though, hopefully their injuries aren't too severe.
The final image is that of Hell's Keeper checking the briefcase, looking at the money that's inside. He looks at Felix Fliehr's downed body and then at Xander Gates, who looks very disappointed with the loss. Calmly, he exits the ring and heads to the back, where there's no telling how he'll spend that money.
Winner: Hell's Keeper
Morgana: Where are the f'n tissues?
She goes to the bathroom to look for some tissues to help clear her sinuses, only to hear a sudden, loud knock on the door.
BANG... BANG... BANG...!
Morgana: Jesus, who -- or what -- was that?
Startled, she yanks open the door. She is surprised by whom she sees.
Morgana: Wifey!!!!!!!!~~~
It's Adora... at least it looks like her, if you disregard the pale face, the archaic clothing and the ghastly appearance. At least she has blonde hair!
Morgana: uh... you look so pale... and... see-through.
Morgana pokes at the image of Adora, but her hand passes through her.
Morgana: Holy shit.
Ghost of Christmas Past: I am not your wifey, but it is I, Ador-she-Ra Reed! Long descendent of your friend, Adora, from the 1700s!
Morgana: ...What?
Ador-she-ra snaps her fingers. Suddenly, it's the year 2000. We're at another wrestling show. A "TWW" sign is marked above the entrance, which has Morgana handspringing and backflipping towards the ring.
Morgana: Oh god, no. No! Nooo! This is a nightmare! Get me out of here!
Ador-she-Ra: It is I, the Ghost of Christmas Past, that bring you back in time. Back to Totally Wild Wrestling, where you wrestle a man known as "Iman Sain".
Morgana: Don't remind me. Oh god.
A younger, pink-less Morgana stands in the ring, across from the man known as Iman Sain, an all-out enigma, who she'd battle for the TWW World Title, at the final event in Totally Wild Wrestling history. It's a lumberjack match, which features all the former TWW World Champions, watching to see who'd be the final champ.
Morgana: No! Go away, Iman Sain! Get out of here! You leave her alone and let her win!
Ador-she-Ra: But that isn't what happened, is it?
Morgana: Well...
The ethereal scene shows Morgana being dropped on her head and then being locked into a Straitjacket/Katahajime submission. Seconds later, Morgana is roaring out in pain and is forced to tap.
Morgana: Nooooo!
Ador-she-Ra: You were so young... so innocent; but so naive. You've come along way since then, haven't you?
Morgana: Get me out of here, oh god, this is awful.
The current Morgana can only watch in horror as Iman Sain stands over her, holding the TWW World Championship above his head. At his feet is Morgana, who is bruised, broken and defeated, having learned the essence of failure for the first time in her life.
Morgana: Why did you do this?! Why?!
Ador-she-Ra: To remind you of failure, that's why. To make you remember the old days, when you had passion, and now...
Ador-she-ra snaps her fingers again; this time, we're back to a modern day setting.
Morgana: God, that was awful. Aaachoo...!
Sneezing, Morgana spreads her germs everywhere, noticing that Ador-she-Ra is currently nowhere to be found. Once again, she turns to the bottle of Robitussion that's on the tabletop.
Morgana: Never again.
Finding some tissue, she blows her nose. The night is far from over for her.
Lex Robinson: Now that we have the $25K match out of the way, it seems Corey's broken the bank for us and provided a good holiday spread for our next match…
Steve Hebert: Christmas.
Lex Robinson: Excuse me, Steve?
Steve Hebert: You heard me. That is a Christmas tree. Call it that.
Lex Robinson: Oh, don't go O'Reilly on us, Steve.
Steve Hebert: Stevie must've rubbed off on you! This is the Christmas season; it's absurd to call it anything else.
The lights in the arena die down. Spotlights circle throughout the entire arena. The crowd rises to its feet in anticipation. The sound of a lead guitar strumming back and forth queues up over the PA system and the main guitar riffs to "Out Of My Way" by Seether play, as the words "Out of my Way!!!" explode over the P.A. system.
Steven Jones walks out, standing atop of the ramp, as the crowd explodes in cheers and salutes their hero. Jones stands on the rampway with his arms outstretched, taking in all the crowd as it gets him pumped up. "Out of my.... WAY!!!!!!" is heard one last time, as Jones starts to walk down the rampway in rhythm as the lyrics kick in.
"I can't pass up this opportunity to make myself absurd,
I can't pass up this opportunity to let myself be heard.
Would you, like to, be the one who sees me lose this all,
Would you, like to, be the one who sees me fall.
Nobody's gonna stand in my way
Give it up son, I’m doin' this my way
Nobody's gonna stand in my way
Give it up son, I’m doin' this my way
You like to think the worst is over now, but you can't breathe at all
You like to think you're owed a favor now, man you've seen it all
Did you, want to, be the one who pushed me off the wall,
Did you, want to, be the one who let me fall."
Steven Jones slides through the ropes and runs to one side of the ring and raises his fist, getting a loud cheer. He then runs to the other side of the ring, getting another cheer from the arena. He walks to the turnbuckle as the crowd gets louder. He raises up his fist.
"Nobody's gonna stand in my way
Give it up son, I'm doin' this my way
Nobody's gonna stand in my way
Give it up son, I'm doin' this my way
You can't hold me down..
You can't hold me down..
You can't hold me down..
You can't hold me down.."
Lex Robinson: Jones certainly looks to be ready for his first title match! He's shown some promise lately.
Steve Hebert: Yes, Christmas promise.
Lex Robinson: Shut up already.
Steve Hebert: He showboats too much. Just get on with the match.
Steven Jones gets off the turnbuckles and hits the opposite Turnbuckle, as the crowd reaction is the same as he raises his fist.
"I can't pass up this opportunity to make myself absurd,
I can't pass up this opportunity to let myself be heard.
Would you, like to, be the one who sees me lose this all,
Would you, like to, be the one who sees me fall.
Nobody's gonna stand in my way
Give it up son, I’m doin' this my way
Nobody's gonna stand in my way
Give it up son, I’m doin' this my way
Out of my way"
Steven Jones then jumps off the turnbuckle and starts to pace around the ring, as his music fades and the lights return to normal.
With a buzz from the crowd, "KimDracula" by the Deftones begins to play over the P.A system, with a flash of fireworks sprouting out, as all eyes fixate upon the ramp, landing on Anna Hingis. Dressed in a pair of black, form-fitting, Adidas brand, spandex tennis shorts and a matching sports bra, her hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail and a grin resides on her beautiful face. She looks upon the crowd for only a moment, before making her way down towards the ring.
Lex Robinson: The boos are raining down on Anna, and I can't blame them!
Steve Hebert: Look, Lex, her joining forces with Stevie was the best thing for her. Her, Stevie, and Jay could be what Team Wifey should have been.
Anna rolls inside, under the bottom rope and then backs into her corner to await the start of the match, even turning to sneer once at the crowd.
The piercing techno-beat of Linkin Park's "Faint" blasts over the area's P.A. as fireworks pop off at each side of the stage in one brillant shot. Cameron Blake walks out from behind the curtain and immediately pumps a fist toward the crowd. He then adjusts the elbow pad on his left arm before heading to the ring. with a smirk plastered on his face as he climbs through the ropes, ready to face his opponent.
Lex Robinson: I'll be frank, Steve. I find Blake to be among the favorites here.
Steve Hebert: He's had only one match! I'm definitely not convinced. You need experience to make it big here…
The lights to the "arena" shut off quickly.
Steve Hebert: Dammit, Stevie! Pay the electric bill already!
Lex Robinson: No, this must be the entrance for our last competitor…
Steve Hebert: And the guy with the experience to win!
THE ONLY STAR
THE GREAT DESTROYER
THE MILLENNIUM MAN
THE MESSIANIC FUCKHEAD
TONY F'N MILLENNIA
Darkness -- it is not unlike the darkness accompanying every gothic wrestler's entrance since the beginning of time.
More darkness. Lots and lots of darkness and crying babies/ten year old boys who were pampered by mommy a little too much. It's really scary.
Electronic drum beats explode from speakers all around the arena; it is opening to "The Great Destroyer" by the best source of music on the planet, Nine Inch Nails. Flashing to the beats are several strobe lights surrounding the entryway. They are joined by a spotlight that settles on the entrance itself.
But no one comes.
Suddenly, shouting and screaming can be heard. The live feed cuts to a camera angled out over the audience. From the very back of one of the lower level sections a figure can be seen making its way through the sea of people. As the camera zooms in, it is precisely the man everyone is waiting for, that being Tony Millennia.
Turn it up
Listen to the shit they pump into your head
Filling you with apathy
Hold your breath
Wait until you know the time is right on time
The end is near
Lex Robinson: The guy with experience? Steve, Millennia's a shell of the guy he used to be.
Steve Hebert: What show have you been watching? He has more talent than these greenies combined!
All four opponents glare at each other in the ring, then latch their gazes on the tree. Once the bell rings, they all run to the tree and start to rip open the gifts under it!
Lex Robinson: It's like their first Christmas all over again!
Steve Hebert: You'd think there was an X-Box in there, the way they're going at it.
Cameron Blake opens his gift first to…actually find an X-Box! He looks confused for a moment, then starts to clobber Anna with the box!
Steve Hebert: I swear, I didn't give them that. I would have kept it for myself.
Cameron opts for his punches instead, as he scoops Anna up and slams her back down on the box. He drags her head up by the hair, ready to fire a punch at her, only to get smacked upside the head by Millennia.
Lex Robinson: Tony's unwrapped a Singapore cane in the gifts! He's firing away at Cameron!
Tony's got fire in his eyes as he wails away on Cameron's midsection, but he's smart enough to turn to Steven while he's opening his "gift" and nail him with a shot to keep him out of the way. His shots finally send Cameron to the outside of the ring.
Steve Hebert: Millennia's showing a little more life to him tonight. I like this change in him! He knows how to strike tonight!
Lex Robinson: Speaking of...Steven's got his gift -- a Brunswick bowling ball!
Millennia turns to Jones, but instead of hurling the ball at Millennia, Steven tosses the ball in the air at Tony!
Lex Robinson: Tony's forced to drop his cane to catch the ball...and receives an enzuguri to the side of the head! Genius!
Steve Hebert: He should have thrown the ball instead! What a waste...
Lex Robinson: Jones has the momentum right now. He's got Millennia in a headlock...and nails a side slam right across the X-box! "End of the Line"!
Steve Hebert: So naive, Lex. Way too early to call that!
Lex Robinson: That's quite true...Steven's got Millennia pinned, but he's got to find the Ultraviolence Title first!
Jones looks amongst the scattered paper to find another gift to open, but Anna's back in the conversation, leaping off of the turnbuckle to nail a hurracanrana, sending Jones right into the Christmas tree! The tree doesn’t budge, the base having been bolted to the canvass. Anna stands back up and starts to kick Jones in the stomach, even pausing to pick gifts up and slam them against Jones!
Lex Robinson: Anna's certainly throwing everything but the kitchen sink at Jones!
Steve Hebert: And she's shaking the gifts, Lex! Very smart! A pampered girl like her probably used to do that every Christmas!
Anna walks over to grab the cane and give Jones a few whacks before she starts to pound at the gifts like pinatas, taking a moment to screech at the booing crowd. That leaves her open for Cameron to reenter the ring behind her and hit a Russian legsweep on Anna, her head missing the bowling ball by mere inches!
Lex Robinson: Ooh, that was close! Anna almost got cracked like a nut there!
Steve Hebert: Excuse me?
Lex Robinson: You know, like the Nutcracker S...
Steve Hebert: Leave the jokes to me, Lex. You suck.
Cameron goes to even more work, using his speed to hit two elbow smashes from the second turnbuckle to her back as she turns over. He gets a little greedy, however, and gets a face full of Singapore cane from Millennia when he tries a third!
Steve Hebert: You know...I've never seen Millennia so...likable. I love this new mean streak!
Lex Robinson: He's got a new attitude on life after a long bout of lame-duck wrestling.
Steve Hebert: You call it lame-duck. I call it strategy. Mission accomplished!
Millennia drops his cane and opts for wrestling moves. He hoists Blake up into a reverse suplex position and nails an awkward DDT onto the mat. He tries to hoist Blake back up into a full-nelson position, only for Cameron to duck, allowing Steven to get a flying clothesline across Millennia’s throat!
Lex Robinson: Cameron and Steven are working in tandem now, picking up Millennia and driving him down with a double-tam side-slam!
Steve Hebert: That's all nice and good, but neither can pin Millennia without the title. And that's what Anna's been trying to find all along!
Anna has snuck into the ring and is opening the last unopened box. She jams her hand into the box, knowing it has got to be the title, only to screech in pain! She pulls out the Ultraviolence Title, but also…
Lex Robinson: A fist full of tacks! I guess no one saw that coming.
Steve Hebert: C-C-C-Combo present!
Anna howls as she drops onto her back, holding her hand. The position keeps her in place as Steven surprises her with a standing senton! He tries to go straight into the pin!
...1...
Lex Robinson: One...! No! Cameron smartly drags Steven off of Anna!
Steve Hebert: And the two now start to trade punches in the ring!
Lex Robinson: The intensity's doubled now that the title's been found!
Steven and Cameron grapple in the ring, but Steven gets the upper hand sending Cameron to the ropes. He fires off a superkick, only for Cameron to duck, stall behind Steven, and nail a swinging neckbreaker.
Lex Robinson: Blake now into the pin!
...1...2...!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Millennia yanks Blake off of Steven with a Cobra Clutch hold! And hits a violent suplex after that!
Lex Robinson: Millennia looks to be ready to take advantage of the fallen Blake, but Anna's starting to throw tacks at Millennia! Tony’s forced to shield himself…but that leaves him defenseless! Anna dumps the rest of the tacks on the mat and hits a neckbreaker on Tony—her "TieBreaker" neckbreaker—right on the tacks!
Steve Hebert: Tony's writhing in pain!
Lex Robinson: Anna's got Tony on the mat where she wants him. She's heading to the corner with the tree for her finishing move…
Steve Hebert: Impossible to do. She should have gone to the other corners. It's in the way!
Lex Robinson: She climbs the corner anyways. Anna grabs the tree's top…and slingshots herself over the tree!
Steve Hebert: The Eclipse! She nails her senton across Millennia! Poor guy's gonna be picking tacks out of his back for weeks!
Lex Robinson: Anna into a pin!
The referee counts...
...1...2...!
Lex Robinson: No! Jones breaks the pin!
Steve Hebert: Steffi Graf is going to be pissed!
The crowd cheers as Jones halts the count. Anna slides to her feet and attempts a kick to Jones's stomach, only to have it caught. Jones returns the favor with a boot to Anna's stomach and a double-underhook backbreaker against his knee!
Lex Robinson: Another pin... this time by Steven Jones!
The referee quickly counts again...
...1...2...!
Lex Robinson: No! Anna gets her shoulder up! This is nuts! Tacks and giftwrap everywhere!
Steve Hebert is too busy right now, having grabbed a handful of bubble wrap from the scrum. Lex just gives him a weird look.
Steve Hebert: What? This stuff's addictive.
Jones gives Anna a few more pounds to the face, then manages to give her a quick DDT to plant her on the canvass. He hobbles over to the turnbuckle to climb the ropes…
Lex Robinson: Jones is looking to end this match with a high-risk maneuver, but…what's Tony looking for under the tree?
Jones starts to rock on the top rope, only for Millennia—who still has tacks stuck to his back—pull out a pair of shoes?
Steve Hebert: Golf cleats!
Lex Robinson: Tony throws them at Jones and catches him right in the face! He's down on the mat!
Steve Hebert: Best use of a lame gift, EVER! Lex, is it an insult in Iraq if you throw cleats instead of shoes?
Lex Robinson: You'd have to ask a Muslim, Steve...
Steve Hebert: I thought I was.
With Steven clutching at his face in pain, Millennia drags Jones to his feet. He starts to mouth curses at Jones, while Steven's eyes are shut, trying to shield out the pain and blood.
Steve Hebert: Millennia with a big jumping-kick!
Lex Robinson: Missed! Jones ducks the attempt!
Steve Hebert: What's with all these missed kicks here? Go for the jugular, Tony!
Lex Robinson: Jones gets Tony into a pumphandle position…picks him up and nails a piledriver!
Steve Hebert: No! Tony, get up!
Lex Robinson: Jones with the pin!
Here comes the referee...
...1...2...!
Steve Hebert: Oh god no, he's got it...
Lex Robinson: Wait, no!
Steve Hebert: No no! The ref's waving it off! Anna pulled Tony's foot onto the ropes!
The two competitors lay on the mat, trying to recover. Both are in the perfect spot for Blake, however, as he staggers over to the corner with a sheepish look on his face. He starts to climb the ropes with a sloppy expression.
Lex Robinson: I think Millennia's suplex knocked him silly!
Steve Hebert: I think that was long before the suplex, Lex. Say, maybe the second grade.
Lex Robinson: Blake is climbing the ropes, looking a little unsteady... but flips himself into the air! Shooting Star Press across both competitors!
Steve Hebert: All three men are in the middle of the ring, but where's Anna?!
Lex Robinson: She…she seems to have singled-out Jones. She's…opening the X-Box up... so many cables in that thing.
Steve Hebert: She's using it to tie Jones's ankle to the ringpost! Again, what a smart cheater!
Lex Robinson: You said that, not me. Anna's heading into the ring up the steps, and she’s picking the bowling ball up! But Cameron's back in the corner, resting with his legs wide!
Steve Hebert: All you guys watching this, go get a sandwich! Don't look!
Anna sizes Blake up and rolls the ball, but Blake explodes from the corner!
Lex Robinson: Up in time with a clothesline!
Anna reacts as if her head's been taken off, rolling again to the outside of the ring, leaving Cameron with both Steven and Tony sprawled on the canvas. He looks over at the thumbtacks sprinkled in the corner, then drags Tony to his feet and pulls him over the thumbtacks.
Lex Robinson: Blake's got Tony sized up. He's pulling him up and flipping him over…
Steve Hebert: No! Not on the thumbtacks!
Lex Robinson: Cameron looks a little dizzy, but…oh God! A jumping piledriver to the thumbtacks! Blake may have taken some of the tacks, but Millennia's got them stuck to his head!
Steve Hebert: Oh, the humanity! Tonyyyyy!
Lex Robinson: Blake's about exhausted! Here's a pin, nonetheless, though!
In the meantime, Steven Jones comes to! Right away, he tries to scramble over to stop the pin! Unfortunately, he's still knotted together by the cables, resulting in him tripping and falling!
...1...
Lex Robinson: Steven Jones can't make the save... or can he?!
...2... Lex Robinson: He reaches to undo the cable, but Anna's slapping his hands away from outside the ring!
...
Jones kicks away Anna and tries to get loose!
Steve Hebert: Hell no! It's too late!
...3!
Lex Robinson: And that's it! Your winner of the Hardcore Christmas Match is Cameron Blake! Blake escapes with a hard-fought win to become the new Ultraviolence champion! All thanks to Anna's lack of sportsmanship!
Steve Hebert: Well, of course she lacks it. SportsMANship. Duh. She was the smartest one out there. Too bad she didn't win.
Blake holds his body as he rolls out of the ring, still in stinging pain from the thumbtacks. His arm is lifted, and he cradles his new title carefully as he limps backwards up the ramp. Millennia is out-cold on the mat, blood pouring from his cuts, while Steven is left in the ring, pounding the canvass in frustration. Anna is left pretty beaten, but she manages to get to her feet and retreat, laughing at Steven as he tries to untie himself.
LeX Robinson: If it weren't for Anna Hingis helping Cameron Blake, this match would still be going on!
Steve Hebert: Well, her and Cameron are friends, apparently!
Lex Robinson: That's the type of thing Stevie Swing would do.
Steve Hebert: Good! Maybe some Stevie is rubbing off on her. Speaking of which, that's goddamn hot.
Lex Robinson: Ugh... Steven Jones will have his revenge. You can guarantee that.
After some more frustration, Steven finally gets out of the cable, holding his ankle. He too slides out of the ring and limps to the back, getting cheered on by the fans, while medics try to help Tony to his feet. The Millennium man is helped out of the ring, but eventually shakes off the help, managing to stand on his feet and threaten the medics away. He holds his head as he staggers to the back.
Winner: Cameron Blake
Morgana: This better not be another one of them ghosts!
Still in the resting area, trying to get rid of her sickness, is Morgana. She isn't pleasant; especially after being visited by a couple of ethereal spirits tonight. Was it real? Or was it just something concocted from too much Robitussin? Furthermore, how the hell is the viewer able to see this, too?
Ah, who gives a shit, Morgana is answering her door, yet again.
With her nose splotchy and red, Morgana swings the door open, only to see...
