Before the events of the night can begin, the fans in attendance are privy to a special bonus match, featuring two newcomers: Harland Delacroix and Brietta Corrado. Even though these two are new to Sin Wrestling, they are both familiar to each other, so when their match begins, it's no wonder that everything that throw at each other is countered.
Right off the bat, Harland Delacroix tries a flurry of martial-arts maneuvers, but all of it vastly countered by Brietta, who fires back with simple punches, kicks and knees, which aide her in getting the upperhand.
After she lowblows Harland, she promptly tries for a DDT, but is caught off-guard when Harland regains his senses and decides to push her into the corner, smashing her against the turnbuckles. Thinking quickly, he release Northern Lights Suplexes her, sending her flying across the ring, where he is then able to take control of things.
Again, he uses his martial-arts skill, striking Brietta with kicks; and even a spinning back-fist. He goes to make a second spinning back-fist, but Brietta ducks the attack, kicks him in the gut and goes for her finisher: a double-underarm DDT.
Writhing and struggling, Harland makes his way out of the hold, swings himself around and catches Brietta with a punch to the heart, dropping her to the mat like a sack of bricks! As she goes to sit up, she is instantly caught with a mandible claw, a hold which Harland calls the "Death Knell"!
Within seconds, the referee is calling for the bell, therefore giving the match to Harland Delacroix, who instantly releases the hold, steps away from Brietta and raises his arm into the air. Letting Brietta rise, she wipes off her face, looks at Harland with an inch of anger on her face, while Harland simply steps backward, shrugs and exits the ring.
Winner: Harland Delacroix
"'tis the season to be jolly; falalalalala..."
The Santa Claus is Dead! logo appears on the screen, soon fading out, giving way to a choir of Sin Wrestling combatants standing on a set of bleachers, decked out in Santa hats, singing Christmas carols. In front of everyone stands Chris Extreme, conducting everyone, pretending that he is the leader of the free world.
Chris Extreme: Good, good. You're all doing good. Let's all remember what Christmas is about -- that being the time I murdered Santa.
Suddenly, a loud bang is heard, as someone drops a set of bleachers, thus frightening Stevie Swing, whose heart races.
Stevie Swing: Jesus!
Interjecting, Chris throws down his conductor's wand.
Chris Extreme: No, Christmas is not about Jesus. In fact, I'll kill that motherfucker later tonight -- just like how I did with that big, fat, red bastard, Santa Claus.
Stevie Swing: But--...
Chris Extreme: No "buts"; I know you all love Jesus, but tonight, his reign comes to an end and I put that bastard back where he belongs.
Chris Extreme storms off, leaving the choir very confused. Soon enough, the choir members, ranging from World Champion, Morgana, to her rival, Chris Carson, to Declan Turner, all step down. Within seconds, everyone scatters around, catering to themselves to Sin Wrestling's own Christmas Party.
Walking into the scene, with mistletoe strung out over his head, thanks to it being held on a stick, Mark Davis walks up to various females, asking for a kiss. In the meantime, Morgana walks over to the table that holds pink punch and pours herself a glass. Noticing this, Mark clasps his hands together, coming up with a devious plan... which involves walking up to Morgana and standing in front of her.
Mark Davis: Hey Morgy, sup?
Turning around, glass in her hand, Morgy sees Mark Davis and the broom-handle that holds the mistletoe over her head.
Mark Davis: So, how 'bout it?
Morgana: Uh...
Before anything can be said, Chris Carson walks into the scene.
Chris Carson: Well, well, well... what do we have here? Is this the great Morgana "hitting the sauce"?
Morgana: It's non-alcoholic punch.
Chris Carson: Well, what kind of stupid drink is that?
"The Creep" scrunches up his face.
Chris Carson: Leave it to an old slut to drink something like that.
He slaps the drink out of her hand, sending it sloshing to the floor, where some of it accidentally spills onto a nearby Leah Petrelli.
Morgana: Hah...
Oddly enough, Morgana responds fairly calmly to this deliberate attack, smirking as she steps back.
Morgana: Tonight, our feud comes to an end. Normally, I would kick you in the dick right now, but because we have to team in a few minutes, I'll save that for the end of the night.
She pauses.
Morgana: Oh, and by the way, look up...
Morgana points upward at the mistletoe that is now hanging over Chris Carson's head, thanks to Mark Davis.
Chris Carson: Get the hell away from me. You should be readying yourself for tonight.
Angst-ridden, Chris Carson storms out from underneath the mistletoe, while Mark Davis calmly flexes.
Mark Davis: I'm the best.
Ho, ho, ho...
The camera fades to the parking lot, where a white stretch limo is seen pulling up. As it finally halts, the camera zooms in on the tinted windows, trying to get a peek at who's inside. Seconds later, the door swings open and out steps the Sin Wrestling Impulse champion, Sebastian York, with title in hand and a santa's sack in the other. Kicking the door shut behind him, he surveys his surroundings and smiles.
Sebastian York: Tonight is going to be a special night for all indeed, especially since I'm in such a giving mood.
He slings the Impulse Title over one shoulder, slings the sack over the other and proceeds into the arena.
The scene shifts to the backstage area, where Mark Davis is still walking around, looking for kisses underneath the mistletoe from various females. With his back turned, though, he is attacked by behind by Dan Black, who strikes him across the back of his head and then pounds his face off the wall.
Dan Black: Take that, you son of a bitch!
Dan opens a nearby janitor's door and forcefully throws MArk Davis inside.
Dan Black: You think you're going to get out? Well, here's a reality check: you're not.
Grabbing the dropped broomstick, Dan places it against the handle of the door, disabling the door from opening, trapping Mark Davis inside. Dusting off his hands, Dan Black walks away, feeling proud of what he's just done. Before the camera fades out, sounds of pounding can be heard on the door, with the broomstick rattling.
Mark Davis is trapped in the closet.
The arena goes dark as the words blaze across the viewscreen.
"I Get It" by Chevelle explodes over the arena sound system as a huge pyrotechnic display goes off on the center stage. Declan Turner walks out from the back, wearing his wrestling gear and long black leather coat. Ignoring the crowd, he leaps into the ring and sheds the coat, waiting for the bell to ring.
Lex Robinson: Declan is here! This is his first pay per view that he is wrestling on.
Steve Hebert: Yeah, because he skipped out on Illusions, that useless fuck.
Lex Robinson: Uhm, no; that isn't how things went down.
Steve Hebert: That's not how I remember things.
Lex Robinson: But of course. Your memory is constantly selective.
Steve Hebert: How dare you judge me. If anything, you should judge Declan Turner for not having a partner. Why? Because no one likes him; that's why. He's an old douchebag.
Lex Robinson: Actually, his partner was originally supposed to be Adora... remember?
Steve Hebert: Huh? What are you talking about?
Lex Robinson: Figures. In any event, he'll be fighting this match with a handicap. If he happens to win, he becomes the first Tag Trophy winner.
Steve Hebert: ...How can one person be a Tag Trophy winner?
Lex Robinson: Well, in the future, when he defends it; he gets to choose his very own partner. Suffice to say, in the end, everything evens out.
Steve Hebert: Well, fuck that. He shouldn't even be in this match.
Lex Robinson: Speaking of people not in this match, remember how Aeolus Wrath was supposed to be in this match?
Steve Hebert: Yeah? How could I forget? That guy looked so sad and angry. I was "this close" to admitting him to the nuthouse.
Lex Robinson: Yes, well, he's not here.
Steve Hebert: You're shitting me.
Lex Robinson: And I just received word that we are having problems locating Mark Davis, as well.
Steve Hebert: What? How can that even be possible? Earlier tonight, before we went on the air, he was chasing me around with mistletoe, trying to kiss me.
Lex Robinson: Was he really?
Steve Hebert: Well, no, it was mostly me chasing him around; but still!
Lex Robinson: Right on. Anyhow, to get to the point: we're a team short, which means the team of Aeolus Wrath and Mark Davis will not be competing tonight.
Steve Hebert: Oh joy, we're one step closer to one person winning a Tag Trophy!
Lex Robinson: I sense a lot of sarcasm from you, Steve.
The lights dim into a bloody red glow, then throb to life with a guitar riff like an alarm. As the song evolves into a rhythmic drumbeat and bass line, a haunted version of Queens of the Stone Age’s “Sick, Sick, Sick”, two symbols embossed on alternating red-black backgrounds--the universal red symbol for “no”, and the circle-cross symbol for the female gender--flash with the downbeats across the projector screen. A red-and-black "CC" mix into the subliminal display, while the symbols fuse into a new logo as the flashes quicken.
Chris Carson comes out with a purpose, wearing a black shirt with the same logo painted across it in white and red. Carson jaws with the audience, then sprint to the ring when two-thirds of the way to the ring. He slides under the bottom rope, standing in the ring with his logo illuminating it. He climbs the nearest turnbuckle to taunt the audience with a sneer, pointing at his shirt.
Steve Hebert: The Creep! Creep! Creep! Creep! Creep alert! Out of the way, whores, "The Creep" is coming through!
Lex Robinson: Yeah, seriously, he may punch some innocent woman in the fact.
Steve Hebert: "Innocent woman"? Are you nuts? They all have it coming.
oh make me over
i'm all i want to be
a walking study
in demonology
The arena darkens as the first chords of "Celebrity Skin" by Hole tear through the sound system, sparking the words "Morgana" to etch across the blank screen in bold pink script, accompanied by images of Morgana. The crowd cheers loudly as pink and gold fireworks explode down the ramp, and Morgana saunters out from back stage, wearing a miniscule pink and black skort, black fishnets, knee-high boots and a tight black tank top, her pink hair pulled into two loose braids. Basking in the cheers of the crowd, Morgy slowly makes her way to the ring, pausing every so often to blow kisses to fans in the front row before bending to slip between the top and middle ropes.
you want a part of me?
well, i'm not selling cheap
no, i'm not selling cheap
"Celebrity Skin" dies over the speakers as Morgy parades confidently around the ring, waiting for the match to begin.
Lex Robinson: There she is! Our World Champion!
Steve Hebert: Not my World Champion.
Lex Robinson: I knew you'd say that.
Inside the ring, Morgana unbuckles her World Title and hands it off to the referee, who also has the trophy for the Tag Trophy Finals in his hand. She keeps a great distance from her partner, Chris Carson, who is incidentally her current rival, while Declan Turner relaxes in the corner.
Steve Hebert: You know, Declan Turner is breaching his own goddamn contract by wrestling here tonight. This should be a scandal.
Lex Robinson: Oh, come on.
Steve Hebert: It's true. He has no right to be in there.
The bell rings and Chris Carson decides to push Morgana to the side, deciding to start this match on his own team's behalf.
Lex Robinson: Here we go.
Steve Hebert: "The Creep" will be running this thing, whore. Step to the side, you pink-whored slut.
Lex Robinson: You meant to say "haired", yes?
Steve Hebert: Meh. Either/or.
Lex Robinson: Right off the bat, Chris Carson and Declan lock-up. Declan, who is going at it alone in this match, immediately has a headlock applied to him from "The Creep". However, he strikes "The Creep" with some stiff shots to the ribs, looking for an escape, which he is unable to find.
Steve Hebert: Bah, he even lifts "The Creep" up and back-suplexes him; but it does no-good! Chris Carson still has that side-headlock applied and rolls right back up, getting to a kneeling position, where once again, Declan tries striking him.
Lex Robinson: The more he tries, the more pressure is applied by "The Creep", who even starts digging his knuckles into Declan's head.
Steve Hebert: I had that done to me once. And boy, was it a motherfucker.
Lex Robinson: Declan with another back-suplex!
Steve Hebert: And yet again, Chris Carson retains the hold. It's no use, Lex, he ain't lettin' go.
Lex Robinson: Who knows. Either way, Declan is up again... and he delivers another back-suplex!
Steve Hebert: The headlock is still on! That Declan Turner is just a dummy.
