Event Date: Sunday, May 27th, 2008
Theme Song: Ignite - "Bullets Included, No Thought Required"
The scene opens inside of a large library inside of Stockholm, Sweden. Bookshelves are scattered everywhere, with a large group of people circled around a wrestling ring, which is still being put together. Loud clanking noises can be heard being emitted from the crew working on building the ring, which infuriates an old, crotchety woman, who is the librarian. Standing behind her desk, her oily gray hair puffs up and she looks over her tiny glasses, angrily eyeing the crew.
Old Librarian: Shhhh... quiet, please.
Despite her pleas for peacefulness, her requests go answered.
Old Librarian: I said quiet!
Again, she gets no proper response, as the banging and clanking continues.
Old Librarian: That's it. If you people don't quiet down, I'm kicking you all out.
Not even ten seconds after those words are said, Stevie Swing walks into the library, holding a checkers board in her hand. Observing the scene, she is quickly pulled aside by the old lady.
Old Librarian: Do I have to repeat myself? This is a library! People are here to read! If you people don't hush down, I'm kicking you all out.
Surprised, Stevie Swing fires back.
Stevie Swing: Hey, whoa; this is my show tonight. No one's going to ruin this. Not some old bag like yourself.
Old Librarian: What did you call me?! Out! Now!
Stevie instantly shrugs her shoulders and then connects with The Last Dance superkick to the chin of the old lady, sending her reading glasses flying off her withered old face. The old woman remains crumpled on the floor, obviously having no more power over tonight's event.
Stevie Swing: I'll be goddamned if someone ruins my night. And I'm Jewish; I don't even believe in God.
Sticking her nose in the air, Stevie Swing walks off, proud to have total control over tonight's card. Speaking of which, it's time to begin the first match of the evening.
Guest Referee: Generic Heel
The image opens up with Gorgio already in the ring, looking very man-pretty in his meat suit, his hair all prim and proper, waiting to be devoured for his match to begin. Just like Booger, the fans are hungry for some action, ready to see what Stevie Swing has in store for everyone tonight.
A series of burps and farts play on the speaker system and Booger comes walking out, eating a taco, a ham sandwich and a slice of pizza. As he gets to the ringside area, he drops the foot, attempts to roll inside, gets stuck, and decides to wakl up the ring steps, instead. He then cautiously steps into the ring and waits for his match to start.
Up next, Generic Heel stumbles to the ring, possibly drunk, and wearing a referee's shirt and his usual mask. Rolling into the ring, he eyes Gorgio, pinches his meat suit and this makes Gorgio awkwardly pull away, not wanting to be touched. He then faces Booger, shakes his fist at him, and then calls for the match to start.
Booger, salivating at Gorgio, who looks quite afraid of the large, smelly behemoth, circles around the ring, trying to stay away from his competition. Unfortunately, Booger gives chase.
Round and round they go, Booger chases Gorgio around the ring, with the crowd cheering him on, wanting him to swallow Gorgio whole. However, as they continue to circle around, Booger tries out, eventually resulting in him tripping over Generic Heel's foot and falling on his face. Hoping to take advantage of this, Gorgio does a senton onto Booger, hoping for a quick pin.
Heck, he even makes a cover.
...1...2...
Just as the two is counted by Generic Heel, Booger literally launches Gorgio into the air, breaking the count. Amazed at this, Generic Heel gets to a kneeling position, appearing amazed at this feat.
With a voracious appetite, Booger stands to his feet, slaps his belly a few times and then begins to walk after Gorgio. Sadly, the meat suit makes it hard for Gorgio to stand, giving Booger the ability to catch up with him, punch him in the asshole and then spin Gorgio around.
...and then he powerslams Gorgio into the canvas, squishing him like a grape. In fact, juices spill out of the meat suit and splatter onto Booger's face, allowing him to hungrily lick the tasty liquids off.
After ravaging Gorgio with some punches and forearms, Booger begins licking his lips. He's hungry as fuck. It isn't belong long that the head of Gorgio is inside of Booger's mouth... followed by his upper-body... torso... legs and then feet. Soon enough, Gorgio's entire body has disappeared inside of Booger, who has swallowed Gorgio, without even chewing.
Stunned, confused, shocked and horny... all words that currently describe Generic Heel, who watches the previous scene occur. With no idea what else to do, he looks to the timekeeper and calls for the bell, giving Booger the victory. A victory by digestion.
Generic Heel lifts Booger's hand into the air, allowing Booger to proudly prance in position, glad to be the victor in this epic matchup. He soon pulls away, not wanting to touch Booger for very long and walks to the back, while Booger celebrates inside of the ring.
Winner: Booger
Sitting alone in the locker-room, holding the Television Title over his right shoulder, is Casanova, fresh off his victory over Morgana at the last Eternity. He seems almost in a trancelike state, wondering about tonight's events and what match he has been placed into -- when there's the sound of approaching footsteps.
Casanova: Who's there?
The door to him room creaks open, revealing the slim figure of Stevie Swing, who has her hand extended, holding a cross in the palm of her hand, trying to ward off Casanova.
Stevie Swing: Step back, demon of the night!
A blank, expressionless stare permeates from Casanova, as he calmly blinks at Stevie.
Stevie Swing: Wait, this does work... right?
Casanova shakes his head -- no.
Casanova: I'm afraid not, no.
Stevie Swing: Well Jesus. It's hurting me more than it's hurting you, then. Must be that Jewish thing.
Stevie looks at the palm of her hand, which has the cross burnt into her skin. Dropping it on the ground, she kicks it away, only to turn her attention back to Casanova.
Casanova: I'm guessing you've booked a match against me tonight.
Stevie Swing: Yes, how did you know?
Casanova: I read the card.
Stevie Swing: ...Oh. Well, I want the Television Title.
Casanova: Nah.
Stevie Swing: ...Fine, we'll have a non-title match, then!
Casanova shrugs.
Casanova: I could care either way.
Stevie Swing: Don't give me that sass! Furthermore, I noticed at the pay per view you got screwed out of your specialty match by that big, dumb goth, Lacklan.
Casanova: I wouldn't call it "screwed", as I beat him in two straight falls. But hey, it's my kind of match... we didn't get to have it... big deal. I'll live.
Stevie Swing: Right, right... how about if I told you that I've booked you in a bloodmatch match against myself tonight.
He stops to think for a moment, feigning being dumbfound.
Casanova: I'd say "Hell yeah, bring out the blood."
Stevie Swing: Hmmm... I see.
Casanova, now a little perked up, becomes aware of Stevie Swing's stipulation.
Stevie Swing: I have a World Title match coming up. I want to prepare myself and face the best possible competition I can. I'm ready, willing and able to bloody myself... and to bloody my opponent, too. You want it? It's signed.
A grin shows on Casanova's face, allowing him to flick his tongue across his pointy teeth.
Casanova: Sounds good to me.
Stevie Swing: Good. So, uh, what are the rules again?
Confused, Stevie Swing asks for Casanova to regurgitate the rules in a clever bit of exposition.
Casanova: We fight... "Last Person Standing" rules... except the opponent has to be busted open.
Stevie Swing: And if my period suddenly starts and I'm gushing from my vagina, does that count?
Casanova: No.
Stevie Swing: Phew. This match is... signed! Along with a classic bout of strip-checkers with Declan Turner and Morgana. You should check it out.
Casanova: I'd rather not.
Stevie rolls her eyes.
Stevie Swing: Fiiiine.
Throwing her hands up in the air, Stevie Swing rushes off, trying to control the rest of tonight's card. Casanova, on the other hand, stays behind, watching as she exits.
Ultraviolence Tournament
Kids are running everywhere, as the cameras opens up inside of a Swedish Chuck-E-Cheese. Andrew Hurley is shown inside, headed towards the ballpit area, even kicking a few children over along the way. Grabbing the wiffle bat from a kid's hand, as she is playing "Whack-A-Mole", Andrew Hurley snarls and walks away.
Andrew Hurley: Get out of my way, kid.
He pushes some more children out of the way, while making his way towards the balls. Jumping inside, he lands in the pit, sending balls flying everywhere; and no, that isn't a sexual euphemism.
The camera soon shifts to Chris Staggs making his way through the crowd of children, even stopping a minute to play with some. He gets caught up with one kid, whom he high-fives and talks to.