Morgana: Corey Page! What the hell are you doing here?!
This Corey Page is different, though. His hair... is pink. His clothes... also pink. He seems to shimmer in the glowing Christmas lights.
Corgana: Ooooohhhhhh... I am Corgana and I have come to haunt you!
Morgana stands, stern-faced and all.
Morgana: Are you serious?
Corey whispers at her.
Corgana: Shut up, we have a small budget.
Morgana: [confused] What?
Corgana: Ooooohhhh... I am Corgana; and I am the Ghost of Christmas Present!
Morgana: Good. I could go for some Christmas presents right now. I feel like absolute shit.
Corgana: Oooohhhhh... Corgana brings no gifts; Corgana only brings the present, whooo...
With that, the scene changes. Corgana and Morgana seem to be in Stevie Swing's kitchen. The World Champ is making a giant turkey for everyone to serve for Christmas dinner. She begins slicing it up, looking over her shoulder to see if anyone is looking, and pulls out some sort of bottle.
Stevie Swing: This will be the best turkey, ever. I bet Morgana didn't serve anyone turkey. Speaking of which...
She drips the contents of the bottle onto a portion of the turkey.
Stevie Swing: This rat poison will go nicely with Morgana's, Chris Carson's, and Sebastian York's yams. I have to be careful serving to Jay, though. She's my hombre... my pal... my sista from a different mother... she hates Morgana just as much as me!
Stevie's thoughts send her trailing off, making her not realize she is currently holding the boiling turkey plate with her bare fingers. The turkey and the plate go smashing onto the floor, sending the dinner and glass everywhere.
Stevie Swing: Well fuck!
Morgana: Serves you right, Stevie Swing!
Corgana: She can't hear you.
Morgana: Oh right... the entire ghost thing.
Corgana and Morgana watch as Stevie Swing sweeps up the turkey and glass.
Stevie Swing: Well, this is all no good, now! This sucks!
The turkey and glass all go into the garbage. In the meantime, Stevie Swing now turns her attention to her dartboard, which has a picture of Morgana as its target. Flinging darts, Stevie seems to loosen some tension.
Stevie Swing: Die Morgy! You didn't want to rub cunts! That's fine! That's fine with me, indeed, bitch!
A dart goes flying into target-Morgana's right eye.
Morgana: Ow!
Corgana: Ooooohhhhh.... wait, you didn't really get hit.
Morgana: But still! If I were here right now, I'd punch her in the cunt!
Corgana: But this is "right now".
Morgana observes Stevie Swing throwing more darts at the printed off picture.
Morgana: Hmmm... good point. I hope this place burns to the ground.
Corgana: That's later in the night.
Morgana: Huh?
Corgana: Foreshadowing; it's nothing.
Morgana: Well, okay.
Corgana: Whoooo!
...and we return to present day... even though we never left it! Actually, the entire scene just morphs into the catering/resting area, which Morgana was originally in. As Morgy returns, she lets out another big sneeze.
Morgana: Damnit, all of this teleportation is screwing with my sinuses!
...she looks around, there's no one.
Morgana: What the...? Where did Corgana go?
...Furthermore, she's naked in the shower.
Morgana: ...And how did I get here?
Corgana: [whistling in the distance] Fap fap fap...
Morgana: Ugh!
Coughing, Morgana wraps the shower curtain around herself and gets dressed. The scene returns to inside Stevie Swing's house.
Lex Robinson: Looks like we're on to the Television Title match! We're going to be watching on our monitors, this should be...interesting.
Steve Hebert: I still don't know where I stand on Swing. Until I figure that out, I can't confidently say I'll be excited to see his...er, her, underwear.
"All My Life" plays through the sound system, as Sebastian York steps into Stevie Swing's bedroom, glancing around in disgust.
Lex Robinson: I don't know what he's sneering at, it's actually kind of modestly appointed.
Steve Hebert: Like you'd expect a Jewish lesbian to be ostentatious, or something. Still, we've got some framed posters, a bookshelf, plenty of odd possibly-weapon-like items lying around.
"You Can't Stop Me" by Guano Apes begins to play, and Jay walks through the door, stepping into Swing's bedroom.
Lex Robinson: And we've got action even before the bell rings! Sebastian York is wasting no time on avenging his recent loss to Jay!
Steve Hebert: That's no way to treat a lady! He spears her into the wall, and then to the floor with a double-leg takedown! He's gotta be a little more gentle, you can't just go ruining that face to win a wrestling match!
Lex Robinson: I don't think York cares! He yanks Jay's legs back up, and falls back with a slingshot, which launches Jay into the footboard of Swing's bed!
Jay tumbles onto the bed, clutching her forehead. She crawls away from York, toward the head of the bed, before reaching under one of the pillows. She comes up with something in her hand, and spins into a sudden punch at York!
Steve Hebert: Brass knuckles! Stevie must have hid goodies for Jay all through the room!
Lex Robinson: I expect no less from Jay or Stevie. York took the shot hard, he might be knocked out in the middle of the room! Jay goes for a cover!
...1...2...
...NO!
Steve Hebert: I call bullshit! How did York get a shoulder up?!
Lex Robinson: I have no idea, but Jay can't believe it either! York's pretty dazed from the knuckle-assisted punch, but he's slowly rising, to Jay's disbelief!
Steve Hebert: Rearrange his face, Jay! One more time!
Jay stomps Sebastian York a few times, and once he gets to his feet, she throws a hard set of kicks to his midsection. With York hunched over, she rears back, throwing another metal-tinged strike toward York's jaw!
Lex Robinson: He chops her arm away at the last second! York saved himself there, I'm sure he wouldn't get up from another shot like that!
Steve Hebert: He still won't last as long as Jay's still got those knucks!
Perhaps realizing the danger, Sebastian York counters another attempted strike by Jay with a hammerlock, while trying to break Jay's grasp, and take the brass knuckles. Jay arcs back though, springboarding off the footboard of Swing's bed, and backflips over Sebastian York's head!
Lex Robinson: Holy cow, Jay catches a bunch of the overhead light and ceiling fan on the flip! She still lands on her feet, but the moment of hesitation gives York time to throw a hard mule kick behind him, right into Jay's abdomen!
Steve Hebert: York finally sends the knuckles skittering away under the bed by bashing Jay's wrist against the floor. I hope there's more carnage than just that, though.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York just cracked one of the wooden blades from the broken ceiling fan over Jay's head. Is that not carnage enough for you?
Steve Hebert: Nah, but it's kinda funny. York for the cover.
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: One... two...!
Steve Hebert: No! Thank Jesus god.
Jay gets a shoulder up, and when York moves to press his advantage, she staggers him back with stiff kicks to the shoulders and head. The two make their way back to their feet, shaking off the cobwebs.
Lex Robinson: We've got a grapple... York looking to move into a side headlock...but Jay shoves him off and forward, and when he turns back, he's met by Jay's Dead Again Capoeira kick!
Steve Hebert: That's how you knock a bitch out.
Thrown back against Swing's desk, York winces in pain, but promptly reaches behind him, and grabs hold of a small desk lamp, which he whips around at Jay! The lamp glances off the top of her head, which drops her in Stevie's desk chair, pretty well dazed.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York looked like he enjoyed that. Now he's heading over...oh, man, Stevie's not going to like this...
Steve Hebert: Not Stevie's record collection! Classics, I tell you, classics!
Rummaging atop Stevie's dresser, York pulls out a few records, REO Speedwagon and Styx visible, and shakes his head at the selection. He whips them back toward Jay, as they crack on and around her, cutting her on a few good hits.
Lex Robinson: The Carpenters?
Steve Hebert: I have no excuse for that one.
York looks incredulous at the record for a moment, before tossing it wildly toward Jay. He rummages back through the records, before simply shaking his head in dismay, and tipping the entire dresser over, scattering Stevie's music everywhere in pieces.
Steve Hebert: Make him pay for crimes against vinyl, Jay!
Lex Robinson: It looks like she is! While York was distracted, Jay rips a framed Toto poster from the wall behind the desk, and cracks it over Sebastian York's head! York staggers for a moment, as Jay yanks open a desk drawer, and pulls out...what is that?
Jay moves toward York, before attacking with what appears to be pepper spray! At the last second, York throws the broken poster frame back toward Jay, deflecting her spray, as he tackles her into the desk chair, causing her to drop the spray!
Steve Hebert: Pepper spray? Man, Stevie's got this room stocked for Jay!
Lex Robinson: It's only been by the skin of his teeth that Sebastian York has dodged those brass knuckle shots, or this pepper spray. Who knows how much more Swing has waiting for Jay?
Steve Hebert: York's not interested in finding out, he's ripping the drawers out of Swing's desk and bashing Jay over the head with them!
Lex Robinson: A bit heavy-handed compared to York's standard repertoire, but I think he's not taking anymore chances with Jay! He shoves her off the desk chair, and goes for a cover!
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: One... two... kickout!
Steve Hebert: This won't be the first time Jay's proven that she's tougher than Sebastian York.
Lex Robinson: I don't know if that's the case, but if Jay can't turn the tide, who knows how long she can survive in this hardcore environment?
Steve Hebert: My god, what is Sebastian York doing now?
Sebastian shakes his head with Jay's kickout, before yanking her over to Swing's desk, where one drawer remains. He pulls it mostly out, before shoving Jay's head in, and then shoves the drawer shut as hard as possible!
Steve Hebert: Dear god, that's fucking inhumane! Stop the match, ref, that should be illegal!
Lex Robinson: I do think it's very uncharacteristic of Sebastian York, but you wanted cruelty and carnage, you're just getting it from where you didn't expect it!
Jay struggles mightily, but can't overcome York's strength, which has locked her neck vise-like in the drawer! The referee keeps checking on her, looking for a submission, but Jay refuses, even as her strength clearly begins to wane.
Lex Robinson: She's gonna have to tap out, or she'll just be choked out and lose anyway!
Steve Hebert: I don't believe it! This can't be the end!
Reaching for some kind of leverage, Jay pushes against York, and appears to finally get a sense of his position. With the last of her strength, she begins to hammer him in the groin!
Steve Hebert: Yow! My children's children are aching in the testicular appendages.
Lex Robinson: It's perfectly legal...and York finally breaks the lock on the drawer! He curls up, clutching his bruised crotch!
Perhaps sensing York's moment of weakness, or at least getting a second wind, Jay quickly strikes, grabbing York's arm and scissoring the arm and his head with her legs for a triangle hold!
Lex Robinson: This is a dangerous moment for Sebastian York, with her legs working against his arms, his strength is nullified. If he can get her shoulders down or strike her down, he can break it, but it's extremely hard to power your way out of a well-executed triangle hold.
Steve Hebert: Way to overanalyze, Lex. It's a damn nasty hold, and it'll choke your ass out in no time. How's that for a good summary?
Lex Robinson: It works.
Fighting mightily, Sebastian York throws his weight against the footboard of the bed, but to no avail! He gets to his feet, hunched over from Jay's hold, and throws himself toward a nearby wall.
Steve Hebert: They crash through the door to the closet! The hold is still tight, but now they're on the floor of Swing's closet.
Lex Robinson: ...
Steve Hebert: ...I know, I know, everyone in the world is expecting some kind of punch line there. I got nothing. Really.
Lex Robinson: Me neither, too easy.
Steve Hebert: What's that...?
Reaching for anything to use with his free hand, Sebastian York grabs hold of a frame...which contains a pair of Morgana's panties. He bashes it over Jay's head, leaving Jay covered with glass and a random pair of panties across her forehead.
Lex Robinson: ...to be fair, it is a bedroom match, this kind of thing is just about expected.
Steve Hebert: Very true. York can't break the hold though, even with Jay weakened. He's done for, everyone knows it but him.
Lex Robinson: York's fighting to his feet...he's lifted Jay right off of the ground. If he can really do some damage here, he can break free!
Looking like he's fading badly, York staggers to the middle of the bedroom, before leaping, and pushing Jay upward as best as possible.
Lex Robinson: York smashes her into the remains of the ceiling fan and light! And again! Jay's slipping off of him!
Steve Hebert: No!
Lex Robinson: York catches her on his shoulders! MADE 4 TV!
Steve Hebert: Not on the...
Lex Robinson: RIGHT ON THE VINYL, or whatever's left of it! Stevie's dresser is in random pieces, with shattered pieces of records everywhere! Can he do it? York's thrown an arm over Jay for the cover!
1...2...
Steve Hebert: DO IT FOR STYX, JAY!
...3!
Steve Hebert: NO!
Lex Robinson: York does it! Television Champion again, and perhaps even more important to him, he dispatches Jay in one of the biggest of matches between them! Sweet sweet revenge!
Sebastian York sits up slowly, obviously also hurting from the Made 4 TV onto the dresser and records. He manages a smile though, as the referee hands him the Television Title belt, and raises his hand in victory.
Steve Hebert: Jay took him right to the limit, I can't believe he got out of that triangle hold...
Lex Robinson: I don't think that does him justice here, Steve. He came in tonight, and beat Jay down in a room set up for her by Stevie. Sebastian proved tonight that he could pick his game up for a high profile match, and more than anything else, that he wanted this more than Jay did.
Sebastian finally gets to his feet, taking a final look around the decimated bedroom, before smirking at Jay, still unconscious, and walking out with his title belt.
Winner: Sebastian York
Stevie Swing: Here you go...
She goes to hand a glass to Chris Extreme.
Chris Extreme: How much alcohol is in this?
Stevie Swing: ...I don't know... a lot, I guess.
Before Stevie can utter any words, Chris takes the entire jug of eggnog and downs it. Shrugging Stevie bounds for the extra jug, using it for the rest of her teammates. She pours some more into another glass and hands it to Mike Phantasy.
Stevie Swing: Here you go...
Mike Phantasy takes the glass in his hand and rejoices.
Mike Phantasy: This is better than making fun of Tiny Tim.
Right away, Mike begins chugging down the glass of drink.
Stevie Swing: I'm glad he was crippled!
Stevie now turns to Casanova. She picks up another jug of eggnog; this one blood-red.
Stevie Swing: Here you go, Dracula, this one's for you. I added an extra-ingredient, too; if you know what I mean.
Winking at Casanova, she watches as he goes to take a sip.
Stevie Swing: You'll do a good job of deflating "The Creep" for me--- errr... I mean... us. Luckily, I had my period this week, so this should amp you up and get your juices flowing.
The drink is at Casanova's lips. Upon hearing the words of Stevie, he stops, opting to place the glass down on her crystal table.
Stevie Swing: Drink up! That's what everyone does at Christmas time, right? They drink themselves into a stupor! I think...! Listen, I'm not good with this Christmas stuff, but we have to get on the same page for tonight!
This is where Casanova agrees, as he nods his head.
Casanova: You don't have to worry about a thing. First, I cripple "The Creep" and put him in a home, which is where he belongs, that grizzled old fuck. I'll have him bleeding like a slit pig, so he won't even make it to the main event. After that, we take out the other shitfest of a team, leaving us to fight it out.
Stevie Swing: Why yes! That's right!
Casanova: [whispering quietly, but confidently] ...and that's when I'll strike and take each of you motherfuckers out, winning that title for myself.
The three others turn to him, not hearing what he just said.
Mike Phantasy: Huh?
Stevie Swing: Come again.
Chris Extreme: Did you insult Morgcedes?!
Smirking, Casanova calmly nods.
Casanova: Oh, it's nothing. Tonight, we'll destroy Sebastian York, old man Carson, Morgana and Jay. Then we'll piss on them.
Chris Extreme: You stay away from my Morgcedes, count chocula!
A drunken Chris Extreme goes to strike Casanova, but is held back by Stevie Swing.
Stevie Swing: No! We need to stick together!
It doesn't take long for Chris to calm himself. He finally blurts out.
Chris Extreme: But I do like that pissing idea.
Stevie Swing: Goodie! Now, Chris, you run along and beat up some dirty Mexicans and the rest of us will exchange gifts!
Chris Extreme: All right!
Chris goes to walk off, but stops at the last second.
Chris Extreme: Wait a second... gifts? I didn't know about this.
Stevie Swing: Yeah, uh, run along!
Chris Extreme: But... but... I want gifts!
Like a sad puppy, Chris Extreme frowns, but Stevie shoos him off.
Stevie Swing: No, I said, "Go!"
Chris Extreme: Hmph... fine. :(
Annoyed, Chris Extreme runs off, leaving the rest of his partners behind. When they're alone, Stevie Swing speaks up and pulls out two presents, which she hands to Casanova and Mike.
Stevie Swing: All right, what did you get me?!
Casanova and Mike look at each other. Neither of them has brought a present for her. Whoops!
Fade out.
The silent crowd gazes in awe as a giant, heart beating globe of Earth slowly descends from above. In horror, the people watch as the Earth begins to bleed. When the Earth finishes its descent and reaches the surface of the stage, Chris Extreme's voice is heard shouting from within Earth's core.
The Earth explodes into smithereens and "Sonne" by Rammstein blasts over the speakers. Bloody, flaming pieces of the planet fly in the air and land on the closest people in the crowd. From within the wreckage of Earth stands "Something Awful" Chris Extreme in his white boxers and white socks.
To a mixed reaction, Chris Extreme swaggers arrogantly down to the ring, getting a varied reaction from the fans. Coming down, he's confused by the cheers that pour on him, not knowing how he should react.
Chris Extreme slides into the ring, and staggers around, waiting for his opponents.
Steve Hebert: What a fucked-up man.
Lex Robinson: Don't make me sick. He's a monster.
Steve Hebert: And yet, these idiot fans seemingly love him, now! Even after having him mock them, tear into them and wanting to kill him.
Steve Hebert: Did it just start smelling like nachos and enchiladas in here?
Lex Robinson: I don't think Uno and Zero would find that very funny, Steve.
Steve Hebert: I bet Chris Extreme would!
Lex Robinson: Most likely.
The bell rings, and Uno and Zero charge Extreme, beating on him like wild monkeys. Extreme tosses Zero aside and starts punching Uno in the head before shoving him into the corner and stomping in his gut. From behind, Zero jumps on Extreme's back and locks on a sleeperhold, while Uno drives his foot into Extreme's crotch.
Lex Robinson: A kick to Extreme's testicles! Oh no!
Steve Hebert: Those dirty Mexicans! Now, do it again!
Lex Robinson: Uh oh. Agitated by getting kicked in the balls, Extreme retaliates by slinging Zero off his back and sends him crashing into Uno, but Uno catches his smaller brother and throws him back at Extreme, knocking them both down. Following up, Uno jumps up and sandwiches Zero onto Extreme!
Steve Hebert: They're going for a cover!
The referee counts...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Easy kickout! Extreme isn't going to lose to a couple of dumb Mexicans.
Lex Robinson: Those Mexicans aren't going to give up that easily, though.
Uno and Zero stand to their feet, plucking Extreme up with them. They each throw one of his arms over their shoulders, going for a double suplex. They struggle to lift him up, as Extreme stays grounded and turns it into a double-suplex on the both of them!
Lex Robinson: A reversal by Chris Extreme!
Steve Hebert: Those Mexicans drank their own filthy water and fucked things up!
As a result, Extreme starts yelling and cursing at them next, while stomping their heads into oblivion.
Lex Robinson: Extreme has taken over this match... and is yelling at Uno and Zero!
Steve Hebert: About fucking time. I'm just wondering what happened to that mystery partner...
Right on cue, the mystery partner starts walking down to the ring, getting a pop from the crowd. It's a green, mean looking creature...
YOU REALLY ARE A HEEL
YOU'RE AS CUDDLY AS A CACTUS
YOU'RE AS CHARMING AS AN EEL
MR. GRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINCH!
Lex Robinson: Holy Christmas, it's The Grinch!
Steve Hebert: Oh Jesus, it's a furry.
Lex Robinson: No, dummy, it's The Grinch. You know... from the TV show.
Steve Hebert: ...Oh.
Lex Robinson: He's big, green and angry!
The Grinch slides into the ring and marches right up to Extreme and stares eye to eye with him. Extreme shoves The Grinch, and The Grinch shoves him back. They start throwing punches at each other.
Lex Robinson: And here they go!
Steve Hebert: Get him, Grinchy. Kill him with your cold, dead heart.
Lex Robinson: But Chris Extreme has a cold, dead heart, too!
Steve Hebert: Oh shit. Good point.
Uno and Zero stand to their feet, smiling with pleasure at the entrance of their mystery partner. The Grinch is starting to lose the battle of fists, so Uno and Zero break down Extreme from behind with punches and axe handles. Once Extreme is lowered to his knees, The Grinch charges and hits Extreme with a running knee directly in his face.
Steve Hebert: Ah... this is bullshit!