With his heartbeat slowing down, thoughts begin hard to form for Declan, who has one last option left.
Lex Robinson: Declan lifts Chris Carson up into another back-suplex position... but he stumbles forward and crotches "The Creep" across the top rope!
Steve Hebert: Ow!
Lex Robinson: The headlock has been released! Now that's how you find your way out of something!
Steve Hebert: That has to be illegal... right?
Lex Robinson: Hell no. In fact, even Morgy is laughing at Chris Carson's expense.
Steve Hebert: How dare she?! She's his goddamn tag partner!
Lex Robinson: She's certainly feeling no remore for him, as Declan begins shaking the ropes up-and-down. He even bounces off the adjacent set of ropes and returns with a stiff leaping lariat!
Steve Hebert: Oh God, "The Creep" falls all the way out to the floor, where he smashes hard onto the concrete. That's not very nice!
Out here, Chris Carson slowly climbs to his feet, stumbles around, argues with a few fans... and then walks right into a suicide dive from Declan Turner, knocking him off his feet!
Steve Hebert: Declan Turner just shot himself at "The Creep", as if he were some sort of missile!
Lex Robinson: Picking Chris Carson back up, Declan bashes his skull off the ring apron and then slides him back inside, hoping to continue his quest on becoming the first Tag Trophy winner.
Steve Hebert: A Tag Trophy for a single person.
Lex Robinson: Stop bringing that up, for God's sake.
Steve Hebert: Pffft.
Lex Robinson: Climbing up onto the ring apron, Declan watches as "The Creep" stumbles around inside of the ring. He steps inside, interlocks both of his arms around Chris Carson's and tries for a Tiger Suplex...
Steve Hebert: But Chris Carson is a quick-thinker, allowing him to instantly pull his arms away, strike Declan with an elbow and then roll into the corner, where he tags out to Morgana, whom he freakin' hates. Trust me, if "The Creep" didn't have to do this, he wouldn't.
Lex Robinson: But he did; so, in comes Morgy, while Chris Carson angrily takes a spot on the apron. Ironically enough, the two inside of the ring right now will be teammates later in the evening, in tonight's main event.
Steve Hebert: And Morgana's own partner will be part of the competition. confused? I know I am. Hell, I'm pretty sure Declan Turner is not legally allowed to be in this match.
Lex Robinson: Well, he's in it, so deal with it.
Declan and Morgana go face-to-face inside of the ring, neither one of them flinching, not wanting to mess up and cause an error in their gameplan. Soon enough, though, Declan latches onto Morgy, having her pink hair crinkle, thanks to a collar-elbow tie-up.
Lex Robinson: Declan sneaks in... and armdrags Morgy. But she pops right back up and speeds towards Declan, who sidesteps her, thrusting her into the ropes. She bounces back and leaps at Declan, wrapping her legs around his waist with a body-scissors. Pushing herself up, she hits her own version of an armdrag, sending Declan rolling across the ring, taking a place in the corner.
Steve Hebert: Christ, that was fast-paced.
Lex Robinson: Speaking of fast-paced, Morgy backs into the opposite corner and charges out. Along the way, she nails several cartwheels and handsprings, finishing off with a back-elbow smash attempt...
Steve Hebert: But that ugly douchebag, Declan Turner, steps out of the way, resulting in Morgana smashing into the corner; and Declan unloading with a series of jabs to her ribs and stomach.
Lex Robinson: You're right, Steve. Declan, her own future partner, strikes her with a series of quick punches to the guts,ending with an uppercut to the face. He whips her across the ring, where he follows in, hoping to hit an avalance splash...
Steve Hebert: Whoregana propels herself in the air with her two hands, though! She glides up-and-over the scumbag lawyer...
Lex Robinson: She rolls him up with an Okana Roll, using only her legs...!
Steve Hebert: Well, if she gets the pinfall, at least "The Creep" wins, too, right?!
Lex Robinson: Right.
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: However, at the count of two, Declan Turner kicks out, continuing the match.
Steve Hebert: Oh, goddamnit. How's he supposed to beat two of Sin Wrestling's top two stars, anyhow? He may as well throw in the towel right now.
Both Morgana and Declan get to their feet at the same time. Right away, Declan throws a high roundhouse kick towards Morgana's head, prompting her to duck out of the way and then leap onto the middle rope. She springs back, landing on Declan's shoulders, trying to hurricanrana him.
Lex Robinson: Morgana goes for a back-springboard hurricanrana, but Declan powers himself up and maintains a standing balance! Thinking quickly, he delivers a snap-powerbomb onto Morgy, dropping her onto the back of her head! He then grabs both of her legs, trying to apply "The Payback"...
Steve Hebert: The dumb bitch kicks him back, though.
Lex Robinson: Annoyed, Declan rumbles back towards Morgy, who then slips between Declan's legs, jumps to her feet, leaps onto his shoulders and then hits a reverse-hurricanrana!
Steve Hebert: Holy Jesus, she just dropped him onto the top of his head!
Lex Robinson: Stumbling to her feet, she goes right back onto the attack and applies a Majistral Cradle, rolling Declan up...
Steve Hebert: Yes! End this shit!
The referee counts...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Yet again, Declan kicks out of a rollup attempt!
Standing up, Morgana kicks at Declan, only to back-up and surprise Chris Carson with a tag.
Lex Robinson: Uh oh.
Steve Hebert: Looks like "The Creep" didn't want that tag. He wanted -- no, scratch that; he needed more time to recover. That man was dropped on his own testicles not too long ago, for crying out loud.
Lex Robinson: With vigorous angst, Chris Carson steps inside and is about to kick at Declan's head... when he turns around, swats Morgana upside the head and then throws her over the top rope, where she lands with a thud on the floor!
Steve Hebert: Haha, awesome. She shouldn't have tagged him in. Serves her right.
Lex Robinson: Seeing Chris Carson dump Morgana to the floor, Declan, from a kneeling position, charges in from behind... he waistlocks "The Creep"... and hits a German Suplex, complete with a bridge! The pinfall is being made!
The referee again counts...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: He kicks out! Thanks be to Dickens and A Christmas Carol, he kicks out!
Lex Robinson: Both men spring to their feet, with Declan side-stepping a clothesline from Chris Carson. This allows him to apply a half-nelson, lift "The Creep" into the air and then drop him down with a half-nelson backbreaker!
Steve Hebert: Oh my Jesus... what am I even saying? Even Jesus is dead.
Lex Robinson: Declan hoists "The Creep" back up and begins battering him with right-and-left legged kicks! Having Chris Carson dazed, Declan bounces off the ropes and returns with a wicked spin wheel kick, nearly lobbing off Chris's head! He makes another cover!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Hell no! Chris Carson kicks out again! My God.
Lex Robinson: Sitting "The Creep" up, Declan gives him some football-kicks in his lower back, only to then quickly take Chris back up to his feet. Declan places Chris Carson into an Air Raid Crash position...
Steve Hebert: Knowing the danger of this situation, Chris Carson commences writhing and violently kneeing Declan, hoping to escape the danger! Eventually, Chris Carson is able to force Declan over into a hunched position and regain his footing. "The Creep" gives Declan a kick in the chest... but Declan stumbles back, only to swing his own kick at "The Creep". Son of a whore.
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" with a quick jab to Declan's throat, though!
Steve Hebert: Hah! Great thinking!
Lex Robinson: Declan stumbles back, holding his throat, allowing for Chris Carson to come up behind him and start clubbing him across the back. He positions Declan into a suplex position, looking for "The CC Bomb"...
Steve Hebert: That shithead squirms his way out of it. God, lawyers are the worst.
Lex Robinson: Declan turns Chris Carson around, knees him in the gut and then delivers rapid-fire knees to Chris Carson's face and head. He goes to deliver a double-kneelift to the face, but "The Creep" blocks the attack. Instead, he steps back and goes for a lariat! Declan ducks...
Steve Hebert: Furthermore, Declan grabs onto both of Chris Carson's arms, looking for a backslide...
Lex Robinson: He's trying to get him over, but Chris Carson tries to maintain his balance, fighting Declan's attempt off. In the meantime, Morgana has finally recovered on the floor, and is now rising to her feet and up onto the apron. Seeing Chris Carson trying to maintain his balance, she... uh... she springboards off the top rope, soars through the air... and connects with a flying dropkick into Chris Carson's chest!
Steve Hebert: That traitorous wench!
Lex Robinson: You're kidding, right? Declan is able to roll Chris Carson into a backslide!
The referee makes the count...
...1...2...3!
Steve Hebert: Ugh... I can't believe it.
Lex Robinson: Declan Turner has overcome the odds! He has become the first Sin Wrestling Tag Trophy winner!
Steve Hebert: And without a partner, of all things! It doesn't make a lick of sense.
Lex Robinson: When he defends the trophy in a few months, he gets to choose his own partner, so no worries about that. In the meantime, let him celebrate the now.
Aware of his victory, Declan Turner springs to his feet, having his hand raised by the referee, while Chris Carson remains on his knees, trying to figure out what just occured.
Steve Hebert: It's all because of that pink-haired, old... goblin. What a bitch.
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson should not have clocked her and thrown her to the floor. It's his own damn fault.
Taking the loss, Morgana stands on the floor, laughing at Chris Carson's disdainful glare. Ultimately, she walks to the back, watching as Chris Carson is forced from the ringside area by various officials.
Lex Robinson: Get that asshole out of here. Let Declan enjoy his moment.
Steve Hebert: Disgusting.
Soon enough, Chris Carson is forced to the back, allowing for the original referee to award Declan with the Tag Trophies. Holding them high in the air, he notes his lack of a tag partner, getting a grand applause from the fans.
Steve Hebert: He didn't even have a goddamn partner!
Nevertheless, Declan Turner has his picture taken with the trophies, holding them high above his head for everyone to see. The celebration continues for a few seconds more, until it's time to move on to the next segment.
Winner: Declan Turner
Thunder crashes and a white bolt of lightning flashes outside of the arena. A heavy wind blows the doors open, and much to the shock of all believers and nonbelievers in the audience, Jesus Christ shows himself. The king, lord, and savior has returned to earth. The end of days has probably come with him.
The ever geeky Ace Rodgers, wearing a "Jesus Is Awesome!" t-shirt, runs toward Jesus Christ with a microphone, wanting to be the first man alive to speak to him.
Ace Rodgers: Jesus! Jesus! It's me, Jesus! I totally love you, man. I go to church every Sunday, I give thanks before I eat, and I make my children pray to you before they go to bed. Could I get a few words with you, please?
Jesus Christ, with his long brown hair and beard, and wearing a white toga and a crown of thorns, greets Ace. He pats him on the head like a dog.
Jesus Christ: Hello, my son.
Ace Rodgers: Hi. Jesus, everyone in the world wants to know; why have you decided to return to earth now? Is it because Chris Extreme has called you out? Is it because the Apocalypse is coming?
Jesus Christ: I have returned only to save Chris Extreme.
Ace scratches his head in confusion.
Ace Rodgers: What? You have come back, after two thousand years, just to save our resident Nazi weirdo?
Jesus Christ: Yes. Tonight, in that very Sin Wrestling ring, Jesus is going to lace up his boots and go toe-to-toe with the man they call "Lord Nazi."
Ace Rodgers: You are really going to fight Chris Extreme?
Jesus Christ: Not with my fists, no. I will fight "Lord Nazi" with my words and my wisdom. In the end, I will have converted him into a peaceful, born again Christian.
Ace Rodgers: You... you are joking, right? How are you going to do that?
Jesus turns around and lifts up a bucket of holy water.
Jesus Christ: I am going to baptize him. I am going to cleanse him of all of his sins.
Ace Rodgers: Oh, right. Well, good luck tonight, Jesus.
Ace leaves Jesus, feeling let down and disappointed that the world isn't coming to an end on a biblical scale. Meanwhile, Jesus strolls down the corridor to his locker room.
