Voice: 'Elllloooo... 'ellloooo... haaaaaaaallllllllllp me!
The crate rocks back and forth, until the door pops open. The figure of Tsarmina Bloodmoon comes rolling out, landing in the snow, her teeth chattering almost instantly.
Tsarmina Bloodmoon: 'Ellllooo... where am I?!
As she lays facedown in the snow, the wet, dribbling nose of a polar bear pokes at her.
Tsarmina Bloodmoon: Oh nos.
The large animal opens its jaws and puts Tsarmina in his mouth. Letting out a roar, he gallavants off, carrying Tsarmina with him, to enjoy Thanksgiving with his polar bear family.
Tonight's show is officially underway.
"Mad World" by Gary Jules comes on over the P.A. system as the arena fades to black. White strobes begin to flash in three second intervals as Redmaine steps outs from the backstage area. He pauses at the entrance and holds both arms in they air, as if he is a king praising his subjects. The crowd unleashes an assault of boos as Redmaine smiles and casually makes his way to the ring, as the crowd continues to boo heavily. The arena goes completely black just before Redmaine reaches the ring. All of a sudden, the lights kick back on and Redmaine stands in the middle of the ring, with his arms raised above him. He is here... it is time...
On the speakers, "Afterlife" by Avenged Sevenfold plays and Limbo walks out, his face covered with his white mask, looking straight at the ring. Not looking at the fans, he walks steadily to the ringside area, up the ring steps and onto the ring apron. Up here, he slingshots himself into the ring, landing on his feet and jogs into the corner, where he waits for the match to start.
The bell rings...
Ding... ding... ding...
Redmaine is the first out of the gate with a huge right forearm to Norton that sends him falling to his back. Redmaine then spins and catches a running Limbo with a knife edge chop, leaving behind a red mark across his chest! Quickly, Norton is back up on his feet and charges towards Redmaine, who catches Norton's arm and tosses him out of the ring!
Limbo is also back up on his feet, but not for long, as Redmaine bounds himself off the ropes and launches himself at Limbo, nailing him with a huge cross body block!
Redmaine goes for the pinfall...
...1...2...
At the count of two, Jake Norton reaches into the ring and grabs Redmaine's ankle, pulling him to the outside and effectively breaking the count!
Jake Norton pushes Redmaine against the apron and lays into him with huge knife edge chops. Redmaine shrugs off the pain, as he grabs Norton by the head and smashes his face into the guard rail. He follows it up with a huge kick to the stomach, doubling Norton over, enabling him to pull him in with a standing headscissors. Seconds later, Norton is lifted up... and piledrivered on the cement floor, busting him open!
Crimson flows down Norton's face and Redmaine slides back into the ring, breaking the referee's count. In here, Limbo is just regaining consciousness as Redmaine begins laying in kicks to Limbo's stomach.
Limbo takes the punishment, backing against the ropes, but soon feels his second wind. In a reversal of fortune, Limbo catches Redmaine's leg, hoping to stop the attack. However, he is instantly met with an enziguiri from Redmaine, knocking Limbo off his feet, making him land face-first on the canvas!
But Redmaine isn't done, though. Lifting Limbo up, he whips him into the turnbuckle, where he collapses hard in the corner. To follow up, Redmaine traverses into the corner, hitting a spear to Limbo, knocking him into the turnbuckles!
He covers Limbo...
...1...2...
Limbo places his left leg on the bottom rope, stopping the count!
Annoyed, Redmaine argues with the referee about the timing of the count, allowing Jake Norton to revive and roll back inside the ring.
Jake Norton rushes over to Redmaine and unleashes a wild haymaker, catching him off-guard. As he goes for a second shot, Redmaine is able to duck it, and Norton spins around wildly. Redmaine catches Norton from behind, applies a full-nelson, lifts him into the air and full-nelson slams him!
Before anything else can occur, Limbo rises and attacks Redmaine. He nails a sit-down dropkick to his fellow newcomer's leg, jumps up and goes to whip him into the ropes... only to get it reversed! In reply, Redmaine delivers a huge clothesline, which whips Limbo around, knocking him silly!
Showing domination, Redmaine turns to Jake Norton, who is trying to stand. Pulling him to his feet, Redmaine goes to whip him across the ring... only to change things around and apply the Wings of Truth II! With the cobra clutch and body scissors applied, Redmaine makes Jake Norton writhe in pain, being forced to tap out!
The ref pulls a vicious Redmaine off. As he stands, Redmaine views Limbo on his two feet, attacking him, as well! Limbo tries to fend him off, but within seconds, he is laid victim to the Wings of Truth I!
Finished with his opponents, Redmaine exits the ring, stares at some fans and then walks to the back. Jake Norton and Limbo remain in the ring, beaten down by the man known as Redmaine.
Winner: Redmaine
Horatio Q.: Oh, my Tsarmina... you are gone. They have taken you from me. I could have saved you, brought you back to me... but that would have cost money. Too much money. Oh, my Tsarmina, I am so sorry.
Holding back tears, he sniffles... and then stops in his tracks, looking in front of him. His jaw hangs open, looking very surprised at what's in front of him. Unfortunately for the viewer, we do not get a panoramic view.
Horatio Q.: Oh my... oh my indeed! This is good! This is really good!
Clasping his hands together, he feverishly licks his lips and walks past the cameraman and exits out of sight.
Stevie Swing: [clapping] Wow... way to go... bravo...!
Giving Carson some mocking claps, Stevie gets in his face. In response, Carson rolls his eyes.
Chris Carson: First of all, like I've said before, you don't own that belt...
Stevie innocently glances at the title across her shoulder.
Chris Carson: But that's okay; because I'll have it back sooner than later. Secondly, what the hell do you want?
She now displays an innocent, coy smirk.
Stevie Swing: Shaku Endbringer... Shaku friggin' Endbringer. You choose Shaku f'n Endbringer over me?! I knew age was making you senile; but this confirms it -- you're officially retarded.
Chris Carson: Watch your mouth.
Stevie Swing: You must really want to lose Ultimate Survival. What does some roid-raging, HGH-popping freak bring that I don't?! If you wanted to win, you'd have picked me for your team; and not the official spokeman of Human Growth Hormone. Fuck, you may as well have picked Mark McGwire. Don't come running to me when Shaku flips out, tries to kill you and your family and costs you the match.
Chris Carson: Funny you'd say that considering you tried to burn my family alive earlier this year.
Stevie Swing: Good point. Either way, you're still going to lose. What a stupid choice.
Wearing a smug expression on her face, she goes to walk away...
Chris Carson: You think my team is going to lose? That I've screwed up my picks? In that case...
Stevie smarmly shakes her head.
Chris Carson: ...Welcome to the team, Stevie!
She stops in her tracks.
Chris Carson: You wanted me to pick you... well, there you go!
Gritting her teeth, Stevie walks away, fearing for her chances at the Christmas pay per view.
The crowd is on its feet as Chris Carson come out onto the entrance stage, ready to fight. Carson throws up his right hand, index finger and pinky extended at to the side like a "C". The headlights behind him throb to the music as Carson walks to the ring, slapping hands with the fans.
Just kill the headlights
Kill the headlights
I want you to see all that's inside
You'll get where you want
Take your hands off the wheel
You've got all you need on the inside
Just kill the headlights
Turn the radio up
Carson climbs into the ring, mounts the turnbuckles and lifting his hands up with a roar. He flashes the horns once again to the crowd, then retreats to the other corner, removing his T-shirt and setting it on the top turnbuckle. Carson taps his chest twice with his fist, then touches his fist to the picture of his son on the T-shirt. Carson then sets the shirt aside, already looking for his opponent.
Not even waiting for her music to start, Kinsey Wells runs out from the back and belly slides into the ring. The bell rings, and Kinsey quickly circles the ring, as if to look for an opening for a grapple or such. Chris Carson doesn't move at all, his eyes fixated at her.
Kinsey finally comes to a halt, advancing on Carson to lock up, but she is stopped abruptly by a fierce kneelift into her ribs. Chris seems to savor the moment, watching Kinsey drop to a knee, before blasting her to the mat with an elbow to the forehead. Methodically, he steps around her, grabbing her hair and yanking her to her feet before she can rise on her own power. He whips her to the ropes, bouncing back to the opposite ropes himself, only to miss with a giant clothesline, as Kinsey ducks it!
They both bounce again, and on the return, Kinsey leaps and throws her weight into a cross body at Carson! She's stopped dead, caught in his arms! He shifts her head under his arm, flinging her weight into a snap suplex! However, Kinsey throws her weight to land on her feet behind Carson, escaping his clutches.
Thinking fast, she strikes the back of his head with a headbutt, but in a blur of motion, Carson spins in place, before landing a crushing right hand into her face! Kinsey tumbles, completely in a haze, falling through the ropes and to the hard mats on the floor, outside of the ring!
From inside, Carson stares at Kinsey, as she slowly finds her bearings, bringing herself to her knees, and then woozily to her feet. Reaching out, between the ropes, "The Creep" goes to drag her back in, but she catches him with an uppercut to the throat, surprising him!
Clawing at his face, she not only strikes with more shots, but she is able to drag him out to the floor, where she is able to complete more damage onto him. Throwing Carson into the ring steps, she happily watches as he crashes into steel, side and knee first, creating a thunderous bang! Rolling in pain, clutching his ribs and left knee. Kinsey staggers over to him, still somewhat dazed, and lays into him with several stomps, culminating in an elbow drop across his ribs. She torques him around quickly, locking him into an STF on the outside!
The referee and crowd continue the count...
...1...2...3...4...5...6...7...
It isn't until the count of seven before Carson finally powers out of the STF!
Kinsey stomps him several times, before lifting him up to roll him back in the ring! She finally gets Carson to his feet, and almost to the ring apron, until he overpowers her.
Grabbing her, he rams her back-first into the apron, and then whips her into the ring post, which leaves her reeling, stunned against the ring steps! Carson quickly slides into the ring, to break the count and gets back out, headed for Kinsey. Finally finding her senses, she begins to slide into the ring, as Carson delivers a guillotine-leg drop across the back of her head and neck!