Lex Robinson: Three on one. I don't like Extreme's chances now. Chris struggles to get up, but is gang stomped by Uno, Zero, and The Grinch, as they keep him down and kick him! The Grinch mounts the top rope, and flies off, landing an elbow in Extreme's chest. He covers Extreme, while Uno and Zero watch the count...
Lex Robinson: Here is the count...!
Steve Hebert: Holy crap, they're gonna do it!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Kickout! Extreme could not live with himself if he lost to a green person.
Lex Robinson: Is The Grinch even human?
Steve Hebert: I have no idea!
The crowd starts chanting for Chris Extreme, causing him to get angry with confusion.
Steve Hebert: What the Jesus?!
Lex Robinson: The fans are actually rallying behind Chris Extreme! Holy crap!
Extreme becomes energized, and starts to get up while the trio of Uno, Zero, and The Grinch kick at him. Extreme locks a pair of testicle claws onto both Zero and Uno and then headbutts The Grinch in the crotch!
Steve Hebert: Chris Extreme is fighting back by attacking some cocks! Good idea.
Lex Robinson: He pops Zero with an elbow to the face and clotheslines Uno... and wait a minute...
While The Grinch holds his sore testicles, Extreme removes his erect cock from his boxers. He grabs a hold of The Grinch's head and Cock Factors him in the center of the ring!
Lex Robinson: A Cock Factor to The Grinch! Extreme double clotheslines Uno and Zero down... and covers The Grinch for the pin...!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Uno... Dos...
Sliding into the ring from out of the crowd is Ebenezer Scrooge, cane and all.
Steve Hebert: Tre-- no! What the?!
Lex Robinson: It's Scrooge! He has broken up the count with his cane and is now beating up Extreme with it!
Steve Hebert: Someone call for the bell! Disqualify them all!
Lex Robinson: No way, it's Christmas. Anything goes.
Steve Hebert: Scrooge throws a wad of money at Chris Extreme's face! Wait, no, he's scrambling to get it back, that cheap bastard! Look at him pocket that money!
Outside of the ring is Tiny Tim, cheering on grumpy Scrooge. Scrooge swings his cane at Extreme's head again, only for Extreme to catch it this time. Extreme stands to his feet and yanks the cane away. Scrooge, the old man, cowers back in fear. Showing no mercy, Extreme wraps the cane around Scrooge's neck and starts choking him out.
Lex Robinson: Scrooge cannot breathe! This is awful!
Steve Hebert: Serves the old fart right for not giving me money and almost killing Tiny Tim with his apathy!
Uno and Zero charge Extreme to save Scrooge, but it's too late. Scrooge is lying unconscious in the corner of the ring. Extreme sees Uno and Zero coming, and slides out of the ring to safety. He sets his eyes on Tiny Tim, who is checking on Scrooge. Extreme picks up Tiny Tim, who screams like a little boy.
Lex Robinson: Extreme has Tiny Tim in his arms! What's he going to do here...
Steve Hebert: He's going to molest him!
Lex Robinson: You are sick.
Instead, Extreme slides back into the ring and dances around, playing air guitar with Tiny Tim for his own amusement. Uno and Zero scratch their heads, and prepare to attack.
Lex Robinson: ...He's playing with Tiny Tim, using him as a guitar!
Steve Hebert: Oh, what the fuck?!
Lex Robinson: Wait, no...
Extreme takes his imaginary guitar, aka Tiny Tim, and swings him like a baseball bat into Uno, taking him out. Zero is swatted away next.
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme is using Tiny Tim as a weapon, swinging him like a baseball bat! Tiny Tim is bleeding to death!
Steve Hebert: There goes Zero and Uno. Everyone is down and out, except The Grinch, who has finally recovered from that Cock Factor!
Lex Robinson: And he's standing right behind him!
Extreme turns around and gets a handful of coal thrown into his eyes by The Grinch! This has no effect; Extreme blindly swings Tiny Tim like a bat, knocking out The Grinch!
Steve Hebert: He swung for the fences. Homerun!
Rubbing the coal out of his eyes, Extreme drags Uno and Zero onto The Grinch. He tosses Scrooge and finally Tiny Tim onto the pile of bodies as well.
Lex Robinson: Extreme is mounting the top rope, with a sandwich of five people below him. This doesn't look like it's gonna be pretty...
Steve Hebert: For all of their sake, they should be glad it isn't Booger up there...
Extreme moonsaults off the top rope, landing the Blitzkriegasm on all five of them! The stacked up pile collapses, but Extreme covers as many bodies as he can. The referee counts...
Lex Robinson: This is over...!
The referee counts...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Three! It's over! Chris Extreme has killed Christmas!
Lex Robinson: Well, first it was Santa, and then it was Jesus, now these three... is there really anyone left on Extreme's Christmas hit list?
Steve Hebert: Just wait until next year. He'll find some one.
Suddenly, Santa Claus jumps into the ring, looking like a zombie.
Steve Hebert: Holy shit, speaking of Santa... there he is!
Lex Robinson: Except he looks dead! In fact, one of his arms just fell off!
Steve Hebert: But that doesn't bother Chris Extreme, who rips off Zombie-Santa's beard, steals his sack and stuffs Zero and Uno inside! What a jolly Christmas!
Bleeding from being dead and having his beard ripped off, Santa walks after Chris Extreme, wanting revenge, but Chris Extreme just kicks him over, making him tumble over the group of Christmas characters in the middle of the ring.
Winner: Chris Extreme
Casanova: Hey kiddo, here's some shit for you to play with.
He drops the box with a thump onto a coffee table, which is in front of a couch. On that couch, is little Chris Carson Jr.
Junior: I don't wanna play with your stuff. I wanna see my dad.
Casanova leans back in a chair, lighting a cigarette, which hangs lazily out of the corner of his mouth as he stares at the ceiling, spinning in his chair.
Casanova: Tough shit, Junior. You're gonna play with that shit, or I'm gonna slap you upside the head. Maybe if someone slapped your dad a few times growing up he'd be a little better off today.
Junior: He's gonna be fine today! He's gonna beat you up today, he promised!
Casanova: Sure, kid. Whatever.
Casanova pantomimes shooting himself in the head with an imaginary gun, while continuing to smoke his cigarette. After a bit, little Chris opens the box, which turns out to be full of parts of wrestling figures! The little fellow picks through them excitedly, before remembering that he's supposed to be sulking, and glowers at Casanova.
Casanova: You know, maybe that's where you get that shitty attitude from. I'm not expecting Carson to win anything else tonight. But really, if he doesn't acquit himself at all in our match, I really think we should see about changing your name.
Junior: No, I like my name!
Casanova: Maybe "Cas Junior"? You'd probably dirty the name with those stupid genes from your dad, but at least you'd face a world that wasn't expecting you to be a sorry alcoholic loser, right out of the womb.
Junior: I like my name just like it is.
Casanova: I know, you're already showing you got your dad's smarts.
There are a few more moments of silence, before Chris Jr. begins playing with the wrestling figurine pieces, putting them together into full figures. He gets all of Carson's figure together, before finally speaking up.
Junior: I don't think you have all of the parts for my dad's figure...
Casanova: No?
Junior: No...I got all of his parts together except for one leg. There are two left legs in his parts.
Casanova: Is there a moral to this?
Junior: A moral?
Casanova: Yeah, something like...oh, "All of Carson's fans, and even his son...won't be able to put the Creep back together when I'm done!
Junior: ...I hate you.
Casanova spins in his chair, dragging off his cigarette, while twirling a finger in the air.
Casanova: Put my figure together, numbnuts. God, when's your mother going to get back...?
The scene fades, as Casanova shakes his head in annoyance, staring at the ceiling, while Chris Jr. secretly makes the two-left-legged Chris Carson figure stomp a Casanova figure's head.
The door to the time machine slowly opens, revealing Gaspard wearing a Santa hat, dressed like a 1970's pimp. He is also wearing several dozen gold chains, gold rings and is generally looking very drunk. Heck, he even does a little dance inside of his time machine.
Gaspard: Allo, everybody! Je suis Gaspardmania is runnin' wild! Oui, oui, oui!
Using his right hand, he takes a sip from the bottle of wine in his hand.
Gaspard: I have cum just to wish e'rybody a Murray Christmas and an 'appy New Year! Gaspard lovers all of you!
He takes another swig from his bottle and then gives a thumbs up to the camera. Shutting the door to his machine, it rumbles and soon blasts off, back to the future!
Woke animal feelings in me
Took over my sense and I lost control
I'll taste your blood tonight
Casanova steps out onto the stage, with Chris Carson's ex-wife, Julia, at his side. Together, they walk to the ring, with Julia eyeing the shark cage that has been placed at ringside.
You know I make you wanna run from me baby
But know it's too late you've wasted all your time
Casanova slides into the ring, rolling into a crouch in a corner with a fangy smirk, while Julia is forced into the cage, but not without some shouting and complaining.
Steve Hebert: This is ridiculous! How can Sin Wrestling treat a woman like this?!
Lex Robinson: It's her own fault for getting involved in all of Chris Carson's affairs. This time, there will be no one to throw in the towel or to interrupt "The Creep". This time, that bitch -- and yes, I mean it; she's a bitch -- will be hanging in the air, inside of that cage!
Steve Hebert: But it's just a tiny shark cage!
Lex Robinson: Good. Maybe it'll teach her a lesson.
Steve Hebert: But who will watch over Chris, Jr., that little retarded kid?
Lex Robinson: He'll be fine, in the backstage area. Julia will be hoisted into the air very shortly by several referees and officials. She will stay there until the match is over and one man is declared the winner.
Steve Hebert: Someone has to be bleeding, too.
Lex Robinson: Yup, in order to get the pinfall or submission, you have to make your opponent bleed. It's kind of a modified Bloodbath Match.
Steve Hebert: Casanova sliced "The Creep" open at Illusions; and it'll happen again. Mark my words.
Lex Robinson: Not if "The Creep" and his new spike has a say...
Red pyro explodes in the form of two fiery upward torrents from the stage, as Theory Of A Dead Man's "Invisible Man" charges onto the speakers. However, instead of Chris Carson, rabid fans, numbering triple-digits easily, stampede from the entrance and surround the ring, just about all of them making the ring quake as they stomp to the tempo.
I always know where you are
You never know where I am
You got me sneaking around
Like the invisible man
Carson comes out onto the ramp in mid-chorus, barebacked and oiled up, wrestling tights sharp in a fire-red/ice-blue design. The crowd around the ring, and in the stands as well, respond to Carson's double middle-finger salute with a roar.
You'll never know where I've gone
You've gone and done it again
You've got me sneaking around
Like the invisible man
Another pyro explosion, and Carson starts shoving his way towards the ring, not acknowledging the support he gets from his supporters yet. He climbs the stairs and turnbuckle, posing in front of the the audience and the crowd of "Creepheads" and letting out an intense roar. He turns to teh referee and stares a hole through him, then at his opponent, as the tidal wave of supporters retreats backstage.
Steve Hebert: There's too many shithead fans out of here! Get them out of here! Go on! Shoo!
Lex Robinson: You get your wish, as they are slowly headed to the back. Chris Carson, in the meantime, leans against the corner, almost staring a hole through Casanova. From high above, we can still hear the shrill screams of Carson's ex, Julia. Suffice to say, she is not happy.
Steve Hebert: Who would be? This is retarded.
The staring continues between both men, who are aching for the match to commence. When the referee turns towards the timekeeper, they flinch, just about ready to begin...
Lex Robinson: Here we go, the referee's calling for the bell...!
Ding... ding... ding...!
Lex Robinson: ...and they're off, literally!
As soon as the bell is rung, both men explode across the ring at each other, crashing together in the center of the squared circle, where "The Creep" tackles Casanova, sweeping him off his feets with a double-leg takedown! Remaining on top of Casanova, straddling him, Chris Carson nails a flurry of right-handed punches, with some lefts thrown in for good measure.
Steve Hebert: Aw, crap. "The Creep" is hammering at Casanova! But... wait... Casanova pushes Carson off him. He's atop "The Creep", now, striking him with some forearm shots!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" uses this momentum to swing Casanova overhead with his knees and then roll onto him! Over and over again, he slams his fists off Casanova's skull, grabbing him by the side of the head and then pounding the back of his skull off the mat! What a way to start a match!
Steve Hebert: Match? This ain't no stinkin' match. This is a war!
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson lifts Casanova up... only to nail him with some more punches. He backs Casanova into the ropes, looking for an Irish-whip... but it's reversed! Instead, Casanova with the whip... and he sends Carson overhead with a big backdrop! He's right back on him, though, striking with some more closed-fists!
Steve Hebert: Good! Stay on him, Cas! Nail him with some rights and lefts!
The only option for Carson is to buckle his knees up to his chest and use this to kick Casanova off him. Popping up, he goes to stand, hoping to nail his rival, but is quickly taken back down with a spear from Casanova!
Lex Robinson: Casanova takes "The Creep" back down! He strikes with even more punches, only to be thwarted by Chris Carson, who again pushes him off. Both men get to their feet... and they both send punches at the same time! The fans are on their feet, watching this display! This is an all-our war!
Steve Hebert: In simpler terms, this is a goddamn brawl! Carson nails Casanova with a right-handed punch that knocks him against the ropes. However, the vampire bounces back, nailing "The Creep" with a stunning forearm! Grabbing "The Creep" by the hair, he goes to heave Carson over the top rope...
Lex Robinson: But "The Creep" lands safely on the side of the apron! Errr... well, as safe as possible, that is. Slowly, he gets up, but is once again attacked by the rabid vampire, who has a fiery glow in his eyes.
Steve Hebert: Damn right. Casanova picks "The Creep" up and begins choking him across the top rope!
Using both hands, Casanova holds "The Creep"'s head/neck across the top rope, making him unable to move. With as much effort as possible, with the crowd jeering at him, he tries choking Carson out, which is perfectly legal in this match.
Lex Robinson: These fans are booing at Casanova's attempts.
Steve Hebert: Screw them. At least Casanova has Julia on his side!
Lex Robinson: I've noticed her yelping.
Steve Hebert: See?
Lex Robinson: Leaving Carson on the apron, Casanova nails a forearm and follows that with an elbow. With "The Creep" dazed, Casanova bounces off the furthest set of ropes, hoping to return with a blazing shoulderblock to Carson, knocking him off the apron...
"The Creep" ducks!
Steve Hebert: Agh! No!
Lex Robinson: Well, that didn't turn out good.
Steve Hebert: No shit! Carson ducks and Casanova goes flying all the way out to the floor, landing with a sick thud! That could have broken his back... or worse. Maybe even broken his neck!
Lex Robinson: Remaining on the apron, Chris Carson turns around, waiting for Casanova to rise. Once he's up, Carson leaps off, connecting with a leaping double-axehandle to the back of Casanova's neck, dropping him onto the floor for the second time in a row! Next, he kicks and stomps on Casanova, making sure to trap him against the ring barrier, which has a horde of fans clapping and banging against it!
"The Creep", becoming a little more aggressive, delivers a harsh running-knee to the face of Casanova, smashing him against the steel railing even more!
Lex Robinson: Bam! Knee-to-the-face from Chris Carson!
Steve Hebert: Casanova isn't gonna like that! Neither is Julia.
Lex Robinson: Forcefully hoisting Casanova up, Carson clubs his fists against his opponent's back, definitely wanting to cripple him. He pulls him in with a standing-headscissors... and claws the back of Casanova's back! That may draw blood, actually!
Steve Hebert: Pffft... it doesn't count. A woman could do that.
Lex Robinson: Nice sexism.
Steve Hebert: It's not my fault that women belong in the kitchen, baking me cakes. Screw you, pal.
Lex Robinson: Errr... well, Carson nails another elbow to Casanova's back!
Steve Hebert: Stop trying to change the subject!
Lex Robinson: Casanova remains in the standing-headscissors position... with "The Creep" lifting him up... piledriver on the floor! Under normal circumstances, that would have knocked any regular guy out! However, this is Casanova, so...
Lex Robinson: So, he's right back up, shaking off the damage!
Shaking off the piledriver on the floor, Casanova immediately rises, standing up with Chris Carson. Before "The Creep" can get to a standing base, he is nailed with a knee from his nemesis, which topples him over, catching him completely off-guard! Furthermore, Casanova lifts Carson into the air with a vertical suplex...
Lex Robinson: Casanova lifts Carson into the air...
Steve Hebert: ...and drops him stomach-first across the steel ring railing! Hah! Bring those goddamn ribs! Where's your spike now, "Creep"?!
Lex Robinson: I guess you could say "The Creep" has been spiked across the top of that steel railing. On top of this, Casanova picks up the nearby steel steps, lifting them above his head... and then throws them at Carson, knocking Carson off the railing, pushing him towards the fans in the first several rows!
Steve Hebert: Ouch! Kill him! That had to hurt!
Lex Robinson: He's picking the steps back up, too...
Again, Casanova holds the ring steps in the air, hoping to blast "The Creep" with them. However, just as Carson turns around, he notices this and drops to the ground, just as the steps are flung at him!
Lex Robinson: Oh no!
Steve Hebert: Haha! See? Chris Carson doesn't care about the fans! He just let them get hit with those steps!
Lex Robinson: Those steps that were flung by Casaova took out the first several rows of people! Holy shit!
Steve Hebert: And now they're all dead! At least I hope.
Peering over his left shoulder, Carson looks at the damage the steps caused. Knowing that he can't obsess over this, he jumps to his feet and uses all the strength that he can muster to jump over the ring railing and tackle Casanova!
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson carelessly and recklessly flings his body at Casanova, taking him down! He literally jumped over that railing, bringing Casanova down, now striking him with repeated punches to the skull! You just know that he wants to bust Casanova open, wanting to win this match and rub it in Casanova's face! He has the perfect chance, too... what with Julia locked in that cage up there.
Steve Hebert: Cage... schmage... Casanova can get the job done himself. Case in point: at Illusions.
Lex Robinson: Are you freakin' kidding me?! It was Julia that threw in the towel for "The Creep", this giving Casanova the win!
Steve Hebert: Casanova will just have to smash his face in again, then!
Gnawing on Casanova's forehead flesh, Carson tries desperately to rip him open, wishing to draw blood; but it's no use. Casanova uses his fingers to gouge at "The Creep"'s eyes, temporarily blinding him. The two climb to their feet -- with "The Creep" stumbling around blindly; and Casanova stepping up, only to grab a steel chair from the front row.
Steve Hebert: Casanova isn't a chicken bone, you old, smelly bastard. Luckily, Cas is able to poke out "The Creep"'s eyes.
Lex Robinson: They're not poked out.
Steve Hebert: It sure seemed like it! Nevertheless, Casanova has a chair, now; and he's going to smash it to smithereens across Carson's face...
True to Steve's words, Casanova tries to nail Carson with the chair...
Lex Robinson: Carson ducks! Instead, the chair smashes into the ring apron, ringing it vividly throughout Casanova's fingers and arms! "The Creep" then takes a handful of Casanova's hair... and then bashes him face-first across the chair, which was on the apron!
Steve Hebert: No! You can't miss shots like those!
Lex Robinson: Probably because it ends up in Chris Carson bashing your face off steel and then rolling you back inside, which is exactly what's happening now.
Having rolled Casanova inside, Chris Carson begins searching beneath the ring apron.
Steve Hebert: Oh, look; now "The Creep" is trying to play hide-and-seek. What a dummy.
Lex Robinson: He's not playing hide-and-seek, you moron, he's pulling something out.
Steve Hebert: Oh, my bad.
From beneath the ring, Chris Carson pulls out not one -- but two tables. He takes the first one, sets it up on the floor and then turns back towards the ring. He's about to climb back inside, when Casanova stands back to his feet and connects with a running baseball-slide dropkick to Carson's face!
Steve Hebert: Casanova out of fucking nowhere! Out on the floor again, he grabs "The Creep"'s head and smashes it against the table, whips him against the post and then throws him back into the ring. You show that son of a bitch who's the boss. And I'm not talking about that dirty Italian, Tony Danza, either!
Lex Robinson: Clutching the chair that he had grabbed earlier, Casanova slides inside, following Chris Carson. Opening the chair, he sets it in the middle of the ring, stands Carson up and uses some punches to sit him on it. Wanting to bust him open, Casanova bounces off the ropes and looks to return with that running big-boot that he uses... but Carson is quick on the attack, as well!
As Casanova returns, Chris Carson springs upward, uses his hands to stop the big kick, knees Casanova in the gut and then nails "The C.C. Crash" onto the opened chair, completely buckling it!
Lex Robinson: Casanova has been smashed through that chair! Good god!
Forgetting the stipulations of the match, Carson covers Casanova, hoping for victory.
Steve Hebert: What is that idiot doing? Did he forget the rules of this match?!
Lex Robinson: Casanova isn't bleeding... yet! This won't count!