We see nothing but black. The lights in the arena go off. The SW-screen goes black. The fans begin to fuss in the anticipation for what this could mean. Flashes from the camera are the only thing to illuminate the arena.
Steve Hebert: Uh oh, Corey Page didn't pay the light bill. That cheap bastard.
Lex Robinson: Uh... no...
...Static...
Female News Reporter: Ratings skyrocket.
...Buzz...
Male Talk Show Host: Our biggest ... [buzz] ... biggest guest, ever. [buzz] ever... [buzz] ever...
...Buzz...
Steve Hebert: What the...?
Male Public Correspondent: The crowd is going crazy for this man! [buzz] Crazy... [buzz] crazy... for this man! We can't hold them back much longer! We are waiting on the arrival [buzz] arrival [buzz] We are waiting on the arrival of one major superstar...
...Buzz...
Male Wrestling Commentator: MY GOD! He must have split his opponent's head open with that DDT!
...Buzz...
Male Public Correspondent: When will he arrive?
Mumbled chatter. Buzz. Fade. The lights come back on, and the audience have no idea what they just saw.
Steve Hebert: ...Was that you, Jesus?
Lex Robinson: I'm pretty sure that wasn't Jesus.
Steve Hebert: Oh, who asked you?
Fade out.
The image fades to the backstage area, where Jesus has fallen on his face, with a bullet hole in his head. Standing above him is Chris Extreme, holding a shotgun in his hand. He looks up, sees the camera pointed at him and throws the gun over his shoulder, getting it out of view.
Chris Extreme: I didn't do it.
Chris then rolls Jesus over and puts his right foot on his chest, covering. He grabs a random referee and throws him to the ground.
Lex Robinson: Uh... what's going on?
Steve Hebert: The match has started... and Jesus has been shot!
Lex Robinson: As a loving Christian, I am highly offended.
Steve Hebert: Good, it means Chris Extreme is doing his job.
The referee counts, as Chris Extreme keeps his foot across Jesus's chest.
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: This is awful.
...3!
Steve Hebert: This is a three! Chris Extreme has defeated Jesus Christ with maximum amount of ease!
Lex Robinson: This is sickening. I want to throw up.
Steve Hebert: Hey, if you throw up, just don't do it on me.
A lightning bolt crashes from the heavens, narrowly avoiding Chris Extreme, who steps to the side.
Chris Extreme: Fuck you, you don't scare me. I'm the President of the United States. I'll invade Heaven if I have to.
Chris walks off, leaving a murdered Jesus behind.
Winner: Chris Extreme
Once again, the scene shifts to the backstage, showcasing the janitor's door that has been shut by Dan Black. The sounds of pounding and shouting are still heard inside, with the broomstick which blocks the entrance jiggling just a bit.
The thuds and whacks on the door become increasingly louder and harder.
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
BOOM!
CRACK!
The broomstick breaks in two and collapses to the ground, in two bisected pieces. The door is kicked open by Mark Davis, who appears visibly distraught about Dan Black's prior actions.
Mark Davis: Now that wasn't very nice.
He fixes himself up and then walks off, headed towards the entrance area.
The lights shut off. Another promo begins to play on the screen...
...Buzz...
Female Talk Show Host: The women in the audience tonight are going wild for this next guest...
...Buzz...
Crowd shot of women holding up blurred signs and screaming into the camera.
Male Wrestling Commentator: The crowd is definitely on their feet! [buzz] on their feet! [buzz] on [buzz] on their feet!
...Buzz...
Male Public Correspondent: He's here! [buzz] He's here! The limo is pulling up! Everyone is electrified!
A limo is shown pulling up in front of a group of people, a red carpet, and a young man holding a microphone -- ready to catch the first word as soon as the limo door opens. A drum roll begins as the door slowly opens. The drum roll begins picking up, getting faster and louder ... then the SW-screen goes pitch black. The lights in the arena remain black. The crowd is silent...
CRASH!
Fireworks and pyros explode all over the stage! The SW-screen then shows a series of reports following a man wearing a bright golden-shade suit, who you can only see from behind. Every interviewer attempts to get a word from the man, before security busts it up and the man in the golden suit continues towards the curtain. The screen then goes black again.
Lex Robinson: Uh, it's starting again. What's going on?
Steve Hebert: More like "Who is this?"
Lex Robinson: I haven't a clue.
Steve Hebert: I have no goddamn idea, either. We're getting places!
A spotlight then lights down on to the top of the stage. Cheesy game show music then starts up. The fans are disgusted and begin to boo. The familiar music irritates the crowd immediately.
Lex Robinson: These fans are not a fan of game shows, I presume.
Steve Hebert: Who can blame them? Deal or No Deal? The Price is Right? Can someone wipe these goddamn shows off the face of the earth?
Deep Male Announcer: Ladies and geeeeeentlemen. Your host of the night. The KING of CABLE ACCEEEEEESS. JAAAAAYSOOOON KEEEELLERRRR!
Steve Hebert: Holy crap. It all makes sense now!
Lex Robinson: The fans let out a loud boo. We all know this guy.
Steve Hebert: You don't know shit.
After several seconds of soaking in the heat, Jayson Keller finally shows up inside the spotlight. His bright and tacky suit nearly causing small children to go into convulsions.
Steve Hebert: Damn, that's one kickin' rad suit.
Lex Robinson: I'm guessing you'll be going out immediately and buying one for yourself.
Steve Hebert: Buying one? Hell, I already own one.
Lex Robinson: I should have known.
Jayson smiles big, exposing nearly every shiny white tooth he has. Fans are eating this up, showing their dislike for this showboat wrestler. Keller fixes his tie, and struts down to the ring, being followed by a single spotlight. He struts to the ring quickly, climbs the stairs, and through the middle rope. He walks to the center of the ring, and the lights come on, Keller again pauses for the fans to erupt with more hissing and booing. Keller then slides over, grabs a microphone, and smiles. The fans hate it.
Lex Robinson: Well, this should be a whole lot of awful. I mean, it took him long enough to get down here. God only knows what he'll spout.
Steve Hebert: Shhhh... listen.
Lex Robinson: Ugh.
Jayson Keller: For those of you who don't know who I am...
Boooooo!
Lex Robinson: I think the fans let their feelings known.
Steve Hebert: In that case, we'll see if Santa cums down their chimney. Yes, I mean cums. And, oh yeah, Santa is fucking dead; har har.
Lex Robinson: You monster.
Steve Hebert: I hope there were many children listening.
Jayson Keller: I -- I am a ratings grabber. I am your trend setter. I am your hero in a time when everyone wants to be the bad guy. I am the thunder in all this boring, personality deprived silence. I am a Kodak moment. I am superstar. I am --
Boooo!
Steve Hebert: Don't listen to these goddamn Detroit morons, Jayson. They're from Detroit, which is explainable in itself.
Jayson Keller: Your KING of CABLE ACCESS. But --- You can just call me Jayson Keller. JK for those of you with ADD. I'm here to bring gimmicks back. I hope you don't think I over-did the entrance. I was trying to be subtle, yet flashy. What did you think?
"You suck! You suck! You suck!" answers the fans, who give a steady and harsh response.
Lex Robinson: Once again, the fans let their feelings known. I wonder if it's gotten through to him yet.
Jayson Keller: Unfortunately, we're in a time where flashy entrances are sparse. Where people call their selves by their real names, with no character we can get behind. We can't relate to these... these nobodies. There-- There I said it. Somebody had to. The Sin Wrestlers are nobodies.
Steve Hebert: It's all true, you know, Lex.
Lex Robinson: Riiight.
Steve Hebert: It is! We could all learn something here.
The crowd jeers accordingly.
Jayson Keller: Never fear. I have come to give you what you've been needing. A heavy dose of entertainment. No more will you have to sit through a pseudo-lawyer's boring promos, using words the casual man would have to Webster, and telling stories that quite frankly no one wants to hear. I'm looking at you, Declan Turner -- who's name just screams boring. When I think of the black hole of this sport, where everything interesting would go to die, I think of Declan Turner. I see someone who doesn't have a believable life. Again, I have to believe another story where someone actually has a much more prestigious career, and is using professional wrestling as a stepping stone. This guy is of course worth millions -- but of course, you know, on the side he learnt years worth of professional wrestling while becoming a lawyer and curing cancer or whatever fantasy he wants to create in his head. Why, god why, do people have to make professional wrestling entertainment look like some kind of side job? And why do you idiots --
Steve Hebert: Stick it to the man.
Lex Robinson: Can you believe this? Declan is in the main event of the final pay per view of 2007. What's Jayson Keller done?
Steve Hebert: A lot more than you will ever do, no doubt.
Lex Robinson: That's nonsense, I... well...
Steve Hebert: Point: me.
Keller points to everyone in the audience.
Jayson Keller: You idiots buy into it. Sure, forget that he's supposed to be a good guy -- but uses words like faggot? Oh yeah, I'd cheer for him. Real good guy. Definitely the kind of guy I'd want my kids idolizing. When did it become acceptable to be a "fan favorite" --
Steve Hebert: Lex, you're such a faggot.
Lex Robinson: Hey now, let's not be mean here.
Keller uses quote fingers in the air.
Jayson Keller: "Fan favorite" and degrade people? When did the school bully get the cheers? Is it really that hard to play the part you've chosen? It's real easy. If you're a good guy, you have a gimmick people like, and you follow the rules. If you're a bad guy, you cheat to win and you're an asshole to everyone. Its that simple. Its what sells merchandise. How in the HELL do you sell a shirt about a lawyer who uses the word faggot? Its nothing like the Cable Access Keller shirts, currently being sold outside in the hallways, currently at a discount price to celebrate my triumphant return. You idiots would buy my shirt, even if it had a middle finger drawn by a sharpie with the words "thanks for your money" written on the back, because I know how to market.
Lex Robinson: My God, he just goes on and on. He needs to return to the rock he crawled out from under.
Steve Hebert: You just can't handle the truth.
Lex Robinson: This... truth? Surely, you're kidding... right?
Jayson Keller: That's why I am the success that I am, and people like Declan Turner will never be anything than a one hit wonder. No one knows him outside of Sin, no one will know him once he's no longer employed by Sin. His name will blend into the pages of other nobodies who did absolutely nothing in this business because they just didn't understand how this business works. And, to show my holiday spirit and my willingness to give everyone a second chance to start over, I challenge anyone the monkeys in suits in the back want to throw at me in the new year.
The jeers continue to come in.
Jayson Keller: That's right, boys and girls, your KING of CABLE ACCESS returns, and he returns in Sin Wrestling. It is a new year, and a new era for Sin, because the ratings will never be the same.
Lex Robinson: Dear God, shut up.
Jayson tosses the microphone away, and climbs the turnbuckle as his game show music plays.
Lex Robinson: Finally, I thought he'd never stop.
Steve Hebert: Oh, Lex; you're always ruining the fun in things.
After soaking up the camera flashes, Jayson soon walks to the back, amidst even more jeers.
Stevie Swing is seen in his locker room, stretching and getting prepared for his matches later on in the night, when all of a sudden, he hears a knock on the door. Walking cautiously to the door, he grabs the handle and slowly opens it. He sees no one. However, he does see a little box on the floor, along with an envelope with his name on it. Looking around to see if anyone is around, he picks up the box and takes it into the room.
Stevie Swing: Corey Page must be giving cheap Channukah gifts again.
He opens up the box, only to find a copy of Dance Dance Revolution. He pulls the card out of the envelope.
Dear Stevie,
No I do not apologize for shoving that dildo in your mouth, nor do I apologize for what's going to happen to you tonight, in the ring.
However, I cannot fathom how devastated you'll be after I take your Television Title, your only true accomplishment to date, during your overhyped tenure here in Sin. Enclosed is a copy of Dance Dance Revolution, so you can dance your pain away.
P.S. Now just pray I don't break your legs so you can enjoy this gift.
Fuck Off,
Sebastian York.