She falls back out of the ring and Carson slides out after her, clearly looking to mangle her. He drags her over to the ring steps, grabs her by the hair and goes to slam her face into the steps! At the last second, she halts him, getting her leg on the steps to stop the blast! Carson furiously glares into her eyes and bashes her with a headbutt, smashing his face right into her nose! But Kinsey answers back with a massive headbutt of her own, only to grab a handful of his hair, and smacks his face against the ring steps!
She slides him back into the ring and goes for an immediate cover!
...1...2...
...No!
Carson is legitimately surprised that Kinsey almost had him there!
Lifting him back up to his feet, Kinsey Irish-whips Carson into the opposite ropes. Grabbing her shoulder, he reverses it, sending her into the ropes instead. Going for a clothesline, Kinsey gracefully ducks underneath and bounds off the ropes again, this time leaping into Carson's arms! He spins her around, only to realize she has a headlock sinched in tight on his neck as she forces her weight downward, slamming him head first into the mat with a Jump Swinging DDT!
The crowd pops in amazement as once again Kinsey gets the upper hand on Carson, hooking his leg! Carson, in a fit of rage, explodes out of it, almost immediately as he is up before Kinsey has a chance to ready herself. Wrapping his hands around her neck, he lifts her up in the air, shaking her! Struggling against his grip, she kicks at him, but to no avail. He lets go of her, dropping her with a two handed power bomb, but she is able to wrap her legs around his neck as she flips backwards!
Kinsey nails a massive rollup-hurricanrana as Carson is, for a third time in a row, on his back and pinned!
...1...2...
...Again, no!
Kinsey is almost out of gas here, as that last move drained both of their energy reserves. Getting back to their feet, Carson lays an open hand chop against Kinsey as she yelps and stumbles back! Another one! And another one! Carson backs her up into the corner now and Irish-whips her to the opposite corner. Running after her, he unleashes a huge clothesline that snaps Kinsey around! Standing her up, lifting her into a verticle suplex, the crowd begins to murmur and cheer as they see the C.C. Bomb coming!
However, Kinsey shifts her weight again, only to slide down the back of Carson and reverse victory roll him...
The referee counts him down...
...1...2...
He kicks out, yet again!
Both of them pop up at the same time. Kinsey tries to advance on her reversal, trying to use a kick. However, her foot is caught and she is swung around and kicked in the gut. Seconds later, he holds her up into a powerbomb position and drops back, delivering the Ripcord Powerbomb!
"The Creep" pops back up and immediately locks on "The Silencer"! Kinsey tries to stay afloat, trying to fight off the damage, but it's useless. She is forced to tap out, giving Chris Carson the victory!
It was a valiant effort for Kinsey Wells, but she comes up just short. Chris Carson releases the hold once the bell is rung, stands to his feet and makes gestures about the World Title being around his waist. He exits the ring and walks to the back, getting rave reviews from the fans.
Kinsey, on the other hand, looks disappointed, but she will live to fight another day.
Winner: Chris Carson
Chris Carson: Am-scray. I'm blowin' this popsicle stand. No reasons for me to stick around.
Carson turns around and ends up seeing eye-to-eye with Mike Phantasy. Travis Miller is to the side, staying out of the conversation. If the crowd can be heard, they'd be oooooh!ing from the first confrontation between the two since...
Chris Carson: What?
Mike Phantasy: You didn't pick me!
Travis Miller: Or me!
Mike Phantasy: I wanted the shot!
Travis Miller: ...and me!
Carson crosses his arms and leers at Phantasy, Travis still in the camera shot as Carson fumes silently, while looking at Mike.
Chris Carson: Let me get this straight. You wanted to be on my team?
Travis Miller: ...Or me.
Carson stares over at Travis a moment, then turns back to face Mike. Ignored!
Chris Carson: THE Mike Phantasy.
Mike Phantasy: Yeah, man. I would have been the perfect addition for your team. You need someone to kick ass. Casanova's ass, specifically. I was your fucking guy.
Travis Miller: Me too!
Carson develops a slight tic in his nose.
Chris Carson: The same Mike Phantasy that rolled with Chris Extreme? The same Mike Phantasy who demanded I respect a Nazi? The same Mike Phantasy who plunged a syringe in my freakin' shoulder?!
Travis Miller: ...That wasn't me!
Mike frowns and looks crushed.
Mike Phantasy: C'mon, Carson. That was the old me. The hatchet's buried. Miller and I did it. You and Page did it. Let's let bygones be bygones.
Phantasy holds up a hand for a handshake. Carson looks warily at it.
Chris Carson: The same Mike Phantasy who was knocked out by Casanova like it was nothin'?
Mike's grin dissolves a bit, but looks over at Travis nervously.
Mike Phantasy: The guy cheated.
Carson nods again, then goes back to his locker, packing up his duffel bag.
Chris Carson: Yeah. I've picked Stevie for my team, Mike. You can loosen Casanova up for me before ultimate Survival, but I ain't puttin' you on my team, only to risk gettin' stabbed in the back.
Mike and Travis appear shocked, Mike moreso than Travis.
Mike Phantasy: But Carson...!
Carson shuts the locker hard and picks up his duffel bag, glaring at Mike.
Chris Carson: You made your own fuckin' bed in the past, Phantasy. You either clean that shit up or lie in it. Now, if you don't mind, I'm outta here. The hell with this place.
Carson puts on his jacket and brushes past the two. He grimaces from some pain, slamming the door behind him. Phantasy can only look over at Miller, who gives a clueless grin and shrug.
Travis Miller: Sorry, man. I didn't say anything.
Phantasy frowns in disappointment as the camera pans away...
Stevie Swing: Stupid ugly, old, smelly Chris Carson.
Out of nowhere, she's joined by Teresa Quaranta, who observes the World Title hanging over Stevie's shoulder -- which is actually her World Title. She goes to grab on to it, but her hand is quickly swatted away by Stevie Swing.
Stevie Swing: Don't you dare touch it!
Teresa Quaranta: No worries, I've already told you and proven I don't need it. The record book states me as the champion; and quite frankly, that's all that matters to me.
Stevie Swing: Proven? You haven't proved shit, cumlicker. Yeah, that's right. I called you a cumlicker.
Teresa Quaranta: Is that so?
Thinking quickly, Stevie taps on the title, which actually belongs to Teresa.
Stevie Swing: You want to earn respect... then you take me on at "How the Horatio Stole Christmas". Winner walks out with this title, moving on to the main event. If you beat me, then you can have the title. I will officially hand the title over myself.
Stevie holds the title out, which Teresa also placing her hand on it.
Teresa Quaranta: Sign me up.
Stevie Swing: Good.
Teresa Quaranta: Good.
Stevie Swing: Now excuse me, I have a match to win against two fags.
Stevie goes to walk away, but Teresa keeps her hand on the title, not allowing her to walk off. Turning around, Stevie gets in Teresa's face.
Teresa Quaranta: Excuse me?
Stevie Swing: Uh, we have a match to win.
Teresa Quaranta: Much better. Now let's beat up some faggots.
They both turn to walk away, with each of them tugging on the World Title. After thinking it over, Teresa releases the belt.
Teresa Quaranta: Fine. Continue to keep it warm for me.
They walk off, towards the entrance, as anything but a team.
The lights fade into complete darkness, sending the fans at ringside into a total frenzy. Some flip open their cell phones, others hold their lighters up, all trying to get a glimpse of what’s going on. After about a minute of total black, Rihanna’s “Disturbia” begins to blare through the house speakers, accompanied by a deep red strobe light.
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be- dum bum
What’s wrong with me?
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be- dum bum
Why do I feel like this?
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be- dum bum
I’m going crazy now.
The arena goes dark again, and the fans continue to go crazy, only now their response is overwhelmingly negative. A spotlight shines onto the ramp, revealing the now famous pink glass and tissue paper vagina with its familiar silhouette.
The music kicks on again, and the spotlight is replaced by the deep red strobe from before. Stevie Swing bursts through the vagina, as Rihanna sings and the fans boo and throw their garbage at her. The Ironwoman of Sin Wrestling pays them no attention, strutting down to the ring in her moon boots and ring jacket, all while flaunting the SW World Title belt that she has taken from Teresa Quaranta.
Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gon' play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
Your mind's in Disturbia, it's like the darkness is light
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia.
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia.
Stevie slides into the ring, popping up onto her knees at the center of it. While the crowd continues to boo at a deafening level, Stevie disrobes, revealing her attire—red bellbottom wrestling tights and a spandex halter top to match. She straps the title belt around her waist to complete the outfit.
She dances around the ring, in a jerky style that befits her theme music, as fireworks go off behind her. When the song dies and the lights return to normal, Stevie is pacing in the ring, looking unhappy as the referee takes the belt away to ringside.
The spotlights in the arena pulsate, slowly getting dimmer with in tune to the primal opening of Arcarsenal. The video screen above the entrance lights up, showing a series of highlights and finishers intercut with static - then, with the lights down, a soft spotlight focuses on the top of the ramp as Teresa Quaranta storms through the curtain, smirking and raising a slight eyebrow at the audience, before sneering toward Swing in the ring. The screen flashes:
"I MUST HAVE ROBBED THEM OF THEIR CAUSE."
Teresa pauses here - and deliberately raises her hand to her neck for a few seconds, then her wrist.
Once her pulse is checked, she takes a deep breath, pivots a little bit and heads decisively toward the ring, gesturing to her empty waist and then again to Swing. As she reaches the ring, she rolls under the bottom rope, pops up to her feet, where her and Stevie stare at each other, nose to nose, for what seems like an eternity, before Swing finally steps back and out of the ring, letting Teresa start the match.
The referee calls for the bell, and Teresa immediately advances, slowly circling the center of the ring with Cullin Balfour, starting for his team. They continue the slow dance, feinting occasionally... before Teresa finally makes a ferocious advance, coming up empty on a double-leg takedown attempt!
Cullin backs right into Quaranta's corner, where Stevie throws a kick over the top rope into the back of his head, officially opening the floodgates! Once he staggers forward, Teresa smashes him with a forearm to the face and tags in Stevie, who enters and instantly begins choking the life out of Cullin, using her boot!