Chris Staggs: I have to go wrestle with Andrew Hurley in some balls right now. I am going to help him overcome his crippling meth addition. But I'll be back soon!
He waves goodbye to the kid and walks towards the ballpit, which is where Andrew Hurley is already located.
Chris Staggs: Come here, Andrew Hurley. I'll feed you a sandwich.
Upon seeing Andrew Hurley already in the pit, holding a red ball in his hand, aiming it at his opponent, Chris Staggs jumps inside... only to walk right into the pathway of the ball that is flung at him. The ball bounces off the tip of Chris Staggs' nose, causing him to reel back, allowing for Andrew Hurley to stumble forward and attack him with a shocking punch to the nose.
Directly after this, Hurley strikes with an elbow to the back of Chris' neck and then follows that with a quick suplex to Staggs, sending him into the pile of balls.
Chris Staggs: Wheeee!
Staggs crashes through the pile of red balls, feeling no pain, as Andrew Hurley rushes back to his feet, annoyed at Chris Staggs' playful nature. Like a vulture, he hovers around Staggs, who tries to get back up, only to strike him with some quick kneelifts to the face. These shots force Chris back, allowing for Hurley to grab him by the scruff of his neck and then bash his face off the wall.
In retaliation, after having his face smashed against the wall, Staggs fires back with an elbow to Hurley's face, temporarily shocking him. However, Andrew Hurley fires back with some punches of his own to Staggs, who then fires back, as well.
Both men slug each other with various fists, with Chris Staggs eventually getting the upperhand, thanks to some repeated punched to the jaw. When all is said and done, Staggs hoists Hurley up onto his shoulder and launches him like a rocket into the wall of the ballpit. This causes Hurley to slink down the wall, smashing into the pile of balls, which he soon drowns in.
Figuratively, of course.
Chris Staggs hunches over, reaching beneath the balls, hoping to lift Hurley to his feet, but is caught off-guard by a surprise kick-to-the-head from Hurley, who uses a snap-kick to Staggs' face to get himself back on top of the balls. Somewhat staggered, Andrew stands up, jumps towards a dazed Staggs and immediately brings him down with a Running STO, sending Chris hard into the balls.
Down here, Hurley covers the former Lust champion, looking for victory...
...1...
But victory is nowhere to be found, as Chris Staggs grabs a red ball, bashes it against Hurley's face and then kicks out of the pinfall attempt at the count of one. This places an annoyed Andrew Hurley on his knees, while in the pit, allowing for Chris Staggs to roll onto his side, trying to regain his footing.
As Chris Staggs goes to rise, Andrew Hurley reaches forth, giving him both a thrust to the throat and another chop to the back of his neck. Allowing for Staggs to stand, Hurley leaps forward, hitting a spin-wheel kick, knocking both he and Staggs down. Looking to wall of the ballpit, he notices a ladder, which is normally used for children to play with. This time, though, it's used by the grown man to try and launch himself through the air.
Soaring through the air, Andrew Hurley extends his leg, looking to land a flying legdrop on Staggs, but ends up hitting nothing but balls.
Again, not a sexual euphemism.
Thanks to this miscalculation, this gives Chris Staggs the chance to rise back to his feet, allowing him the chance to punt Hurley in the face with an unmerciful kick. After lifting Hurley up to his feet, Staggs winds up, looking to make a huge punch, only to stop at the last second and then poke Hurley in the eye, temporarily blinding him!
This causes Hurley to stumble backward, holding his eye, trying to regain his eyesight, thus enabling Chris Staggs to strike with "The First Dance", a superkick to the back of Hurley's head, using it as an ode to Stevie Swing! This results in Andrew Hurley sprawling forward, landing face-first into the pile of balls.
Picking up several red balls, Chris Staggs begins throwing some at a fallen Andrew Hurley, having them smash against the back of his head, rebounding into the crowd of fans that have gathered around, watching things unfold. In fact, several fans that catch the balls immediately fire them back, aiming them straight at Hurley, who has red welts on his body from everyone flinging the balls at him.
As this occurs, Chris Staggs stands back, encouraging everyone to throw some more balls; but alas, this gives Hurley the chance to scurry beneath the surface, hiding away from the damage.
Chasing after Hurley, Chris Stagges goes after Hurley, searching for him beneath the mass of rubber and plastic balls. Throwing balls away, digging for some answers, Chris Staggs is taken aback when Andrew Hurley is nowhere to be found. Alternatively, the fans are shocked when Andrew Hurley climbs out of the valley of the balls, standing behind Staggs, with something very lethal in his hands.
Having hidden a glass baseball bat underneath the mound of balls, Adrew Hurley has recovered it and is now standing behind Chris Staggs, ready to smash it upside his head. Aware of this, the fans chant out, trying to get Chris' attention. Unfortunately, their efforts are in vain, as Chris slowly stands, confused about the lack of a Hurley.
Shrugging his shoulders, he turns around, only to view the glass bat being swung straight at his face...!
At the last possible second, Chris Staggs ducks down, getting out of the way of the way! He stands back up, but he again ducks beneath another attack. For the third time in a row, Andrew Hurley swings the bat at Chris Staggs' face, only to have Chris reach in, block the attack and then yanks the bat out of his hands.
Now with the bat in his hands, Chris Staggs pulls back and then swings the bat forward, smashing the glass bat off an unprepared Andrew Hurley's face! Glass shards sprinkle in between the balls, as Hurley spills to into the ball, with Chris falling down on top of him, hooking a leg.
The pinfall is made...
...1...2...3!
Much to the delight of the fans, Chris Staggs gets the victory. Jumping to his feet, he holds his arms into the air and is helped out of the ballpit by the fans that stand around. Giving some whoops and hollers to his adoring fans, a cheering Chris Staggs walks away, glad to be moving to the next round.
Andrew Hurley, sadly, remains in the pit of balls, blood pouring of his forehead, while laying unconscious. The kids that he pushed over from earlier immediately gather 'round and begin heaving even more balls at him, which is how we fade out.
Winner: Chris Staggs
Booger sits in the back, reading a book, with an awful scowl on his face. He holds his left hand over his belly and he lets out a loud grunt, a sharp pain tearing through his gut. On his head is a giant bump which was given to him by Mike Phantasy, thanks to a glutton of chairshots at the last Eternity, which was held in a supermarket.
Booger: Ugh... my aching head and belly. I can't believe I ate my own mother.
Tears run down his cheek, causing him some sniffles.
Booger: And I'm soooo hungry. What am I going to do? I have to get this... thing... thing out of me!
He holds his book up, showing the audience the title of the book -- "Exorcising Your Demons -- And How to Make a Tasty Cake. All in 20 Minutes."
Booger: And I don't even know how to read!
He licks his lips, but suddenly, his eyes buldge out of his head, his face goes blank and he stands to his feet, dropping the book.
Booger: I know what I must do.
As if possessed, Booger begins speakout out loud, barely recognizing his own thought.
Booger: I must kill Mike Phantasy!
Like a zombie, he walks out of the room, presumably to kill Mike Phantasy.
We see Chris Staggs standing in front of Stevie Swing’s dressing room, as Chris Staggs is holding some toy flower from a little girl’s Fisher Price table set. He knocks on the door and a few moments later, the door opens and Stevie Swing steps out. Chris Staggs gives the fake plastic flower to Stevie Swing.
Confused, Stevie replies in the only way she knows how.
Stevie Swing: Uhm... thanks?
Chris Staggs: FO SHO!
Staggs stares at Stevie Swing.
Stevie Swing: You need something...?
Chris Staggs: Can I see your boobie--- err... I mean you want to go out sometime?
Stevie Swing: Chris, I’m a lesbian.
Chris Staggs: Your political views don’t bother me.
Stevie Swing: No, I like girls.
Chris Staggs scratches his head.
Chris Staggs: See, we got something in common besides being Jewish. I like girls, too!
Stevie Swing seems to get irritated.
Stevie Swing: I like pussy.
Chris Staggs: I like cats, too! I got a poster of a kitten hanging on a limb that says “Hang In There”.
Stevie Swing: ...I like eating pussy!
Chris Staggs: Awesome! I know a great Chinese restaurant.
Stevie Swing gets fed up and shuts the door. Chris Staggs looks over at Mr. Binky.