Alas, the referee reminds "The Creep", tapping him on the shoulder, informing him that he can't make the count.
Steve Hebert: You dummy. The only thing bleeding here is Carson's vagina.
LeX Robinson: Chris is right back on the attack, though. While ignoring the taunts from Julia, he plucks out the buckled chair from beneath Casanova and nails him once more with it before heaving it to the outside. Walking towards the ropes, he calls out for a cheer from the fans...
Steve Hebert: Oh god, he's going to get them, too.
In a scene reminiscient of a former match against Morgana, chairs begin flying out of the seating area.
Lex Robinson: It's raining chairs!
Steve Hebert: Time to duck the fuck down!
Chairs literally fly from every end of the area, covering Casanova; with a few of them even smacking against Julia's cage! Luckily for her, she's trapped safely inside.
Steve Hebert: These fans are lucky Julia is in that cage! If not, she'd go after them and kill them!
Lex Robinson: Yeah, right.
Steve Hebert: I'm serious...
When it seems like every chair in the building has been tossed into the ring, Carson rises from his turtle position in the corner, listening to the grand ovation from the fans.
Steve Hebert: The goddamn right is full of chairs. This is insane!
Lex Robinson: And like a horror movie, Casanova begins stirring from beneath them, having all of them land on top of him! His arm pops out of the mound of chairs and he begins pushing his way to his feet, looking peeved...
Steve Hebert: Grabbing a chair, "The Creep" charges at him...
CRACK!
Steve Hebert: Oh no! Casanova is smashed with a chair, which knocks him into the corner!
Lex Robinson: He falls on his rear-end and goes to rise again...
CRACK!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" blasts him with another chairshot!
CRACK!
Lex Robinson: And another!
CRACK!
Lex Robinson: And another!
Steve Hebert: Oh God, why?!
Lex Robinson: It's official -- Casanova has been busted open! He's now eligible to be pinned!
Lifting Casanova to his feet, "The Creep" connects with some rapid-fire right hand punches, which seems to smudge the blood on Casanova's face. Using it as war paint, Carson marks the blood across his chest, hooks onto Casanova and then sends him flying with a snap-suplex!
Steve Hebert: Casanova is snap-suplexes onto those chairs! Augh! My god!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" instantly goes after him, too. Not for a pinall, but for some stomps! Over and over again, he kicks at Casanova, hoping to bust his forehead open even further! Kicking Casanova in the gut, he pulls him in with another standing-headscissors...
Steve Hebert: But a bloody Casanova backdrops him!
Lex Robinson: Right onto those chairs, too! Ouch! "The Creep" goes to get back up, but Casanova picks up a chair... and heaves it at Carson's skull, leaving it hanging from "The Creep"s head! As if the air slowly drains him him, Carson drops to his knees and collapses onto his face!
Steve Hebert: Haha, good! But more importantly, is he busted open?!
Lex Robinson: Hmmm...
Moving in, Casanova, who is slowly dripping blood, grabs onto Chris Carson's hair and lifts him slightly off the ring of chairs.
Lex Robinson: It doesn't appear he's bleeding. He does look quite dizzy, though.
Steve Hebert: Casanova will remedy that. Just watch.
Forming his hands into fists, Casanova strikes with various left and right handed punches, mixing it up, making sure Carson can't properly block the blows. With the chair still wrapped around his skull, Carson is lifted to his feet... only to have Casanova use all of his strength to throw him back down, his face grinding into the chair!
Steve Hebert: Maybe now he's bleeding?!
Lex Robinson: It still doesn't look like it!
Steve Hebert: Goddamnit.
Lex Robinson: Walking around the ring, Casanova takes some time to recover, slapping some of the dripping blood off his face and giving it a slight taste. Turning around, he watches as Carson wavers to a kneeling position; but he's still not busted open.
Steve Hebert: How disappointing.
Lex Robinson: Walking over to "The Creep", Casanova reaches down his pants...
Steve Hebert: Oh my Jesus, he's going to jerk off onto his face!
Lex Robinson: Uhh...
Alternatively, Casanova pulls out...a fork!
LeX Robinson: He's got a fork!
Steve Hebert: What the hell? He keeps a fork down his pants? [ponders to himself] Then again, he is a vampire; and I guess it could come in handy...
Lex Robinson: Casanova uses the fork to claw into Chris Carson's skull! Now he's busted open!
Steve Hebert: [still rambling] ...but then again, vampires don't even exist... don't they?
Lex Robinson: He has used that fork to draw blood, Steve! Casanova is now repeatedly bashing it against "The Creep"'s skin, letting the blood flow!
Steve Hebert: [asking Lex] ...do vampires exist?
Lex Robinson: Next, Casanova takes that fork... and jabs it into the back of Chris Carson; just like a turkey! Oh shit, he leaves it hanging there! There's blood flowing from several parts of Chris Carson, now!
Steve Hebert: Hmmm... maybe he is a vampire.
Bouncing off the ropes, while Chris Carson is in a kneeling position, Casanova returns by blasting a kick to the side of "The Creep"'s temple! A tiny wave of blood goes flying out of Carson's head, spitting into the front row of the audience!
Steve Hebert: Holy shit, "The Creep" is bleeding!
Lex Robinson: That's what I've been saying!
Secondly, Casanova lifts Chris Carson up and blasts him with another chairshot, using one of the couple hundred chairs that are around the ringside area!
Steve Hebert: Holy shit, "The Creep" has a fork in his back!
Lex Robinson: And that's what I already said!
From high in the sky, Julia cheers Casanova on, laughing at Carson's expense, as she watches Casanova spit in "The Creep"'s face.
Lex Robinson: Ugh... that irks me. Way to add insult to injury.
Steve Hebert: Hey now, that was "The Creep"'s first bath in about 10 years. You should be happy.
Unfortunately, that spitting may have been a bad idea...
Lex Robinson: That show of disrespect from Casanova results in Chris Carson returning the favor with a punch to the jaw!
Steve Hebert: With a fork in his back, no less!
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson is actually fighting back, despite the massive bloodflow! Nailing Casanova with a flurry of punches, this sends Julia into a guffaw, not knowing how to respond to this all-out assault!
Steve Hebert: Well... well... Casanova tries to fire back! ...Sadly, it's in vain, as "The Creep" just kicks him between the legs! Do vampires even have testicles? I don't know; but that had to hurt!
Hunched over and nowhere to turn, Casanova is instantly plucked close to "The Creep", who uses all of his strength to lift him into a powerbomb-position. A second later, Carson drops backward, clothesline Casanova across the top rope, sending him springing back off the ropes, only to snap onto the chairs in the ring!
LeX Robinson: That's one of Carson's special moves! The Guillotine Backdrop! He may have Casanova!
Steve Hebert: Ugh, don't say that!
Lex Robinson: Even with the fork still jabbed into his back, Carson crawls across the ring, pushing some chairs out of the way. He drapes his arm across Casanova's chest.
Steve Hebert: See, now he can cover him. But this is awful!
Despite Julia yelling out in disagreement, the referee drops down and begins his count...
Lex Robinson: Casanova is busted open! This will count...!
...1...
Lex Robinson: One...!
...2...
Lex Robinson: ...two...
...
Lex Robinson: No! Casanova kicks out!
Steve Hebert: Thank Charles Dickens! I nearly had a heart attack.
Lex Robinson: Julia almost had one, too, it seems.
Steve Hebert: Yeah, but I'm more worried about myself. I'm a fat man, Lex!
Lex Robinson: Well, of course.
Slapping his hands off one of the chairs inside of the ring, Chris Carson rises slowly. Reaching into his boot, he pulls out the infamous spike, which he has used on Casanova these past few weeks, much to the joy of the crowd. Julia, on other hand, is quite nonplussed.
Steve Hebert: Chris Carson has pulled out a dildo!
Lex Robinson: No! That's the railroad spike! He's going to spike Casanova with that spike!
Hovering over the vampire like a vulture, Carson grips the spike steadily. Surging in, Carson goes to strike with a stabbing motion, but Casanova side-steps out of the way!
Steve Hebert: Casanova moves the fuck out of the way! Instead, he hooks onto "The Creep" with a waistlock... and German suplexes him across the ring -- and onto the mass pile of chairs!
Lex Robinson: He holds on, too. Still latched on, they roll up, with Casanova looking for another German suplex onto the chairs...! No! Carson with an elbow to the face, but Casanova hangs on. Carson, still clinging onto the spike, uses it to smash into Casanova's sliced-open forehead!
Thanks to this, the cut on Casanova's skull widens, spilling more blood...
Lex Robinson: Unable to lift Carson for the second time, Casanova alternatively plucks the fork out of "The Creep"'s back, letting a gush of blood spill out! Sickening!
Steve Hebert: Yes! That's enough blood to feed Casanova for a year!
Lex Robinson: Each man holds a weapon in his hand... Carson swings around, hoping to smash that spike into Casanova's temple, but Cas ducks!
Steve Hebert: Hooray!
Lex Robinson: In response, Casanova uses the fork to jab into the cut on "The Creep"'s skull!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Good!
Lex Robinson: Wait, no! Chris Carson is returning with some spiked-shots to Casanova's forehead!
Steve Hebert: No! Bad!
Lex Robinson: They're going tit-for-tat, striking each other at the exact same time!
The fork is in Casanova's right hand; and the spike is in Chris Carson's left. Without taking a second to think or breathe, the swat at each other, nailing each other with their instruments of bloodletting, sending blood splattering everywhere!
Lex Robinson: My God...!
Dizzy and losing blood, both men wind up and strike each other one more time.
Steve Hebert: They hit at the same time!
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson goes down...!
...and Casanoca follows after him...
Lex Robinson: Casanova falls onto him!
Steve Hebert: Make the cover!
Lex Robinson: That's what Julia is saying, too!
Julia's witch-like shrieks echo throughout the air, as she demands that the referee make the count. With blood flowing from each man, the referee does his duty...
Steve Hebert: Count, you douche, count!
...1...
Lex Robinson: There's one...
...2...
Lex Robinson: ...two...
...
Lex Robinson: No! Chris Carson pops his shoulder up, much to the joy of everyone in attendance!
Steve Hebert: For fuck's sake!
Lex Robinson: Julia can't believe it! She's holding her hands above her head, while in that shark cage.
Steve Hebert: I can't believe it, either.
With blood spilling down his face and into his mouth, Casanova stands to his feet, losing more energy as the plasma spills. Hovering over "The Creep", he rolls him onto stomach, bends over and then grabs onto both of his wrists. Yanking Carson slightly off the ground, with a minor bend, Casanova places his foot behind his opponent's head, looking to do the same thing he did at Illusions.
Lex Robinson: Uh oh.
Steve Hebert: The last time we saw this, it was white towel time!
Lex Robinson: On the bright side, it won't be happening this time... the white towel, that is.
Steve Hebert: Casanova begins curbstomping Chris Carson's face into the chairs that are in the ring! Holy goddamn, yes! Flatten his head! Turn him into Robert Pattinson! Turn him into a grape! Make him bleed! Kill him! I can't control myself!
Lex Robinson: After about 6 continuous stomps, Casanova finally halts himself, hoping to have Chris Carson completely incapacitated. Bloodstains are all over the chair, as Chris Carson is leaking -- yes, leaking -- all over the place!
Steve Hebert: It's like someone turned on a faucet and forgot to turn it off.
Standing back, Casanova demands the referee to check on "The Creep", wanting him to raise Carson's hands three times, feeling sure that he's unconscious.
Lex Robinson: The referee's checking on "The Creep", now. I don't think he's still "with us", if you know what I mean...
Steve Hebert: Oh, I know. He should be out like a goddamn light.
The referee lifts Carson's right arm once...
Lex Robinson: Is he still in it?
...it drops...
Steve Hebert: Nope! He's out!
Lex Robinson: Listen to the cackling from that vile, evil bitch above, too.
Steve Hebert: Hey! Don't talk about Jesus like that!
The referee lifts Carson's arm for the second time...
Lex Robinson: He checks again...
...it drops...
Steve Hebert: Yes! He's out! I know it!
Lex Robinson: If his arm drops once more, the match is over. Casanova will win; and will also earn a shot at the World Title, if he doesn't become champ tonight, that is.
Steve Hebert: You catch that? Casanova will kill Chris Carson and walk out as the number one contender -- all tonight!
"The Creep"'s hand is lifted for the third and final time...
Steve Hebert: It's gonna drop...
...his hand almost floats down, but at the last second, it stiffens! From there, he pumps his fist up, drawing the crowd behind him, letting them know that he is still conscious!
Lex Robinson: Yes! He's still in this match!
Sitting up, a blood-soaked Chris Carson fights off some stomps and kicks from an angry Casanova, who has a steady stream of blood pouring down his face. However, "The Creep" seemingly laughs these attacks off, deciding to headbutt Casanova in the ground, leaving splotches of blood behind, coupling this with a stiff uppercut to Casanova's jaw.
Lex Robinson: Carson is fighting back!
Steve Hebert: This is nothing but a bunch of awful.
Lex Robinson: Grabbing Casanova by the head, he twirls him around, going back-to-back with him. In this position, he pretends to smoke a stogie, whilst mocking Julia, who screeches in horror at her ex-husband's comeback! He delivers "The C.C. Cracker" onto the chairs!
Instead of covering Casanova, though; "The Creep" slides out of the ring, where he checks beneath the apron, for the second time tonight.
Steve Hebert: He's trying to hide again!
Lex Robinson: ...Yeah, no, he's searching for something.
Steve Hebert: Oh. Well... he pulls out... uh...
Lex Robinson: He has a ladder!
Steve Hebert: A ladder! Oh Jesus, why?!
Lex Robinson: These fans are on their feet, as he slides that ladder underneath the bottom rope, putting it in the ring. Smirking, with blood pouring down his face and out his back, "The Creep" looks like a wildman.
Rolling back inside, re-joining his opponent and the horde of chairs and the ladder, Chris Carson uses the ropes to get back to his feet, the blood loss wearing him down. Grabbing one of the chairs, he holds it close to him, watching as Casanova squirms back to his feet.
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson has a chair -- one of the chairs that he bled out on, as a matter of fact -- and he's measuring Casanova up...
With his back turned, Casanova is unable to protect himself from the roaring chairshot he receives from the blood-stained chair in Chris Carson's hands...!
TWACK!
Steve Hebert: Ugh! That shot sends Casanova reeling against the ropes! Fucking terrible, Lex.
Lex Robinson: Seeing Casanova lay against the ropes, Carson throws the chair away, only to pick up another one!
THWACK!
Lex Robinson: He slams that against Casanova's back, as well! Goddamn!
Steve Hebert: Those shots have to hurt his spine! I mean, they have to! Even vampires have to feel that!
Lex Robinson: Throwing that chair to the floor, he picks up another...
THWACK!
Lex Robinson: Another brutal shot from "The Creep", who also tosses that chair to the floor! This is madness!
Steve Hebert: No, this is Sparta!
Lex Robinson: That's an old, lame joke, Steve. I hope you're happy.
As Casanova lays against the ropes, barely moving, Chris Carson turns around, grabs the ladder and hoists it up. Aiming the top of it towards the vampire, he sprints forward, nailing him in the middle of the back with it, sending a howling pain echoing throughout Stevie Swing's neighborhood!
Steve Hebert: Oh dear...
Lex Robinson: Leaving Casanova immobile against the ropes, Carson makes some room for the ladder, where he soon sets it up just beneath the cage Julia is trapped in.
Steve Hebert: What the shit is he doing?
Lex Robison: Slowly, but surely, he climbs the ladder. Halfway up, he reaches out, touching the bottom of the cage... and begins shaking it! Haha, he's taunting his ex-wife, while seeming to set himself up for his next big move.
Steve Hebert: That bastard!
Shaking the ladder back and forth, Carson snickers at Julia's shrieks. Unfortunately, this makes him lose focus on his opponent, who climbs to his feet, annoyed at the image in front of him.
Steve Hebert: Wait, Casanova is back up, bloody and all. Seeing Carson shake the cage, he decides to charge forward... and dropkick the ladder out from beneath "The Creep"! Fuck yeah!
Lex Robinson: Oh dear! The ladder shoots out from beneath him and Carson goes stumbling into the corner, landing against the turnbuckle pads, having the oxygen knocked out of him!
Steve Hebert: It's time for Casanova to get back into things! I'm clasping my hands with joy and hunger... kind of like Casanova looking at all that juicy blood streaming from "The Creep".
Grabbing the toppled ladder, Casanova puts it together, lifts it up and then jabs the top of it into Carson's sternum. Laying the ladder on the ring full of chairs, Casanova walks into the corner, bashes the back of Carson's head off the turnbuckle pads and then stands him over the fallen ladder.
Steve Hebert: Destroy him! Do it!
Lex Robinson: A headbutt from Casanova, almost merging their wounds together!
Steve Hebert: Wait, would that have turned "The Creep" into a vampire? Furthermore, would that mean "The Creep" would eat his son?!
Lex Robinson: My god, be quiet.
Steve Hebert: Casanova kicks "The Creep" in the stomach and pulls him into a standing-headscissors. Underlocking both of Carson's arms, he goes for the double-underarm piledriver, which he has used to put numerous people away! Get in line, Chris Carson, time's almost up for you!
Casanova goes to lift Chris Carson up, hoping to double-underarm piledriver him onto the ladder, but "The Creep" has other plans, as he balances his weight, dropping down to his knees. Annoyed with this, Casanova begins using his forearms and elbows to slam into the broad of Carson's back, ripping open the cut made with the fork even further!
Steve Hebert: Tear into that wound, Casanova! Make him bleed! Bleed, you old fucker, bleed!
Lex Robinson: Using a surge of energy, Chris Carson uses his shoulders to push Casanova into the corner, nailing him with some more charging-shoulders against the pads! Sadly for "The Creep", he's unable to maintain this, as Casanova uses a crafty knee to the face to render his attack useless. In a matter of seconds, Casanova interlocks with Carson with a standing Triangle Submission hold, hoists him up and then nails a uranage onto the ladder, smacking the back of his skull off steel!
Steve Hebert: Yes! That concussed him! It had to! Cover him, Cas!
Opting to stand to his feet, instead of looking for a pinfall, Casanova stumbles into the corner, rapidly losing blood. Slowly, he climbs to the top rope, thinking he has "The Creep" perfectly placed.
Steve Hebert: ...or you could just flatten him! Either/or! As long as "The Creep" isgetting punished, I'm fine.
Lex Robinson: Casanova jumps off the top rope...
Attempting a frog splash, Casanova's plan backfires, as Chris Carson rolls off the ladder, into a pile of other chairs! As a result, Casanova splashes directly onto the ladder and chairs, landing front-first onto cold, hard, unforgiving steel!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" rolled out of the way! Casanova hits nothing but steel!
Steve Hebert: OH Jesus, his poor ribcage.
Both men lay in the ring, in a copious amount of pain. The first to rise is actually Chris Carson, who manages to spring himself up from a kneeling position.
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is up!
Steve Hebert: Casanova is standing, as well! Go get him!
Lex Robinson: With his eyes near the top of his head, Casanova focuses on Chris Carson, shutting out the pain. He charges at Carson, extending his arm, looking for a running clothesline... which he hits, sending both himself and Chris Carson over the top rope and out to the floor!
Steve Hebert: Oddly enough, despite this tumbling, they both land on their feet; and they're boot exchanging punches, chops, slaps, forearms and anything else you can name! Oh shit, Casanova slams Carson's bloody head off our table! Don't touch that blood, Lex, you might get AIDS.
Lex Robinson: Uh... anyhow, Casanova is currently shrugging off the failed frog splash attempt.
Steve Hebert: You could say he's turning the pain into aggression; as he has just sent "The Creep" charging headfirst into the ring post! Once again, blood flies into the crowd, getting on the people in the front row. Good luck with the Hepatitis C, folks.
Grabbing a chair from inside of the ring, Casanova takes it and heaves it in Carson's direction, hitting him squarely in the temple!
Steve Hebert: That shot sends Carson stumbling backward; and now here comes Casanova...
With vigor, Casanova runs towards a staggering "Creep" and jumps into the air, leading with his knees, looking to strike his nemesis.
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson dodges the attack!
As a result, Casanova goes flying knee-first into the steel railing, giving "The Creep" a proper moment to attack!
Steve Hebert: No! He almost landed in the front row, with those disgusting, fat fans. Who would have known Stevie Swing's house would attract such hideous people?!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" plucks a chair from the ring... and he blasts it across Casanova's left knee, the same one that smashed against the railing! That brings the vampire on one leg, hobbling and trying to stand up. Furthermore, Chris Carson walks around the ringside area... and finds the fork Casanova had used on him earlier!
Steve Hebert: This is no time to eat!