Stevie smirks and balls the card up and tosses it into the garbage. He then picks up the video game case and gets ready to throw it out, as well... before deciding against it.
Stevie Swing: Hmm... maybe I can play with it just once...
Stevie then does a little dance as the scene cuts elsewhere.
Ringside has been decorated with a few more Christmas-specific objects: a Christmas tree outside one corner and a "Santa’s Workshop" across from it, complete with tools (i.e. bats, crowbars and hammers), elves working on toys (i.e. bats, crowbars and hammers), and a North Pole.
Lex Robinson: Well, this ought to be exciting, Steve! Dan Black and Mark Davis have been at each other's throats ever since Illusions, and the two plan to finish things tonight!
Steve Hebert: By "settle things", I'm pretty sure you mean that Dan motherfucking Black will put Davis through the workshop table.
Lex Robinson: We'll see, Steve. He'll have to get past the elves to do that.
Steve Hebert: Get past elves? I can't believe I heard what you just said. The lights dim and the guitar/keyboard, for high-speed intro of "Time to Dance" by Panic! at the Disco blares through the speakers, as the name DAVIS appears in sparks and dims to lights. The crowd gets louder and louder, chanting "DAVIS! DAVIS!", while the hallway dims to dark. Soon, a shadowed-figure emerges into the light of the crowd. The chanting becomes incoherent screaming as the champ walks down the carpet and into the ring.
This guy, Mark Davis, removes his dark green silk robe and throws it asunder, raising one of his arms in recognition of the crowd and foreshadowing of triumph. The other arm, however, is holding a gift-wrapped box, and he sets the box next to the Christmas tree set up ringside. He then saunters towards the ringside area, where he slides inside, ready for his match to start.
Lex Robinson: Looks like Davis has brought a gift of his own to the ring!
Steve Hebert: Wouldn't be surprised if it was a vibrator for Morgana. I hear she's missing one. "Simple Design" by Breaking Benjamin goes off and Dan Black comes out from the back and then runs into the ring. He climbs each turnbuckle, pointing to the audience and he goes to the center of the ring and stomps his right foot, which ignites pyro all around the ringside area. He turns to face Davis and sneers in disgust, while Davis just glares at Black.
Steve Hebert: Now this ought to be one hell of a one-sided affair! Black's thumb is looking better than ever! Just imagine the advantage he has over Davis now!
Lex Robinson: Maybe if he challenges Davis to a Thumb War.
Steve Hebert: Must you keep reminding me of that? I beat you fair and square over the break!
Lex Robinson: You can't use both thumbs as a tag team!
Before the bell even sounds, the two men charge and start to wail on each other with punches. The larger and heavier Black gets a slight advantage in the punches, then tosses Davis into the ropes. Black appears to be going straight for the jugular right away, grabbing Davis and snapping off a release belly-to-belly suplex, tossing Davis across the ring behind him.
Steve Hebert: Black makes the first move and goes right into a quick pin!
...1...!
Lex Robinson: But Davis tosses Black off of him. It's going to take more than that to pin Davis.
Steve Hebert: Which is why he needs BOTH thumbs.
Lex Robinson: Would you STOP bringing that up?!
Black approaches Davis from behind and gets a few more punches to his head from behind, then slides out of the ring to look for weapons to use. Black looks suspiciously at the package Davis had put by the Christmas tree, then opts to circle the ring and grab a green-and-red folding chair, shoving an elf out of the way.
Lex Robinson: Now there goes Black being a jackass again. Don't pick on the elves, folks, or you'll get coal in your stockings!
Steve Hebert: And stop getting runs in yours, Lex. Everyone knows Santa’s dead.
Lex Robinson: The delay has given Davis a chance to recover, and he charges forward, nailing a spin-kick into the chair, carrying the metal into Black's face!
Davis goes to work on Black, punches transitioning into knees to Black’s face and ending in an awkward face-breaker DDT. Davis runs back to the ropes and whallops Black on the back with a legdrop.
Steve Hebert: C'mon, Bulldozer! Use the thumbs!
The DDT and legdrop keep Black down and groggy enough for Davis to slide out of the ring. He ignores the hammers and saws and starts to work on the North Pole prop. He lifts the ceramic pole up as Black crawls to the ropes...
Lex Robinson: Davis demolishes the North Pole across Black's cranium!
Steve Hebert: Totally unfair! Where's the South Pole when you need one?
Davis slides back into the ring and attempts to get Black weakened by getting him in a full nelson, but the big man, as groggy as he is, uses his strength to stand up again.
Steve Hebert: C'mon, 'Dozer! Get up!
Lex Robinson: Davis transitions the full nelson into a triangle choke-hold, but Black starts to stumble toward the turnbuckle...and he crushes Davis against it! But Davis manages to keep his chokehold on!
Black stumbles over towards another turnbuckle to line up another shot, but Davis is faster on his feet and slides out from behind Black, letting the big man crash his aching back against the turnbuckles.
Lex Robinson: And Davis winds up and connects with a roundhouse kick to Black's jaw, sending Black to the mat once again! I smell revenge!
Steve Hebert: You smell Black putting Davis through another table. It's not over!
Lex Robinson: Davis chuckles to himself as he walks over to the Christmas tree and starts to open his package. But what could he have in store for Black?
Davis removes a grapefruit-sized glass ornament that has been wrapped in barbed wire! He starts to decorate the tree with the ornaments, taking a break every now and then to connect a punch to Black's head.
Steve Hebert: I always knew Davis was a ball-hanger.
After the tree is decorated with those glass-and-wire ornaments, Davis turns his attention back to Black and drags him out of the ring, attempting to Irish-Whip Black into the tree.
Steve Hebert: Black reverses the whip!
Lex Robinson: Black almost tosses Davis into the tree, but Davis stops short of the tree!
Black attempts to spear Davis into the tree, but Davis is quick to step to the side, and Black crashes into the tree, knocking it over and breaking ornaments against his body!
Lex Robinson: Black gets glass and barbed wire to the face and chest! Oh Christmas Tree!
Davis takes this to his advantage, sliding back into the ring as Black starts to bleed from nasty cuts across his cheek and chest. Davis climbs the ropes and points his thumbs at himself.
Mark Davis: I'M THE BEST!
Lex Robinson: Davis is taking to the air! High risk!
Steve Hebert: Get out of the way, Dan!
While Davis has no room for a flip, he does come off the top rope with a flying elbow slam, landing across Black's back, crushing the remaining ornaments under Black’s body! After a few seconds to recover, Davis turns Black onto his back and goes for the cover...
Lex Robinson: Here's the cover...
...1...2...3!
Lex Robinson: He did it! Mark Davis has won the first of his three matches here at Santa Claus is Dead! with a decisive victory over Dan Black!
Steve Hebert: Eh, tie game. They've both beat each other at pay-per-views.
Davis rises to his feet and raises his arms in victory, out of breath, but able to get out of the match unscarred. He drops the empty Christmas box onto Black as he walks to the back. Black, however, is left with a bloody mess of glass, wire, and tinsel all over his chest.
Winner: Mark Davis
A wrapped Christmas present sits on a table in the backstage area, looking rather lonely and wanting to be opened. The sound of skipping can be heard as Leah Petrelli prances into the scene, hopping along, stopping once she sees the red and white gift on the table.
Leah Petrelli: Hmmm... what's this?
She looks around, noticing no one else opening it.
Leah Petrelli: There's no one here. I guess I could open it...
Without any more convincing, she steps towards the table and grabs the present. She's about to gleefully rape the present off its wrapping, when Xander Gates steps into view.
Xander Gates: Whoa, whoa, whoa. That present is addressed to me. You put that down, little girlie!
Confused, Leah places the gift down, only to have Xander quickly grab it out of her hands.
Xander Gates: Gimmie that, get your paws off it. Can't you read? This is mine.
Leah Petrelli: Hey, you're the guy that I'm going to win $20,000 from!
Xander Gates: ...What?! Hey, no, you get out of here. We'll see about this.
Leah stands, not moving from her position, watching as Xander Gates decides to instead open the gift. Ripping the paper off, Xander unveils a brown box.
Xander Gates: A box? What the hell do I want with a box?
Leah chirps in...
Leah Petrelli: Maybe you should check inside.
Xander Gates: ...How dare you tell me what to do?!
Shrugging, Xander Gates opens the top of the box, revealing... shredded pieces of paper.
Xander Gates: What? What the hell is this crap?
He begins tossing the paper around, letting it float and fly over the area.
Leah Petrelli: Uhm... I think there's something in there.
Xander Gates: Well, what do you know; the crazy girl is right.
Indeed. Without hesitation, Xander Gates reaches inside the box... and pulls out a tiny piece of paper, which has some sort of writing on it. Xander obviously reads it.
Leah Petrelli: Well, what does it say?
Xander Gates: "Romeo Valentine is m.i.a.; he will not be taking your money..."
Wiping sweat off his brow, Xander sighs out, happy to hear this news.
Xander Gates: Well, thank god!
Leah chimes in again.
Leah Petrelli: Wait, there's something else written here.
Xander Gates: Huh...?
He continues reading.
Xander Gates: "However, Romeo is being replaced. You will now be defending against Leah Petrelli, Cooter McCoy and... oh god..."
Leah Petrelli: What? What's wrong with you? Well? And you say I'm crazy!
Leah's impatience agonizes Xander, who backs up, trying to fathom what he just read. He turns around, only to go eye-to-eye with...
Xander Gates: "...and Tony Millennia."
In view of the camera, Tony Millennia looks around, as if looking for the money.
Tony Millennia: I just woke up from the longest goddamn nap, ever; and I'm hungry, angry and broke. Where's my $20,000?
Xander Gates: No!
Xander Gates seemingly howls at the moon at this recent development. He storms off, headed to the ring, leaving Tony Millennia and Leah Petrelli behind.
Tony Millennia: Did I say something wrong?
The image fades out, only to return to the ringside area.
The scene cuts to the dressing room of World Champion, Morgana, who is sitting in her locker-room with Adora, who is making a brief appearance here tonight, getting a great ovation from the crowd.
Adora: You have one more match to go.
Morgana: Ugh, don't remind me. Those assholes better show up and prove their worth.
Adora: Meh, I would't worry. You could do this by yourself, if you really wanted.
Morgana: I know, I know.
Knock, knock, knock...
Hearing the knocks on the door, both ladies are surprised.
Adora: Who the heck could that be?
Morgana: Let me go and see...
Morgy walks over to the door and swings it open... only to find no one there, except for a box and an envelope with her name on it, almost reminiscent of the one Stevie Swing received earlier in the night.
Adora: Who -- or what -- is it?
Morgana: It's a box.
Adora: Is it a dick in a box?
Morgana: Well... no... at least I hope not. ...Unless it belongs to Michael Cera.
Adora: But he looks like a leprechaun!
Morgana: He does not! He is sexy! Sexy like a fox.
She lifts up the box and first listens for ticking.
Morgana: It's not a bomb, at least.
Adora: Thank God.
Upon satisfying her curiosity, she walks back into her locker room, closing the door behind her. Placing the box on the little table, she decides to open the envelope first.
Adora: What does it say?
Morgana: "Dear Morgana; first off, Happy Holidays, champ. Maybe I went a little too far with the fireworks in your house, so enclosed is a quite hefty check so you can make your reparations."
Adora: Oh God...
Morgana: "I would also like to congratulate you on the documentary I heard you're coming out with. That's awesome; and in tribute to you, I decided to put together my OWN DVD of classic Morgy moments. Pop it in and feel proud. With much love, Sebastian York."
Adora: [sarcastic] Well, this should be lovely...
Morgana removes the DVD from the box and ironically walks over to a little screen in the corner of the room with a built-in DVD player.
Morgana: Here goes nothing...
She pops in the DVD and her theme music begins to play, which brings a smile onto her face. That smile quickly disappears when she sees that the footage on the DVD is compiled of ALL the mishaps of her career dating back to her TWW days.