Chris Staggs: Dude, why did you do that? Stevie was fixing to say yes. Why bring up sweet and sour gives me gas? Anyway, Mr. Binky, I will get her to go out with me.
Chris Staggs grabs Mr. Binky as they head back to their locker room.
The scene returns and Carrick and Kaylie Vaughn Devlin are already in the ring. Both of the Devlins give each other a high-five and a hug for support while the referee starts to tie their ankles together. The crowd awwwwws in obligation.
The lights in the arena dim as the SW Screen lights up, signaling the entrance
of the youngest Sin Wrestling Hall of Famer.
King of Sin
The words illuminate the screen for several seconds, as fog begins to roll onto the stage and entrance ramp.
Down a hole, up a rope
Down some pills, up some hope
This karma machine only takes quarters
New age soldier, new age soldier
Matthew Good's voice creeps out of the speakers, as the lights grow all the more darker, and the illuminated words on the SW-Screen pulsate with color all the more rapidly. During the second time the words "new age soldier" are said, the song cuts and the stage erupts in silver colored fireworks. As the smoke begins to subside, the song picks up exactly where it lets off, and the SW-Screen begins to show highlights of Mike Phantasy's greatest matches.
Everybody's all right
Everything is automatic
And everybody's all right
Everything is skin deep
Finally, Mike Phantasy rushes out of fog to a cheering crowd, apart from a few die-hard Mike Phantasy haters. Phantasy pauses while walking down the ring-ramp to look around at the arena before him, grinning at the signs endorsing him. Then, he looks toward the ring, slowly making his way down to it; his upbeat demeanor slowly melting into a solemn one. When finally inside of the ring, Mike sits on the turnbuckle nearest to him and awaits the beginning of the match.
Phantasy smirks at the two lovebirds, all prepared for some damage as he waits for Cross to come out.
The arena blacks out and lights begin to flash all over the crowd in search of the man wielding the spotlight... "Say Hello" by Jay-Z is heard as the spotlight enlarges on top of the entrance ramp. No entrance video with an underground feel. Augustus Cross stands backwards with his arms in the crucifix position. He spins around, walking down the aisle calm and collected as the spotlight follows him to the ring.
While Cross waits to enter the ring, there seems to be some commotion back behind the curtains...and suddenly an enraged Booger storms out of the back, trying to eat whatever he can!
The audience scatters from that area, and Cross is one of those, wanting no business with the hungry tub of lard. The Devlins also panic and try to hurry their way through the audience, but doing it three-legged isn't so easy, as Carrick limps on his tied foot as the couple scampers away.
Booger charges to the ring like a mad bull, but Mike Phantasy doesn't appear to be moved by Booger, challenging him to come into the ring! Booger stumbles into the ring and gets a few punches to the shoulder, but even the fat layers there seem to protect him! Booger goes berserk and gives Phantasy multiple headbutts, backing him up to the ropes.
Frothing at the mouth, Booger tries to take a bite out of Phantasy's arm, but Phantasy manages to yank it out of the way. Booger just keeps headbutting Phantasy, and once Mike's to the mat, he sits on Phantasy, crushing him under his weight!
Booger lets out a huge belch and doesn't appear to be done! Soon, he's lumbering up the turnbuckle, almost breaking the thing in two! Once at the top, he comes down with a huge butt splash that quakes the ring and squishes Phantasy! Phantasy is drooling up blood after the attack, unconscious!
Before Booger has the chance to eat anything more (including the helpless Phantasy), a team of doctors and animal-control officers storm the ring. A few tranquilizers get lodged into Booger's back. The first few barely phase him and just anger him, but the next few finally silence the giant blob and drop him to the mat. The match ends with physicians tending to Phantasy, while Booger is dragged backstage as a sleeping mess.
Winner: n/a
It's a wonderfully-cool late evening in Stockholm. The bikini teams are out suntanning, the birdies are tweeting in the trees, and Chris Carson, complete with leather jacket and jeans, is out...shopping. SHOPPING, dude.
Chris Carson: I can't believe that Stevie's fuckin' makin' me do this.
A side-profile of Carson shows that he also has on one of those kiddie backpacks on, and Chris Jr. is strapped to the back, dangling his legs around, wobbling for help.
Chris Jr.: Daddy, I wanna walk around!
Chris Carson: No way. The last time I let you walk around, you ended up in big trouble. Daddy was docked a lot of money due to you using up all of that b...lady's makeup.
Chris Jr.: But Mommy does it all the time. Why can't I?
Carson sets the toddler down on his feet to talk to him.
Chris Carson: Listen, Junior. You're a boy like Daddy, right?
Chris Jr. nods his chubby head.
Chris Carson: So, you need to be like Daddy. You gotta be strong. Remember what I told you about shit?
Chris Jr.: [pointing at someone] Piece of shit!
Those who understand English in the shopping area stare. Carson ignores them.
Chris Carson: Well, the thing about being a man means you don't take shit from other shits, got me? You become strong and powerful like Daddy. You don't wear makeup like Mommy. You have to be strong, not like that York guy. Remember that, okay?
Chris Jr. nods his chubby face.
Chris Jr.: Okay!
Chris Carson: Good.
Carson straightens up again to mumble out of his kid's earshot.
Chris Carson: ...'cause Daddy has to find a fuckin' pink wig and something...Morgana would wear.
Carson looks like he's arguing with himself. Chris Jr., on the other hand, sees something good in a chocolates store.
Chris Jr.: Candy!!!!!
Chris Jr. scampers away while Carson window-shops.
Chris Carson: This show is gonna suck so hard. Like Yorkie's lips around a...hey! Junior!
Carson chases after a Chris Jr., who is chowing on chocolate from a chocolatier shop.
Both of Stevie Swing's opponents for Vanity sit at a table, with Stevie standing in front of them. The World Champ, Declan Turner, who has his World Title laid out on the table in front of him, has first move with the red checkers. His opponent, Morgana, has second move, using her very own pink checkers.
Stevie Swing: All right, you two. I'm wearing you down before our triple threat Ironman match at Vanity. Checkers are hardcore, so don't kill yourselves. And strip checkers is ten times worse. So, get to it.
Declan looks up at Stevie Swing, inquisitevely.
Declan Turner: Are you freakin' nuts? A checkers match?
Stevie sticks her finger in Declan's face.
Stevie Swing: Pip pip, you must do as I say. I'm the commissioner for this week; and I say you play some hardcore strip checkers.
Declan rolls his eyes and makes a move, followed by Morgy.
Morgana: Tehehe, I'm going to win this.
Declan Turner: The fuck you are, cunt.
Morgana: What did you call me?!
Declan Turner: Cunt!
A few more moves are made -- with Morgana hopping over one of Declan's pieces.
Stevie Swing: Ah! She jumped you! Take off you piece of clothing!
Declan Turner: What the...?
Stevie Swing: Do it!
Stevie Swing waves the contract for this match in Declan's face.
Stevie Swing: Do it... do it... do it... do it!
Morgana: Yeah, like she said... do it!
Declan looks across the checkers board, noticing Morgana.
Declan Turner: With pleasure...
Standing up, he opens his belt buckle and feigns pulling down his pants... only to swiftly duck down and kick off his shoes.
Declan Turner: There.
Morgana: Well, thank God.
Stevie Swing: How cheap.
The beeping of Stevie Swing's watch goes off.
Stevie Swing: Welp, it's time to watch the Deadliest Catch-as-Catch-Can Match I have. It's going to be an insta-classic. I mean, who wouldn't like watching Sebastian York dressed as a crab?
Like a horny schoolgirl, Stevie Swing races off, ready to watch the match she made, while Declan and Morgana square off in an epic game of checkers.
Morgana: ...And I jump you again.
Declan Turner: What the fuck?!
Declan angrily removes his socks, as the screen fades out.
Ultraviolence Tourament
We go to a live feed of some random body of water. A rickety old boat is being battered by waves a’plenty, rolling and rocking and lurching with each wall of water. Another camera on the boat shows a Sin referee in a black and white striped parka, bracing himself on the deck. From one end of the screen, Devon D'Andre enters. From the other hops Sebastian York, who, in his merman costume, is about as useless as a retard in a potato sack. Devon, for his part, laughs at Sebby, who shrugs.
Sebastian York: Whatever fag, all the chicks dig scales. Stevie Swing totally wants to jump my Sebby-Bone. And Morgana, too.