Lex Robinson: As Casanova unsucessfully tries standing on his left leg, he is blindsided by a fork-wielding "Creep", who begins smashing and cutting at Casanova's forehead and temple with the edges of it! These shots send Casanova stumbling back against the table that had been setup earlier in the night...
Chris Carson winds up, as if aiming for Casanova's eyeball...
Steve Hebert: Casanova whips his arms up, holding off on the attack!
LeX Robinson: But Carson strikes with a knee to the gut. Instead, he grabs hold of Casanova's tongue, almost ripping it out of his mouth, pulling it past his fangs. Pulling Casanova's head down onto the table, Chris Carson takes the fork and... uh...
Steve Hebert: He jams the fork into Casanova's tongue! Oh Jesus!
Lex Robinson: Horrific!
Steve Hebert: That may have cut off Casanova's tongue! Oh Jesus, what the god!
Lex Robinson: Either way, Casanova remains there, in pain, trying to keep himself together. His tongue remains stuck to the table, all thanks to that fork, which "The Creep" momentarily plucks out. Scooping Casanova up, he lays him across the table and then slides back inside. What's next?
Steve Hebert: I tell you what's next -- he's going for that godawful ladder, again. Again, he sets it up beneath the cage, taunting Julia.
Lex Robinson: This could be a huge mistake for Chris Carson. He needs to focus solely on Casanova...
Not only does "The Creep" climb to the top of the ladder; but he also climbs onto the shark cage!
Steve Hebert: What the...?! What's he doing?!
Lex Robinson: He's on the cage! Holy crap!
Julia tries swatting at him, hoping to knock him down, but it's all in vain. In a matter of seconds, he is swinging atop her cage, sending the crowd into a frenzy!
Steve Hebert: This is nuts!
Lex Robinson: The crowd's on their feet! He has Casanova laid out on that table! Is he really going to leap off?! I would expect this from Morgana or Stevie Swing... but from "The Creep"? No way!
Steve Hebert: I hope he breaks his neck and/or every bone in his body!
With the cage swaying wildly, "The Creep" pulls his own hair back out of his eyes, viewing at the bloody scene of Casaova laying on the outside table. With the crowd chanting him on, he shrugs his shoulders and leaps off the top of the cage, flying through the air!
LeX Robinson: "The Creep" can fly...!
Somersaulting through the air, he nails a somersault senton bomb from the top of the cage, splintering Casanova through the table and smashing him into the floor! Clearly, this is a man possessed!
Lex Robinson: Oh my God!
Steve Hebert: Yep. Well... he's dead.
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson just needs to roll Casanova back into the ring and cover him! This match has to be over now!
Both men remain on the floor, barely moving, with the fans on their feet, absolutely stunned with what just happened. In the devastating massacre on the floor, Chris Carson is the first to stir, as he slowly sits up, blood spilling out of him, reaching to the top rope, aiding himself to a standing base. Before he can get back inside, he grabs the second table he pulled from earlier out and slides it into the ring.
Lex Robinson: Clearly, "The Creep" is not done yet. I'm not sure if this is such a good idea or not...
Steve Hebert: Ugh...
Lfting Casanova up, he observes the bloody mess of his opponent and rolls him inside. However, before crawling after him, he cripples around the ring and looks beneath the apron for the third time tonight.
Steve Hebert: He's trying to hi--...!
Lex Robinson: Don't say it.
Chris Carson removes a tin of lighter fluid and some matches from beneath the ring, placing them inside, as well. Rolling into the ring, amongst the mass of chairs that remain inside, he sets up the table near the corner, where he commences spraying lighter fluid all over the top of it.
Lex Robinson: Oh my...
Steve Hebert: It's going to be an old fashioned Christmas barbecue! I, for one, could go for some turducken.
Lex Robinson: I thought "The Creep" plunging off the top of the cage was going to be it; but this is going to be the "coup de gras"...
Steve Hebert: I'm French and I don't even know what that means! I am miserable and terrible!
As the tin of lighter fluid is emptied onto the table, Chris Carson turns his back, looking to the outside, viewing Casanova taking his time to get back to a standing base. When the time is right, he pulls out a match, ignites it and throws it at the table...
Steve Hebert: And we have fire! Casanova better wake himself the fuck up; because if "The Creep" goes through with his plan, we're going to have roasted vamp.
Lex Robinson: Walking towards the ring ropes, Chris Carson reaches out, grabs Casanova by the hair, while the smoke wafts through the air, sailing up towards Julia, who is in shock. Lifting Casanova onto the ring apron, he nails a punch to the chest and then furiously yanks him into the ring, leaving a trail of blood in his wake.
Steve Hebert: Ugh... the fire... it's burning.
Lex Robinson: That's what fire does, Steve.
Steve Hebert: But... ugh...
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson sets Casanova in the corner, striking him with some quick fists. Seconds later, he hits his enemy on the top rope, preparing for the utmost damage and danger!
As Casanova wavers on the top rope, desperately clinging on, feeling the flames flicker into his face, he watches as Chris Carson climbs up alongside him.
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is on the top rope with Casanova. He wants to end this... and he want to end this right now!
Steve Hebert: Can vampires even survive fire?! Edward Cullen, are you listening?! Bella?!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" with some punches...!
Steve Hebert: Ugh, but Casanova maintains his balance... that's a good thing! Unfortunately, up here, Chris Carson is able to nail some bionic elbows to the skull! Fuck that old bastard, anyhow.
Lex Robinson: Casanova fights back, trying to stay on top of things. He nails some forearms to Carson's stomach, but "The Creep" fights back, going all-out with punches to the skull, ripping open the fleshwound on Casanova's face!
Steve Hebert: Someone's going to bleed to death... or burn to death! And they still have to wrestle one more match tonight! This is insane!
Fighting Chris Carson off, Casanova regains his balance and uses this time to repeatedly headbutt "The Creep", almost knocking him off the top rope, through the burning table!
Steve Hebert: God, that was so close!
Lex Robinson: Casanova is capitalizing on that, though! It appears he's lifting "The Creep" up, trying to spinebuster him from the top rope...! No! Wait! Chris Carson digs at Casanova's eyes!
Steve Hebert: It's like Blade Runner up in here!
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson regain his balance on the top rope, having both feet placed firmly on the ropes that surround the turnbuckle. He's going for "The C.C. Bomb"!
Steve Hebert: No! Casanova uses his knees to stop himself from being lifted!
Lex Robinson: Yup, and he instantly places both hands around "The Creep"'s throat! Wait... wait... he lifts "The Creep" up! They go flying through the air...!
Alas, Casanova and Chris Carson smash into the flaming table, splintering it into pieces and dousing out the flames with their charred bodies!
Lex Robinson: Oh my God! Holy God! Casanova with the choke-bomb from the top rope -- through the flaming table! Are they all right?! Oh my...!
Steve Hebert: I... I... someone's making the cover! The referee is counting!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: One... two...
Lex Robinson: But for who?! They're both in a heap amongst the broken and burnt pieces of table!
...3...!
Steve Hebert: There's three! The match is over... but who wins?!
Jumping up, the referee calls for the bell and reports the result of the match to the ring announcer.
Steve Hebert: I can't see... who is it?! Who's the winner? Oh god, someone tell me!
LeX Robinson: We're about to find out...!
Getting on the microphone, the ring announcer is about to inform the crowd of the victor. Everyone hushes; including Lex, Steve and even Julia, who is stuck in the cage, high above the ring.
Ring Announcer: The winner of this bout...
A silence hushes over everyone, as the referee reaches down, grabbing onto someone's arm, declaring their victory...
Ring Announcer: ...and number one contender to the World Title...
...an arm is held in the air...
Ring Announcer: ...Casanova!
Lex Robinson: What?! No!
Steve Hebert: Haha! Yes! Yes! I knew it! I could tell by the angle! Casanova was covering "The Creep"! I knew it!
Lex Robinson: Oh, you did not!
Steve Hebert: I did so!
Lex Robinson: This is a shame. This is something awful for "The Creep". He came so close...
Steve Hebert: He's a loser! It's all he is and all he'll ever be! He's beaten here tonight, his ex-wife hates him, his son thinks he's a big, ugly loser; and he is bloodied! Merry Christmas, everyone! Merry Christmas, indeed. It's going to be a sad, depressing Christmas around "The Creep" household. Of course, that's a normal routine by now.
Medics and officials rush the ring, checking on both men. A crowd has gathered around Casanova and "The Creep", who only rise due to instinct.
Lex Robinson: These two beat the hell out of each other. Yet they still have another match tonight, in the main event. This is insane. Will they even be able to compete?!
Steve Hebert: Sure they can; including Casanova! Maybe not "The Creep", but he's an old bag; but Casanova certainly can. He may as well win the World Title tonight, while we're at it.
Lex Robinson: Or Stevie can retain.
Steve Hebert: Oh... yeah, that too.
Medics tend to both men, while Julia remains in the air, yelling out for someone to release. Unfortunately, everyone opts to pay no attention to her. The winner of the match, Casanova, is helped out of the ring by various officials and is helped to the back, much to his own chagrin, getting boos from the audience.
Steve Hebert: How dare they boo him?! He just beat "The Creep" fair and square! There were no white towels this time!
As medics tend to Chris Carson in the ring, everyone's attention turns towards the entrance, where Chris Carson's son, Chris Jr., races from the backstage area. He runs past various officials and even Casanova, hurries to the ring and climbs up the ring steps.
Steve Hebert: Look at your father now! Be ashamed! Go slap him!
Lex Robinson: You've got to be kidding me.
Officials depart, leaving way for Chris Carson to be alone with his son. After a second of looking at each other, with Chris Jr. almost scared of the burnt and bloody flesh of his father, they reunite in the center of the ring with a hug!
Lex Robinson: Awwwww!
Steve Hebert: Gayest thing ever.
Lex Robinson: Nope! This is a holiday moment! Chris Jr. doesn't mind the scars or the blood. He knows that his father and that's all that matters.
...This, of course, infuriates Julia, who remains above the ring, angrily shouting, not wanting Chris Jr. anywhere near his father. Ignoring these despicable cries, father and son exit the ring together, much to the happiness of the fans, and then walk to the back, hand-in-hand, getting a great applause from everyone in attendance.
Lex Robinson: This is heartwarming.
Steve Hebert: I think I'm going to be sick.
Carson's ex-wife, Julia, is finally lowered to the ring, has her cage door opened, but is held back from going to the back by various officials and wrestlers such as Felix Fliehr, Cameron Blake, Phoenix Winterborn and Steven Jones.
Steve Hebert: What are these morons doing?!
Lex Robinson: They're blocking her path! They're giving Chris Carson time with his son! This is great! Maybe "The Creep" will finally have a great Christmas, after all!
Steve Hebert: But he still lost!
Lex Robinson: That doesn't matter. He has his son now.
These guys want Chris Carson to spend time with his son, especially wanting him to spend Christmas with him. Suffice to say, Julia will not be seeing her son anytime soon.
Morgana: [sniffling] Eh, I may as well.
Swinging the door open, Morgana looks outward, seeing... nothing.
Morgana: Uh... Mister Ghost, where are you?
Ghost: Merrrr.
Morgana: Oh!
The soft merrr'ing of a goat is heard, making Morgana look down, seeing the shape of Betsy the Goat Ghost.
Morgana: Awww, aren't you the cutest little thing.
Morgana goes to shut the door on the ghost/goat's face...
Betsy the Goat Ghost: Merrrr!
...and suddenly, we're in another place.
Morgana: ...You must be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Betsy nods her head -- yes.
Betsy: Merrr.
The background morphs into a bedroom. Stevie Swing's bedroom, to be exact. Stevie Swing prances into her room, holding the Sin Wrestling title around her waist. Coyly, she drops into the bed, stripping half-naked.
Morgana: Ugh, what? She looks like she's aged about 20 years.
A rumbling can be heard and Chris Extreme also comes stumbling into the room, also looking about 20 years older.
Morgana: Oh dear, this is disgusting.
Stevie Swing pats a spot on the bed, demanding that Chris Extreme take a seat, which he obliges. He is wearing sparkly boxers, quite a change from his current drab pair.
Stevie Swing: Take 'em off!
Without a second thought, Chris drops his trousers... showing nothing. No cock, no balls... nothing. He has been completely castrated. Moments later, he is rubbing his crotch against Stevie Swing's crotch. Morgana immediately covers her eyes.
Morgana: I... I think I'm going to be sick. This is what will happen if I don't step up and win the World Title...
Betsy the Goat Ghost: Merrr...!
Again, the scene shifts. This time, we're in abandon alleyway, full of rats, various other vermin and social reprobates. Uncovering her eyes, she looks around, noticing one person that is slumped against the wall, emaciated and looking like hell.
Morgana: What the fuck? Corey Page? Corey Page will become broke, homeless and a hobo?! All because I don't win!
Again, Betsy nods her head.
Corey Page: I need food.
Corey rummages through a dumpster, finds a half-eaten Big Mac, which is has dirty needles and rocks in it. Without a second thought, he bites into it.
Corey Page: Oh God, so hungry.
Morgana: That's the saddest thing I've ever seen.
Betsy the Goat Ghost: Merrr...!
Another scene change. This time, Sebastian York is shown winning the World Title at a Sin Wrestling event.
Morgana: Oh no, this is awful!
Morgana covers her eyes and Betsy merrrrs.
Betsy: Merrrr...!
Yet another scene change. This time, we're at inside a cemetery, at a gravesite. A familiar, unaged person is there. It's Casanova.
Casanova: You had it coming, you bastard. I'm just glad it was me that put you there.
Kicking dirt onto the grave, Casanova walks away... showing the headstone...
CHRIS CARSON
REST IN PEACE
lovingly missed by his son, Chris Jr.
Morgana: Oh dear... that's so sad... and depressing... but it's "The Creep", so meh.
Betsy: Merrrr...!
One final scene change. We're at an old folk's home. A granny is rocking in a chair. A granny with pink hair, that is.
Morgana: Is that... me...?
Betsy nods her head -- yes.
Morgana: I look so... old... and alone! And decrepit! Why don't I have any visitors?! Is this because I don't step up? Oh god, this can't happen. This is awful. Get me out of this dystopic nightmare!
Betsy: Merrrrr....!
One final bleating and the image reverts to its normal scene.
...
Morgana opens her eyes. Her nap is over. She sits up, clears her throat, which has become dry. Bubbles of sweat have formed on her forehead... was this all a dream? Has she been asleep this entire time?
Creak... creak... creak...!
Horrified, her eyes slowly rotate to the left, seeing an empty rocking chair, which belongs to Stevie Swing, rocking back and forth. Looking at the bottle of cough medicine, she stands up and hurries off.
Morgana: Never again!
...and the chair continues creaking...
...a voice whispers in the dark...
Booger: This is a good burger.
Only Santa Claus can save us now.
Lex Robinson: Here we are... the final match tonight. The final match of the year, even!
Steve Hebert: And what a year it's been.
Lex Robinson: For real. We began the year with Chris Extrene as the World Champ, having won the title in last year's Ultimate Survival Match. Can history repeat itself tonight?
Steve Hebert: Yes, yes it is. Although, Stevie Swing may just walk keep the title... or maybe Casanova will show why he's the number one contender... and win the entire damn thing!
Lex Robinson: That would null his number one contendership, as a result of him being, you know, the World Champ. Of course, it'd also mean he'd have to choose his first title defense competitor.
Steve Hebert: Or perhaps Jay will win! She could even pass the title back to Stevie, if that were the case!
Lex Robinson: No goddamn way that should happen.
Steve Hebert: As long as Morgana, "The Creep" and Sebastian York keep their fat little fingers off it, everything will be okay.
Lex Robinson: Can you imagine "The Creep" winning, after what we just went through?!
Steve Hebert: Actually, "The Creep" is in no shape to wrestle, so fuck that idea. He should be at a hospital; or the psychiatric ward with his retarded son.
Lex Robinson: You truly are The Grinch.
Steve Hebert: No, The Grinch was here earlier, trying to beat up Chris Extreme. Didn't you see?
Lex Robinson: Oh yeah. Good point. Anyhow, remember the rules: it's 4-on-4, with tags not necessary. What I mean is that once someone exits the ring, another person can immediately step in. It's a group match until an entire team is eliminated. Once that happens, the remaining members of the team must do battle to find out who's...
Steve Hebert: The Ultimate Survivor. Yes, we get it.
LeX Robinson: Phew Good.
All My Life I been searching for something...
Something never comes, never leads to nothing...
Nothing satisfies, but I'm gettin close...
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope
The words MADE FOR TV appear on the screen as the lights in the arena slowly began to dim and "All My Life" by the Foo Fighters progresses on. An array of baby blue lasers shoot into various directions, moving about, in time with the rhythm of the music.
As the song drops in, explosions go off, as Sebastian York makes his way to the top of the ramp, rocking out to the music. He hops up and down atop the ramp before bursting into a full sprint towards the ring.
Sliding into the ring, he pops up onto his feet and lifts both of his hands into the air, drawing a huge pop from the crowd as pyro shoots into the air from the each corner. As the pyro display dies down, Sebastian nods to the referee and waits for his match to begin.
Lex Robinson: Here he is... the team captain, the new Television Champ... and possible next World Champ and Ultimate Survivor? Perhaps!
Steve Hebert: If he wins this match, I am killing my family. Yours, too.
Lex Robinson: Well then. Thanks for broadcasting that. Sebastian York is the leader of this team; and he's on a roll tonight, even winning the Tag Trophies earlier in the evening with Chris Carson. Winning the main event would just top things off.
Steve Hebert: It'd top something off, that's right. Too bad he'll be lacking a partner. There's no way "The Creep" will be able to compete.
"You Can't Stop Me" by Guano Apes leaks through speakers and the lights fade as dizzying white spotlights begin to swirl around the audience. Jay walks out from the back wearing a pair of black nylon pants with a v-shape waist seamlessly tucked into leather knee-high black boots with a small heel and an electric blue corset. She finishes walking down the ramp, kind of ignoring the crowd, and slides underneath the ropes. She then proceeds to her respective corner and calmly waits for the match to begin.
Lex Robinson: Here's the person he actually defeated tonight -- Jay!
Steve Hebert: He stole that Television Title from her clasps!
Lex Robinson: It officially made York a two-time Television Champ. If he can win tonight, it'd officially give him the Grand Slam.
Steve Hebert: Here's hoping it doesn't happen.
In the ring, Jay awkwardly eyes York, taking a spot in the corner.
Steve Hebert: Give him a kick in the face, Jay.
The arena unexpectedly descends into total darkness, sparking the crowd into an expectant frenzy. After a long moment of anticipation, "Piece of Me (Remix)" by Britney Spears pulses through the sound system, accompanied by an image of Morgana in all of her pink-haired glory, which overtakes the screen.
The crowd cheers at nearly deafening decibels as hot pink and gold fireworks explode down the ramp, prompting Morgana to saunters out from backstage. Wearing a miniscule pink and black skort, black fishnets, knee-high boots and a tight black tank top, her long hair pulled into two loose braids, Morgy slowly makes her way toward the ring, blowing kisses to fans in the front row as she does so, her every step accompanied by another explosion of fireworks.
i'm miss lifestyles of the rich and famous
i'm miss oh my god, that morgy's shameless
i'm miss extra, extra, this just in
i'm miss she's too big now she's too thin
Basking in the cheers of the crowd, Morgy pauses on the apron before grasping the top rope and flipping gracefully into the ring. "Piece of Me (Remix)" dies abruptly over the speakers as Morgy parades confidently around the ring, waiting for the match to begin.
Lex Robinson: The roof blows off this place -- err, well, if there was a roof, as Morgana steps out!
Steve Hebert: And Stevie Swing is going to kick her pretty little face right off! Mark my words!
Lex Robinson: These fans love Morgana; and they'd really love it if she came out on top tonight. I think she may do it, too. I can feel it.
Steve Hebert: That's just the vodka you've been drinking. Besides, they're gonna be down a man. Casanova can rebound from the type of injuries he suffered not too long ago; but not "The Creep". He's too old, dumb and retarded.
Theory Of A Dead Man's "Invisible Man" charges onto the speakers and everyone's attention turns towards the entrance area, hoping for Chris Carson to stampede out to take his place in the ring. Unfortunately, no one steps out.
Steve Hebert: See? I told you! Where's "The Creep", Lex? I tell you where: he's in the back, crying on his ugly child's shoulder because he's burnt, hurt and bleed--...
Unexpectedly, "Invisible Man" starts up again, bringing the fans to their feet.
Lex Robinson: Wait!
Steve Hebert: Uh... what the shit?
Lex Robinson: Is it...?