Adora: ...Well, those were some rather impressive backflips and handsprings to the ring.
Morgana: Ugh...
The video then shows her loss to Iman Sain, making Morgy immediately eject the DVD.
Adora: God, what a douche.
Morgana: There's something else on this card...
Morgy reads it over.
Morgana: "P.S. You can thank Wikipedia for that one."
In unison, both Wifeys roll their eyes.
Morgana/Adora: Laaaaaame.
In disgust, Morgana tosses the card to the floor and then heaves the DVD into the trash.
Adora: Worst Christmas gift, ever. Sebastian York should really be ashamed.
Morgana: He's probably too poor to get anything substantial.
The image fades out, last showing the Wifeys mocking Sebastian's gift.
"Death March" by Black Label Society strikes the speakers, thus bringing out Xander Gates, who is dressed in a black priest's robe. Standing atop the entrance, he basks in the hatred of the fans, who continue to jeer him as he makes his way towards the ringside area. Once he rolls in, he walks into a corner to keep picking on the fans, waiting for his match to commence.
Lex Robinson: Xander Gates makes his one-night return to Sin Wrestling! A few weeks ago, he officially challenged anyone and everyone to a match. Well, that match is right now; and we have three people who have stepped up to the plate.
Steve Hebert: Yeah, and one of them is Tony Millennia, who just announced his participation! Can you f'n believe that?
Lex Robinson: I know! What a shocker! First, we had Leah Petrelli come out of nowhere; and now we have Tony Millennia waking up from his slumber.
Steve Hebert: Where the hell has he even been?! All these people care about is Xander's money, anyhow.
Trailer Park Life" by The Trailer Park Boys blares as Cooter McCoy steps out from behind the curtain. He looks out over the crowd, as he raises an empty coke bottle to his lips and spits some skoal in it. He then proceeds to the ringside area, sets the spit bottle in the corner and slides into the ring.
Lex Robinson: Cooter McCoy is the first person that stepped up to the bat to face Xander. Not only will he be looking to get that $20,000, but he'll be in tonight's main event, as he's been chosen for Team Creep.
Steve Hebert: Thankfully, that moron, Chris Staggs isn't here tonight. That's one good thing about it.
Lex Robinson: Eh...
The lights dim as "The Take Over, The Break is Over" by Fall Out Boy begins to play from the sound system. With the arena still dark, a bright red spotlight focuses on the entrance, and Leah Petrelli steps into it, her hands on her hips. Her long blonde hair is pulled into two pig tails, and she?s wearing red hot pants, a fitted black t-shirt that reads "fuck art, let's dance", and black, knee-high boots with a spiked heel and pointed toe. She smiles in cocky fashion as the crowd boos, and after a long moment she struts down to the ring, the spotlight following her the entire way. She steps between the second and third rope and scowls at the crowd as she saunters around the inside of the ring, waiting for the match to start, as the lights return to normal.
Steve Hebert: And our resident crazy cunt has arrived. Great, just great.
Lex Robinson: She's looking for her share of the moneys, too!
Steve Hebert: Typical woman.
Lex Robinson: I see you've been reading from "The Creep"'s guidebook, again.
Steve Hebert: I never put it down. I even read it while on the toilet.
Lex Robinson: How fitting.
Say say my playmate
Won't you lay hands on me?
TRANSFER MY TRAGEDY!
Through a curtain of fireworks, Tony Millennia steps out to rampant roaring from the crowd, his eyes set on the ring cast before him.my mind's aflame
We could jet in a stolen car
But I bet we wouldn't get too far
BEFORE THE TRANSFORMATION TAKES!
AND BLOODLUST TANKS AND CRAVE GETS SLAKED!
Steve Hebert: After a long nap, Tony Millennia has returned.
Lex Robinson: He's been napping for a good 6 months, people.
Steve Hebert: I wish I could nap for 6 months. Actually, I wish I could nap for the rest of the night.
Lex Robinson: Once Tony is in the ring, the referee calls for the bell. And what do you know, Xander Gates hops out of the ring, circles around and grabs the box that his money is stuffed in.
Steve Hebert: He's getting out of here, while the three others watch. Can't say that I blame him, either. 20k is way too important.
Lex Robinson: He isn't going to get far, as before he can even get 1/3 of the way to the back, Tony Millennia hops out of the ring, runs up behind him and clubs him in the back of his head!
Steve Hebert: Goddamnit, let the poor guy go. He's a Hall of Famer!
Lex Robinson: But so is Tony Millennia; and he isn't going to let Xander Gates walk out like that.
Steve Hebert: Tony has dropped Xander on the floor, along with the box of money. Tony even starts kicking and stomping at Xander; all while Cooter attacks Leah Petrelli from behind! Now that's much better! Beat her cunt up, Cooter.
Lex Robinson: Yup, you're right, Steve. Tony kicks and stomps Xander on the floor; whereas Cooter McCoy commences beating on Leah Petrelli, inside of the ring, delivering some axehandles to her back. Grabbing her by the hair, he forces her up to her feet and begins pounding on her chest with his thick hands.
Steve Hebert: For Cooter, this is just a warmup for later, Lex. He has the chance to go for the World Title; and he wants to send a message -- that message being that he likes to beat up women.
Lex Robinson: What a nice message.
Steve Hebert: With a handful of Leah's hair, Cooter flings her across the ring, picks her back up and then powerslams her!
Lex Robinson: All of this, while Tony rams Xander Gates into the ring post.
Steve Hebert: Don't remind me. At least Cooter is beating up Leah.
In the ring, Cooter whips Leah into the corner and then follows in with a devestating splash, almost squashing her into the corner. Allowing her to stumble out, he proceeds to kick her in the gut and then place her into a standing headscissors. Without warning, he hoists her up and then powerbombs her down to the canvas!
Lex Robinson: Cooter with a massive powerbomb! He goes for the cover!
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: On the outside, Tony Millennia sees these happenings and quickly slides inside, disrupting the count with a punch to Cooter's head! Standing up, Tony then kicks Cooter in the face, stands him to his own feet and whips him into the ropes. Upon his return, Cooter runs directly into a back-elbow from Tony, knocking him onto his back!
Steve Hebert: Ugh. Get up, Cooter.
Lex Robinson: Tony proceeds kicking and stomping on Cooter, as if he is angry at him for beating on Leah Petrelli. Tony is pissed!
Steve Hebert: Well, he better watch out -- because Xander Gates is rolling back into the ring. In fact, Xander Gates has just blindsided Tony with a forearm to the back of his head!
Lex Robinson: Xander Gates is quickly going to work on Tony, too, kicking him in the broad of his back. He's even getting some help from Cooter, who joins in by kneeing Tony in the face. This teaming continues, as Xander asks Cooter to help Tony to his feet.
Steve Hebert: Smelly, old Cooter lifts Tony Millennia up onto his shoulders, into a standing fireman's carry, while Xander climbs to the top rope. Xander Gates leaps off, delivering a flying-elbow to the back of Tony Millennia's head and then proceeds to go into the opposite corner, climbing to the top, once more!
Lex Robinson: This time, Xander is telling Cooter to dump Tony on his head.
Steve Hebert: Before anything can happen, though, that filthy skank, Leah Petrelli gets to her feet, runs up behind Cooter, claws his back and then dropkicks his knee out from underneath him! Furthermore, she even charges into the corner, climbs the corner Xander is standing on and super-hurricanranas him! Goddamnit! Why?!
LeX Robinson: Xander Gates may have just seen $20,000 slip out of his grasps right there!
Thanks to the dropkick to the knee, Cooter has dropped Tony on the canvas. Tony, who is visibly angry, strikes Cooter with a kick to the gut, bounces off the ropes and then returns with a running high-kick to the face, staggering Cooter!
Lex Robinson: Cooter doesn't go down!
Steve Hebert: Hell no, he's still on his feet. Albeit, he's a little dazed, but it's good enough!
Lex Robinson: Grabbing a dazed Cooter McCoy, he applies a full-nelson and then leaps forward, planting his face into the mat with a bulldog! It's the Murphy in the Gun!
Steve Hebert: The what now?!
Lex Robinson: Tony covers Cooter!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Hah! But the count is stopped by Leah Petrelli, who yanks Tony off by his foot.
Lex Robinson: Uh oh, that isn't going to please Tony.
Steve Hebert: Well, maybe he should have another nap, then.
Leah and Tony staredown in the middle of the ring, mouthing some words at each other. Going nose-to-nose, Leah shoves Tony back, but he refuses to back down, as he gets right back into Leah's face, only to receive a slap.
Steve Hebert: Kill her Tony! Do it!
Still staring down, they both step to the side, as they warn each other of the incoming attack from Cooter and Xander, who charge up behind both of them. Thanks to this, Cooter and Xander collide and stumble back; with Tony kicking Cooter in the crotch, only to then drop him with a Ballistic DDT!
Lex Robinson: Oof!
Steve Hebert: I think Cooter's testicles just flew out of his mouth and landed in the front row.
Lex Robinson: Either way, Tony drops him on his head. In the meantime, Leah grabs onto Xander's head, climbs the corner pads and swings out, looking for a Tornado DDT. However, as she spins out, she also kicks Tony Millennia in the chest, knocking him back, and then swings down, driving Xander's head into the canvas with a Tornado DDT!
Steve Hebert: That's women for ya.
Lex Robinson: Angry, Tony steps forward, grabs Leah by the hair and punches her in the face.
Steve Hebert: She had it coming!
Lex Robinson: Tony kicks her in the midsection...
Steve Hebert: A deadly kick to the cunt!
Lex Robinson: He pulls her in, crosses her arms across her chest and pulls her up into a cross-armed powerbomb position. Thinking quickly, though, she is able to slide out and land on her feet, in front of Tony Millennia, who then charges at her! Tony with a clothesline to Leah, knocking both him and her over the top rope and to the floor!
Steve Hebert: They're just at out feet, too. Maybe I can reach out and kick them.
Lex Robinson: Don't you dare. This leaves two groggy competitors, Xander Gates and Cooter McCoy, in the ring. Stumbling towards the ropes, Xander watches as Leah and Tony battle with each other on the floor, about to do a slingshot plancha out onto them. Before he can launch himself, though, Cooter comes up behind him, forearms him in the neck and then lifts him up into a reverse fireman's carry position!
Steve Hebert: This could be it! This is Cooter's move!
Lex Robinson: Cooter flips Xander over... but Xander lands on his feet!
Steve Hebert: Xander isn't going to lose $20,000 just like that!
Lex Robinson: Xander with a thrust-kick to Cooter's face, knocking him back! He follows that up with an enziguiri, which knocks Cooter down! Xander goes for the cover!
The referee drops down and makes the count...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Cooter kicks out!
Lex Robinson: That's lucky for Tony and Leah, who... are trying to sodomize each other with a lead pipe, while out on the floor.
Steve Hebert: What the Jesus?
Lex Robinson: Tony has apparently taken a lead pipe out from underneath the ring and swings it at Leah's head, but misses! Instead, though, he clubs her with a punch to the gut. He proceeds to bend her over and then try to stuff that pipe up her... uh... rear-end!
Steve Hebert: Great, now I'm erect.
Lex Robinson: Leah struggles to safety, though! In return, she kicks Tony in the ribs, pulls the lead pipe away from him and tries to strike him in the head with it! But this time, it's Tony who ducks. She returns with a spinning-kick to his face, though, dizzying him!
Steve Hebert: And now she's stuffing that lead pipe down his pants, trying to shove it up his asshole! This is disgusting... this is horrible... this is... oddly arousing!
Lex Robinson: Thankfully, Tony kicks Leah away.
Steve Hebert: Nothing like some good, old-fashioned sodomy.
Lex Robinson: To focus back on the action inside of the ring, Xander Gates has plucked Cooter McCoy back up to a standing base and bounces off the ropes, returning, only to strike him with a hard clothesline, which doesn't take Cooter down. Alternatively, Xander goes to the top turnbuckle, while Tony Millennia rolls Leah Petrelli back inside. Hopping up onto the ring apron, Tony sees Xander about to dive off, only to run over and push him off, sending him flying out onto the concrete!