With Cullin trapped in the corner by Teresa, she rears back, smashing Cullin right in the face with a running corner dropkick, as Quaranta steps aside, perfectly in time! Stevie pounds Cullin in the corner with a barrage of kicks, and when Kevin comes in to even things up, Teresa intercepts him with a spinning elbow, before snapping him to the mat with an armdrag!
The referee desperately tries to gain control of the match, but only succeeds in missing out on every time Swing or Quaranta choke or gouge their respective Balfours, as he checks back and forth between them!
Giving Cullin a moment of respite, Swing hauls him into a seated position atop the turnbuckles. She steps to the second rope, before launching backward with a super-DDT! She actually soars right over Teresa Quaranta as she smashes elbow-after-elbow into Kevin Balfour's face, which is starting to bleed!
Stevie goes for the cover, but the referee doesn't count. Instead, he yanks Teresa off Kevin, and tells them to get to their respective corners. Reluctantly, Teresa complies, but Kevin doesn't, largely because he's practically out cold on the mat. He finally drags himself over to his team's corner, but not before Stevie is incensed with the delay that cost her team the quick victory.
As soon as Kevin is back outside the ropes, Stevie helps Cullin to his feet, before sending him crashing across the ring with a hurricanrana, which smashes him right into his own corner's middle turnbuckle! As a result, one of his flailing arms hits Kevin, who looks confused, and then surprised, as the referee counts it as a tag, still suffering from the beating from Teresa.
Stevie promptly yanks Kevin's neck hard down on the top rope, which almost sends him plummeting on the rebound to the floor, outside of the ring! However, Stevie holds onto him, by the arm, and slowly drags him into the ring, through the ropes! Once he's halfway through, and hanging halfway on the second rope, Swing shifts her grip and facebusts him straight to the mat!
Stevie wallows in the moment, breaking out some moves, much to the crowd's dismay, as Kevin slowly crawls to his knees, still looking stunned from the onslaught. With abandon, Stevie bounces off the ropes, and Teresa Quaranta reaches out, slapping her hand Stevie's shoulder, going for the pinfall...!
Meanwhile, Stevie continues off the ropes, blasting him with a Shining Wizard! She goes for the cover.
...
...but the referee won't count!
She stands up, infuriated, and comes dangerously close to hitting the referee in her anger! He gestures, though, and Stevie turns to Teresa... but she isn't in the corner...
In fact, Teresa Quaranta, the rightful World Champ, has covered Kevin Balfour! Seeing this, the referee drops to make the cover, as Swing's expression deepens into fury!
...1...2...
...No!
The count is broken, as Cullin Balfour, now on the outside, reaches through the ropes to drag Kevin out of the predicament! Stevie's fury finally finds a convenient target. She turns, runs towards the ropes and leaps over the top rope, crushing Cullin Balfour on the floor, using a twisting moonsault!
Inside the ring, Kevin Balfour is finally staggering to his feet, but he has no idea that he's being stalked by the World Champion, Teresa Quaranta, who is motioning for the Process of Illumination! He turns to face her...
...and is blasted with the Last Dance, courtesy of Stevie Swing, who is now back in the ring, incensing Teresa Quaranta!
Stevie immediately drops for the cover...
...
...buts she is shoved right off and thrown to the outside by Teresa Quaranta, who then drops down and makes the cover!
...1...2...3!
"Arcarsenal" begins playing, as the referee holds Teresa's hand up in victory!
Outside of the ring, Stevie Swing stares daggers at Teresa, before finally sulking her way over to the announcing table to retrieve her stolen belt. She saunters past the ring, clearly angered still, but also flaunting Teresa's belt over her own shoulder.
Inside the ring, Teresa glares down at Stevie, smiling as she motions that she's still the champion, and will have her belt back soon, namely as "How the Horatio Stole Christmas".
Winner: Teresa Quaranta/Stevie Swing
Corey Page: ...Uh, you're a werewolf?
Chris Extreme: Fuck yeah. Just like that little Indian boy from Twilight. I'm a vampire killer. Now where the hell is Kate Beckinsale?
Corey Page: ...That's the movie Underworld!
Chris Extreme: Look... fine. Whatever. I just want the World Title.
Corey Page: We've been over this. You'll have your chance at "How the Horatio Stole Christmas".
Chris Extreme: Worst pay per view name, ever.
Corey Page: Hey, don't blame me. Blame Horatio Q.
Chris Extreme: Dear God, what an old faggot.
Jake Norton walks by, still wearing his "Fuck Niggers Lawlz" t-shirt. Chris Extreme stops him and gives him a thumbs up.
Chris Extreme: Hey, man, nice shirt.
Norton barely responds, as he just shrugs his shoulders and walks off. Palming his face, Corey shakes his head.
Corey Page: Shush. You can't say that now!
Chris Extreme: Say what?
Corey Page: ...Eh... anyhow, I'm using my limited power to change Ultimate Survival.
Chris Extreme: Yes, I know.
Corey Page: But I'm letting them know.
Chris Extreme: Who?
Corey Page: Them!
Corey points at the camera lens.
Chris Extreme: Oh.
The camera whirls around, revealing Mike Phantasy, Travis Miller, Shaku Endbringer, Chris Carson, and several other roster members, sans everyone affiliated with Casanova's team and Horatio Q.
Corey Page: This year, there will be 3 teams... with 3 people to a team.
Chris Extreme: But aren't Casanova and Chris Carson already two team captains?
Corey Page: Yes; and now soon will you!
Chris Extreme: Yes, I know, you've already told me.
Corey Page: ...Do we have to go over this again?
Chris Extreme: Don't make me bring up that goat.
Suddenly, Corey becomes glum and disgusted.
Corey Page: Oh God, Betsy...
Chris Extreme pulls out the picture of Horatio and the dead goat head hanging out, using it as a puppet.
Chris Extreme: See?
Corey Page: Ugh... no! No! How horrible.
With his hands on his face, Corey Page begins to run away. Chris Extreme speaks up, even yelling at some of the other roster members.
Chris Extreme: ...And stop calling me "Chris Extreme"! I'm "Christopher Alexander", thank you very much.
Mike Phantasy steps into view, standing next to Chris Extreme.
Mike Phantasy: So, you came to "save" us, huh?
Chris Extreme: No, I came for the World Title.
Mike Phantasy: But last week...
Chris Extreme: Look, listen, I hate vampires. And I also hate dirty old men. I did what I had to do.
Mike Phantasy mulls for a minute.
Mike Phantasy: I hate vampires, too. When you face him tonight, make sure you break his neck and cut off his head.
Chris Extreme: Done.
Mike Phantasy: And if you need help, I'm here to watch your back.
Travis Miller steps into view.
Travis Miller: Same here.
Gawking at both men, rolling his eyes, Chris Extreme looks annoyed.
Chris Extreme: Why don't you two fags just make out already. Besides, don't you guys have to fight each other tonight?
Mike Phantasy: Hey, that was Horatio's doing.
Travis Miller: It's okay; because I'm going to win, anyhow.
Swiftly turning his head, Mike eyes Miller.
Mike Phantasy: Uh, no.
Travis Miller: Uh, yeah, I am.
Mike Phantasy: We'll see about that, won't we?
Pushing his way in between both Miller and Mike Phantasy, Chris Extreme hushes them both by walking away.
Travis Miller: What's his problem?
Mike Phantasy: Remember when I beat up his girlfriend, with a steel chair?
Travis Miller: Hmmm...
Mike Phantasy: It's what I'm going to do to that piece of shit vampire, when I get the chance.
Travis Miller: God, I hate Horatio Q.
Both Miller and Phantasy walk off, preparing for their match.
Same Old Story
The words illuminate the screen for several seconds, as fog begins to roll onto the stage and entrance ramp, as the initial notes of Foo Fighters’ “The Pretender” creep out of the speakers.
Keep you in the dark
You know they all pretend
Keep you in the dark
And so it all began
As the word “began” is spoken, the music cuts and the words on the SW-Screen fade slowly into the darkness. As soon as the last trace of them disappears, the screen erupts in a barrage of blurred color and the drums kick back in.
Send in your skeletons
Sing as their bones come marching in... again
The need you buried deep
The secrets that you keep are at the ready
Are you ready?
I'm finished making sense
Done pleading ignorance
Slowly, the house lights are raised.
Spinning infinity, boy
The wheel is spinning me
It's never-ending, never-ending
Same old story
Finally, Mike Phantasy emerges from the fog, greeted by a cheering crowd, apart from a few die-hard Mike Phantasy haters. Phantasy pauses while walking down the ramp to look around at the arena before him, grinning at the signs supporting him. He then looks toward the ring and makes his way down the aisle, his upbeat demeanor slowly melting into a solemn one. When finally inside the ring, Mike sits on the turnbuckle nearest to him and awaits the beginning of the match.
The lights fade, an assortment of colorful lazers illuminate through a cloud of smoke and "New Divide" by Linkin Park hits the speakers. Travis Miller rises from beneath the stage at the end of the ramp, holding his head up high. Stepping out from the smoke, he takes his time walking to the ring, slapping a few hands on his way down, while glancing occasionally to Mike Phantasy in the ring. Sliding inside, he stands to his feet and prepares for his match to begin.
The referee calls for the bell... but instead of moving right into action, both Miller and Phantasy slowly step toward the middle of the ring, where they shake hands! The crowd applauds loudly, seeming to greatly appreciate such an act, which is so rare these days.
Professional courtesy finally aside, the two allies and competitors meet in a grapple. Travis Miller appears to get the early advantage, backing Phantasy up toward a corner, before Mike finally shifts the balance by spinning around Miller and cranking his arm back with a hammerlock. Miller winces, but reaches and finds some traction, which he uses to bring Phantasy down under him with a chinlock. It doesn't last though as Miller is shoved into the ropes, which breaks Phantasy free of the hold.
Miller comes back on the rebound, and the two meet with shoulderblocks! Phantasy backs up, rocked pretty solidly by Miller's size advantage, but isn't dropped completely to the mat! Miller rebounds off another set of ropes...and stops very short, as Phantasy feints with a Phantasize!
The crowd pops mildly for the attempt at Phantasy's deadly superkick, and Miller seems much more wary for it.
They circle again. This grapple, once met, much shorter than the first, however. Miller capitalizes fast with his strength, overpowering Phantasy and in a favorable position, clamps on a bearhug to try and sap the strength of his smaller foe.