Like a wounded animal, Chris Carson stumbles out from the backstage area, leaving his son behind. Crippling to the ringside area, he gets a gigantic applause from the fans, who cheer him on, leading him to the ring, despite the scars and blood that's all over him. Even his own teammates are surprised by his appearance.
Lex Robinson: It is! He's here! He's here! He's here, Steve! He made it! Injured or not, he doesn't give a damn.
Steve Hebert: Ugh, what a terrible father. He should be with his son, trying to heal his wounds, instead of being out here. How sickening.
Lex Robinson: Hell no! This is pure bravery! I can't believe it!
Rolling into the ring, "The Creep" joins his teammates, allowing him to take a spot in the corner, which he leans against, resting himself up.
Steve Hebert: This is the dumbest thing that anyone has ever done. He's definitely going to die.
Lex Robinson: Hell no, this is the bravest thing, ever!
Steve Hebert: He's no William Wallace, Steve.
The lights in the arena dim as the SW Screen lights up, signaling the entrance
of the youngest Sin Wrestling Hall of Famer.
King of Sin
The words illuminate the screen for several seconds, as fog begins to roll onto the stage and entrance ramp.
Down a hole, up a rope
Down some pills, up some hope
This karma machine only takes quarters
New age soldier, new age soldier
Matthew Good's voice creeps out of the speakers, as the lights grow all the more darker, and the illuminated words on the SW-Screen pulsate with color all the more rapidly. During the second time the words "new age soldier" are said, the song cuts and the stage erupts in silver colored fireworks. As the smoke begins to subside, the song picks up exactly where it lets off, and the SW-Screen begins to show highlights of Mike Phantasy's greatest matches.
Everybody's all right
Everything is automatic
And everybody's all right
Everything is skin deep
Finally, Mike Phantasy rushes out of fog to a cheering crowd, apart from a few die-hard Mike Phantasy haters. Phantasy pauses while walking down the ring-ramp to look around at the arena before him, grinning at the signs endorsing him. Then, he looks toward the ring, slowly making his way down to it; his upbeat demeanor slowly melting into a solemn one. When finally inside of the ring, Mike sits on the turnbuckle nearest to him and awaits the beginning of the match.
Steve Hebert: Now here's a man that could take Chris Carson out. He's the literal assassin of this team. He's going to shoot "The Creep" in the head and put him down for good. I fucking hope so, at least.
Lex Robinson: In the ring, Mike Phantasy takes a standing base across the ring from his opponents. He's ready to go. Can you imagine if he won?
Steve Hebert: I could live with it.
The silent crowd gazes in awe as a giant, heart beating globe of Earth slowly descends from above. In horror, the people watch as the Earth begins to bleed. When the Earth finishes its descent and reaches the surface of the stage, Chris Extreme's voice is heard shouting from within Earth's core.
The Earth explodes into smithereens and "Sonne" by Rammstein blasts over the speakers. Bloody, flaming pieces of the planet fly in the air and land on the closest people in the crowd. From within the wreckage of Earth stands "Something Awful" Chris Extreme in his white boxers and white socks.
To a roar of surprising cheers, Chris Extreme walks to the ring, almost taken back by these chants. Looking surprised, he slithers into the ring like a snake, taking a position next to Mike Phantasy, someone he knows very well.
Lex Robinson: There's Chris Extreme, taking his spot in the match. You know, he and Stevie could have won those Tag Trophies earlier, if they hadn't argued.
Steve Hebert: He should have just let Stevie get the pinfall. It would have made much more sense and would have served everyone well. I don't know what's been up with him lately; but with all these cheers, I'm starting to sicken of him. As a matter of fact, I wash my hands clear of him.
Lex Robinson: Holy crap, seriously?
Steve Hebert: Seriously.
Lex Robinson: Wow... that's amazing. I thought you loved Chris Extreme!
Steve Hebert: He broke my heart, Lex. He shattered it into a million pieces. Especially with his interest in Morgcedes.
Steve Hebert: Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.
The lights go out as "Scream" by Avenged Sevenfold begins playing. On the SW-Tron, an image is seen and heard faintly, showing just the legs of a man walking down a hallway, apparently dragging a steel chair along, which is covered in patches of dried blood.
Casanova steps out onto the stage, covered in burns and various fleshwounds from his previous match against Chris Carson. As he walks out on the stage, he snickers, flicks his tongue across his fangs and gets a loud jeer from the fans, who nearly boo him to the back. Nevertheless, he progresses forward, shrugging these jeers off.
Casanova slides into the ring, rolling into a crouch in a corner with a fangy smirk, keeping a close eye on Chris Carson, who remains huddled in the corner, trying to hold himself up. It's safe to say these two men look like hell.
Lex Robinson: Jesus, I can't believe Casanova made it out here, too.
Steve Hebert: He's a vampire! He heals faster, duh! Has Anne Rice taught you anything?!
Lex Robinson: Casanova and "The Creep"... back out here already... I wouldn't have guessed after the massacre we just observed.
Steve Hebert: Maybe this time Casanova will behead him.
Darkness cockslaps the arena. “Chick Habit” by April March pumps through the P.A., and a spotlight shines on a pink glass and tissue paper structure that is not unlike…a vagina. There’s a silhouette of a woman on the pink paper, and an image of the one and only Stevie Swing on screen.
Stevie Swing bursts through the vagina to pyro and the booing of the crowd. She ignores them as she makes her way to the ring, Sin World Title slung over her shoulder. Stevie rolls into the ring and hoists the belt above her head, drawing an even more rabid response from the crowd. Stevie lays the belt down on the mat and dances in the center of the ring until the fireworks and music stop.
Steve Hebert: There she is -- princess Stevie! Not only will she win this match, she's going to retain the World Title! I guarantee it!
Lex Robinson: You guarantee it?
Steve Hebert: Good god no, don't quote me on that.
Lex Robinson: This match is going to be nuts. I can feel it.
You can feel the tension between the two teams. Even though they're in opposite corners, everyone eyes each other, not wanting to take anyone out of their crosshairs. Eventually, every steps out onto the apron, where both teams decide who will start the match off.
Lex Robinson: Here we go. For Team Stevie, Mike Phantasy is starting things. For Team Sebastian, it's Morgana.
Steve Hebert: Yuck. Listen to the fans chant her name, too. Isn't that disgusting?
Lex Robinson: Not quite.
When the bell rings, Morgana and Mike Phantasy circle around each other, looking for an opening. When the time is right, they lock-up, with Mike using his strength to try and back Morgana against the turnbuckle pads.
Lex Robinson: Morgana is being pushed back... but she escapes and swings around Mike Phantasy, waistlocking him. She rides him into the corner, where she tries to O'Conner roll him, but he latches onto the top ropes, keeping himself standing. Instead, Morgana goes rolling backwards. As she kicks up to her feet, Mike Phantasy turns around and dives at her with a clothesline...
However, she ducks, speeds forward and jumps onto the middle rope. Springboarding back, she lands on his shoulders and then spinning-ranas him to the canvas, snapping him down to the mat, sending him flailing into the corner.
Steve Hebert: Phantasy goes down... but luckily, he falls into his corner, where Stevie Swing tags in! Holy cow!
Lex Robinson: Wow, I'll be damned.
Within a second, Stevie Swing hops over the top rope, entering the ring, where she goes face-to-face with Morgy.
Lex Robinson: They're staring each other down...!
Steve Hebert: Bite her nose off, Stevie!
Just as quickly as she entered, Stevie quickly scurries back and tags back out to Mike Phantasy, who looks confused, as he steps back inside.
Lex Robinson: Oh, what the hell?
Steve Hebert: Mindgames, Lex. It's all about mindgames.
Lex Robinson: It's more like she's afraid of Morgana. How retarded.
Wasting little time, Mike Phantasy goes right after Morgana, only to be taken down with a drop-toe-hold. Popping back up, Morgana somersaults onto Mike Phantasy with a legdrop to the back of his head and then leaps right back up. Again, she runs directly towards the ropes...
Lex Robinson: Morgana to the ropes... she jumps onto the middle rope and flips back... only to have Mike Phantasy catch her on his right shoulder! Swinging herself out, she hooks onto Mike Phantasy's right arm and armdrags him to the canvas.
Steve Hebert: Goddamnit, get up!
Lex Robinson: Mike and Morgy pop up at the same time! She charges at him...
Flipping upside-down at him, she wraps her legs around his head and rolls up his body, soon sitting on his shoulders. Popping herself over his head, she vaults over him and rolls down his back and proceeds to roll into her own corner.
Lex Robinson: Morgana, the only person without an extra match tonight, with the tag to Jay!
Steve Hebert: Errr... she slapped Jay across the face, so I guess that counts.
Lex Robinson: Grabbing Jay by the hair, Morgana flips her into the ring, while Mike Phantasy stumbles into his own corner, tagging out to Chris Extreme. Extreme, of course, wastes no time in attacking a confused Jay from behind.
Steve Hebert: See? He's become a monster, Lex!
Lex Robinson: When has he not been a monster?
Steve Hebert: You see... well... ah, fuck it.
Lex Robinson: As Jay turns to Morgy, spitting venomous words at her, Chris clocks her across the neck and skull with a vicious double-axehandle! This shot knocks her face-first into the middle turnbuckle, making Chris commence kicking and stomping at the back of her head!
Steve Hebert: He even takes a moment to punch Sebastian York in the head... and one for "The Creep", too! Almost losing his mind, he goes to strike Morgana, but stops. Goddamnit, if he had hit her, it would have redeemed him so much.
Lex Robinson: Alas, he didn't. Of course, this lapse in concentration has given Jay the chance to recover, giving her the opportunity to schoolboy-rollup Chris...!
The referee counts...
...1...
Lex Robinson: He pushes out, almost tossing Jay to the floor!
Steve Hebert: Of course! He may be a lazy asshole, but he's showing up tonight to try and win this event for the second year in a row. I actually gotta give him credit for that.
Leaping back up, Chris Extreme catches Jay with some boots to the temple, dropping her to her knees. Whipping her into the ropes, he catches her upon the rebound with a harsh clothesline, sending her spiralling to the canvas. Like a madman, he roars and raves around the ring, even giving Jay another stomp to the skull.
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme is going nuts again! He lifts Jay up, throws her into the corner and begins relentlessly smashing his fists off her face. Next, he whips her into the opposite corner and follows in, delivering a vicious running-knee into the corner, which rocks Jay hard!
Steve Hebert: I could rock her hard, too. Rock her hard all night long, with my cock in between those big old titties. Did I mention I also want to lick that vaginal tattoo?
Lex Robinson: I believe you've mentioned in before, yes. Unfortunately, it's currently being stomped on by Chris Extreme, who has Jay on her back, unable to defend herself against his boots.
Steve Hebert: I can rub her better.
Lex Robinson: Finished kicking and stomping Jay, Chris Extreme stomps around the ring like a lunatic. He goes into his corner, looking to make a tag, eyeing Stevie Swing... but Stevie hops off the apron, not wanting to fight Jay!
Steve Hebert: Awww... see, Stevie's a good person, afterall! It's Morgy that's the cunt.
Lex Robinson: It's Stevie that fears Morgy. You know it; and I know it.
Steve Hebert: Pffft. Instead, Chris Extreme tags in Casanova! A bloody, deranged, burnt Casanova pushes Chris Extreme aside and enters the ring!
Lex Robinson: Oh boy. He looks re-energized, as well! That could be awful for everyone. A hungry, re-energized Casanova is a horrible thing to have to face! Right off the bat, he kicks Jay in the temple with a running-knee, side-swiping, knocking her into her corner, where she spills to the outside!
Steve Hebert: That means someone else can come in, right?
Lex Robinson: That's right! In fact, Morgana enters the ring... by springboarding off the top rope and flying through the air! She lands on Casanova's shoulders, looking to hurricanrana him, but he holds on tight! Alternatively, he sit-down powerbombs her onto the canvas! Ouch!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Fucking good!
Lex Robinson: His feet cover her shoulders. She may be doomed...
The referee counts...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: She kicks out! She's still in this match!
Steve Hebert: Unfortunately.
Casanova is up first, followed slowly by Morgana. Right away, he clubs his bloody arm across her back, covering her in the red fluid. Backing her against the ropes, he chops her against the chest and then whips her against the ropes. As she bounces back, she walks directly into an attempted tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Casanova...
Lex Robinson: Morgana goes around... and around... and around! She makes 2 complete rotations on Casanova, spinning him towards his own corner! She actually reaches out, grabs Mike Phantasy by the head and drops down! Not only does she guillotine Mike's head across the top rope, but she also tilt-a-whirl headscissors Casanova to the mat!
Steve Hebert: That dirty bitch! How dare she!
Lex Robinson: From his knees, Casanova swats at Morgana, but she cartwheels out of the way, finishing off with a seated-dropkick to his face! Kept in this position, Casanova watches as Morgana tags out to "The Creep" Chris Carson! The fans are on their feet! "The Creep" is hungry for some more vampire!
Steve Hebert: He should be a burnt coal right about now! This is awful!
Lex Robinson: Like a man on fire, Chris Carson enters the ring and tackles Casanova, beating on him with fist-after-fist! This, of course, stirs a ruckus, bringing everyone else back in!
Sebastian York hops over the top rope, cutting Chris Extreme off from grabbing "The Creep", nailing him with a superkick to the face!
Steve Hebert: Oh Jesus merciful...
Lex Robinson: Kick to the face from York! However, Stevie Spring instantly jumps back onto the apron, springboards off the top rope and floats through the air, nailing York with a flying dropkick to the back of his head! This shot sends Sebastian sprawling towards the ropes, forcing him to tumble over the top rope and to the floor!
Steve Hebert: I hope his neck is broken! Wait, oh god, here comes Morgana!
Lex Robinson: As Stevie Swing celebrates dropkicking York from the ring, he doesn't realize Morgana has snuck up behind her, standing on the apron. Jumping on the top rope, she somersaults through the air and catches Stevie on the waydown with the "Death Proof"!
Steve Hebert: And Stevie goes flipping backward! She's flopping around like a fish out of water. Somehow, this is oddly appropriate.
Out of nowhere, Mike Phantasy comes up behind Morgana, grabs her from behind, hoists her up into a back-suplex position, only to then swing her forward with a Blue Thunder Driver!
Steve Hebert: So much for that; hey, Morgy?! Down she goes!
Lex Robinson: However, just as Mike Phantasy rises, Jay strikes him with a bicycle kick, her foot wedging into his sternum, knocking him backwards, spilling him to the floor!
Steve Hebert: Ack! Oh, you guys, that's not nice!
In the meantime, Casanova has peeled Chris Carson off him and has dumped him to the floor with a big back-suplex! Left in the ring is Jay and Casanova, who patiently waits for Jay to turn around. Once she does, he charges at her, driving his foot into her face!
Lex Robinson: Blam! Casanova with a huge boot to the face! That had to hurt!
Steve Hebert: Not only that, but he hunches over, grabs Jay by the hair and forces her up to her feet. Wrapping both hands around her neck, he lifts her into the air -- just like how he did to "The Creep" earlier in the night! Haha! Yes!
Lex Robinson: Oh god... he turns to the outside, where a crowd has gathered...
Holding Jay in the air, Casanova stampedes towards the ropes and throws Jay over the top rope, heaving her to the floor by the throat!
Lex Robinson: Jay goes flying to the floor, knocking Morgana, Chris Extreme, Stevie Swing, Chris Carson, Mike Phantasy and Sebastian York down like bowling pins!
Steve Hebert: This leaves Casanova standing alone in the ring, by himself, showing why he's the goddamn man! A bad motherfucking vampire!
Lex Robinson: Maybe not for long, though...
Watching as the crowd gets back to their feet on the floor, Casanova proceeds to bounce off the furthest set of ropes. Heading back, he dives over the top rope, completely clearing it, landing on the group of people on the floor!
Lex Robinson: Casanova with the dive! And now Sebastian York and Mike Phantasy roll into the ring. They exchange punches, with Mike Phantasy catching York with a kneelift. Phantasy backs York against the ropes with some forearms and whips him out. He tries to clothesline Sebastian on the rebound, but Sebastian ducks underneath it...
Lurking underneath Mike's arm, Sebastian York charges forward, only to somersault over the top rope with a tope con hilo onto everyone on the floor, knocking them all back down!
Steve Hebert: Good Jesus! Bodies are flying everywhere! That dive by that metrosexual caught everyone off-guard!
Lex Robinson: Even Mike Phantasy was surprised by that -- and he's in the ring. Walking to the ropes, he looks to the floor... not noticing that Morgana has snuck into the ring, and is creeping up behind him.
A dropkick from Morgana blindsides Mike Phantasy, who stands motionless against the ropes, while Morgana jumps onto his shoulders, balancing herself.
Lex Robinson: Morgana is on Mike's shoulders... holy crap, what balance!
Steve Hebert: Ugh... watch out below...!
Lex Robinson: She jumps off Mike Phantasy's shoulders...
...and she corkscrews and contorts her body through the air, even twirling around 360 degrees! Gravity soon kicks in and she plummets onto everyone below, leaving behind a trail of fallen competitors!
Lex Robinson: Holy Christ!
Steve Hebert: Jesus, she was like a ragdoll!
Lex Robinson: If everyone had to clear out of the way, she would have gone straight to the ground!
Steve Hebert: Goddamn, don't give me such good ideas.
Lex Robinson: Stevie Swing is up next. She's on the apron and is climbing to the top rope...
Steve Hebert: Oh God, Stevie, be careful...
Lex Robinson: Stevie with a Shooting Star Press to the floor! They all fall down like dominoes, again!
Mike Phantasy remains in the ring, in a slight haze after Morgana jumped off his shoulders. Standing back, he watches Jay slide into the ring, climbing to the top rope, putting an evil thought in his mind.
Lex Robinson: Jay is gonna go for a dive, now, too!
Steve Hebert: You may as well get up their and jump on someone.
Lex Robinson: At the way things are going, I just might!
Steve Hebert: Not if Mike Phantasy has anything to say about that! He notices Jay climbing to the top rope! So what does he do? He charges in, races to the top and nails a backdrop-driver off the top rope! Goddamn, she landed on the back of her head!
Lex Robinson: And he gets back up, waiting for her to rise. Slowly, she gets up...
Steve Hebert: He places Jay into a cradle-position...
Lex Robinson: A snap spiral-bomb! That's the Crescent Driver! He covers Jay!
The referee drops down, making the count...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: There's one... two... and...
Ironically, both Sebastian York and Stevie Swing slide into the ring, trying to save Jay. Sebastian for his own team; and Stevie for her own personal interest. Sadly, it fails for both competitors.
...3!
Steve Hebert: ...and three!
Lex Robinson: Jay has been eliminated, much to the discourse of Sebastian York; and oddly, Stevie Swing!
Eliminated: Jay (Team Stevie: 4 -- Team York: 3)
The leaders of the two groups slide into the ring, with Sebastian York first connecting with a kick to Mike Phantasy, while Stevie Swing comes up behind him and knees him in the back. In the meantime, on the floor, Chris Carson and Casanova continue brawling again, taking the time to smash each other against the railing and against the announcer's booth.
Lex Robinson: Hell has literally broken loose all over the ringside area. We have "The Creep" and Casanova continuing to brawl in front of us; while Chris Extreme chases Morgana around.
Steve Hebert: Uh, yeah; about that. He isn't actually doing damage to her. Instead, he asking if she's all right, and she's trying to ignore him and escape from him, which, at this point, isn't that bad an idea.
Lex Robinson: Maybe he really has become a good guy!
Steve Hebert: Don't make me sick.
Lex Robinson: Inside the ring, Stevie Swing and Mike Phantasy actually double-team Sebastian York. As a matter of fact, Stevie informs Mike to hold Sebastian up into a powerbomb position; and he happily obliges. As this occurs, Stevie climbs to the top rope and springs off, firing her body through the air with a somersault, combinging a somersault-neckbreaker with a powerbomb!
Steve Hebert: Most importantly, Stevie goes for the cover!
The referee counts...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Morgana reaches into the ring, grabs Stevie by the foot and slips her off, though! Thank god!
Steve Hebert: No! Is that even allowed?!
Lex Robinson: That was just like the time Stevie Swing paid Zero and Uno to interfere in his matchup against Sebastian York, in which Morgana was the referee... but reversed! Karma really does come back to haunt him, I guess.
Steve Hebert: Oh, please. There's no such thing as Karma; it's only Morgana being a bitter bitch.
Lex Robinson: Even so, that'd make her a bitter bitch that's laying into Stevie Swing with some punches! Chris Extreme tries to come between them, but Morgy pushes him away, resulting in him bumping into an explosive Chris Carson!
"The Creep" hotshots Casanova against the steel ring railing, turning his attention back to Chris Extreme. A bit of nostalgia sweeps through them, as they begin throwing punches back and forth at each other, with Chris Extreme re-opening the wound on Chris Carson's forehead by smashing him face-first into the ring post!