Steve Hebert: Ouch! Jesus! What was Tony thinking?!
Lex Robinson: He wants to do this himself.
Steve Hebert: So much for that, because Cooter has just charged over and clubbed Tony across the back with a stiff right arm. He even begins choking Tony across the top rope...
Lex Robinson: Of course, this prompts Leah Petrelli to run over and get into the fray. With a dropkick, she strikes Cooter in the back, gaining his attention. Popping right back up, she goes to work, striking Cooter with some blows... only to have Cooter block her attempts and then... yuck... he kisses her!
Steve Hebert: Oh man, Cooter's going to get some action tonight!
Lex Robinson: Before he can plant another kiss on her, though, he is struck from behind by Tony Millennia, who fully enters the ring and catches Cooter from behind with a high-knee to the back! This knocks Cooter into Leah, who then goes spilling from the ring, where she lands on the floor.
Steve Hebert: This leaves Cooter and Tony in the ring. Oh God... don't turn around, Cooter. Tony is up to no good.
Lex Robinson: Actually, Cooter would probably be better off if he would turn around; as Tony is locking into a full-nelson, which is just a precursor to...
Steve Hebert: ...This?
Lex Robinson: Into the Millennial Descent! He makes the cover!
The referee counts...
Lex Robinson: One...
...1...
Steve Hebert: Oh God no...
Lex Robinson: Two...
...2...
Steve Hebert: Xander is on his feet. Roll inside, Xander, and stop the count...!
...3!
Lex Robinson: It's too late! The three-count is made! Tony Millennia wins!
Steve Hebert: What the hell is he going to do with $20,000? Despite the obvious: cocaine and hookers.
Lex Robinson: Well... uhm... Xander is pissed.
Slapping the mat in angst, Xander Gates looks on in disbelief at Tony Millennia, who climbs to his feet, having his hand raised by the referee.
Lex Robinson: I'm sure Tony will find much use for that money. As for Xander Gates, well, let's just say I hope he's invested in a trust-fund.
As Tony celebrates, Leah Petrelli grabs the lead pipe that had been used earlier in the match and slides into the ring with it. Aiming for the back of Tony's head, she charges forward, hoping to knock him out...
Lex Robinson: What the heck is Leah Petrelli doing?
Steve Hebert: She's playing her own version of Clue, or so it seems.
Lex Robinson: Before she swats Tony, he is able to turn around, notice Leah charging at him, and then grab her by the wrist, twisting the lead pipe out of her hand.
Steve Hebert: He takes the lead pipe and bashes her across her skull! Haha, take that, you dirty whore.
Lex Robinson: Leah collapses to the mat, in a heap of pain! She's immobile and... well... Tony doesn't care, as he drops the pipe and walks to the back, but not before grabbing the box with the money inside.
Steve Hebert: With any lucky, he'll give me a loan.
Lex Robinson: Not quite likely.
Tony Millennia passes through the curtain, while Xander Gates remains at ringside, whining about his loss. Leah Petrelli, in the meantime, is helped to the back, carried out on a stretcher with blood pouring from her mouth.
Winner: Tony Millennia
Declan Turner rounds a corner in the backstage area, about to pass through a door, only to bump into Flint Nixon, Declan's former boss, who has his arms folded, as he stands in front of the door, surrounded by a small police force.
Declan Turner: What the fuck is? You dropped the charges. What else do you want?
Flint licks his teeth and waves a stack of papers in his hand.
Flint Nixon: Declan, the whole reason you are anybody in SIN is because of me. If not for me, you wouldn't BEGIN to have a career here. Plus, this is much more fun than blackmail. This is the total destruction of your life!
Declan Turner: What are you talking about?
Flint Nixon: I hold in my hand, your contract. The CONTRACT YOU BREACHED.
Declan Turner: Meaning?
Flint Nixon: Meaning unless someone in SIN wants to buy your contract, then you can't wrestle here. You have no job. And I'll tie all your assets up in court!
Morgana: ...Well, Jesus, this isn't good.
Unbeknownst to Flint Nixon and the small force, Morgana, the World Champion, has been observing the scene unfold before her with the utmost of interest. She steps directly into his line of vision, tossing her long pink hair in haughty fashion as she stands next to Declan, who looks just as surprised to see her there as Flint did.
Flint Nixon: Excuse me?
Morgana: Are you fucking deaf? I said I'd do it, douchebag. I'll be damned if I'm going to let your petty bullshit ruin my main event. Flint's eyes narrow until his brow becomes a V-shaped crease in his forehead.
Flint Nixon: And just who the hell do you think you are? You need to be quiet. Men are talking.
Declan Turner: Hey, FUCK YOU-
Morgana: Wow, I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, you belligerant fuck, and you probably should, too. An encore of that outburst will earn you a kick to the balls, and believe me, I've had a lot of practise. At any rate, I'm the girl who's about to buy out Declan's contract, and if you aren't careful, I'll have you bought and sold too, you prick.
Morgana offers flint a scathing glare, then reaches into her back pocket to pull out her check book, not taking her eyes off of him once.
Morgana: Name your price, asshole.
Declan Turner: Morgana, what are you doing?!
Morgana: Helping you, dumbass! As if I'm going to let this ruin our chances of winning in the main event. I have too much pride for that shit.
Flint smiles as he looks at Declan.
Flint Nixon: Hiding behind another woman I see. Will you ever be able to take your balls out of some cunt's purse and take a stand for once in your life?
Turning his attention to Morgana, he folds his arms.
Flint Nixon: Ten million even.
There is an audible groan from the audience within the arena as they watch the trio.
Morgana: Ten million? Nigga, no wrestler in the world but ME has a contract worth that much. We all know I've got it, though -- so here. Take it.
Morgy snatches the pen out of Flint's hand that he had been holding with Declan's contract, writing the price and her signature across her cheque book with a flourish. [ Breathlessly, Declan watches Morgana tear the paper from the small book and shove it into Flint's front pocket.
Flint Nixon: Well, that was painless enough. Now you can go on your merry way, Declan. And don't try anything funny, or my little group here will violate you before you can even step into the ring.
Declan gives him a half-smile.
Declan Turner: I can't touch you?
Flint Nixon: Not a fucking finger.
Declan Turner: What about her?
Morgana: Why, I believe he didn't say a thing about me, Declan!
Before Flint can react, Morgy rears her leg back and kicks him hard in the balls like she has many times before to many different men. He wheezes and cries out in pain, doubling over in his surprise and agony -- putting him almost at level with Morgana, who reaches out and punches him in the face with as much force as she can muster. Of course, Morgana is neither a brawler nor full of raw strength -- but she startles him enough to send him reeling, giving her sufficient time to snatch the cheque out of his pocket.
Morgana: Yoink!
Wasting no time as Flint recieves the full recompense for his sin, Declan grabs the contract.
Declan Turner: It's a good thing I know you're not smart enough to make copies.
Groaning in agony, Flint tries to crawl as the security force stands there dumbfounded. One burly man steps to the side and opens the door for Morgana.
Guard: After you, Miss.
Morgana: Why thank you, good sir! Merry Christmas!
Morgy steps through the door, pausing to toss a glance back to Declan.
Morgana: Looks like you're a free man now. Well, as free as you can be while being under a contract, anyway.
As Declan follows Morgana into the building, they reach a fork in the hallway. As she strides to the left as his destination is to the right, he stops.
Declan Turner: Hey, wait...
Morgana: Yeah?
Declan: Thank you.
Morgana: No problem. At least it was me who offered; no one would have believed it if some jerk on welfare like Cooter McCoy had done it.
And with that, Morgana walks through the door, leaving a very pleased Declan Turner behind.
The camera returns to the ringside area, where a ladder has been setup in the ring, complete with tables on the floor and against the turnbuckle pads. Along with that, there chairs laid out around the ringside area, which will also be allowed to be used within the confines of this match.
Lex Robinson: Here we are, Steve! The first actual title match of the evening.
Steve Hebert: And we have a goddamn ladder in the middle of the ring.
Lex Robinson: Of course, you know what that means... tables, ladders and chairs! They're all legal!
Steve Hebert: Which also means it'll be legal for Stevie Swing to rip Sebastian York's pretty face right off.
Lex Robinson: And...
Steve Hebert: P.S. not gay.
Lex Robinson: ...Anyhow...
Sebastian York walks out as "Can't tell me Nothing" by Kanye West begins to blast throughout the arena. Stopping to take a look at the crowd, he smiles and then saunters to the ring, slapping hands with the fans as he makes his way to the squared circle. Finally, he reaches the ring, and slides in, waiting for the bell to ring.
Steve Hebert: That handsome devil, Sebastian York is in the ring. With all the man-pretty he has, it'll be unfortunate that he won't be walking out with that same title he walked in with.
Lex Robinson: Hey, we'll have to see about that.
Steve Hebert: Pffft.
Lex Robinson: Besides, he isn't literally walking in with the title... it's hung above the ring! He'll have to climb the ladder to get it.
Steve Hebert: ...Well, aren't you just a wise one.
Action Action’s “Don’t Cut Your Fabric” hits, and Stevie Swing slowly walks out to face the crowd. In his hand is a cigarette, which he takes one last puff from, before flicking it into the crowd. Around his neck is a collar with a leash going back to Stevie’s manager/master, Gail/Breeze.
pumping in the veins of the rabid mouths to feed.
Head back, obsolete...
trapped with the secrets that I can not keep today.
Stevie breaks into a loose shuffle as the fans taunt him, chanting “emo-fag!”, as Stevie’s bondage pants stop him from fully busting out. Swing makes it to the ring and is unclipped from his leash. He rolls into the ring...
Intrusive
Erotic
Elusive
Your heart aches
Infliction
Sporadic in an aging contradiction
Stevie Swing adjusts his arm bracelets and goes to the corner, where he dances around a little bit, but nothing too much while Gail/Breeze screams in the background. The crowd try to drown her out with their booing, but Swing ignores it all, just waiting for the match to start.
Lex Robinson: We're waiting for the bell to ring. Whoever successfully climbs that ladder and gets to the top, will be the holder of not one -- but two titles. Furthermore, they will even have a chance to become World Champion later in the show.
Steve Hebert: If these two men can even move afterwards.
Lex Robinson: Well, yeah. That match will be directly after this match, too. Interestingly enough, both Stevie and Sebastian have been drafted to the same team.
Steve Hebert: Go Team Creep!
Lex Robinson: ...And I can see Steve has already chosen sides.
Steve Hebert: Damn right.
Ding, ding, ding!
Lex Robinson: And there's the bell!
Steve Hebert: Stevie Swing wastes no time, either! Right away, he scurries up the side of that ladder, hoping to get those titles.
Lex Robinson: He literally springs up there, but he is stopped by Sebastian York, who steps in, grabs Stevie's right foot and pulls him back down to earth, where he then strikes him with a series of punches!
Steve Hebert: You gotta admit that it was a good idea from Stevie Swing.
Lex Robinson: It was sneaky, but smart.
Steve Hebert: Just how I like it, too.
Grabbing Stevie's head, Sebastian slams him cranium-first against the steel ladder rungs, only to then turn him around, strike him with some more punches and then whip him into the ropes. As Stevie bounces back, he ducks beneath a swinging back-elbow attack from Sebastian, allowing Stevie to proceed into the opposite corner.
Lex Robinson: Ducking the attack, Stevie bounces into the opposite set of ropes and storms back, only to charge at Sebastian, bringing him down with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors.
Steve Hebert: That metrosexual, Sebastian York, rolls back up, though, forcing Stevie to go right back onto the attack.
Lex Robinson: Both men are on their feet, with Sebastian charging at Stevie, who ducks beneath another clothesline attempt. Quickly going behind Sebastian, Stevie waistlocks the Impulse Champion, only to hastily shove him forward, pushing him face-first into the ladder!