Devon laughs again and spits a loogie at York. It connects with his sexy face. This enrages York, who lurches forward with a wild haymaker that D’Andre easily dodges. York loses his balance on the slippery deck of the boat and falls flat on his face. D’Andre can hardly contain his laughter. It is cut short though, because York, aided by his huge, rubbery fish tail, sweeps Devon to the deck. York scrambles to his feetfin and quickly leaps into the air, connecting with a jumping fin drop. The referee, who is quite useless other than to determine if somebody really has been thrown off the boat, signals for the match to begin. In the distance, a bell on a buoy rings.
York mounts D’Andre, but seeing as he can’t separate his legs, he mostly lays on top of him in a homoerotic fashion. York props himself up by his arm and cocks a fist, but the boat lurches and Sebby catches the deck with his swing. He yelps out in pain, and D’Andre kicks York off. York is back to his feet momentarily, but he stumbles back and lands amongst a pile of crab traps.
D’Andre gets to his feet and stalks Sebastian. He picks up one of the crab traps and hurls it at York, who rolls out of the way. The trap bounces off the rest of the traps and sails into the briny deep. D’Andre leaps after York, grabbing onto his tail, but York squirms and wriggles, and with an audible pop, he is free from D’Andre, and also free of his fish tail.
He is also completely naked. Unashamed, York scrambles to his feet, making it up just before Devon gets to his, still holding the merman costume. York charges at D’Andre, but another lurch sends him off target with a clothesline. He turns around, and D’Andre trashcans York with the fish costume! York stumbles around blind and essentially hogtied, with D’Andre laughing all the time. Sebby follows the sound of D’Andre’s voice though, and charges at it, looking to slice Devon’s head off with the hard rubber tail. D’Andre simply steps out of the way. York turns around, and D’Andre kicks York in his exposed junk!
York goes down, the pain from his crotchital regions firing through his body. D’Andre rips off the fish tail and chucks that into the sea, then goes for a fist drop, which connects. Devon brings York to his feet and rushes him towards the navigation room. The ship lurches forward though, and both men are taken off their feet and hurled through a pane of glass!
York and Devon lie in a pile of shattered glass, bleeding from every exposed area, which, for York, is everywhere. Somehow though, he is the first man to move. He rolls over, and his hand lands on a sharp, silver hook. Devon D’Andre makes it to his feet, just in time for the boat to start rumbling with some strange, other worldly power. He shields his eyes as a burst of brilliant light shoots from the hook, and Sebastian York is lifted into the air.
The hook seemingly melds with Sebby’s hand, and from it, an orange, scaly substance crawls out, covering his upper body, becoming green, then covering his lower body. When the transformation is complete, York looks at his hook, grins murderously, and advances towards D’Andre, who is laughing once more at York. Sebastian stops his advance.
Sebastian York: What?
Devon D’Andre: Aquaman? Only you could be fag enough to be mystically changed into Aquaman in the middle of a wrestling match.
Sebastian York: What’s so bad about being Aquaman? Imagine all the mer-snatch one is likely to get.
Devon D’Andre: Mermaids don’t have snatches, you thick fuck. Besides…Aquaman is fucking useless…unless he’s…on water.
York resumes his murderous grinning and slashes at D’Andre with his hook, catches him, and cuts into his chest. D’Andre groans and looks for a weapon of his own and finds one in the form of a harpoon gun. He fires it, and York dives out of the way. It strikes the captain of the ship’s ornamental globe, and the line pulls taut. York advances on D’Andre with the hook again, but he yanks on the gun, pulling the globe out from its cradle and towards him. York is standing in the way of it though, so he catches the globe with the back of his head. This stuns York, enough that D’Andre is able to drive the butt of his harpoon gun into York’s forehead. The former Television and Impulse champion goes down in a heap.
Devon D’Andre: Fuck the match, I’m getting off of this boat.
D’Andre leaves the navigation room and winds up on the main deck again. The water begins moving faster and faster, rocking the boat more furiously than before, and there’s the sound of thunder and streaks of lightning across the sky. D’Andre looks back and sees York standing in the navigation room with his hook pointed to the sky. Above York, the clouds are swirling. He is the eye of this nautical storm. D’Andre panics, then does about the only thing he can: looks for a weapon. He finds only a bag of crabs. He picks it up and starts whirling it above his head. Sebastian York has a better idea though.
Sebastian York: Crabs! To me!
The bag of crabs rips itself from D’Andre’s hands and scuttles across the deck to Sebastian. He smiles.
Devon D’Andre: This is madness!
Sebastian York: Madness?
York slices open the bag of crabs. They begin to scuttle towards D’Andre.
Sebastian York: Actually, that’s a pretty good word for it.
D’Andre looks for an escape route, but there’s only one: The Sea. He puts his back to the railing of the boat, and is soon beset on all sides by the murderous intent of Sebastian York’s crab army. He kicks a few away, but soon, he can’t hold them off. They climb, scuttle, and pinch all over his body until they’re all free in the ocean and Devon is little more than a quivering wreck of a man, waiting to be knocked off the boat. York charges at D’Andre, who falls over just as Sebby is about to take his head off. York goes head over heals over the railing, and a large splash can be heard! The referee checks, and York is overboard! He raises Devon’s hand in victory!
D’Andre gets to his feet and looks overboard, and, to his amazement, sees York riding away from the boat on the back of a dolphin. For some reason, he starts to laugh.
Winner: Devon D'Andre
Chris Carson is lugging his kid into the arena, who is just covered in...something brown. Don't worry--it's chocolate. meanwhile, he also has a big bag of...well, you'll see in his next match.
Chris Carson: For crying out loud, I told you to not run away! I had to pay a shitload for everything you ate!
Chris Jr.: But Booger does it!
Chris Carson: Booger's got a mouth to feed!
Carson grumbles as he notices the time.
Chris Carson: Crap! I've got to get ready for this...goddamn hellhole of a match. At least I'll get my gold back.
Carson finds the first person he thinks he can trust. He plops Chris Jr. into the reliable hands of...Ace Rodgers?
Chris Carson: You're not a chick. You take care of Junior.
Ace Rodgers: Hwah? Carson, what the...?
Chris Carson: Just do it! I have a match to get ready for! Give him a bath in a sink and make sure he doesn't get into trouble!
"The Creep" marches off, already putting his pink wig on. Ace just stares at the choco-covered Chris Jr., who makes a bit of a face.
Chris Jr.: Oh-oh. Gotta go pee.
Ace Rodgers: You...already have...
Chris Jr: I gotta pee!!
Ace Rodgers: Ugh...
Ace slaps his palm off his face as the screen fades out.
The arena lights drop to nothing, as “Right Now” by SR-71 begins to play. A spotlight flares to the stage, revealing Keeley Powers heading toward the ring, looking very serious, far from her normal exuberant air-guitar antics. She slides into the ring and slinks over to the corner, glaring intently at the entrance, waiting for her opponent.
The lights go dim and "I love the Cocaine" by Buckcherry plays. Roxy Erikson does a cartwheel to the middle of the stage and throws her arms into the air, before suddenly charging down the ramp and sliding into the ring! She's carrying a large bottle of wine, which she quickly swings at Keeley, just missing her face! Keeley ducks it though and responds with a dropkick to the back of Roxy's head, causing her to drop the wine bottle on the mat, as the bell finally rings, officially starting the match.
Keeley quickly circles Roxy before she can recover, and grabs her arm, twisting into an arm wrench, before leaping up to headscissor Roxy to the mat, and holds her there, her legs clamped tight around Roxy's neck! Roxy struggles mightily, but seems overwhelmed by Keeley's leg strength, until she yanks hard on Keeley's flared pants, revealing, to the excitement of the male part of the audience, roughly half of Keeley's bare ass!
Keeley suddenly releases the hold, pulling her pants back up while turning somewhat red at the hollers and whistles of the audience. Roxy rises as well, though, and spears Keeley in the back, driving her into the mat! Roxy grabs her by the hair and drags her over toward the corner, before sliding out, and yanking Keeley's hair around the corner post! Roxy yanks hard, and Keeley's head bangs off the ring post! Again, and again! Keeley finally slumps out to the ring floor as Roxy releases her, revelling in the handful of hair she now has in her hand.