Steve Hebert: Yes! That's the Chris Extreme that I like! That's the Chris Extreme I remember! Cut him open! Re-open that cut! Make him bleed!
Lex Robinson: On the floor, Chris side-headlocks Carson, nailing his knuckles off his forehead, wanting to bludgeon him! I don't know how much mre damage Chris Carson can take tonight!
Steve Hebert: If this keeps up, he won't be around to see Christmas, that's for damn sure.
In the ring, Sebastian York is getting hammered with some punches and knees from Mike Phantasy, who is acting as Stevie Swing's assassin for tonight. Plucking York to his feet, Phantasy whips him into the corner and goes to follow in... only to have York push himself in the air and float up-and-over him!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York evades an attack from Mike Phantasy, in the ring! From behind, Sebastian goes for a German suplex... but Mike is hanging onto the top rope!
On the floor, Casanova falls off the steel railing, taking this moment to crawl away from an agitated Chris Carson. Climbing onto the ring apron, he notices Sebastian York attempt to German suplex Mike Phantasy, instantly coming up with a plan.
Lex Robinson: Out of nowhere, Casanova climbs to the top rope. He leaps off...!
He flying sunset-flips over Sebastian York, bringing him down, not realizing that York takes Mike Phantasy with him!
Lex Robinson: But it's a combined German-suplex/sunset-flip!
Steve Hebert: Wait a second, Sebastian York is being covered... but he is holding Mike Phantasy down...!
Lex Robinson: Yup; and the referee os going for the cover...
The count is made...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Mike Phantasy kicks out!
Lex Robinson: Only because Sebastian York releases his hold, thus kicking out, as well!
Steve Hebert: Don't undermind me, you ass.
Lex Robinson: Just sayin'!
Still in the ring, Sebastian York gets to his feet and fights off both Casanova and Mike Phantasy. He nails Casanova with an elbow to the jaw, while striking Mike with some forearms. Turning his focus on Phantasy, he backs him against the ropes, only to turn around and notice Casanova charging at him with a spear...
LeX Robinson: York side-steps that spear from Casanova!
Steve Hebert: Ack! He accidentally takes out Mike Phantasy, his own partner!
Lex Robinson: Taking advantage of this, Sebastian York creeps up behind Casanova, knees him in the back, places Casanova's own left leg over his neck, while in a hunched position. Springing up, he sends Casanova flipping backwards, landing on his face! What a move!
Steve Hebert: What the hell was that?!
Lex Robinson: Whatever it was, it sends Casanova to the floor, where he lands at the feet of a brawling Chris Carson and Chris Extreme. Finished with Extreme, Chris Carson throws him over the ring railing and returns to stomping and kicking at his nemesis, Casanova!
Steve Hebert: Jesus, they just can't stop!
Lex Robinson: This leaves Sebastian York alone in the ring with Mike Phantasy, who tries to get to his feet with the help of the ring ropes. York, though; notices this and holds him across the middle rope, sitting across his back, choking him. Running across the ring, York speeds back, attempting to guillotine choke him across the middle rope by sitting on his back...
Steve Hebert: But he misses! Mike Phantasy rolls to the side! Dumping Morgana on the floor with a backdrop, Stevie Swing pops up, noticing this!
Hanging from the ropes, holding his crotch, Sebastian York is unable to escape the wrath of Stevie Swing, who climbs onto the ring apron and onto the adjacent set of turnbuckles. Flying through the air, Stevie connects with a guillotine-legdrop, snapping York off the ropes, driving him into the canvas!
Steve Hebert: What a legdrop! Stevie nearly took his head off! Oh, how I wish.
Lex Robinson: Stevie is making the cover. This could be it for Sebastian...
The referee drops down, making the count...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Morgy out of nowhere!
For the second straight time, Morgana interrupts an attempted pinfall from Stevie! This time, she jumps onto the ring apron and somersaults into the ring with a somersault senton that breaks the count!
Steve Hebert: That whore! That cunt! That slut! How dare she?!
Lex Robinson: Rolling onto her side, Stevie tries to slide out of the ring, away from Morgy, but Morgana grabs onto her hair, dragging her back inside, much to the joy of the fans!
Steve Hebert: Those snide little fuckers.
Lex Robinson: Kicking and screaming, Stevie tries to get away from Morgy's clutches, but it's all in vain... wait!
Mike Phantasy suddenly crawls up behind Morgana, while she is trying to bring Stevie back inside...
Steve Hebert: Mike Phantasy with the rollup!
The referee counts Morgy's shoulders to the canvas, while Mike Phantasy holds her in a schoolboy-rollup...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: It's only a two-count! She kicks out!
Steve Hebert: That actually let Stevie go free. People were questioning Stevie's choice of Mike Phantasy; but it's actually been brilliant! I told you he was like an assassin.
Both Morgana and Mike Phantasy rise, eyeing each other. To the side, Stevie Swing has tip-toed behind Morgana, hoping to catch her by complete surprise...
Lex Robinson: Now, Stevie Swing is up to something...
From behind Morgy, Stevie charges...
Steve Hebert: She goes for The Last Dance...!
...However, Morgana ducks! Stevie Swing's foot creams Mike Phantasy in the face, dropping him like a sack of bricks!
Steve Hebert: ...Oh. Oh Jesus. That wasn't supposed to happen!
Lex Robinson: Fata Morgana on Stevie Swing by Morgana!
Steve Hebert: Oh Christ.
Kicking Stevie to the floor, Morgana turns her attention to Mike Phantasy, who remains unconscious, in the ring. Swiftly moving into the corner, she springs herself to the top turnbuckle and nails The Morgasm onto Mike Phantasy!
Lex Robinson: Morgasm!
Steve Hebert: Oh, clean yourself up.
Lex Robinson: She hooks a leg...
The referee makes the count...
...1...
Lex Robinson: One...!
...2...
Lex Robinson: ...two...!
...3!
Lex Robinson: Three! Mike Phantasy has been eliminated! This match has been evened out!
Steve Hebert: Oh, fuck why.
Eliminated: Mike Phantasy (Team Stevie: 3 -- Team York: 3)
Morgana has zero time to celebrate the elimination, though; as Casanova is quick to go back on the attack. Sliding inside the ring, Casanova is quick to attack her with a running-forearm to the side of her neck, which he follows up by neckbreaking her!
Steve Hebert: Nice blindside there by a bloody Casanova, who rolls atop Morgy, looking for the quick pin...
The count is made...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Only a two-count! She's still in it; and will be for a long time!
Steve Hebert: Not if Casanova has his say.
Grabbing Morgana by her pink hair, he pulls her up to her feet and flings her into the corner. In here, he batters her with some back-elbows and then whips her across the ring. Chasing in after her, he goes for an avalanche splash; but she hops over the top rope and lands on the outer portion of the apron!
Lex Robinson: Casanova smacks into the turnbuckle pads!
Steve Hebert: Oh, for fuck's sake.
Lex Robinson: Morgana goes to springboard off the top rope... but Stevie Swing reaches up, halting her! Even worse, Stevie grabs her ankles and throws her carelessly to the floor, resulting in Morgy landing in a heap!
Steve Hebert: Good! No more of that spaceman Morgy.
Casanova stumbles around inside of the ring, not seeing Chris Carson slides into the ring behind him. With the fans throwing their support behind "The Creep", they egg him on, as he spins Casanova around, kicks him in the gut and then double-underarm DDTs him!
Lex Robinson: Double-underarm DDT by "The Creep"! He rolls over onto Casanova, looking for the pinfall...!
Again, the referee counts...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme enters the ring and nails a kneedrop to the back of Chris Carson's head!
Steve Hebert: He shows that he can still be useful! Good!
Lex Robinson: Grabbing "The Creep" by the ears, he lifts him up and batters him into the ropes with some slaps across the cheek. He goes to Irish-whip "The Creep" across the ring...
Steve Hebert: Oh shit, that gets reversed!
Bouncing back, Chris Extreme sees Chris Carson bent over, attempting a backdrop. The only logical conclusion for him is to sunset-flip over him, looking to drag him down with a pinfall.
Steve Hebert: He won't go down! "The Creep" is still on his feet! He's teetering, though... but he just won't go down!
Lex Robinson: Stevie Swing on the apron... she springboards through the air... and she hits a flying dropkick to Chris Carson, knocking him back into the sunset-flip! Chris Extreme has him rolled-up!
...1...
Lex Robinson: There's one...
...2...
Lex Robinson: There's two...
...
Steve Hebert: He kicked out! "The fuckin' Creep" kicked out! How did that happen?!
Lex Robinson: Luckily, he was able to jam both ankles together and strike them off Extreme's temples. That's how!
Meanwhile, Sebastian York slips back into the ring. Noticing the three-on-one disadvantage for "The Creep", he comes up behind Stevie Swing and lifts her onto his shoulders, placing her into a reverse fireman's carry position.
Lex Robinson: Out of nowhere comes Sebastian York! He hoists Stevie Swing onto his shoulders, looking for "Made For TV"!
Steve Hebert: Wait, no... he begins using Stevie Swing as a battering ram, of all things!
Lex Robinson: You're right! Casanova turns to him... bam! He's struck with Stevie's feet, knocking him into the corner! Chris Extreme rises... bam! Sebastian swings Stevie at him, knocking him back, as well! Now here comes Morgy, fresh off from being dumped on the floor!
Steve Hebert: Ugh, oh no.
Casanova leans against the ropes, holding his head, which has a tiny trickle of blood coming down, possibly from having the wound re-opened. In the adjacent corner sits Chris Extreme, who just been rammed by Stevie Swing's head, trying to recover.
Lex Robinson: Morgana jumps onto the top rope... and walks the top rope, as if it were a tight-rope... or a cat-walk!
Dashing across the top rope, Morgana immediately jumps off, nailing a running-kick/dropkick to Casanova's face, catching him by surprise!
Lex Robinson: What a move! Holy crap!
Steve Hebert: The cunt isn't even done!
Lex Robinson: Getting back out onto the apron, watching Sebastian York hold Stevie in the air, an idea seems to form in her head...
From the outer portion of the apron, Morgana again springboards off the top rope, landing hard on Stevie Swing with a double-stomp, as she's laying across York's shoulders! On top of this, she leaps off Stevie, landing a somersault-dropkick onto Chris Extreme, squishing him in the corner!
Lex Robinson: Oh my god! What a series of moves!
Steve Hebert: But... but... Chris Extreme! That was Morgcedes that did that!
Lex Robinson: Hey, they're on differing sides. You gotta do what yoy gotta do.
Steve Hebert: That cunt!
Dumping Stevie Swing to the outside via a reverse fireman's carry, Sebastian York turns around, watching as Morgana climbs back to the top turnbuckle.
Lex Robinson: Here we go... she's going to land something on Chris Extreme!
Having her back turned, Morgana doesn't see Chris Extreme desperately wobble his arms, in a daze, trying to regain his consciousness. Ultimately, he clocks Sebastian York with a punch to the genitals and then nails a Stunner on him!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Take out that metrosexual, Chris! My god, he's turning me bipolar!
Lex Robinson: I've noticed! Unfortunately, Morgana hasn't noticed that Chris Extreme is back up to his feet...
Ignorant to Chris Extreme's current position, Morgana swings off the top rope, contorting and twisting her body around... only to be caught on the way down with a Cock Factor from a confused Chris Extreme.
Steve Hebert: Holy shit! A Cock Factor! She fell right into Chris Extreme's cock! I knew it! She wants his big cock!
The force of the blow rebounds Morgana up to her feet, where she promptly walks into the Destiny Calling from Casanova!
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme looks shocked! I think that was accidental!
Steve Hebert: Destiny Calling! Holy god yes! I am fapping!
Laying across Morgana, Casanova hooks both of her legs, keeping the spitfire down...
Steve Hebert: He's covering her!
As usual, the referee makes the count...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme is looking on, not knowing what to do! He looks shocked, horrified and confused!
Steve Hebert: Maybe it'll bring back the old Chris Extreme. He was a nice guy; beating up black children, raping babies. What a kidder.
....3...!
Lex Robinson: That's three! Morgana has been eliminated! Listen to these fans jeer!
Steve Hebert: Joy has filled my heart. It truly is a Christmas miracle! Hallelujah!
Despite the horrified jeers from the fans, the referee aides Morgana in rolling out of the ring. She looks shocked, dejected and confused, not knowing what just happened. Eliminated: Morgana (Team Stevie: 3 -- Team York: 2)
Steve Hebert: York's team is at a disadvantage once again. There's no way he'll be walking out as a "grand slam" champ, at this rate! Not with Morgana gone.
Lex Robinson: I don't know. Sure, he has the Television Title; but remember, you also have to fight your teammates, if need be. That may have helped his cause.
Steve Hebert: Well Jesus, I didn't think of it that way. This might turn into a Christmas nightmare!
Lex Robinson: Casanova seems happy, at least.
Steve Hebert: For now.
Lex Robinson: And... uh... what's Stevie Swing doing?
On the floor, the cameras catch Stevie Swing rolling underneath the ring. She looks proud as a peacock that Morgy has been eliminated; but she still decides to hide under here, waiting for everyone else to clear out.
Steve Hebert: She's just like "The Creep", wanting to play Hide and--...
Lex Robinson: No, stop! ...Well, actually, maybe she is. She's hiding, at least. No one in the match spotted her roll under there.
Standing on his feet, listening to the boos pour on him, Casanova smiles, rubs some of the newfound, flowing blood off his forehead... and is then surprised with a high-knee to the back from Chris Carson!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" catches Casanova from behind and begins wailing on him with punches!
Steve Hebert: Jesus, he just can't leave Casanova alone tonight, can he?
Lex Robinson: He has his reasons.
Steve Hebert: You'd think he'd be happy with his Down's Syndrome child, but noooo!
Bloodstained himself, Chris Carson traps Casanova against the ropes, keeping him from stepping out. With a thumb to the eye, Casanova tries to push Carson away, hoping to find some space for himself.
Steve Hebert: A very smart move right there. Good job, Cas! You could say I give that a thumbs-up!
Lex Robinson: After that sneaky move, Casanova turns "The Creep" around and chops him across the chest, sending a wash of blood flying from him! Digging his fingers into "The Creep"'s eyes, Casanova grabs onto a piece of burnt flesh that had been hanging from him and rips it off!
Steve Hebert: Oh Jesus!
Lex Robinson: Even worse is that Casanova places that flesh in "The Creep"'s own mouth... and then punches him! After kicking Carson in the guts, he pulls him in, looking for that double-underhook piledriver!
Steve Hebert: ...but "The Creep" backdrops him, negating that move for the second time tonight! Thankfully, he can't negate that running-clothesline from Chris Extreme, who pops u[ out of nowhere!
With Chris Carson on the mat, still with his own flesh in his mouth, Chris Extreme makes his way to the top rope, looking to hit the Blitzkriegasm!
Steve Hebert: Holy shit, you don't see this very often. Chris Extreme is going to the top rope!
...Unfortunately for "Something Awful" Chris Extreme, a groggy Sebastian York pops onto the apron and pushes him off the ledge, sending him tumbling all the way to the floor! Out here, he crashes with a sick, disgusting thud, while York rolls into the ring, stopping Casanova from striking Chris Carson from behind.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York re-enters the ring, kicks Casanova in the stomach and then expoder suplexes him!
Steve Hebert: Casanova just exploded!
Lex Robinson: No, exploder suplex! In fact, he's covering Casanova...!
As usual, the referee counts...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: No! Casanova places his foot on the bottom rope!
Standing to his feet, an annoyed Sebastian York circles around Casanova, where he hooks onto both of his legs, grapevining them, only to lock in the Sharpshooter.
Lex Robinson: Fighting Mediocrity! Remember earlier, Casanova had his left knee smashed in by Chris Carson! This may aide Sebastian York in getting him to tap!
Steve Hebert: Casanova really is fighting mediocrity, too! He's fighting off Sebastian York, who won't let go off that stupid, awful hold!
Lex Robinson: The fans are on their feet, demanding Casanova to tap!
Steve Hebert: Don't do it, Cas. Don't listen to these idiots!
The pain shows on Casanova's face. Fortunately, he is soon saved by Chris Extreme, of all people, who groggily slithers back into the ring, nailing a jumping-knee to the front of Sebastian York's face!
Steve Hebert: Thank you, Chris Extreme!
Lex Robinson: I guess you like him again, hey?
Steve Hebert: As long as he's beating up metrosexuals such as Sebastian York. Hell, anyone that beats up Sebastian York is a hero to me!
Loopy, Sebastian York holds his face, thus releasing his hold on Casanova, who rolls into the corner of the ring. As a matter of fact, Chris Extreme suddenly drops down and then applies a Testicle Claw on York!
Lex Robinson: Oh no!
Steve Hebert: Oh yes! Look at him rub his scruffy hands all over Sebastian York's tiny cock! Squeezing on those testicles and that cock! Squeeze them good! Squeeze them until they're bleeding! His hand is squeezing them nice and hard.
Lex Robinson: ...What the fuck?
Steve Hebert: Sebastian York is in pain and rightfully so. Come to think of it, I'm kind of surprised that he even has testicles.
Shrieking out in pain, York tries to shove Extreme off him, but Chris hangs on like a horny cat. If you listen closely, you can even hear him hiss and purr, like a cat, as he clenches on Sebastian York's gonads even tighter! The only salvation for Sebastian York is Chris Carson, who gets to his feet, stumbles over to Chris Extreme and then forearms him in the jaw, almost breaking the hold!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is wailing away on Chris Extreme, trying to get him to release that grip!
Steve Hebert: He's latched on like a spider eating its prey! There's no hope for York! He's gonna have to tap out. I'm calling it right now.
Lex Robinson: A few more elbows and forearms are given to Chris Extreme's head, which finally gets him dizzy enough for "The Creep" to pluck him to a standing base. The holdis released!
Steve Hebert: Aw, fuck.
Pulling Extreme near him, Carson hoists him up into a vertical suplex position. Seconds later, he throws Chris Extreme forward, nailing "The C.C. Bomb"!
Lex Robinson: The C.C. Bomb! He hit it! All he needs to do is go for the cover!
Instead of covering Chris Extreme, "The Creep" turns him over onto his stomach, where he goes to apply "The Silencer"!
Lex Robinson: Carson's actually going for his submission move, The Silencer! It's gonna try and make Chris Extreme tap!
Steve Hebert: He's even fish-hooking Chris Extreme's mouth while applying this shitty hold! What the god.
Due to locking "The Silencer" in, Chris Carson is unaware of Casanova, sprinting to hisfeet, nailing a brutal running-knee to the face! This effectively releases the hold, enabling Casanova to lift him back up, mimicking a scene we've seen several times tonight.
Steve Hebert: Casanova saves Chris Extreme! Now that's unity, I guess.
Lex Robinson: What's worse is that Casanova is setting up for that blasted double-underhooked piledriver, again! He lifts "The Creep" up... and drops him on his head!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Finally! He hits it!
However, before Casanova can pin him, Chris Extreme rolls over, placing his arm across Chris Carson's chest!
Steve Hebert: Wait, what...? Chris Extreme is taking that pinfall from Casanova!
The referee notices this and begins counting...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Is Chris Carson finished...?!
....3!
Steve Hebert: Fuck yeah, he is! All thanks to Casanova! Chris Carson can return to the back and party it up with his stupid child.
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme actually stole that pinfall from Casanova. I don't know what to say about that.
Steve Hebert: Maybe Chris Extreme really is becoming the old Chris Extreme. Wouldn't that be nice and peachy?
Lex Robinson: Ugh... no.
The referee steps in and rolls Chris Carson out of the ring. "The Creep", who is still a bloody mess, does not remove himself from the ringside area right away, though; as he has been knocked silly with that piledriver from Casanova.
Eliminated: Chris Carson (Team Stevie: 3 -- Team York: 1)
Steve Hebert: Oh, get up, you old bum!
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson is unconscious! With all that blood loss, I don't blame him. He's going to need some paramedics... and an IV.
Steve Hebert: A blood transfusion, too!
Lex Robinson: Oh yeah; and that.
Hearing the latest elimination, Stevie Swing finally crawls out from beneath the ring. Noticing that it was one of her opponents that had been pinned, she happily rolls out and slides back in the ring, only to see Casanova exchange some unpleasant words with Chris Extreme!
Lex Robinson: That goddamn weasel, there she is. Look at her coming out now -- when her team is up 3-to-1.
Steve Hebert: That's being smart. You know, s-m-r-t.
Lex Robison: However, there's seem to be a rift between two of her partners -- Chris Extreme and Casanova, who's angry about Chris stealing the pinfall over "The Creep" on him.