Steve Hebert: Stevie knocks both the ladder and Sebastian York over, thanks to hitting a stiff knuckle to the back of Sebastian's dazed head. Wasting no time at all, Stevie begins stomping and kicking at Sebastian's fallen body, focusing most of the stomps onto Sebastian's right arm.
Lex Robinson: Over and over, Stevie Swing kicks and stomps on Sebastian's arm, wishing to render him unable to reach out -- or to grab on, for that matter. Not only does he kick and stomp, but now he is placing Sebastian's arm between the ladder. Turning back, Stevie picks up a steel chair that had been placed in the ring, holds it up and... ow! He slams the chair down onto the ladder, squishing Sebastian's arm!
Steve Hebert: See, that's absolute brilliance! If Stevie keeps this up, do you think Sebastian will be able to reach up and remove those titles? Hell no, not a chance.
Lex Robinson: Having delivered a second walloping blow, Stevie finally drops the chair, gives one more stomp to the arm and then slides to the outside. Out here, he slides a table out from beneath the ring and holds it up, about to slide it into the ring.
Steve Hebert: Ugh, that idiot, Sebastian York sees this, though. He's halfway up to his feet, even. Just stay down and hold your arm, retard.
Lex Robinson: Noticing Stevie hoist the table onto the side of the ring, Sebastian pops up, while holding onto his arm, and then charges forward. Unbeknownst to Stevie Swing, whose view is blocked by the table, Sebastian York strikes with a baseball-slide dropkick to the wooden table, bashing it into Stevie Swing's head, knocking him against the ring railing, still with the table in his hands!
Seeing Stevie stumbling around on the floor, blinded by the table in his hands, Sebastian York slingshots himself over the top rope, hitting a plancha onto the table and onto Stevie!
Steve Hebert: Agh! Down goes Stevie!
Lex Robinson: But that took a lot out of Sebastian, as well; he hit that table with awful force!
Sebastian is the first to slowly rise, as he then kicks Stevie in the chest and rolls him back inside the ring, along with the table. Once inside, Sebastian grabs the table and sets it up and goes to turn around, but not before grabbing one of the chairs that lay inside the ring.
Steve Hebert: What does he think he's going to do with that chair?!
Lex Robinson: It appears he won't be doing anything; as just as he turns, Stevie springs up, catching him with a European Uppercut, forcing him to drop the chair.
Steve Hebert: Good!
Lex Robinson: Actually, it's now Stevie who picks up the chair!
Steve Hebert: Even better!
Lex Robinson: He makes a swinging blow and cracks it across Sebastian York's forehead, knocking him back onto the table!
Steve Hebert: Oh God yase, I'm cumming.
Lex Robinson: ...Uh, anyhow, Stevie gives Sebastian one more jab with the chair, only to drop it and then focus striking Sebastian with some fists. With Sebastian in proper place--...
Steve Hebert: Which is on the table!
Lex Robinson: Well, yeah... Stevie takes the ladder, stands it up and begins climbing up the side of it. Halfway up, though, he decides against going all the way up; and instead opts to turn around, facing Sebastian, who remains laid out.
Steve Hebert: Bah, screw that. He has Sebastian out, he may as well just go all the way!
Lex Robinson: Stevie jumps off the ladder... but Sebastian York slides off the table!
Steve Hebert: Oh no!
Lex Robinson: Stevie Swing with a somersault senton bomb... right through the table! He missed Sebastian York!
Steve Hebert: Oh, don't rub it in.
Aware of the imminent danger he was in, Sebastian York uses the ropes to help him stand, still feeling the effects of having his arm smashed with a chair, stomps and the ladder. On his feet, Sebastian returns the favor to Stevie Swing, giving him some kicks and stomps of his own. With his right arm hanging loosely, Sebastian uses his left arm to pick Stevie up, only to then give him a stiff knee to-the-gut.
Steve Hebert: Leave Stevie alone, you bastard. If you want to get to Stevie, you'll have to go through me!
Lex Robinson: Sit down, Steve.
Steve Hebert: Done and done.
Lex Robinson: Thanks to Sebastian York, "The Dancing King" has been stifled. Using his left hand, Sebastian offers a series of knife-edge chops into Stevie's chest, knocking him against the ropes. Picking up a nearby chair, Sebastian holds it in front of him and runs towards Stevie, hoping to bash his skull in.
Steve Hebert: Seconds before he can strike, though, Stevie Swing lifts his own boot up! Yes!
Lex Robinson: Damn! Stevie Swing swiftly kicks that chair into Sebastian's very own face! Stumbling back, Sebastian holds his head, trying to become less groggy, which gives Stevie a chance to fire back.
Steve Hebert: Damn right. Literally yanking the chair out of Sebastian's hand, Stevie holds it up... and then slams it into Sebastian's right arm! Howling out, Sebastian drops to his knees, holding his injured arm in his hand! God, this is awesome.
Lex Robinson: Stevie isn't finished, either. He bounces off the ropes that are in front of Sebastian, with the chair in hand, and leaps into the air, pushing the chair in front of his feet. Right away, Stevie connects with a seated-dropkick into the chair, which then bashes into Sebastian's skull!
With a sick grin on his face, Stevie Swing rises and looks down at Sebastian York, who is hunched over and in a rack of pain. Going into the corner, he grabs one of the tables that have been set up here and sets it up in the middle of the ring.
Lex Robinson: Laying out a table, Stevie Swing soon turns his attention towards the ladder and sets that up, as well. After lifting Sebastian up, Stevie grabs him by the head and goes to bash it against the steel ladder rungs... only to have Sebastian lift his foot up and halt the attack!
Steve Hebert: Bah! Fuck that!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian strikes Stevie with a back-elbow to the nose, jarring him slightly, but just enough. Instead, Sebastian grabs onto Stevie's head and then bashes Stevie's own skull against the steel ladder!
Steve Hebert: Oh man, poor Stevie...
Lex Robinson: Sebastian allows for Stevie to stumble back, in a half-witted daze, only to latch onto him and then fling him into the ladder with a release German-suplex, which topples the ladder over!
Steve Hebert: Ugh...!
Seeing an open chance, Sebastian now grabs the ladder and stands it up once more. Slowly, but surely, he begins his ascent, his rise slowed down, partially thanks to his injured right arm.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian is going for the titles! This could be it!
Steve Hebert: Hell no, Stevie is not out of things yet!
Lex Robinson: You're probably right, as he's starting to stir, realizing Sebastian's position on the ladder.
Steve Hebert: Yup, see?
Lex Robinson: With Sebastian about 3/4 of the way up, Stevie Swing quickly leaps up. With reckless abandon, he shoots his damaged body towards the ladder, extending his right leg, hitting "The Last Dance" superkick to the ladder!
Steve Hebert: Yes! The ladder topples over, sending Sebastian the Lobster flying into the ropes... crotching himself on the top rope, no less!
Lex Robinson: Holy Christ, that's an ouchies.
Steve Hebert: That's one set of bruised testicles.
Lex Robinson: Seriously. I'd be surprised if Sebastian will be able to comeback after that.
Steve Hebert: Either way, Stevie Swing is going to kill Sebastian York. Case in point, Stevie springs off the adjacent middle rope and jumps back, hitting a swinging enziguiri kick to the side of Sebastian's head!
Lex Robinson: And that shot knocks Sebastian off the top rope, sending him flying to the floor -- and through a previously setup table!
Steve Hebert: Hah! Good!
Lex Robinson: Having knocked Sebastian out of the ring, Stevie Swing turns around, grabs the ladder and positions it directly underneath the hanging titles.
Steve Hebert: He's going to do it!
Gasping, Stevie Swing slowly motions himself up the side of the ladder, having the fans voice their displeasure at this event.
Steve Hebert: Go Stevie, go! You're getting closer!
Lex Robinson: He's almost there...
Steve Hebert: Just a few more steps...
On the floor, Sebastian York finally rises, realizing his predicament. Thinking quickly, he climbs onto the apron, springboards off the top rope and flies through the air.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York leaps through the air, even jumping over the table Stevie Swing had set up earlier! He clings onto the ladder, landing on the opposite side of Stevie!
Steve Hebert: God no! Why?!
Lex Robinson: Upon seeing this, Stevie tries to hurriedly rush up the ladder, only to have Sebastian reaches up and stiff him with some punches!
Steve Hebert: But Stevie strikes back, too! He hammers his fist into Sebastian York's ugly maw.
Lex Robinson: They're going shot-for-shot, with each man struggling to stay afloat. In fact, Sebastian York dangles off the side of the ladder, having his right arm gingerly hang at his side.
Steve Hebert: Thinking quickly, Stevie York latches onto it, only to then attempt to slam it down onto the top of the ladder, which would no doubt break it!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian thinks quickly, however; as he strikes Stevie with a stiff forearm to the butt of his nose! So much for that, Steve.
Steve Hebert: Instead, Stevie Swing retaliates by punching Sebastian in the dick. A wise and quite-witted maneuver, if I might add. He even grabs Sebastian, where he attempts to superplex him off the top of the ladder, but that gaymo, Sebastian York, hangs on. He's lucky... if Stevie hit that, it'd be lights out for that handsome man.
Lex Robinson: You're quite enamored with Sebastian's looks, aren't you?
Steve Hebert: It's because he is a handsome metrosexual. We've been over this.
Lex Robinson: Well, that "handsome metrosexual", as you'd put it, is fighting back. Using his left arm, he strikes Stevie in the ribcage, hoping to drop him off the ladder, but to no avail.
Steve Hebert: Stevie with a headbutt! It stops Sebastian's attack and almost forces him to drop back and smash through that table. My God, that was so close.
Lex Robinson: Stevie goes to follow-up... but no! Sebastian ducks a fist from Stevie, while at the top of the ladder! Sebastian grabs onto Stevie's head and bashes it across the top of the ladder. He hooks him into a suplex position, while grabbing a leg, and...
With Stevie's leg hooked and in proper position, Sebastian swings him off the top of the ladder, hitting a Corkscrew Fisherman's Buster from the top of the ladder -- all the way to the canvas, and through the table that Stevie setup earlier!
LeX Robinson: The Hunger! He hit it! That's Sebastian's move!
Steve Hebert: But they're both down! That hurt Sebastian, as well.
Lex Robinson: I'm surpsied he was even able to hook Stevie's leg, what with that sore arm, and all...
Both men are laid out on the mat, feeling down and broken between the smashed tables pieces. Slowly, both men begin to rise...
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York is the first to move!
Steve Hebert: Goddamnit, why?
Lex Robinson: But don't worry, Steve, Stevie Swing is moving, too. Granted, he isn't up to his feet, like how Sebastian is; but still.
Steve Hebert: C'mon, Stevie, get up!
Lex Robinson: Leaning against the ropes, Sebastian notices Stevie's difficult time in rising. Right away, an idea pops into his head. And that idea involves nothing but climbing that ladder.
Steve Hebert: Goddamnit, a concussion would be good for Sebastian York right now.
Stumbling towards the ladder, which somehow remains right-side up, Sebastian clings on and places himself on the first step. Slowly, he begins to rise, eyeing the titles that hang in the air, realizing he'll have to use his left arm to reach out and grab them.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian is climbing up...
Steve Hebert: But Stevie has finally risen from the rubble! He spots Sebastian York climbing high.
Lex Robinson: He can't stand, though. After being dropped on his skull, he can merely crawl towards the ladder and begin climbing, only to see Sebastian nearing the top!
Steve Hebert: Where's a jetpack when you need one?!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York is at the top, but Stevie Swing is not too far behind him. Sebastian just needs to reach out...
Steve Hebert: Hah! The idiot uses his right arm, forgetting that it had been injured or something. I think he may have tweaked it even more! He hunches over, holding his arm and shoulder, therefore giving Stevie more time to rise... and he's up! Stevie Swing is at the same level as Sebastian York!