Roxy lifts Keeley up onto the ring stairs, before straddling her, and thrusting her crotch against the back of Keeley's head. She screams something about taking her job, before finally slapping the back of Keeley's head and getting off of her. Unfortunately for her, Keeley uses this time to finally catch her bearings, and chops Roxy hard in the abdomen, before rising and side kicking her right in the knee, dropping the whore to one knee and clutching the other in pain.
Keeley drags Roxy back into the ring, kicking and screaming all the while, before planting her hard to the mat with a DDT. Keeley begins to climb the ropes, most likely looking for the Hurricane Keeley, but Roxy rises before, and awkwardly pushes Keeley off balance. Keeley stumbles off the turnbuckle, but lands cleanly on her feet, and shoves Roxy into the corner, before clubbing her repeatedly with elbows and forearms. Roxy's busted open quickly, and only saved by the onslaught by the referee, who tells Keeley to back off from the corner, only to be accidentally kicked right in the crotch by Roxy trying to fend her off herself!
The referee slumps to the mat in agony, as Keeley only stops for a moment, before ramming her shoulders into Roxy's abdomen over and over. Keeley finally pauses, as Roxy finally seems to catch her breath, only to receive a fist full of nails from Keeley to her eyes! Roxy seems as stunned by Keeley's underhanded-ness as everyone else in the audience, but only for a moment, before Keeley rears back and blasts her right in the mouth with a nasty right punch!
Roxy collapses to the mat, and Keeley drags her into the middle of the ring, where she clamps on a camel clutch, yanking back on Roxy's bleeding face with her nails! Roxy screams in pain, before tapping out furiously, but the referee is looking away, only now slowly rising to his feet, gently cradling his bruised balls. Roxy reaches around in agony, before coming across the wine bottle with one hand! She grabs it by the neck, and flings it upward, and it explodes into a cloud of fizz and glass shards against Keeley's face! The referee turns around in confusion, only to be showered with wine and glass!
Keeley Powers slumps to the mat, her eyes rolling back into her head as her face begins bleeding in several places. Roxy looks to the referee, shrugging in apparent confusion, while tossing away the jagged neck of the bottle out of sight. She covers Keeley!
...1...2...3!
The referee raises Roxy Erikson's arm in victory, as she stares down at Keeley Powers, who has officially lost her spot in Sin Wrestling to her coke-addled competitor.
Winner: Roxy Erikson
The sound of a flushing toilet is heard and the bathroom door squeaks out, revealing the form of an alone Chris Carson Jr. He goes to rejoin Ace Rodgers, when Jay steps out of the shadows, standing in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. She has on a pink wig, pink tights and pink and white boots; dressed up ala Morgy. Looking up, Chris Jr. scratches his head and questions her.
Chris Jr.: Uhm... hi, aren't you that woman...
Jay: Yes, yes; I'm Morgana.
Chris Jr.: Oh okay. You're a mean lady!
Jay: Why yes, I am.
Chris Jr. goes to walk off, but Jay grabs onto his shoulder.
Jay: Hey, kid, wait.
Chris Jr.: What?
Jay: Don't you want to learn some new words? Like fuck. Fuck... fuck... fuck.
Chris Jr.: Hmm...
Jay: Come on, say it: fuck!
Chris Jr.: Fu--...
A startled Ace Rodgers walks into the scene.
Ace Rodgers: Chris Junior! There you are!
He wipes a bead of sweat from his brow.
Ace Rodgers: I thought I had lost you. Your dad's match is up next. Oh, and hey Morgy.
Ace obviously doesn't realize the difference.
Jay: Errgh...
Ace grabs Chris Jr.'s arm, about to pull him away, but Jay grabs him again.
Jay: Don't forget that word I taught you. And here, here's some books I think you'd like!
Jay hands Chris Jr. some Playboy magazines that had been stuffed inside of the Swedish library.
Chris Jr.: Yay books!
Ace whisks Chris Jr. away, while Jay smirks, happy to be morally corrupting Chris Carson's son.
Impulse Title
The lights dim into a bloody red glow, then throb to life with a guitar riff like an alarm. Pyro fires off in red flares. As the song evolves into a rhythmic drumbeat and bass line, a haunted version of Queens of the Stone Age’s "Sick, Sick, Sick", Chris Carson comes out with a pink wig on his head, dressed in pink wrestling attire, getting laughed at by everyone in attendance. As he walks to the ring, he fights with random drunk Swedish fans that insult him in their Scandinavian languages, even threatening to knock them out.
Nevertheless, he reaches the ringside area and rolls inside, looking very peturbed about having to dress like Morgana, his former nemesis. Standing in the corner, he awaits the arrival of Jay, who also must wrestle under the stipulations of the match as made by Stevie Swing.
"Bang Your Head" by Dope Stars Inc. begins to play and the lights fade as dizzying white spotlights begin to swirl around the audience. Jay James walks out from the back, also wearing a pink wig, with the Impulse Title wrapped snugly around her waist. She makes way to the ring, where she crawls inside, stands to her feet and gets some cheers from the crowd. Afterwards, she removes her title and hands it over to the referee, who holds it in the air, signalling the title defense.
The last time these two met, it was when Jay was in The Collective, in a No-DQ match, which saw "The Creep" smash her through two chairs put together. Hoping that things will be different this time, Jay steps towards her opponent and stares him down, allowing him to smirk at her.
She starts things off with a slap to Chris Carson's face, washing his face off with the palm of her hand. However, he promptly fires back with a forearm to her face, leaving her to retort with a forearm of her own. As Chris goes to strike with another punch, she ducks beneath the attack, circles around him and then kicks him in the back of his leg, dropping him down to one knee.
From this position, Jay begins unloading with various kicks -- striking him in the chest and to the back, leaving him breathless, gasping for oxygen. This allows for her to bounce off the nearest set of ropes, rebound back and strike with a seated-dropkick to the face of Chris Carson, smashing both of her boots into his face.
Standing back up, she starts hammering with some kicks and stomps to Chris Carson's chest, trying to keep him from mounting an attack. Ultimately, it fails, as when "The Creep" returns to a kneeling position, he is able to push himself up to his feet, wrap his arms around Jay's waist and push her into the corner.
In here, he batters her with some chops and punches, which almost knock the pink wig off Jay's head, which the fans obviously are not liking. He opts to whip her into the opposite corner and then follow in, nailing a running-clothesline into the turnbuckles on her. Next, he lifts the Impulse Champion onto his right shoulder and then sits her on the top turnbuckle pad.
As he goes to climb to the second turnbuckle, joining her in mid-air, Jay fires back with a stiff kick to his jaw, rendering him silly. This shot forces him to stumble back, holding his chin, allowing Jay to measure him up. Reaching forward, she reverse-facelocks him, leaning back over the top rope, while wrapping her legs around his waist.
Unfortunately for her, he is against the ropes, which means she must break the hold by the count of 5. The referee counts...
...1...2...3...4...
Before the disqualification can occur, Jay releases her hold and kicks "The Creep" back. She realizes he is turned around, down to one knee on the canvas, while still on the ropes. Taking her chance, she jumps off the ropes and flies through the air, hitting a flying knee to the back of his skull!
Taking advantage of the fact that Chris Carson is laid out in front of her, sitting on his rear end, Jay instantly sits on his shoulders and reaches forward, grabbing onto both legs. Using effective measures, she pulls back, using the Stump Puller to try and force a submission, but "The Creep" hangs on, refusing to tap out.
Upon realizing Chris Carson's resilience, Jay releases the hold, freeing him. Hovering over the former Television Champ, she goes to pick him up, but "The Creep" has other plans.
Using his left elbow, he jams Jay in the gut, stands to his feet and then uppercuts her. This move knocks her off balance, allowing him to come up behind her, hoist her up into a back-suplex position and then drop down. After this, "The Creep" surges to his feet and listens to the jeers pour in on him, deciding to revel in this by kicking at a fallen Jay James.
Before Jay can rise, Chris Carson latches onto her right arm, holding it up and begins kicking at him. Furthermore, he rolls her onto her stomach, scissors her right arm between his legs and then pulls up, applying a Fujiware Armbar. Using all of his stength, he looks for a submission, but the crowd rallies behind Jay, trying to get her to find an escape.
Rolling around, she finds nothing but pain. The only way she can free herself is via a schoolboy-rollup, which she successfully pulls off...
...1...