Phantasy looks he's in pain, but the hold doesn't progress very far before he's working to release it, throwing elbows and forearms as best as possible into Miller's head and shoulders! He finally breaks free, tumbling to a crouch. Before Miller can react, he tumbles to the mat courtesy of a drop toe hold. Mike's quickly upon him, clinching a seated full nelson, all while torquing Miller as far forward as possible in a seated position, to maximize his maneuver.
Miller fights his way up to his feet, again using his power to neutralize Phantasy's best efforts! He's about to break the nelson when Phantasy suddenly arches back, smashing Miller onto his neck and shoulders with a dragon suplex!
The impact gets oohs and aahs from the audience, and Phantasy appears to consider bridging for a pin, but he instead rolls back to his feet, still clinching Miller in a waistlock. He throws back again, and this time Miller is plastered to the mat with a German suplex!
There's no hesitation in Mike Phantasy now, as he lifts Miller back to his feet one more time, but this time turning him around with a double-underhook lock. He lifts him up, and stalls for as long as he can... Amphora Crush! Miller is spiked on his head!
Mike Phantasy goes for the cover, the crowd counting alongside loudly!
...1...2...
...No!
Travis Miller gets a shoulder up, sending the already amped crowd completely out of control! Mike Phantasy seems almost stunned that the suplex didn't put Miller away.
Finally shaking off the surprise, Phantasy helps Miller to his feet, holding him with a 3/4 chancery. He flips Miller around suddenly, looking for a dragon sleeper or a reverse DDT, but Miller shakes him somewhere in the exchange, and breaks free! Phantasy tries to keep his grip on him, but Miller ends up trying to whip Phantasy to the ropes!
Phantasy reverses easily, in spite of Miller's size difference, and instead it's Miller that goes to the ropes! Mike leaps into the air, throwing a textbook spinning wheel kick at Miller on the return! However, Miller ducks and continues to the next set of ropes...!
Another rebound... and this time, it's Miller throwing a massive spear in Phantasy's direction, snapping Phantasy so hard to the mat, that Miller seems legitimately concerned!
Nevertheless, he goes for the cover...
...1...2...
...kickout!
Miller seems unsurprised, and stays on the offensive, quickly yanking Phantasy right back to his feet. He locks him up for a vertical suplex, and up goes Phantasy! Miller stalls him out...and holds the position for a long time! The audience gets louder and louder, before Phantasy finally is spiked to the mat, receiving a brainbuster of his own!
Seeming to consider another cover attempt, Miller decides against it, as he drags Phantasy over to one of the corners, before ramming a shoulder into Mike's ribs! And another! And another! A good half-dozen shoulder smashes pretty well decimate Mike Phantasy's midsection before Travis Miller seems to tire of the exercise.
Phantasy staggers to the middle of the ring, and Miller sizes him up all the while, before clamping on an abdominal stretch! Phantasy howls in pain as the referee checks on him, asking if he wants to submit!
The referee gets no answer, Mike refusing to quit! When the referee asks again, Mike Phantasy finally responds, giving a defiant "No!"
Dishing out punishment, Miller continues to crank back on Phantasy, with Mike finally throwing some punches across his body to strike Miller in the face, trying to break the hold! Miller responds in the same manner, smashing forearms into Phantasy's ribs and midsection, further causing him pain!
Phantasy finally stings Miller with a solid shot, but before he can escape, Miller shifts his grip, and crushes Phantasy to the mat with a pumphandle slam!
Retreating for a moment to catch his breath, Miller eyes Phantasy closely as Mike staggers finally to his feet, looking very out of it. Miller finally grabs Phantasy by the arm, yanking him into a short-arm clothesline... which Mike ducks!
Trying to swing momentum towards his favor, Phantasy runs to the nearest turnbuckle, vaulting right to the top... and crashing across Miller with a corkscrew moonsault!
The crowd goes nuts, alternating chants of "T-Mill! T-Mill!" and "Phan-tas-y! Phan-tas-y!" In spite of hitting the maneuver, Mike Phantasy is still sprawled across the mat, clutching his midsection and writhing in pain. Miller is unmoving, while the referee starts the ten count on both men!
...1...2...4...
At the count of four, Mike stirs, shakes off the pain and rolls across Travis Miller, going for the cover...
...1...
...kickout!
Not even a two count, and Miller violently throws his shoulder up!
The two slowly begin to get to their feet, Miller still looking dazed, while Phantasy seems to be considerably favoring his abdomen. Miller lunges with a big lariat, but Phantasy ducks it, rebounding off the ropes!
However, in reply, Miller sinks a huge fist into Mike's midsection, sending him flipping and crashing to the mat, in more pain than before! Miller is quick to step over Phantasy, and clamps on a seated abdominal stretch!
Phantasy struggles mightily, but he's barely able to shift his weight against Miller's size advantage. He reaches hard for the ropes... and then suddenly shifts momentum, causing him intense pain for a moment. Thinking wisely, he shifts his weight onto Miller, finding his own shoulders suddenly pressed to the mat!
...1...
The fans are caught by surprise...
...2...
...No!
Miller muscles out, shifting Phantasy back! In the process, he presses Mike's shoulders to the mat, with the count going in his honor...
...1...2...
...no!
Now it's Phantasy kicking out of Travis's pinfall attempt!
Both men are back to their feet, Phantasy slightly slower than Miller. Travis lunges again at Phantasy, and this time, he eats a dropkick to his knees for it! Falling, Miller's face bangs off the mat, and Phantasy's atop him quickly, twisting him around for a dragon sleeper!
It's a good half-minute before Miller can escape the hold, furiously shifting himself around until he can wrap his legs around the closest bottom rope.
He gets back to his feet, but the moment he's away from the ropes, Phantasy's leapt back onto him, clamping on a sleeper, making sure to crank the neck hard while clinching the hold! Miller staggers for a moment, before yanking himself toward the ropes!
Unfortunately, he loses his balance completely, and both him and Phantasy flip the ropes, crashing completely down to the floor, outside of the ring! The referee starts the count on both men!
...1...2...
Travis Miller is finally stirring, realizing that his last maneuver wasn't the best of ideas. Mike Phantasy remains unconscious, apparently!
...3...
Now Mike is starting to move!
...4...5...
Miller finally gets to his feet, with help from the ring steps. He quickly slides into the ring...
...6...7...
...And Phantasy's finally up, as well...
...8...
He throwsg himself under the bototm rope as quickly as possible, returning into the ring!
Slowly, he helps himself to his feet, using the ropes. Behind him, Travis Miller slowly stalks him, waiting for the right moment... and then Mike Phantasy finally turns!
In an instant, Miller lifts him right up, powering him overhead for the Epiphany! He holds Phantasy there for a few seconds, an impressive demonstration of strength, and he drops Mike down for the finish... but Phantasy slips his grip, and lands behind him!
Miller turns... but Phantasy's already waiting... and Miller gets hoisted up, and blasted back to the mat with a Crescent Driver, out of nowhere! Phantasy doesn't even seem to know how he pulled it off, but quickly slides over Miller, hooking the leg, while favoring his waist...
...1...2...
The fans are on their feet...
...3!
Mike Phantasy is victorious!
"The Pretender" begins playing over the sound system, as the referee raises Phantasy's arm in victory! Mike Phantasy slowly gets to his feet, and climbs one of the turnbuckles to pose for the crowd, while basking in their cheers!
Behind him, Travis Miller finally staggers to his feet, shaking his head. Phantasy jumps down, only to come face-to-face with Miller, who stares at him for a long moment. The duo smiles and offers a handshake towards each other, which they accept, much to the delight of the fans!
They raise their arms in victory, having beaten Horatio Q.'s plans of creating a rift, before sliding out of the ring and heading up the ramp. The crowd cheers for their sportsmanship as Mike passes through the curtain, followed by Travis Miller.
Winner: Mike Phantasy
Suddenly, Travis Miller walks through the curtain, looking banged up from his previous match. Just like before, he's unable to save himself from this sneak attack.
WHAM! And not the 80's band.
Kinsey Wells cracks the chair against his skull, sending him crumpling to the ground! A horde of officials come running in, trying to help Miller, who lays on the floor, unable to rise.
Kinsey Wells: That's for last week!
Tossing the chair aside, she is whisked away by security, while random officials check over Travis Miller.
Teresa Quaranta: I can beat up no-good, pieces of shit... just like Stevie Swing!
She picks Norton up again and DDTs him onto the floor! Jumping back up, she proudly kicks at his head and smirks.
Teresa Quaranta: Screw it. I can beat these useless guys up better than her!
She gives one last kick before the camera fades out.
Fans Bring the Weapons
Well you made me weep
And you made me moan
When you caused me to leave child
My happy home
But someday baby
You ain’t worry my life anymore
Suddenly from the back, a huge red 4x4 with chrome finish explodes out the back and races to the ring. As the music continues, Kelvin climbs out onto the roof of his car. Raising his arms to the crowd, he catches two cartons of milk and slams them together before drinking.
I get satisfaction
Everywhere I go
Where I lay my head
That’s where I call home
Whether barren pines
Or the mission stair
Take tomorrow’s collar
And give ‘em back the glare
Pulling out his shotgun from across his back, he fires it along with the music, while his dog claps in approval from the dashboard.
Bang, bang, bang, bang!
Vamonos, vamonos
Bang, bang, bang!
Vamonos, vamonos
The lights dim out, as an icy blue mist pours from the rampway. "You're Going Down" by the Sick Puppies plays through the air and the fans get on their feet. Out of the mist walks Shaku Endbringer, parting the smoke and stepping into the strobe lights on the rampway as the arena cheers.
Shaku Endbringer raises his pool cue high into the air, as fans cheer all around him and sparks shimmer down. He casually paces to the ring, dressed in long black pants, with blue flames up the sides. He has a trench coat covering the rest of his body, his eyes darkened in sunglasses.
Shaku makes it to the ring, slapping the hands of the fans at ringside, then slides under the bottom rope and into the ring. In here, he steps up onto the turnbuckles, climbs to the middle rope, and then raises his pool cue high into the air as the crowd lights up in cheers. Stepping down and taking off his coat and glasses, he hands the pool cue to the ring girl, wraps his arms around the top rope and stretches himself out as the music softly fades.