Steve Hebert: He just wanted to rub it in "The Creep"'s face even moreso! I don't blame him. Chris Extreme is just selfish.
Lex Robinson: But... what?! I thought you were just rallying behid him?!
Steve Hebert: Eh, I changed my mine.
Lex Robinson: Go figure.
Stepping in between a squabbling Extreme and Casanova, Stevie tries to mend fences by pointing at Sebastian York, the sole surviving member of his team. She attempts to grab their attention, but it's futile, as they go nose-to-nose, wanting to fight each other.
Steve Hebert: My God, this is no time for kissing!
Lex Robinson: I knew this would happen! There's way too many egos in play for everything not too explode!
Despite her best efforts, Stevie doesn't realize Chris Carson has awoken on the floor. More importantly, she hasn't realized that Chris Carson is now maniacally wielding a chair, which he rolls into the ring with, targeting Casanova!
Lex Robinson: Whoa... look out!
Steve Hebert: "The Creep"... what the hell?!
Carson goes to slam the chair into the back of Casanova's skull; but he ducks! Instead, Chris Carson slams the chair off Stevie Swing's noggin', dropping her to the canvas like she's one thousand pounds!
Steve Hebert: No!
Chris Carson turns around and then nails Casanova, who cannot duck away this time, with the chair, firmly across the front of his skull! The steel chair actually breaks, thanks to the force Chris Carson put behind it!
Steve Hebert: No! No! No! Can this happen?! Is this legal?! Someone needs to get disqualified!
Lex Robinson: It's legal... I think! But Chris Carson needs to get out of here!
It takes a horde of officials running from the backstage area to pull a raging Chris Carson to the back, where he will be reunited with his son!
Steve Hebert: Get him out of here! Get him out of here completely, refs!
Lex Robinson: Various officials have to restrain him, in order to get him to the back! This is nuts! The only person left standing is Chris Extreme, who is left glaring at the carnage, not knowing what to do!
With his hands outstretched to the side, Chris Extreme looks around wildly, unable to accept what just happened. Unfortunately, he is soon greeted with a spin-wheel kick from behind frm a rejuvenated Sebastian York, which sends him scuttling out of the ring!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York is up! Everyone else is down! He turns his attention to Stevie Swing!
Steve Hebert: Not the World Champ! Stevie should have stayed under the ring. Ugh...
Lex Robinson: Sebastian lifts her up, places her on his shoulders in a Torture Rack position... "Made For TV"! He hits it!
Steve Hebert: Oh God... no... not like this!
Lex Robinson: He makes the cover! The referee is counting!
...1...
Steve Hebert: Not Stevie!
...2...
Steve Hebert: She can't go out like this!
...3!
Lex Robinson: We're gonna have a new World Champion! Stevie Swing has been eliminated! She will not be the Ultimate Survivor and she will not be walking out of here with the World Title!
Steve Hebert: No! No! Oh my God, no! This is terrible! Way to go, Chris Carson! Are you happy, you son of a bitch! Your accidental chairshot just cost Stevie the World Title! Who's genius idea was this?!
Lex Robinson: The fans are in an uproar. It's now 2-on-1!
Eliminated: Stevie Swing (Team Stevie: 2; Team York: 1)
Absolutely horrified and out of her mind, having lost the title in her own backyard, Stevie Swing tries getting back in the ring, wanting to hurt... someone. Her attempts are nixed by the referees and officials, though; who also have to come out and hold her back!
Lex Robinson: Are you going to tell Stevie to get out of here, too? Like how you did with "The Creep".
Steve Hebert: She was robbed! This is ridiculous!
Lex Robinson: Nevertheless, we're moments away from crowning a new World Champ. It'll either be Chris Extreme, Casanova or Sebastian York!
Steve Hebert: Sebastian York has already won enough this evening! Isn't that enough misery bestowed upon us?!
Lex Robinson: Hey, the fans are loving it. Can you imagine how excited they'll be if he can also walk out as World Champion?!
Steve Hebert: Ugh... I really want to puke, now.
Pumped up, Sebastian York rises to his feet, seeing Chris Extreme and Casanova slowly rise before him. Right away, he targets Extreme, sending punches to his face, knocking him into the corner. After this, he traps Casanova against the adjacent set of buckles, using some more kicks, punches, slaps and chops!
Lex Robinson: York is going to work on both opponents! Keeping Casanova trapped against the turnbuckle pads, he climbs onto the middle rope and begins wailing away on him with a flurry of fists, using a climb-and-pound technique. However, Chris Extreme shakes the dust off in the other corner and comes hurdling in...
Steve Hebert: Jumping through the air, Chris Extreme nails Sebastian York in the back with a leaping forearm! That's good enough to stop York from pounding away on a bloody Casanova.
Lex Robinson: Up next, Extreme ducks beneath York, pitting him in a powerbomb position, on his shoulders. He charges out, hoping to nail a running-powerbomb...!
Steve Hebert: No!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York reverses it with a hurricanrana! He goes to make a cover!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Casanova saves the day by charging out of the corner and kicking York in his miserable, stupid, ugly face!
Lex Robinson: Picking York up, Cas quickly knees him in the face... and then pulls him in, for what appears to be another double-underhook piledriver! This is what put Chris Carson away in this match, will it do the same here?!
Steve Hebert: Jesus, I sure hope so.
Underhooking York's arms, Casanova is taken aback by his opponent, who pushes him back, firmly shoving his way out of the piledriver position. Consequentially, this allows for Sebastian to snap upward and nail a spin-wheel kick to Casanova, taking him off his feet!
Lex Robinson: Spinning heel kick by Sebastian York! However, Casanova pops right back up... and so does Sebastian York!
Steve Hebert: Get him, Cas...
Lex Robinson: Attempting a lariat, Casanova is fooled by York, who ducks beneath the attack, swings around and then goes for a backslide!
The referee drops down, counting Casanova's shoulders to the mat...!
...1...
LeX Robinson: Chris Extreme jumps into the scene, landing on Sebastian York with some fists!
Steve Hebert: I never thought I'd say it again, but "Thank Hitler for Christ Extreme!"
Lex Robinson: Errr... it's Chris.
Steve Hebert: No, right now, it's "Christ".
Lex Robinson: But I thought your opinion was wavering on him!
Steve Hebert: It went way up after squishing York's balls.
Nailing some forearms and punches on York, Chris gets him to a kneeling position and then bounces off the ropes, hoping to deliver a running-kick to the jaw. His plan backfires when York not only successully rolls beneath his foot, but jumps up and nails a front-lungblower/chestbreaker on him!
Lex Robinson: So much for that, Chris Extreme!
Steve Hebert: He staggers back, holding his chest. That caught him off-guard!
Lex Robinson: It also causes him to stumble back and accidentally bump into Casanova! There they go, exchanging some more unpleasantries!
Steve Hebert: Oh, will you two stop?!
Lex Robinson: Thinking quickly, York goes on the attack, as he pushes Chris Extreme into Casanova, nudging them together! They bash skulls together, dizzying Chris Extreme, who is inside-cradled...!
Steve Hebert: Oh Jesus... no!
The referee counts...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: No! Chris Extreme reverses that small package!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Speaking of people with small packages, Sebastian York has just reversed the cradle into a rollup of his own...!
Lex Robinson: The referee is counting, yet again...!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Chris Extreme kicks out! Holy Jesus!
Awkwardly unclasping from each other, York and Extreme roll to their feet, while Casanova takes a breather in the corner.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York jumps at Chris, looking for a leaping-knee dropkick! But Chris side-steps it! Instead, he grabs onto York and sends him flailing to the canvas!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Not giving York a second to recover, Chris begins bashing his face in with stomps! Furthermore, he plucks Yorkbag to his feet, whips him into the corner and then sits him on the top rope. Rubbing his cock, Chris Extreme shouts that it's time for the end!
Lex Robinson: Nailing York with a stiff uppercut, he begins climbing to the top, taking a spot with Sebastian, while Casanova lays against the opposite corner, grinning at York's predicament.
Up here, Chris brings both of his hands together, sending a torrential shockwave rippling through Sebastian's temples and eardrums. Creating an unbalance equilibrium, this proves to be neauseating and dizzying for Sebastian York, who can do little to fight the aggressive Chris Extreme off!
Steve Hebert: He's gonna do it! He has a handful of York's hair...!
Jumping backwards off the top rope, Chris brings Sebastian York with him, nailing a Cock Factor off the top rope!
Steve Hebert: The Cock Factor! Oh my god!
Lex Robinson: Wow! He hits it! Chris Extreme is making the cover...
The count commences by the referee...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Wait, what?!
At the count of two, Casanova pulls Chris Extreme off York and then makes his own cover!
Lex Robinson: Casanova goes for a cover of his own! What the hell?!
Steve Hebert: I don't know, either!
Lex Robinson: Casanova with a lateral press on York, while Extreme looks on, pretty pissed!
The referee goes along with the pinfall...
...1...
Lex Robinson: One...!
...2...
Lex Robinson: ...two... and...
...
Steve Hebert: No! This time, Chris Extreme yanks Casanova off, stopping the pinfall!
Lex Robinson: The egos have landed!
The two men, who are still teammates, go face-to-face, pushing each other. Eventually, they go slap-for-slap, punch-for-punch, with no one there to seperate the two, as Stevie Swing has been eliminated.
Steve Hebert: Oh dear... no!
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme punches Casanova... who punches back, giving Extreme some forearms and facial-gouges! Casanova swings his elbow at Chris' head, but Chris ducks and punches Casanova in the jaw! Responding to that, Casanova pushes Chris Extreme back... only to have him stumble into Sebastian York, who hoists him onto his shoulders!
Steve Hebert: OH no! Why did Chris Extreme do that?!
Lex Robinson: Are you kidding me?! It was Casanova that started this entire fiasco!
Steve Hebert: Hell no, it was Chris Extreme that covered Chris Carson, remember?!
Going from Sebastian York's wobbly shoulders, to the canvas, Chris Extreme is dropped to the mat with the "Made For TV"!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York hits another "Made For TV"! He makes the cover!
Frantically, the referee begins his count...!
Lex Robinson: It's going to be one-on-one. The teams are going to be evaporated!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: This cannot happen! No!
...
Steve Hebert: Don't let Sebastian York pull this out!
...3!
Lex Robinson: The odds have been evened! Chris Extreme has just been eliminated by Sebastian York!
Steve Hebert: Chris Extreme has been eliminated by a homosexual man. He'll never live this down.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York is not--...
Steve Hebert: Say no more. I don't want to hear it.
Eliminated: Chris Extreme (Team Stevie: 1 -- Team York: 1)
Upon learning of his elimination, Chris Extreme appears very frustrated and annoyed. He goes to attack Casanova; but unlike his predecessors, he stops and walks to the back, looking disheveled.
Steve Hebert: Finally... some one-on-one action! I've been craving some for the longest time; and we're about to get it.
Lex Robinson: It's down to two men. Chris Extreme failed in his quest to become the two-time Ultimate Survivor. It's now up to Casanova or Sebastian York to be the last person standing and to the win the World Title!
Steve Hebert: With any luck, it'll be Casanova. At least I sure hope so. My cock depends on it.
Looking around, Sebastian sees no one else except for Casanova, who steps up to York. A tense cheer erupts around the ringside, with the fans solidly behind Sebastian York, who locks up with Casanova.
Lex Robinson: Here we go! It's like a brand new match!
Steve Hebert:If things continue like this, it means Casanova will lead the way, as he backs York into the corner, where he swats at his chest with a clubbing blow.
Lex Robinson: Don't speak too soon, Steve. As Casanova tries for another shot, only to have York swing out underneath his arm. Alternatively, York aims at Casanova's forehead, focusing on the cut that remains, and then whips him into the ropes. On his way back, Casanova can't escape from the leaping back-elbow presented to him from Sebastian, who pops back up, ready to return to the attack!
Striking with various stomps and kicks, Sebastian York corners Casanova, who uses a boot to the mid-section to find an opening. This shot to the groin enables him to bearhug York, lift him in the air and then drop back, hotshotting him face-first off the turnbuckle pads!
Steve Hebert: Out of nowhere, Casanova drops York on his face!
Lex Robinson: Rising to his feet, drenched in blood, Casanova hovers over Sebastian York, lifting him up by his hair and then holding him up in a suplex-position. Strolling forward, he throws York out of the ring, sending him crashing all the way to the floor!
Steve Hebert: Gravity sure kicked in that time!
Lex Robinson: Stepping to the outer portion of the apron, Casanova proceeds to enter the outside area, jumping onto the floor, where he measures York up.
Steve Hebert: He dashes at him, hoping to crush him against the steel post! ...Only to have York drop-toe-hold him, like a motherfucker, sending him face-first into the ring steps! Not good! Not good at all!
Lex Robinson: The fans respond kindly to this, as Sebastian picks Casanova up and rolls him into the ring. Getting onto the apron, York wastes no time in climbing to the top rope, watching and waiting for Casanova to rise...
Using all of his leg strength, Sebatian York soars through the air, catching Casanova with a flying crossboy-block!
Lex Robinson: Flying crossbody! Wait... no! Casanova rolls through it! He has Sebastian York in his arms! Furthermore, he scoops York up onto his shoulders and.... Death Valley Driver! Casanova makes the cover!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Come on! Get the three!
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: One... two... new cham--...
...
Lex Robinson: No! Sebastian York kicks out!
Steve Hebert: Fuck me silly!
Casanova, who is once again bleeding profusely, slowly gets to his feet, the bloodloss weakening him. As Sebastian York goes to rise, Casanova kicks him in the temple, wishing to keep him down. However, it isn't long until he lifts York up, wanting to go back to work on him.
Steve Hebert: Finish him, Cas! Oh God, do it. If he wins, I swear...!
Lex Robinson: Scooping York up, Casanova gently places him back on his face... but holds him in a reverse-facelock. From this position, he quickly swings his forearm/elbow around and drives it into York's neck/face, whilst dropping him to the canvas!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Perfect! Just like that!
Lex Robinson: That clubbing blow was like a hammer coming down on him. All Casanova needs to do is cover him...
Steve Hebert: I agree. Cover him! Oh god, why isn't he covering him?!
Lex Robinson: Instead of the cover, Casanova is opting to do something a little more high-risk, I do believe. Walking into the corner, he steps out onto the apron and ascends to the top rope...
His climbing isn't fast enough, however; as Sebastian York finds the energy within himself to recouperate.
Lex Robinson: York is up...
Running into the corner, he frenetically climbs the ropes, stands besides Casanova on the top turnbuckle and applies a side-triangle hold. From up here, he backflips off the top rope, with a moonsault exploder suplex!
Lex Robinson: Holy Christ! That caught Casanova by complete surprise! They just went flying through the air! Sebastian York is making the cover!
The referee counts...!
...1...
Steve Hebert: No! This can't happen! No!
...2...
Lex Robinson: There's two... and...
...
Steve Hebert: Casanova kicks out! Good god almighty! I can't believe it!
Lex Robinson: Neither can I! The fans were on their feet, fully expecting Sebastian York to be crowned the new champ; and... and... I don't know what else to say. It just didn't happen! Even York is amazed.
Steve Hebert: Ugh... this is insane!
For the second time tonight, Sebastian York walks around Casanova's feet and legs. Bending over, he hooks onto both of them and appears to try and Sharpshooter him.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York is going for another Fighting Mediocrity! He had this locked in earlier, but it was interrupted by Chris Extreme's testicle claw. Maybe it will work now?!
Steve Hebert: He's fighting it off, though. Casanova won't let him turn him over! Actually, Casanova uses the strength of his right leg to push York into the corner, smashing him against the turnbuckle pads!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York is quick to bounce out from those, though; allowing him to jack-knife pin Casanova!
Grabbing onto Casanova's legs, Sebastian York rolls through, hoping he has the body positioning to keep the vampire down...!
Lex Robinson: Count, referee...!
The referee drops down, beginning to slap his hand off the canvas...
...1...
Lex Robinson: One...
...2...
Steve Hebert: Oh no!
Lex Robinson: ...two...
...
Steve Hebert: Casanova bridges his way up! My god yes! More importantly, he keeps Sebastian York tucked in close to him! With a double-underhook, he goes for that piledriver...
Lex Robinson: But Sebastian York pushes him off, yet again! As a result, Casanova tries to nail him with a lariat... which gets ducked! Squirming behind, Sebastia York locks in a full-nelson, either trying to suplex him; or wear him down...!
Steve Hebert: The former World Champ, Casanova, is holding his ground, though; denying Sebastian York a chance at victory... and I goddamn love it!
Giving up on the attempted full-nelson suplex, Sebastian York spins Casaova around, kicks him in the stomach and then goes for "The Hunger"!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian's attempting that rolling fisherman's suplex move that he uses...!
Steve Hebert: No! Casanova swings out of it! He... no!
Lex Robinson: Out of nowhere, Sebastian hoists him up for "Made For TV"; but Casanova uses his fists to bash into York's skull, dropping him back to the mat! Bouncing off the ropes, Casanova returns, trying to hit a vicious running Yakuza kick; a move that he has become infamous for...
Steve Hebert: It's blocked! Shit! Sebastian York raises both hands, blocking the kick!
Lex Robinson: York pulls Casanova in and tries to clothesline him... but Casanova ducks! York turns around... Casanova grabs him... Destiny Calling! Casanova hits Destiny Calling!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Yes!
As soon as the move is hit, Casanova rolls onto Sebastian York, gaining a vociferous amount of jeers!
Lex Robinson: Casanova hooks a leg...!
The referee counts, for perhaps the final time...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: One... two...
Steve Hebert: He's gonna do it!
...3...!
Lex Robinson: Three! Casanova wins! Casanova is the Ultimate Survivor and is the new World Champion!
A wave of boos stream towards the ring, heralded from the fans, who immediately start a ruckus, souring on Casanova's victory.
Steve Hebert: Merry Christmas! God bless us, everyone! God bless Tiny Tim, even though Chris Extreme may have broke him! God bless Casanova, who probably doesn't believe in God... but that's okay because he's the new Sin Wrestling World Champion...!
Lex Robinson: [speaking quietly] ..and the Ultimate Survivor.
Steve Hebert: Ho... ho... ho!
A bloodied, beated, deranged, burnt and worn-down Casanova is handed the World Title, which he yanks out of the referee's hand with abandon. He doesn't even let the referee raise his hand, despite the efforts. The crowd is in an absolute uproar, angered at Casanova's victory, obviously hating his guts!
Lex Robinson: That's all for 2008, everyone! It's been a great year; and we cap it off with a new World Champion. What will 2009 bring?! How long will Casanova be the champ?!
Steve Hebert: Hey, he gets to pick who has the first title shot, too! Remember... because he beat "The Creep"! Remember? Huh? Remember!
Lex Robinson: Sadly, I remember. Fortunately for Chris Carson, he has been reunited with his son; but at what cost?
Steve Hebert: Fuck Chris Carson; this is Casanova's time!
When he straps the World Title around his waist, while standing over a fallen Sebastian York, the fans officially begin rioting, tearing apart Stevie Swing's house and smashing everything in sight. A fire is even started on Stevie's porch, which soon spreads to the main area of Stevie Swing's house!
Fire and anarchy sweeps throughout her entire household, as a Christmas Tree is seen burning to pieces. What a way to end 2008!
Winner: Casanova
Chris Extreme: No more. My contact is up. My life is up. My time is up. I have failed in every way imaginable.
The sound of a cocking shotgun is heard. The barrel of a gun is placed in his mouth and the camera pans back, showing flames bursting out of Stevie Swing's windows and doorways.
BANG!
Crimson covers the backyard walls of Stevie's house. Chris Extreme slumps to the ground, the gun landing at his side.
Is it all over for him? Have we seen the last of Chris Extreme?
Stevie Swing: Everyone calm down! Please!
She goes to squirt water from the hose. The water is frozen, however. Nothing comes out.
Stevie Swing: No! My house... my title...!
BANG!
Stevie Swing: What the hell was that?!
Erratic, she desperately tries saving her house, until she spots Chris Carson, looking on from the back, glaring at Casanova, who is celebrating with the title. "The Creep" has Chris Jr. at his side, who is eating cotton candy, amongst the rioting fans, making sure to stand close to his father.
Getting in his face, Stevie spits out some venomous words.
Stevie Swing: This is all your fault! You did this! I should be champion! Me!
Enraged, she turns around... only to bump into Morgana. Without saying a single word, Morgana slaps Stevie across the face, knocking her on her rear-end, while angry fans continue to riot and roar.
Turns out not everyone will be enjoying the holiday season, afterall.
Woke animal feelings in me
Took over my sense and I lost control
I'll taste your blood tonight
You know I make you wanna run from me baby
But know it's too late you've wasted all your time