Not the least bit surprised, Chris Carson easily kicks out at one, continuing the match for the challenger, who rises back to his feet, kicking Jay in the temple. These kicks keep Jay grounded, as she holds onto her right arm, with "The Creep" returning to it like a rabid dog.
Grabbing a handful of hair, Chris forces Jay to her feet, applies a wristlock onto Jay's right arm and then begins delivering some shoulderblocks to it, coupling those blows with some punches. Backing into the corner, he wraps her right arm around the top rope, trying to bend it in a way which it wasn't meant to bend. It isn't until the referee comes in that he releases the hold.
Stepping back, Chris Carson heeds the orders of the referee, only to hungrily return to action by kicking, stomping and whipping on Jay's arm! Grabbing her by her pink wig, he chops her across the jaw and then dumps her over the top rope, while still holding onto right arm.
Screeching of pain are heard from Jay, who hangs over the ropes, the same way "The Creep" hanged Sebastian York last week, too. As he holds her in this position, kicking at her arm as she hangs, Chris Carson Jr. makes his way out, skipping to the ring, having gotten away from Ace Rodgers.
Chris Carson Jr. scampers past the fans, making his way to the ringside area, where he stands banging on the steel steps, cheering on his father. In the meantime, the referee motions to Chris Carson to release the hold on Jay, telling him that he has until the count of 5.
...1...2...3...4...
At the count of four, Chris Carson Jr. climbs into the ring, trying to make a mess of things, but this catches the attention of the referee, annoying him. The referee's attention goes from Chris Carson's lethal hold onto his son, who is running around in the ring, trying to look silly for the fans.
Becoming aware that the referee's attention is focused on Chris Jr., Chris Carson increases the pressure of the hold, pulling even harder on Jay's right arm, making her bellow out in pain. Unfortunately for her, the referee is too busy with Chris Jr. to intervene, which means "The Creep" can only pluck harder.
Eventually, the jeers of the fans turn into cheers, as they notice Sebastian York charge down from behind the curtain, still soaking wet from being thrown into the water. Ignoring this, he hussles down to the ringside side, slides inside and grabs Chris Jr. Lifting him up, he removes a kicking and screaming Chris Jr. from the ringside area, beginning to carry him to the back.
Overhearing this, Chris Carson releases the grip on Jay's arm, turns around and angrily looks and shouts at Sebastian York -- demanding that he release his bratty son. Jay uses this to her advantage, as she slides into the ring, sneaks up behind "The Creep" and goes for an O'Connor Roll, trying to roll him up into a pinfall...
The referee counts...
...1...
As the referee's hand strikes the mat, Chris Carson is able to slide out from the hold, thanks to Jay's injured arm, and give his own rollup. Instead of maintaining the hold, however; he slips out, grabs onto Jay's right arm, turns her onto her stomach and then applies "The Silencer". With all of his might, he digs kee into her back, while chicken-winging her right arm, applying even more added pressure.
Within seconds, Jay is submitting from the hold, thereby crowning a new Impulse Champion! Releasing his grasp on Jay, he drops her to the canvas, kicks on her right arm and then turns back toward Sebastian York, who has released Chris Jr., who runs down, gets into the ring and celebrates with his father.
Chris Carson holds the Impulse Title high in the air, as Chris Jr. skips around, while jeers pour in on "The Creep". He points at Sebastian York, who looks displeased at the turn of events, while Jay remains on the canvas, holding her right arm.
Before the camera switches, it shows "The Creep" happily ripping off the pink wig and removing any other Morgana'ish accesories, glad to celebrate as himself.
Winner: Chris Carson
"So, how's things going back here? Anyone naked yet?"
Stevie Swing speaks out, trying to get under the skin of Declan Turner and Morgana, who are seated across from each other, still playing their game of strip checkers. Thus far, Morgana is decked out in a fuzzy pink bra, but still has her pants left on. Unfortunately for Declan, clothes are becoming scarce for him, as he is now down to an undershirt and underwear.
Declan Turner: Fuck checkers. I've always been a "chess man", anyhow.
The World Champ glumly sits back in his chair, allowing Stevie Swing to playfully slap him on the cheek.
Stevie Swing: Buck up.
Annoyed with that, Declan stiffly warns his future World Title contender.
Declan Turner: Touch me again; and Casanova won't need to slice you open. I'll do it myself.
Taken aback, Stevie Swing pretends to act shocked.
Stevie Swing: Why, Declan, I never. You're so angsty! What's next? You're going to remind me, Morgy... and pretty much everyone else that you're the World Champion?
Declan Turner: You better believe I'm the World Champion, I--...
Morgana: GAY.
Stevie Swing: I think Morgana is getting antsy.
Morgana: [looking at Declan] It's your move, asshole.
Grumbling, Declan leans forward and moves on his checkers pieces. Just as he does this, a bright smile spreads across Morgy's lips.
Morgana: Hah! I got another piece!
Declan Turner: What the fuck? [he turns to Stevie Swing] Get out of here!
After pushing Stevie away, Declan is forced to sit in only his boxers. Sickened at this turn of events, Stevie Swing begins to walk away.
Stevie Swing: "The Collective"? More like a collective of filthy undergarments.
Continuing to feel kind of high-strung, Declan continues playing checkers, wishing to mount a surprise comeback on Morgy. As this happens, Stevie Swing goes to the entrance, about to wrestle in tonight's main event.
The camera view shifts to the backstage area, where it shows a referee walking towards the ring, ready to ref the final match of the evening. He is whistling to himself, minding his own business, even taking a minute to check his watch... when all of a sudden, a ladder falls on him, crushing him!
Referee: Unfghh...
Just then, we see a man wearing a ref shirt and red cape jump out as his face is covered by a Scooby Doo mask. Masked Ref: NEVER FEAR! SUPER REF IS HERE! FO SHO!
Super Ref jump up and forward, as if he is going to fly off-camera... only to make a loud crashing noise. The camera swiftly turns right, showing The Super Ref dusting himself off.
Super Ref: Must have grabbed the wrong cape. Anyway, off to the match...!
The Super Ref hurries to the ring, walking as if he were Chris Staggs. Hey, wait a minute...
...Nah.
Everyone is expecting the competitors for tonight's main event to come out, sitting on their thumbs, waiting for an entrance from either Stevie Swing or Casanova...
HOORAY FOR STEVIE'S BOOBIES!!!!
Alas, they get something else.
"The Bad Touch" by The Bloodhound Gang blares and Chris Staggs The Super Ref appears, doing "the running man"... only to stop, remembering that he is giving away his identity. Chris Staggs The Super Ref shrugs his shoulders, breaks into the Macarena and then stumbles towards the ringside area, where he stops near a fan, grabs some popcorn from the fan's tub and slides inside, where The Super Ref begins doing the "Tootsie Roll".
The tinkling bells mark the beginning of "Rock Superstar" by Cypress Hill, as the arena lights suddenly go dark. With the guitars beginning the main part of the song, multicolored lights begin to pulse along with the beat, revealing Casanova to be standing on the stage, staring behind sunglasses over the ring and crowd. He heads toward the ring, high fiving a few fans and basking in the audience response, before rolling into the ring and crouching in one of the corners, ready for the match.
Darkness cockslaps the arena. “Chick Habit” by April March pumps through the P.A., and a spotlight shines on a pink glass and tissue paper structure that is not unlike…a vagina. There’s a silhouette of a woman on the pink paper, and an image of the one and only Stevie Swing on screen.
Stevie Swing bursts through the vagina to deafening cheers, the people in the audience going apeshit for the Dancing KingQueen. That sounds gay. Stevie dances around as fireworks explode all over the stage (gotta have fireworks), showing off her figure. She dances on down to the ring and rolls in, where more fireworks go off, much to the delight of the crowd.
Chris Staggs The Super Ref stands in between both competitors, reading the rules to both of them -- which basically means that there's no rules. The only thing of note is that you must make your opponent bleed; and only that can the rules of a Last Person Standing match begin.
After reciting these rules to Casanova, Chris Staggs The Super Ref coyly walks over to Stevie Swing and begins feeling her up.
...Looking for weapons, not molesting her.
Well, okay, maybe he gives her one too many pats on the butt, but that's all! Even so, the new referee for this match steps into the center of the ring and calls for the bell.
Ding... ding... ding!
...And we're off!