The referee steps into the center of the ring, observing the raucous fans that are now standing to their feet, holding home-brought weapons. There are vacuums wrapped in barbed-wire; brooms; a wiffle-ball bat with thumbtacks glued to it; and even a used DVD player. Ringing the bell, the referee steps into the corner, waiting for both men to attack, the winner being declared the new Ultraviolence Champion.
Instead of going after each other, both Shaku and Kelvin roll to the outside, where they each grab a weapon from a fan. Kelvin grabs a crutch and Shaku is handed a frying pan. They slide into the ring, about to attack each other, with Kelvin swinging the crutch at Shaku!
However, Shaku is able to use the frying pan to block the crutch! Instead, he swings the pan at Kelvin's head... but Kelvin ducks down, escaping the blow! Swinging around, Kelvin jabs the edge of the crutch into Kelvin's gut, hunching him over! Next, he hives Kelvin another shot with the crutch, this time hitting him in the ribs; and then holds it into the air and smacks it across Shaku's back!
Laughing, Kelvin grabs the frying pan, sets it on the ground, grabs Shaku by the head and then faceplants him onto the pan! Reaching out, Kelvin is handed a stand-up electric fan and then breaks it across Shaku's back!
Shaku hollers out in pain, but is able to get to his feet. Kelvin latches on to him, but Shaku brushes him off and pushes him away with one arm. Grabbing the crutch Kelvin brought into the ring, Shaku lifts it up, turns around... and is then speared by Kelvin, sending both men tumbling through the ropes, landing on the floor!
Out here, they trade left and right handed punches, trying to outdo the other. With a knee to the gut, Shaku takes control, grabs Kelvin's head and then smashes his skull off the ring steps! To make matters worse for Kelvin, he is handed the wiffle-ball bat with tacks glued to it. Over and over, he wallops Kelvin with the bat, having tacks jab into Kelvin's skin, as he stumbles around the ring, trying to keep away from the shits.
Shaku remains on Kelvin's tail, though, repeatedly smacking him with the bat. Dropping it, he receives another weapon: a kitchen chair. He hoists the chair up and recklessly heaves it at Kelvin, smashing it into smithereens, as it crashes against Kelvin's exterior, dropping him onto the floor!
Receiving a board with a nail hammered through it, Shaku walks after Kelvin, about to do him in. Fortunately for Coolidge, he is able to crawl near the fans, enabling him to reach up and grab onto a DVD player. As Shaku reaches forward, about to choke him with the board, Kelvin swings the DVD player overheard, bashing it into Shaku's skull!
Dazed and confused, Shaku stumbles back, holding his head, while Kelvin also receives an older, used VCR. With the video player in one hand and the DVD player in the other, Kelvin stands up, kicks Shaku in gut and swings both players at him! The VCR and the DVD player sandwich Shaku's skull, dropping him to his knees, leaving his ears ringing!
Of course, this is prime position for Kelvin, who reaches out and grabs the barbed-wire vacuum from a fan. Placing it on the ground, he grabs Shaku by the nipples and stands him to his feet. Laughing at Shaku's expense, Kelvin gives him several slaps across the face and then double-underarmlocks him, trying for a DDT. Just as he goes to drop down, Shaku uses his strength to stop him and sends him flying overheard with a huge backdrop!
Kelvin lands hard on the floor, his back smashing onto the ground! Getting a tennis racket, with the strings replaced with barbed-wire, Shaku waits for Kelvin to stand and then attacks. With a serve that would make a tweaked-out Andre Agassi proud, Shaku strikes with the racket, getting Kelvin's head tangled in barbed-wire!
Blood pours from Kelvin's head, as he falls to the ground, with Shaku not giving him a chance to recover. Lifting him up, he smashes his face off the ring apron, leaving behind a bloody stain! With one arm, he tosses Kelvin into the air and then drops him across the apron, leaving even more bloodstains behind!
Without a care in the world, Shaku whips Kelvin into the ring barrier, smashing him against the steel, and then runs in after him. Kelvin hastily wipes some of the blood out of his eyes, steps aside and then drop-toe-holds Shaku into the steel, regaining the upperhand!
On his hands and knees, he crawls forward, looking for another weapon. He picks up a golf club, stands up and turns around, looking straight at Shaku, who now has blood running from his nose, thanks to crashing into the railing. As if he were Tiger Woods's wife, Kelvin repeatedly blasts the big, musclebound man with the club, giving him some shots in the ribs, stomach, biceps and legs! Not finished, he even holds the club across Shaku's throat, choking him with it!
With the fans cheering him on, Shaku gets to his feet, peppering Kelvin with some elbows to the gut, hoping to free himself. Clinging on to Shaku, Kelvin drops the club and just plain chokes him, digging his nails into Shaku's throat. Shaku attempts shaking Kelvin off; but it isn't until he heaves his opponent overhead, sending him into the front row, that he is able to escape the situation!
Having knocked several fans over, Kelvin stands to his feet... and pulls out a gun on Kelvin, taking it from a fan!
He pulls the trigger...!
...but water comes out, squirting Shaku across the chest...
Aggravated, Kelvin tosses the water pistol into the face of a fan and turns his attention towards someone else. He yanks a beer bottle out of some guy's hand and then violently smashes it over Shaku's head! Unfortunately for Coolidge, it doesn't take Shaku down. As a matter of fact, it seems to incense him even further. With his right hand, Shaku latches onto Kelvin's throat, lifts him into the air and then tosses him back over the ring railing, dropping him harshly on the floor! Not only that, Shaku lifts Kelvin up, punches him a few times and puts him in another chokehold position. Within seconds, he lifts Kelvin up, only to chokeslam him onto -- and through -- the barbed-wire vacuum, which smashes into pieces!
Wrangled in barbed-wire, Kelvin is ripped to his feet and rolled inside the ring. Sliding inside, Shaku covers him, hoping for victory...
The referee counts...
...1...2...
At the count of two, Kelvin rolls out of the count, continuing the match!
Standing up, Shaku reaches out and grabs an ironing board, with glass tubes attached to it. Setting it up in the center of the ring, he marches around, grabbing some more weapons from the fans, including a gigantic picture frame, with Horatio Q. on it; light tubes duct taped together; a board with thumbtacks glued to it; and even a car tire!
Turning towards Kelvin, he lifts him up and positions him between his legs with a standing headscissors. Bringing Kelvin up onto his shoulders, he goes to powerbomb him through the lighttube-wrapped ironing board...
...only to have Kelvin pull out brass-knunckles, while in the middle of the air!
Hammering some fists into Shaku's skull, Kelvin falls atop his opponent, as his legs buckle beneath him! Remaining on top, he looks for the cover...
...1...2...
However, Shaku easily pushes Kelvin off, not quite ready to be pinned!
Kelvin gets to his feet, using this opportunity to smash some more brass-knuckled fueled fists into Shaku's forehead, busting him wide open! Standing up, Kelvin grabs the set of lighttubes duct-taped together and smashes them across the head of Kelvin, who had been on his knees!
Opting not to pin Shaku, Kelvin picks him up, instead. Giving him some repeated kicks that knock him against the ironing board. Leaning him over it, letting blood drip from Shaku's forehead and onto the canvas, Kelvin walks into the corner and ascends to the top turnbuckle pad. As the fans jeer at him, he blows snot at them and then jumps off the top rope. Locking both knees together, he drives through the air, giving a flying double-kneedrop across the back of Shaku, smashing the light tubes and smashing him through the ironing board!
Rolling Shaku over, revealing a bloody chest, Kelvin makes the cover...
...1...2...
...
...No!
Microseconds before the three can be made, Shaku powers his way out, tossing Kelvin off him! In doing so, the crowd jumps for joy, happy to see Shaku keep the match going!
Kelvin stares blankly at a bloodied Shaku Endbringer, shocked that he kicked out. Thinking fast, he grabs the tire and slides it down over Shaku's head and then around his body, trapping his arms inside of it. This allows him to stand Shaku up and easily punch away at him, delivering some blows that would knock any normal man down.
Going head-to-head, Kelvin headbutts Shaku, mixing his own blood with the large man, and then bounces off the ropes. Jumping into the air, Kelvin goes for a leaping shoulderblock, hoping to take Shaku down, but it's useless!
Angry, Kelvin bounces off the ropes again, hoping to clothesline Shaku down; but it's also useless. Shaku remains on his feet, laughing as blood trickles down his face. With a great surge of strength, he flexes his arms and rips the tire in half, untrapping himself!
Kelvin can merely stand with a bewildered look on his face. Bending down, he picks up the large picture frame of Horatio Q. and chases after Shaku with it. As he goes to strike, Shaku uses his right hand to punch through the picture, connecting hard with a punch to Kelvin's face, flooring him like a sack of bricks!
Becoming aggressive, Shaku nails Kelvin with a kick to the stomach, uses one hand to lift him up and then tosses him onto a mound of broken light tubes!
Rolling around in discomfort, Kelvin howls in pain, while Shaku regains the thumbtacked wiffle-bat. As he rises, Kelvin is struck in the stomach and back with the bat, leaving behind traces of tacks in his skin, with Shaku finally giving him a sidewalk slam onto the ring, dropping him onto the tacks, wiffle bat and shards of glass!
Laying atop his opponent, Kelvin makes the count...!
...1...
The fans count along...
...2...
They think victory is near...
...
Kelvin kicks out!
Absolutely shocked, Shaku looks at the referee for confirmation on the lack of a three. Getting to his feet, he lifts Kelvin up with him, thrusts him in the throat and throws him carelessly into the corner. In here, he begins to bash him with fist-after-fist, stopping only when Shaku backs up, looking to avalanche splash him into the corner.
Shaku charges...
...but Kelvin dodges out of the way!
Stumbling backwards, Shaku tries to retain his senses, but a beleaguered Kelvin Coolidge rolls towards the piece of wood, grips it in his hands and waits for Shaku to turn around. When the time is right, he strikes Shaku in the crotch with the board, crotching him and knocking the wind out of him!
Using a last ditch effort, Kelvin hooks onto Shaku's head and then facebusters him onto the mound of glass shards! Rolling out of the ring, Kelvin literally grabs a kitchen sink out of one fan's hand and slides into the ring with it.