Both competitors stand across from each other, sizing the other up. To start things off, Stevie steps out from the corner and extends her hand in a handshake, of all things.
Casanova looks around at the fans, wondering if he should accept this. Respectfully, Casanova steps forward and shakes Stevie's hand, getting a grand applause from the fans. Surely, this respect will soon dissolve once someone's blood spill.
They circle each other, starting the match rather warily of the other. Casanova knowing the prowess of Stevie Swing; and Stevie Swing knowledgable over Casanova's longtime Sin Wrestling history and accolades.
It isn't until Casanova applies a side-headlock that the match truly begins. Once it's applied, Stevie quickly begins squirming, hoping to find an escape, only to find herself to be taken down with a headlock-takeover. Luckily, she is able to use her feet to headscissors Casanova, forcing him to release the hold, allowing her to stand back up.
Casanova is quick on the uptake, though, as he speeds towards Stevie... only to be taken down with a drop-toe-hold. Stevie attempts to follow that up with a hammerlock, but Casanova becomes aware of this, forcing himself to somersault forward, kip-up to his feet and then face-off with Stevie Swing, who looks impressed with Casanova's escaping ability.
This grand impression does not last for long.
Responding to Casanova's escape of the hammerlock attempt, Stevie strikes at his right leg with a swift side-kick, following that up with an equally stiff forearm to the jaw. The impact of this blow temporarily dizzies Casanova, who remains privy to a seated-dropkick from Stevie, who bounces off the ropes.
The collision between Stevie's feet and Casanova's chest propels the Television Champ backwards, sending him spilling out onto the side of the apron, where he hopes to regain his thoughts. Just as he rises, Stevie Swing charges in, springboards off the adjacent middle rope and springs back, striking with another dropkick -- this one knocking Casanova completely off the apron, dropping him to the floor!
From inside of the ring, Stevie stands, watching the Television Champ rise. When the time is perfect, Stevie slingshots herself onto the top rope and soars through the air, hoping to catch Casanova with a springboard plancha to the floor. In mid-air, she realizes things are not going as planned, as Casanova is able to get his foot into the air, striking her in the face with a lethal superkick, taking a page out of Stevie's own book!
This stiff kick snaps Stevie's head back, causing her to fall to the floor, holding her head and face. Normally, this is where the referee would count for a Last Person Standing match; but this time, things are different. This time, there is no blood, which is needed to complete the match.
Fixing himself, Casanova lifts Stevie up, chops her across the upper-region of her chest and then whips her into the steel ring steps, making her hit harsh. He goes to follow in, delivering some sort of strike; but as Stevie sees him, she pops up to her feet, jumps onto the apron and prays for a miscalculation.
A miscalculation that she won't get.
Instead, Casanova stops himself before crashing into the steep steps, turns around and grabs onto Stevie's feet, trying to yank her down. Despite the advantage in strength, Casanova is unable to pluck her down because she holds steadily onto the top rope, unwilling to drop to the floor.
Annoyed, Casanova has an idea pop into his head.
The Television Champ leaps onto the side of the apron, showing no mercy, quite the contrast in the respect he showed earlier with the handshake. He strikes her with some elbows to the side of the head, grabs onto her and then back-suplex her off the ring apron -- all the way to the floor, where she lands with a disgusting thud!
The fans are on their feet, thinking Stevie has not survived that disastrous fall. On the other hand, there's no blood, so the match must continue, as per the stipulations which Stevie agreed upon.
Taking things to the next level, Casanova pulls two chairs from the ringside area and throws them into the ring. Following this, he pushes the ring announcers -- Lex Robinson and Steve Hebert -- away, making room on the announcer's table.
As all that happens, Stevie Swing rolls onto her knees and crawls towards the ring announcer, who moves out of the way, allowing Stevie to grab onto his chair. Dazed and confused, Stevie closes the chair and waits for Casanova to come up behind her. Once he removes his attention away from the announcer's table, he focuses on Stevie, who remains hunched over, with the chair hidden from Casanova's view.
BAM!
Once Casanova goes to lift Stevie up, he is taken by absolute astonishment, as the 2008 Sin Trophy winner whirls around and bashes the seat of the chair into Casanova's skull! This ensues Casanova falling onto his back, having a tiny wound on his head, which will count against him.
Seeing that Casanova is laid out and actually bleeding, Chris Staggs The Super Ref begins counting from inside of the ring. If he is not up by the count of ten, Stevie Swing wins this match.
...1...2...
Just like that, Casanova pops back to his feet, barely giving the referee any time to count him down. This agitates Stevie, who goes to strike Casanova a second time with that chair. Consequentially, she lifts the chair above her head, about to crack it against the Television Champ's skull... only to be struck with a kick in the vagina.
And despite popular opinion, getting struck in the vagina isn't a pleasant experience.
This lapse allows for Casanova to grab the chair, rip it forcefully out of Stevie's hands and then crack it against her back, sending her tumbling forward! She crumbles against the empty announcer's table, holding her back, which is then smashed with a second chairshot... and then another!
After the third shot, Casanova places the dented chair on the table, poking it underneath Stevie's tiny body. Using his left elbow, he strikes Stevie in the cranium, possibly concussing her, which would work perfectly in his favour. Seconds later, he hops onto the announcer's table, lifting Stevie up with him. He places her head between his leg, putting her into a standing headscissors position, looking to smash her through the table.
Unfortunately for Sin Wrestling's resident vampire, things don't go as he had planned. Thinking quickly -- and wisely -- Stevie headbutts Casanova in the crotch, hunching him over, catching him off-guard. She takes his time to try and lift the dented chair off the desk, but she fails.
Upon seeing Stevie trying to lift the steel chair, Casanova stomps down, squishing her fingers and knuckles between the chair and the table, making her scream out in pain. Working quickly, he grabs her hair, tucks her head in between his legs and nails a double-underhook piledriver onto the chair, also breaking the table beneath them! The table cracks in two, both competitors tumble to the cold, hard floor, and the steel chair clatters and clangs as it slips out from underneath them, having a droplet of blood on it.
This blood belonging to Stevie Swing.
Seeing Stevie laid out, Casanova rolls away from her and slides back into the ring, where he grabs the two chairs he previously threw in. He gives commands for the referee to count.
...1...2...3...4.......5......6.......7...
Once Chris Staggs The Super Ref reaches the count of seven, albeit quite slowly, Stevie begins to stir, much to the chagrin of Casanova. As Stevie begins to stand on the floor, Casanova takes the two chairs and sits them side-by-side -- with the front of the chairs touching each other.
Stevie Swing, who is now bleeding from the very tip of her forehead -- perhaps an old flesh wound from Over The Top Rope 4 -- climbs to her feet, looking dazed. After stumbling out of the wreckage on the floor, she makes her way to the apron and goes to climb up onto. As she makes her ascent, she is quickly cut-off by Casanova, who still has a tiny trickly of blood coming down his face.
Licking the blood off, he stands Stevie up, hangs/chokes her over the top rope and then leaves her hanging there, barely able to move. Having Stevie hung across the top rope, Casanova looks to the adjacent corner and begins climbing the turnbuckles. Once on top, Casanova soaks up the cheers from the fans, holds his left arm in the air and then leaps off, looking for a flying guillotine legdrop.
But to no avail!
At the last second, a bloody Stevie Swing slips out of the way, resulting in Casanova landing on his rear-end!
Following that quick thinking, Steving Swing slingshots herself over the top rope, hitting a legdrop across Casanova's throat, showing him how it's supposed to be done. After this, Stevie sits Casanova up, only to strike him with some soccer/football kicks to his back, following that by slingshotting to the outside portion of the apron and then slingshotting herself back in, striking both of her feet into Casanova's face, cutting his wound open wider!
Now that she has Casanova on his back, Stevie begins to unrelentlessly stomp on him, trying to wear him down. When the time is right and when she feels ready, she has him adjacent to a corner, which enables her to hit a split-legged moonsault onto him!
Delivering a few more stomps to Casanova's head, opening the cut even more, Stevie grabs both hands and uses all effort to drag him into prime position. When she's ready, she steps out onto the outer portion of the apron and steadies herself. Using the top rope, Stevie springboards herself through the air and rolls forward, going for a 630 degree senton bomb!
Casanova, who is laying on his back, is almost fueled by the blood pumping out of his wound. He notices Stevie's attempted aerial attack and wisely rolls inward, moving towards the ropes.
Stevie Swing, on the other hand, also shows great awareness, as she is able to land on her own two feet...
...but is quickly taken off them once she turns around, thanks to a running Yakuza Kick from Casanova, which completely turns her inside-out!
Stumbling into the ropes, using them to hold himself up, Casanova watches as the referee, Chris Staggs Super Referee, begins to count Stevie Swing down, that kick having quite an affect on her.
...1...2...3...4......5.......6......7.........8...
At the mark of eight, which took almost forever to get to, Stevie sits up and commences using the ring ropes to help her stand. Seeing this, Casanova becomes quite displeased. He licks his lips, looks at Stevie, who is on the other side of the chairs that have been setup, and charges. Throwing his body at Stevie like a spear, Casanova goes to snipe Stevie off her feet.
However, the moment his body is floating over the chairs, Stevie leaps up and uses both of her knees to crack his head head/face/skull/neck/shoulders! This literally stops him in mid-air, forcing him to crashland chest-first across the setup chairs! It also makes The Super Referee apparently quite joyful, as he does a little dance in honor of Stevie.
Having the Television Champ hung out to dry and gasping for his life, Stevie momentarily bounds towards the ropes, springboards off the middle rope and snaps back. Flipping backwards through the air, she lands a picture-perfect springboard moonsault onto Casanova, smacking him even harder onto the chairs, having blood droplets pour from his forehead, dripping onto the canvas.
Upon seeing Casanova's lack of mobility, Stevie stands and calls for the referee to count.
...1...2...3...4...5...
At five, Casanova actually uses the chairs to push himself up, gaining some more energy as some of his own blood pours down his face.
Seeing Casanova stand, an equally bloodied Stevie Swing shrugs her shoulders and launches herself at him, trying to hit him with The Last Dance superkick. Realizing this, Casanova latches onto Stevie's foot and swings her around, only to grab her head, leap over the chairs and connects with a swinging neckbreaker onto the two chairs!
Standing up, Casanova demands that The Super Ref count, which he abides by, although quite reluctantly.
...1...2...3...4......5......6.........7...........
Feeling as if Chris Staggs The Super Ref's counting will take too long, resulting in Stevie regaining her wits, Casanova decides to do a thing about it. Pushing the referee aside, he is warned by this masked, "mysterious" ref, but shrugs it off.
Alternatively, he stands a bloody Stevie Swing up to her feet. Scooping her upside-down, he places one foot on the left chair, lifts himself up onto both chairs and then drops down, delivering a Tombstone Piledriver through both chairs! Stevie Swing's bloody collapse collapses through the chair and onto the canvas, leaving Chris Staggs The Super Ref no other choice but to count some more.
...1...2...3...4...5......6......7.........8...............9.....
Casanova looks at him, requesting that he keep going, while brushing some of the blood off his own face.
................10!
Finally getting the ten, Casanova happily holds his arms in the air, getting praise from the fans, as he receives his Television Title. Bloodied, he walks over to Stevie Swing, offers a hand out to her and helps her up, getting a rousing ovation from the fans. With a pat on the back. Casanova watches as Stevie Swing humbly walks to the back, getting beaten on her own show, while a depressed and sorrowful Chris Staggs Super Ref follows behind.
Left alone in the ring, Casanova holds his arms in the air, oblivious to the fact that a man has arrived out of the audience and has slid into the ring, behind Casanova. This mean wears a giant pink trench coat, sunglasses and a hat that reads "Rape: it means hello in Japan." Casanova, who is not a fool, is warned by the pointing crowd to turn around.
...and once he does, he is flattened by an impressive lariat from the stranger!
Casanova tries to get back onto his feet, as this disguised man begins stomping on his chest and face, which widens the cut on Casanova's forehead. The kicks are soon focused onto Casanova's chest, which soon becomes bloodied, as well...
Why?
Because this man's boots are wrapped in barbed-wire!
The library crowd begin to boo louder and louder, as the man throws off his sunglasses and his hat, hat revealing long, dark hair. The crowd in attendance begin to take note of the man that is standing before them, their booing almost turning into a riot, as the man removes his pink trench coat, revealing once and for all...
Zimdela fucking Brudon.
Zimdela Brudon; former World Champion, Ultraviolence Champion and Hall of Famer, stands above Casanova, pulling him up to his feet, much to the disdain of the crowd. He Irish-whips Casanova into the ropes and catches him upon the rebound with a nasty big boot... a nasty barbed-wire big boot, that is.
Flesh and blood fly out of the ring, landing at the feet of the fans, as several people are forced to grab various books to shield themselves from the barrage of blood and skin being shed.
Zimdela wastes no time, as he picks up Casanova and throws him out of the ring, over the top rope and goes out after him. Out here, he grabs Casanova and throws his skull into the steel ring post, leading a bloodstained mark. After this, Casanova wildly spins around, confused and out of his mind, and lands on the floor with a thud.
Sitting against the ring post and steps, Casanova can barely muster the power to fight back, as Zimdela charges at him like an angry bull. Thrusting his right foot forward, Zimdela swings at Casanova's crotch with the barbed-wire boot, making Casanova howl out in pain, along with every male in attendance!
Getting a fistful of bloody hair, Zimdela lifts Casanova up to his feet, laughing at the blood that is now showing on Casanova's pants, in the crotch area. Then, with one quick movement, Zimdela lifts Casanova up, spins around and quickly hits a spinebuster on the steel steps -- The Very Best in Pain!
Blood flows from Casanova -- and onto Zimdela, getting him stained, as well. Standing up, Zimdela slams his barbed-wire boot into the back of Casanova's head... with his foot getting stuck in the mangled mess of Casanova's head! With a mighty yank, Zimdela pulls his foot back, removing a chunk of flesh from the back of Casanova's head, dripping blood everywhere on the floor!
At this time, Casanova is not moving at all, as he lies on the floor, with Zimdela slowly backing away from him, with a sick smile plastered across his face, admiring his own work. Arrogantly and under a horde of jeers, Zimdela walks over to Casanova, flips him over and straddles him. He leans down to Casanova's right ear and whispers to him...
Zimdela Brudon: Did you miss me?
With that, Zimdela takes his right hand and slowly slides it across Casanova's face, making it deep red with Casanova's blood.
Zimdela stands up, and as the crowd begins to give jeers of disgust, he slowly sides the bloody hand down his pants, masturbating over Casanova's fallen body. After a few moments of jerking, Zimdela finally removes his hand, straddles Casanova and wipes his hand across Casanova's lips, mixing blood and semen together.
Zimdela Brudon: Something to remember me by until we meet again. With that, Zimdela gets out and walks away from the ring area as the camera focuses on the beaten Casanova lying on the ground.
Winner: Casanova
At the end of the show, Stevie Swing walks backstage, obviously disappointed in her performance. After shrugging off Chris Staggs The Super Ref, and hiding from him, she walks up to the two checkers players, who are deep at the end of their game -- with both of them embroiled deep in thought. Declan is down to his underwear; ditto with Morgy, who is down to her underpants, with her tits hanging out.
Suffice to say, this is a classic battle.
Stevie Swing, however; is not as cheery as she was at the beginning of the night.
Stevie Swing: What the hell? You're almost naked!
She's obviously talking to Morgy, paying little attention to Declan, who is smirking gleefully.
Morgana: You made the match!
Stevie Swing: Yeah... well... well...
Angry, Stevie Swing grabs the checkers board and flicks it off the table, sending checkers pieces flying everywhere. Upset, Declan Turner stands to his feet, with an obvious erection and begins roaring at Stevie.
Declan Turner: Wait just a minute, dyke. Who do you think you are?
Stevie goes to walk away, still upset.
Declan turner: Yeah, run away. As usual.
This sets Stevie off. She whips around and aims The Last Dance Superkick at Declan Turner's head.
Unfortunately, he ducks, resulting in the kick maiming Morgana, knocking her unconscious!
Stevie Swing, knowing that he accidentally kicked the wrong person, worriedly covers her face, shocked at what just occured. Declan Turner, meanwhile, snickers, grabs his clothes and quickly runs off.
Declan Turner: Fucking morons.
The final image of the night is that of Morgana knocked unconscious on the floor, checkers pieces barely covering her nipples, with Stevie Swing calling out for help.