Sliding back inside, holding the kitchen sink near his chest, Kelvin watches Shaku rise from a puddle of blood. Clutching the sink, he runs at Shaku, wishing to blast him across the face with it. As Shaku turns, he is blasted across the temple with the sink, knocking him unconscious on his feet!
Shaku collapses and Kelvin Coolidge quickly covers him...!
...1...2...
In horror, the fans watch, expecting the worst...
...
At the last possible second, Shaku Endbringer kicks out, shocking everyone, even Kelvin Coolidge!
Slamming his fists off the canvas, accidentally smashing his hands into some glass shards, Kelvin angrily rises and clenches his fists. He gets back up, yelling at Shaku, with blood flowing down both men. When Shaku rises, Kelvin jumps at him and hits "Thirty Degrees Celsius" on him, driving him face-first onto the kitchen sink, officially knocking him unconscious!
With a smug smile on his face, Kelvin rolls Shaku over and hooks his leg...
...1...2...
The fans figure that this is all over and send boos towards Kelvin...
...
...but Shaku kicks out, yet again! Not even the kitchen sink can put him away!
Annoyed, Kelvin stands to his feet, lifts a bloody Shaku up, backs him in the corner and then gives him a 3/4 facelock. Charging out, he drops Shaku face-first across the sink, once again, delivering the second "Thirty Degrees Celsius"!
Laying in a pool of his own blood, Shaku is turned onto his back and covered by Kelvin...
...1...2...
...
...3!
Taking too much damage, Shaku is unable to kickout, thereby giving Kelvin Coolidge the victory!
Standing to his feet, Kelvin is awarded the Ultraviolence Title, which he quickly snaps away from the referee. Standing over Shaku and smiling, he looks down and spits on him. Kelvin walks away, saying some more discouraging words to the fallen Endbringer!
Walking to the back, plenty of jeers rain in on Kelvin Coolidge, who walks to the back, rubbing some of his own blood on his newly won title. On the other hand, Shaku Endbringer is helped to his feet by two referees, but he pushes them away, vowing revenge on Kelvin, amidst a standing ovation from the crowd.
Winner: Kelvin Coolidge
The breaking news icon flashes across the screen, soon being replaced by the withered form of a glorious Horatio Q., who flashes his gums and claps his hands. He is sitting behind a makeshift desk, which has a framed picture of Tsarmina Bloodmoon on it, which he holds closely.
Horatio Q.: Hello, my friends! I come to you tonight with the latest breaking news for "How the Horatio Stole Christmas"! You like, eh? I know I do.
He shuffles some papers on his desk and then spins in his chair.
Horatio Q.: Wheeeee! I'm liking this. I run this shit. Corey Page, you fucko, what were you thinking selling to me?! Oh, right, you were bankrupt, hahahaha! You dumb old fagnuts, I hope you die of AIDS. I'm the money man. I own you. I own your federation. I own moneys.
He glances at the picture of Tsarmina, becoming sad.
Horatio Q.: My beautiful, blushing Tsarmina. Oh, how we used to cuddle. You would put me facedown and I would feel your breath on my neck. You'd tell me not to clench; and I'd do it, anyhow. Oh, my dear, I will avenge you.
Becoming serious, he tosses the picture aside, focusing angrily at the camera.
Horatio Q.: Mike Phantasy, you metrosexual son of a faggot, I'll kill you. At my pay per view, you are taking on Mister Casanova! You hear me?! Corey Page has made Chris Extreme the enforcer of the match, but I add my own stipulations.
He begins to scream at the camera.
Horatio Q.: One! Chris Extreme, you will be the enforcer, oh yes. But you'll be hanging above the ring, inside of a steel cage! Haha, you think you outsmart me, Corey Page, I think not! I own your brain! I shit on your brain, motherfaggot!
Fixing his tie, he speaks again.
Horatio Q.: Number two! Mike Phantasy, if you do not win the match against Casanova, my number one signee, well... heh heh heh heh... Corey Page has to fight me with one arm behind his back! Haha, you heard me, fuckmo. Corey Page better hope that metrosexual wins or he is the Rick Allen of Sin Wrestling!
Horatio chuckles to himself, only to then explain the joke to everyone, ruining it.
Horatio Q.: You know... the drummer from Def Leppard.
Horatio begins to sing, while holding up a Def Leppard CD.
Horatio Q.: "It's like a year without you, baby, do you have a heart of stone?!" Yes, yes, that was for you, Tsarmina. Now, for all you faggots, buy some Def Leppard CDs. Sin Wrestling now endorses Def Leppard. Thank you, thank you.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN.
Horatio Q.: Hahahaha, look at that fucking drummer! That'll be you, Corey Page, motherfucker!
Tossing the Def Leppard CD aside, the confusion of an Alzheimer's patient passes over Horatio's face. Nevertheless, he keeps stammering and rambling.
Horatio Q.: Now where was I?
He looks through his papers some more.
Horatio Q.: Oh yes, "How the Horatio Stole Christmas"! I am putting 500 million dollars on the line against Corey Page! I am putting all that I own I am so confident! Casanova will win for me and that faggot will have one arm! Ooohh, yes, yes.
Horatio joyously twiddles his fingers.
Horatio Q.: Plus so much more! The Tag Team Trophy will be given to random people paired together. If you want to win, you don't be a faggot and screw your team. Stevie Swing vs. Teresa Quaranta for the World Title -- oh boy, I'm a genius for signing this!
Slamming his fist down, he takes a shot of vodka and continues on.
Horatio Q.: My negro -- is that how you say it -- Kelvin Coolidge will defend against Shaku Endbringer. By the way, Sin Wrestling now sells all your muscular and performance supplements.
He holds up random needles full of HGH.
Horatio Q.: Buy some!
Next, he reaches under his desk and begins to tug.
Horatio Q.: I'm not masturbating, faggots. What I got here is this...
With one final tug, he pulls out the Television Title and tosses it onto the desk.
Horatio Q.: The Television Title will finally be rewarded! Travis Miller, one of Corey Page's faggot brigade pals, will be in this match. Tune in to watch him fail miserably against newcomer, Redmaine, Kinsey Wells and her tits; and who knows who else!
He takes another swig of vodka.
Horatio Q.: And we have Ultimate Survival! Horatio Q. presents "How the Horatio Stole Christmas"... live on pay per view! Buy it for only $129.99!
Grabbing a handful of syringes, he injects a needle into his arm and shoots up some HGH.
Horatio Q.: It will be the night Corey Page dies forever!
Cackling, he leans back in his chair, snorts and spins around some more.
Corey Page: That man is a raging psycho. I accept his little stipulations. I'm Corey "Holy Fuck" Page. I don't back down from shit like that.
...Knock...
...Knock...
...Knock...
Overhearing the knocking on his door, Corey Page whisks around and talks to the camera, again.
Corey Page: That must be Chris Extreme, delivering some delicious turkey leftovers. I'm not American, and I celebrated Thanksgiving last month; but goddamn, do I ever love turkey. Just pump me full of tryptophan.
Headed towards the door to the room, he whistles, places his hand on the knob and opens it.
It isn't Chris Extreme.
As the door swings violently open, the body of a beheaded goat smashes into him, knocking him to the floor! In absolute horror, he gawks at the goat's carcass, with his face as white as a ghost, while hearing a very familiar voice...
Voice: Looks like I got your goat! HAHAHAHAHA!
Footsteps are heard walking away, as Corey Page does his best to keep from vomiting.
Corey Page: Oh no...
Unfortunately, his attempts result in failure, as he throws up all over the floor. Things are not looking good for him. And that voice... that familiar voice...
Christopher Alexander: I smell faggot...
He thinks to himself.
Christopher Alexander: ...or is that vampire?
Shrugging, he continues.
Christopher Alexander: Same thing.
He walks off, headed to the entrance area.
Woke animal feelings in me
Took over my sense and I lost control
I'll taste your blood tonight
Casanova steps out onto the stage, glowering over the audience, before striding down the ramp and ignoring the fans. On the screen, the image slowly trails up the silhouette of the man walking with the chair, rising until it reaches the outline of his shoulders and head, the eyes suddenly visible in flashes of red, as the image shatters like glass, replaced by "Casanova," spelled out in a trail of blood.
You know I make you wanna run from me baby
But know it's too late you've wasted all your time
Casanova slides into the ring, rolling into a crouch in a corner with a fangy smirk. The screen and music fade, as he adjusts his gloves and waits for the match to start.
Deplorable images flash across the screen. The worst of human nature. Images of people like Nero, Caligula, Vlad the Impaler, Ivan the Terrible, Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Idi Amin, and a crucified Jesus. Images of war, the Crusades, the Holocaust, African slaves, and Indians covered in small pox. Images of atomic bombs, dead Asian people, and planes flying into the World Trade Center. Images of hangings, decapitations, and torture chambers. Images of killing sprees and school shootings. Images of raped women, starving children in Africa, and aborted baby fetuses. The final image is that of a sad, mutilated kitten.
Suddenly, Christopher Alexander's voice is heard shouting throughout the arena:
After a loud, thunderous explosion, the epic symphony of "No Leaf Clover" by Metallica blasts over the airways, shaking the arena and deafening the crowd. From out of the smoke appears Christopher Alexander, formerly Chris Extreme, standing in his black boxers and black socks.
To a mixed reaction from an ambivalent crowd, Christopher swaggers arrogantly down to the ring. Half the crowd boos him in hatred while the other half cheers him with admiration. As he struts down the walkway, he slaps a few low fives from cheering fans, while simultaneously cursing and taunting the fans that boo him. Turning to view Casanova inside the ring, beckoning him, Christopher Alexander rolls inside and things ignite like a firecracker!
Casanova and Chris Extreme Alexander rush at each other, striking with furious fists, going punch-for-punch! Eventually, Christopher gains the upperhand and is able to repeatedly punch Casanova until he is backed up against the ropes, enabling Chris to bounce off the opposite set of ropes. When he comes springing back, Casanova ducks down, and then sends Chris flying over the top rope and to the floor with a magnificent backdrop!
Fortunately for Christopher, he lands safely on his feet, turns around, grabs onto Casanova's ankles, trips him and drags him to the outside! Again, they continue brawling, exchanging punches, until Casanova ducks beneath a swinging punch from Christopher, grabs onto him and then hoists him into the air, in a back-suplex position.
Seconds later, Casanova has Christopher Alexander crotched across the ring railing, his testicles almost jumping into his throat! Pushing the ring announcer off his chair, Casanova picks it up, measures Chris up and then whacks it across the front of Christopher Alexander's skull!
Falling off the railing and onto the floor, Chris Extreme is privy to another chairshot from Casanova, nailing him across the back with each blow! Lifting Chris up, Casanova drops Christopher throat-first across the railing and begins to smash his face off the steel!
Getting the chair, Casanova sets it up next to the railing and sits Christopher on it. Backing up a few feet, Casanova explodes forward and leaps towards Chris, nailing him with a running boot to the face, squishing his head against the steel barrier! Dragging a groggy Christopher over towards the ring steps, Casanova steps onto the top step, yanks on Chris and takes him onto the first step. With a standing headscissors, Casanova goes to deliver a piledriver... only to have Christopher Alexander reverse the attempt, using a backdrop!
Landing directly on his back, Casanova cracks his spine on the floor and roars out in sudden agony! Shrugging the damage off himself, Christopher rests on the steps, looks over his left shoulder and notices Casanova already beginning to rise. Hoping to put an end to this, Chris Extreme carelessly leaps off the ring steps, using his body as a missile!
Crashing into Casanova, both men go falling to the ground, with Christopher being the first to rise. Unloading on Casanova with some punches and elbows, he rolls him back into the ring, and walks around the ringside area, tossing some chairs inside. Finally, he hops onto the ring apron and climbs inside the ring, ready to take the action to Casanova.
Before he can fully get back inside, Casanova collects one of the chairs, gets to his feet and runs at Christopher, holding it in front of him. Just as Casanova throws the chair at Chris, Alexander is able to duck down, letting the chair go flying into the audience! He continues towards Casanova, sweeps him off his legs with a double-leg takedown and sits on his chest, pummeling him with punches!
Using his legs to wrap around Christopher's body and shoulder, Casanova is able to pull Christopher off him and rise to his feet. Both men run at each other, with Alexander going for a clothesline, which also gets ducked. Applying a reverse-waistlock, Casanova goes to fling Chris Extreme Alexander backwards with a German suplex, but it's blocked. Alternatively, Chris flutters around and applies a reverse-waistlock of his own.
Christopher's attempt is blocked, too; with Casanova reaching behind him, grabbing Christopher's head and then lowblows him with the back of his shin! Snap maring Christopher Alexander over, Casanova strikes with a timely kick to the back, picks Chris up and then positions him in the corner.
Sitting Christopher on the top rope, Casanova hits some palm strikes, knocking Christopher slightly loopy, enabling him to climb up alongside him. Looking over his shoulder, Casanova measures Extreme Alexander up, aiming for a chair that is laying on the ground, apparently attempting a superplex onto it.
Aware of his surrounding and impending danger, Chris begins to furiously punch at Casanova's ribcage, freeing himself from danger. He even grabs Casanova by the hair and begins bashing his face off his erect penis!
Knocked temporarily dizzy, Casanova tries to keep his balance, but Chris goes for The Cock Factor...!
...only to have Casanova block the attempt, landing on his feet, as they both fly to the canvas!
Using some rapid thinking, Casanova delivers a stiff boot to the stomach, pulls Christopher Alexander in with a standing headscissors and double-underarmlocks him. It appears Casanova is about to go for his double-underarm spike piledriver onto the chair, but Chris has other plans!
At the last second, Chris pulls his arms away from Casanova's clutches, places them around Casanova's legs and then sweeps him to the canvas, making him land on the chair! Still with Casanova's legs hooked beneath his arms, Christopher Alexander drops back, catapulting Casanova into the corner...!
...but Casanova's positioning help him land safely on the middle turnbuckle pad!
Turning around and harnessing his energy, he waits for Chris Extreme Alexander to face him, nailing him with the Carpe Nocturn! Instead of covering him, though, Casanova headlocks Christopher and commences punching him in the forehead.
Standing on his feet, Casanova boots Christopher several times in the sternum, making sure to keep him down. Grabbing one of the chairs, he opens it up and sets it in the middle of the ring. Lifting Christopher up, he sits him on the chair, hits him with some right-handed punches and prepares to strike. He bounces off the ropes, returning with full speed and vaults himself through the air, somersaults and crashes into Chris, knocking both him and the chair over!
Proud of what he has done, he rises to his feet, looks down at Chris Extreme Alexander and begins lifting him up. For his efforts, though, he is struck with several uppercuts from a fighting Christopher Alexander, each shot knocking him off balance. Using both hands, he instantly throttles Chris by the throat, hoping to put an end to this resurgence and hoists him up into the air. Running forward, he goes to heave Chris to the outside; but just like "The Creep" was able to do last week, Christopher blocks the attempt.
Grabbing onto Casanova's head, facelocking him, Chris forces the duo to go stumbling into the ropes, where Chris bodyscissors him and tries to guillotine submission him, while laying across the top rope. Casanova, having none of this, reaches for Chris's head, yanks on his hair and gets the release.
Unfortunately for him, Casanova also receives a plain, old fashioned kick between the legs.
Removing himself from the ropes, Chris takes it to the vampire, clotheslining him down not once, but twice. He Irish-whips Casanova into the ropes, picks up the chair and swings it at his head...
...Casanova ducks and goes bouncing off the opposite set of ropes!
Upon his return, Casanova and Christopher Alexander wind up smashing into the chair, which gets sandwiched between them, knocking them both backwards! As they step back, they clear the cobwebs from their head, look up and notice each other. Within seconds, they're dashing forward, with Christopher Alexander ducking beneath a clothesline attempt from Casanova, headed in the opposite direction. Whipping around, Casanova charges at Chris... only to be hotshotted across the top rope!
Jumping to his feet, with the crowd actually behind him, Chris Extreme Alexander lets out a gutteral howl, acting like a werewolf.
Meanwhile, Casanova rolls to the outside, holding his throat, trying to catch his breath. Not long after him, Chris goes to exit to the floor, only to have Casanova grab a chair and swing it overheard, nailing Chris in the skull!
The recent hair growth isn't enough to save Chris, who crumbles to his knees, allowing Casanova to drag him to the floor. Out here, Casanova relentlessly stomps on Christopher, not letting him regain an ounce of energy. When he turns around, Casanova receives a mouthful from the fans, which he pays no attention to. In fact, instead of jawing with them, he places his hands on one of the barriers and rips it away from the rest of the railing!
Placing it across the edge of the remaining railing and the ring apron, he turns his focus back to Christopher Alexander, who is just now getting to his feet, feeling dazed. With some punches and slaps, he positions Chris on the ring apron and climbs up with him. Dragging Chris by the hair, he pulls him near the levitated steel railing and is about ready to suplex him onto it...!
He goes for the suplex attempt...
...but Chris blocks it, using his foot! He even managed to switch positions, so that Casanova is in danger of being suplexed onto it!
Christopher Alexander with the suplex...
...but it's blocked, as well!
This time, Casanova exchanges positions. Deciding not to use the suplex, he instead lifts Chris onto his shoulders, into a fireman's carry position. Grabbing Chris by the head, he is almost ready to drive him onto the railing with a Death Valley Driver!
Upon realizing this, Christopher uncontrollably erupts with elbows to the side of Casanova's head, surprising him! Thanks to these shots, Chris is able to slip onto his feet, safely on the ring apron. For Casanova, things about to take a downward turn for the worse...
Christopher Alexander kicks him in the stomach, pulls him in, hoists him up onto his shoulders and dives off the side of the apron with a powerbomb! Casanova decimates the ring railing, which buckles under the blow and he goes rolling off it, in a rack of pain!
The fans are on their feet, excitedly cheering for Christopher Alexander, who has no idea how to react. As he watches Casanova crawl away, holding his back, Chris comes after him, as if he were following Casanova's scent.
Using the ring apron to help him stand, a nearly demolished Casanova tries rolling into the ring, but is thwarted by an incoming Chris Extreme, who grabs the ring announcer and begins using him as a weapon. He recklessly bashes the ring announcer's skull off Casanova, leaving the announcer bloodied and bruised, and is flung halfway across the floor when Chris is finished with him.
Climbing onto the apron, alongside Casanova, Chris pulls the vampire to his feet. He points at the announcer's table, which has Lex Robinson and Steve Hebert sitting at it. When they see Chris motioning in their direction, they instantly drop their headsets and get out of dodge, knowing that nothing good is coming their way.
Interlocking his left arm with Casanova's arm, Chris goes to hip toss him off the apron -- and through the announcer's table! In a stroke of genius, however; Casanova's talons lock onto the top rope, keeping him in place. In defiance, Casanova knees Christopher in the gut and then in the testicles, striking him perfectly!
Casanova soon places both of his hands around Christopher's throat, hoists him into the air and then throws him off the apron, sending him through the announcer's table! Pieces of wood and television monitors go flying everywhere as Chris crashes violently through the table, splintering everything everywhere!
Taking a deep breath, Casanova re-enters the ring, falling in over the middle rope, where he rests and licks his wounds. He is unable to recouperate for long because he is soon joined in the ring with another soul.
Mike Phantasy runs down from the back, bringing promise to the fact that he has offered his help to Chris Extreme Alexander! He slides into the ring, comes up from behind on a recovering Casanova, waits for him to rise... and then nails the "Crescent Driver"!
Casanova lands with a thud on the canvas, as the referee can only stand back and let things happen. With the fans cheering on, Mike slides out of the ring, and walks to the back, leaving Casanova unconscious and prone in the ring. He is laid out, in perfect position for Christopher; but Alexander remains on the floor, in between the broken pieces of the table!
Slowly, but surely, Chris pulls himself out of the wreckage, crawls towards the ring and uses the apron to climb to his feet. Viewing Casanova on his back in the ring, having no idea what happened, Chris decides to capitalize by rolling inside and covering him.
The fans count along with the referee...
...1...2...
They chant the one... two...
...
...No!
Casanova kicks out! A collective sigh is emitted from the fans, who wants to see him defeated.
Both men, dazed and worn down, move in opposite directions; with Christopher using the turnbuckles to help him stand, and Casanova using the ropes to help him up. Chris is the first to go back on the offensive, sneaking up on Casanova, punching him in the upper back and forearming him in the kidneys. After some more punches, he turns Casanova around and whips him across the ring.
Ducking down, he goes for a backdrop attempt, but Casanova retaliates by delivering a vicious running knee to the temple of Christopher! Holding his back, Chris's head snaps back, allowing for Casanova to grab a chair, open it and set it up in the the ring. Scooping Chris onto his shoulder, he delivers an over-the-shoulder powerslam onto the chair, breaking it apart!
Like being punched in the gut, the wind is knocked out of the fans, who are now being taunted by Casanova, who slowly gets back to his feet. Delivering some kicks to Chris's skull, he grabs him by his newfound hair, yanking him to his feet. Making a throat slash signal, he appears to be setting Christopher up for Destiny Calling.
Leaning Chris against the ropes, he pulls him out... only to have Chris reverse the momentum, pull Casanova into him and deliver a dropdown punch between his legs! Finishing up, he latches onto Casanova's head and hits the Nut-tap DDT!
Stacking all of the chairs inside of the ring, creating one giant mound of them, he drags Casanova to his feet and then body slams him onto them, creating a loud clang. Turning towards the corner, he goes to a place he's not normally seen, climbing to the top rope, with the fans on their feet.
Standing on the top turnbuckle, Chris Extreme Alexander looks over his shoulder, preparing for a moonsault onto Casanova, who remains on the chair...
BANG!
The explosive sound of fireworks is heard!
Distracted by this, Chris Extreme Alexander continues to stand on the top rope, wondering what's going on. Sadly for him, this proves to be an awful mistake, allowing Casanova to regain his wits and stand to his feet. Rushing into the corner, Casanova jets up the turnbuckles, waistlocks Christopher and release German superplexes him! Chris goes soaring through the air, landing upside-down on the steel chairs, his head butting into the hard, unforgiving steel!
Laughing at Chris's expense, Casanova leans against the corner, picks up a chair and waits for an obviously stunned Chris Extreme to rise. Once he does, Casanova throws the chair at Chris, who catches, thereby prompting Casanova to run forward. Grabbing Chris by the arm, he immediately hits Destiny Calling, using the chair to jam into Christopher Alexander's face!
Chris lands in the clump of chairs and is rolled over by Casanova, who flickers a toothy smile as he covers his opponent. With the leg hooked, Casanova demands the referee to count...
...1...2...
Flabbergasted, the fans watch as the referee continues to count...
...3!
Casanova has defeated Chris Extreme in his return match to Sin Wrestling! However, he isn't satisfied enough for the victory. He wants blood.
To a chorus of boos, Casanova stomps on Chris Extreme, making sure he is out enough for Casanova to resume stacking chairs in the ring. He opens the chair, places it down and goes it for another... and another... and another... and one more. A total of four chairs are stacked together -- 2 on each side. Lifting Chris up, Casanova steps onto these 4 chairs, dragging Chris up with him.
Up here, the referee tries to stop Casanova, but he throws the ref aside with one arm. The fans jeer at him, but that doesn't stop him from putting Christopher into a double-underarm piledriver position. He goes to lift Chris... but his attempted piledriver is stopped! Alternatively, Chris pushes his way out of it, knees Casanova and then straitjacket piledrivers him onto the 4 chairs!
The seats buckle as Casanova's skull dents into them. He wobbles out of the ring, holding his skull, as Christopher Alexander rolls into the corner, unable to stand, confused about the cheer he gets from the fans. In a daze, Casanova stumbles around the ringside area and storms over towards the ring announcer's table.
Grabbing the microphone, he begins to speak...
Casanova: Enough. Screw you, Chris Extreme, or whatever your name is. It's time to get down to what's important. I hope you're listening hard and I hope Chris Carson is listening hard, as well. I know you're all waiting on who the final member of my team will be for the Ultimate Survival match... and I couldn't frankly give any less of a damn.
The audience boos louder, but Cas just shrugs.
Casanova: I'm tired of waiting, not for your sakes. I don't care at all what you think, any of you here in the audience, or watching at home! Hell, I hope my rambling sends you flicking the channel, PPV or not, to something else! Try the Nature Channel, I hear they're airing repeats of their series "Trouble With Goats: A Corey Page Adventure."
There's a gasp that resonates throughout the audience, as they're reminded of the horror that Corey Page has been going through with goat parts lately.
Casanova: While we're on that topic, no more stalling. No one else on the SW roster is good enough for my team. No one else DESERVES to make my team. I set the bar higher than that, higher than every single one of you could possibly hope to aspire to. I don't want to simply win Ultimate Survival. I want to destroy our opponents without a single teammate lost, until we turn on ourselves. None of you can guarantee that. So I went back and found someone who could. Someone who I left for dead in Rome a while back...
Casanova points to the entranceway...
The fans begin to reign out a chorus of boos as the familiar theme song opening begins.
Voice: CUT ME BRUDONNNNN CUT ME CUT ME CUT ME!!!!
"Prison Sex" by Tool begins to play and explosions happen at the entrance ramp! As the explosions go off and the lights come back on, Zimdela Brudon is standing there in a blood splattered trench coat. The fans are booing loudly as Zimdela Brudon begins to make his way to the ringside area, where Chris Extreme lays inside, worn down and exasperated, breathing hard next to the corner.
The crowd is booing, stunned at seeing Zimdela Brudon once again. He enters the ring and has the microphone handed to him from Casanova, while Christopher Alexander can merely stand back, observing.
Zimdela Brudon: It seems that...
The crowd is booing way too loudly. Zimdela can hardly be heard, forcing him to lower the microphone, flashing a sick smile across his face. In unison, the fans chant out...
Fans: FUCK YOU, BRUDON!
Clap... Clap... Clap...!
Fans: FUCK YOU, BRUDON!
Clap... Clap... Clap!
The thunderous jeers goes throughout the arena, as Zimdela raises the microphone to his mouth once more.
Zimdela Brudon: Will you submissive fucking whores shut the hell up and let a true Domme like myself speak?!
The crowd begins to boo loudly as Zimdela raises the microphone to his mouth once again.
Zimdela Brudon: Before Corey begins to perform his last rites, and then commit suicide over his beloved goat... let me assure him that... no, that was not Betsy. No, what you saw there Corey Page was a message. A message of my return, and of my plans for Sin Wrestling. Before I can explain my plans for Sin Wrestling, I need to explain a bit of the past...
He pauses for a moment.
Zimdela Brudon: You see, last year, I had a match with a man named Casanova...
The crowd begins to boo loudly once more. Zimdela can't help but smile as he hears the boos for Casanova.
Zimdela Brudon: Those boos amuse me. You see, once upon a time, those boos would've been something Casanova would be against. He would be doing all he could to earn... to gain your cheers. He'd be doing all he could to please you fans... you fucking peons. Now, Casanova is a monster! A man, who, almost just over a year ago, caved in my skull! So, you might be thinking... Zimdela, Casanova almost killed you! Don't you want revenge against him?! Don't you want to go at him again?! The answer is... No! No! NO!
The last word echoes loudly through the sound system. He speaks again.
Zimdela Brudon: You see, last year, I did everything I could to transform Casanova into what he is now, and I succeeded! The Casanova of old came back... no, let me change that... the Casanova of old will never come back! The old Casanova died... but so did the Casanova of the past few years. The Casanova of now is something of a sight to behold... a beautiful, sexy sight that gets me off. The Casanova of now, is something of my doing... MY CREATION! I came to Sin Wrestling to create Casanova in my image and I WENT WELL AND BEYOND what I anticipated I would do.
He waves a hand, gesturing as he explains.
Zimdela Brudon: I never meant to defeat Casanova. My intentions weren't to win a wrestling match. My intentions were to make Casanova remember what he once was... and transform him into what he is now. In that, I succeeded... but that was a matter of creating. Now I've come back with a new mission. A mission to destroy...
The crowd is silent, listening and wondering what Zimdela is getting to.
Zimdela Brudon: Casanova called me a week ago. I was shocked, I never expected to hear from the man. Never expected a "thank you", a show of appreciation, or at the very least a nod of acknowledge for what I've done for him. However, he did call me and he offered me something better. He didn't thank me... he didn't show appreciation, but what he did was give me an opportunity. Just as I created him in my image, He has decided to return the favor in giving me a chance to destroy something with my own hands. To destroy Corey Page and Sin Wrestling...
The crowd begins to boo and chant "SIN SIN SIN SIN SIN"!
Zimdela Brudon: Chant all you want, but in the end, it will do no good. Because Casanova has rewarded me for the transformation I helped rush over him. Casanova has given me the opportunity to destroy Corey Page and Sin Wrestling forever. Because, you see, when it comes time for Ultimate Survival... I'm going to be Casanova's GOD DAMN PARTNER AND I'M GOING TO FUCK SIN WRESTLING IN THE ASS AND MAKE IT SCREAM LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL!
The crowd begins to go into a huge chorus of boos.
Fans: FUCK YOU, BRUDON!
Clap... Clap... Clap...
Fans: FUCK YOU, BRUDON!
Clap... Clap... Clap...
Fans: FUCK YOU, BRUDON!
Clap... Clap... Clap...
Zimdela Brudon: Fuck me? Fuck me? That's fine, you can all take your turn fucking me all you want, because it won't make a lick of difference. Sin Wrestling is on borrowed time. Sin Wrestling's clock is about to strike midnight. But there will be no turning into a pumpkin. Just like I mutilated that goat, I will mutilate Sin Wrestling until it is no more! Until it's bleeding from every single orifice. Sin Wrestling... prepare yourself for the VERY BEST IN PAIN... and then for the scene to fade... to... black...HAHAHAHAHA!
Zimdela Brudon throws the microphone down as the crowd is booing louder than before. He slides his hand down to his crotch and rubs it a little, as the crowd boos and Casanova watches on, from the outside. Feeling himself up, he views Christopher Alexander go to stand... only to deliver a sound kick to him, keeping him grounded!
The image fades out, last showing Zimdela Brudon standing in the ring, while Casanova looks approvingly on.
Winner: Casanova