Lex Robinson: Once again, they go face-to-face at the top of the ladder! Just like the last time, will this have dire consequences?
Steve Hebert: As long as Stevie Swing reaches out and grabs those filthy titles, I'm good to go.
At the top of the ladder, both men exchange even more blows and shots, with Stevie getting the upperhand.
Steve Hebert: Stevie with some punches and uppercuts...
Lex Robinson: And a European Uppercut! Stevie might actually have this, now!
Steve Hebert: My God, that'd be marvellous.
Lex Robinson: Stevie reaches up... only to be struck in the jaw with a stiff punch from Sebastian York!
Steve Hebert: Son of a bitch!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian grabs onto Stevie's head... and begins smashing it over-and-over again off the top of the ladder! Blood oozes from Stevie Swing's dizzy head, as he slumps over the top of the ladder, unable to recollect his thoughts!
Steve Hebert: Ugh, wake up, Stevie! And worse yet... Sebastian is climbing onto his back.
Lex Robinson: As Stevie remains hunched over the top of the ladder, Sebastian York pushes himself up onto Stevie's back... he reaches out with his uninjured arm... he grabs the titles! He's got them! He pulls them down!
Steve Hebert: No!
Lex Robinson: While standing on Stevie Swing's back, Sebastian York has become a double-champion! Not only does he hold the Impulse Title, but he is also the owner of the Television Title!
Steve Hebert: Dear God, this is awful! What a way to add insult to injury.
Holding onto both titles, Sebastian York jumps to the ground, astonished about becoming a double-champ. With help from the referees, he walks to the back, realizing that he has to wrestle in the main event, as well, which is up next.
Steve Hebert: I can't believe this. This is awful. Hell, Stevie is still perched over the top of that ladder.
Lex Robinson: And he still has one more match to wrestle, too!
Steve Hebert: God, how awful. How is he supposed to help "Team Creep" in a state like this?
Lex Robinson: That's what I'm wondering, too!
Minutes later, more referees circle around the ladder and help a dazed Stevie Swing down. On his way to the back, he asks for his Television Title, but he is reminded by the referees that he did not win. The image then fades out...
Winner: Sebastian York
P.A. Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for multiple Grammy Award winner, Jose Feliciano.
The camera switches to ringside as the Sin Wrestling audience is about to be pleased with a live rendition of "Feliz Navidad." Jose Feliciano grabs his acoustic guitar and begins strumming the familiar cords.
Jose Feliciano: Feliz navidad. Feliz navidad. Feliz navidad, prospero ańo y felicidad. (shouting) I WANT TO WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! I WANT TO WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS. I WANT TO WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! (not shouting) Feliz navidad. Feliz navidad...
Steve Hebert: Why is it his most famous song, is the one that was probably the easiest to write? He's repeating the same shit over and again!
Lex Robinson: Will you shut the fuck up and quit being a grouch. This is christmas music!
Jose Feliciano: ...FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!
Out from the back with microphone in hand, Johnnyboy The Day Laborer enters the stage at the top of the ramp and joins in.
Johnnyboy: (off-key) FELIZ NAVIDAD! FELIZ NAVIDAD!
Steve Hebert: As if it couldn't get any worse.
Lex Robinson: Cheer up, grinch. He might not have talent, but he has heart. Come on. Join in! FELIZ NAVIDAD! FELIZ NAVIDAD!
Johnnyboy enters the ring and finishes singing Feliz Navidad with Jose Feliciano as the crowd stands to give them a big round of applause.
Jose Feliciano: Hey Johnnyboy, thanks for the back up. What's going on?
Johnnyboy: What's going on? WHAT'S GOING ON?! Jose. It's simple, homie. I'm here to celebrate the birth of HEY-SOOS!
The crowd pops big at the mention of Jesus.
Steve Hebert: Who's Hey-soos?
Lex Robinson: That's how you say Jesus in spanish.
Steve Hebert: Well, what the fuck? Are we on Telemundo?
Jose Feliciano: Well that's good. Some people think christmas is all about presents. But really it's about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.
Johnnyboy: Jesus who?
Jose Feliciano: Jesus Christ. What're you talking about?
Johnnyboy: Hey-soos.
Jose Feliciano: Jesucristo?
Johnnyboy: No. Jesus Lopez.
Jose Feliciano: The birth of Jesus Lopez?
Johnnyboy: Si. Bring her out, D.L.
The camera cuts to the entrance at the top of the ramp as The Masked Day Laborer leads a pregnant Jennifer Lopez to the ring.
Lex Robinson: OH MY GOD! IT'S J-LO!
Steve Hebert: Could you possibly be any gayer?
Once Jennifer Lopez is in the ring, the camera focuses on her sweating intensely.
Jose Feliciano: I'm sorry, bitch. There's only room for one guest musician on the show and I beat you to it.
Johnnyboy: JOSE!
Jose Feliciano: I'm sorry! So what's this Jesus Lopez business?
Johnnyboy: Well, like I was saying. We're here to celebrate the birth of Hey-soos Lopez. As many of you know, me and The Masked Day Laboer have been absent for the past few months and you've probably been wondering what we've been up to. Well, as you can tell J-Lo is ready to pop any second, so we'd just like to...
The Masked Day Laborer: ...
Johnnyboy: Oh oh!
The camera cuts to Jennifer Lopez's crotch as her water breaks and a puddle of crotch juice swamps the ring.
Johnnyboy: It's coming!
Steve Hebert: You've got to be kidding me. Are you serious?! J-Lo's going to have a kid in the ring?!
The camera focuses on Jennifer Lopez's face as it turns a beet red as the beads of sweat pour down her face. Johnnyboy and The Masked Day Laborer coach her breathing along like they learned in lamaze class.
Steve Hebert: Is she really going to give birth standing up?!
The crowd gasps as the baby drops from in between Jennifer Lopez's legs on to the mat. Surprisingly enough, the baby is born with a tool belt. The Masked Day Laborer plays nurse as he picks up the baby and chews off his umbilical cord before returning it to Jennifer Lopez.
Johnnyboy: IT'S A BOY!
Johnnyboy hands Jose Feliciano a cigar, and does the same to The Masked Day Laborer and Jennifer Lopez to celebrate.
Lex Robinson: Hey, Steve. You suppose it's okay to christen the baby "Hey-Lo?"
Steve Hebert: You watch entirely too much TMZ.
A giant, blood dripping globe with a swastika carved into it appears. Chris Extreme's voice is heard shouting viciously in the background.
DIE WHORES!
DIE FAGGOTS!
DIE NIGGERS!
DIE SPICS!
DIE CHINKS!
DIE MUSLIMS!
DIE JEWS!
DIE JESUS!
DIE GOD!
DIE MOTHER EARTH!
DIE HUMANITY DIE!
The heavy metal tune of "Sonne" by Rammstein blasts over the speakers. Chris Extreme marches out, swastika scarred on his naked chest, and geared up in white boxers and white socks. He is accompanied by an Immigration and Naturalization Service officer. To a roar of hateful boos, he swaggers cockily down to the ring, spitting racial slurs and sacrilegious blasphemies at the crowd. Threatening fans in the front row by getting in their faces, he slowly enters the ring up the steel steps. He grabs a microphone.
Chris Extreme: What in the name of all that is holy is going on here?
Johnnyboy: We're celebrating the birth of...
Chris Extreme: Hey-soos. I heard that. Still it's... NO! This still doesn't make any sense. Officer. These three are illegal aliens. Please deport them.
INS Agent: You want me to deport Jose Feliciano?
Chris Extreme: I meant The Day Laborers and the beaner baby. But while you're at it, DEPORT HIS BLIND FAT ASS TOO! And that whore too!
INS Agent: But, I can't deport J-Lo and Jose Feliciano. They're puerto rican.
Chris Extreme: So?
INS Agent: That means they're american citizens.
Chris Extreme: Oh, so just deport them and the baby.
INS Agent: The baby's born on american soil. Technically he's an american citizen too.
Chris Extreme: Well, shit. Just deport them then.
INS Agent: Oh. Well, I'd feel wrong breaking this family apart. I can't deport the dad.
Chris Extreme: For christ's sake! They're beaners! The dad will just as soon as disappear from the kid's life and J-Lo will just become another mom on welfare.
INS Agent: Still, I can't do it. It'd be wrong.
Chris Extreme: What kind of INS Agent are you? Fine. Then just deport the one that's not the dad.
INS Agent: Okay. Guys, which one of you is the dad?
The Masked Day Laborer and Johnnyboy look at J-Lo, look at the baby and then look at each other. They look at the INS Agent and then point to one another claiming the other as the father of the bastard baby.
Steve Hebert: Hahaha! Fucking classic!
INS Agent: Uhh... J-Lo?
Jennifer Lopez: I actually don't know to be honest.
Chris Extreme: Big fucking surprise there.
Chris Extreme drops the microphone in frustration and leaves the ring as the crowd cheers.
I alone am best!
#I hope ya flip some guy the bird
#He cuts you off and you’re forced to swerve
#In front of the Beatles’ tour bus
#A bookmobile and a mack truck
#Hauling hazardous biological waste
#The light turns red, you have no brakes
#And "Hard Copy" gets it all on tape
#So you can see the look on your face
#Die Die Die Die Die Die Die
#Die Die Die Die Die Die Die
"I Hope You Die" by the Bloodhound Gang hits the speakers, thus forcing the spotlight to swing towards the entranceway, showing Corey Page passing through the entrance curtain, holding three plaques in his hand.
Lex Robinson: Yay! Corey Page! Yay!
Steve Hebert: And he looks like complete and utter shit!
True to Steve's words, Corey Page looks very much under the weather. As he walks to the ringside area, he coughs, hacks and wheezes, sweats profusely and looks miserable. Rounding the ringside area, he receives the microphone and climbs inside the ring.
Lex Robinson: Dear God, he really does look awful. Is he sick or something?
Steve Hebert: Maybe he is dying.
Lex Robinson: Oh, shut up.
Steve Hebert: What? It could be a possibility! I mean, maybe he has AIDS!
Once inside, a very withered Corey Page stands in the middle of the ring, still with the three plaques in his hands. He holds the microphone up to his mouth and begins to speak.
Corey Page: Before tonight's main event, I want to announce the three new inductees into the Sin Wrestling Hall of Fame.
Corey's voice quivers and cracks, indicative of a cold/flu/bronchitis... or something equally awful.
Steve Hebert: Jesus, he sounds terrible. I always knew lung cancer would do him in.
Lex Robinson: He went on a vacation last week... perhaps he caught something while away?
Steve Hebert: Yes, just like I said. He caught AIDS.
Lex Robinson: No, seriously.
Steve Hebert: I am being serious!
Corey Page: First of all, yes... the rumor is true. I am dying.
A sullen pause pervades the arena.
Corey Page: ...dying to announce the three newest Hall of Fame members!
A collective sigh of relief swims through the crowd, as Corey releases a horrendous hacking cough.
Steve Hebert: Could have fooled me.
Corey Page: Now let's get this underway before my lungs kill me...
From beneath his smelly armpit, Corey removes the three plaques, which he holds before him. He holds the first out.
Lex Robinson: I wonder who is it going to be...
Corey Page: First, we have a former World Champion... a former Platinum Champion... a former Tag Team Champion...
The fans cheer a bit, realizing who the first entrant is.
Corey Page: She has given it all for Sin Wrestling, including her fingers. Our first 2007 Hall of Fame entrant is...
Corey Page: Nikita!
"My Violent Heart" by Nine Inch Nails commences playing on the speakers, leading Nikita out. She walks out from behind the curtain, her hair having grown out a little since having it burnt off at Illusions, with a wide-grin on her face.
Lex Robinson: Whoa!
Steve Hebert: "Whoa" is right. I'm surprised she can even make it to the ring. She's literally Sin Wrestling's very own version of "The Bionic Woman." Fingers, hair, nose... what else can she lose?
Lex Robinson: For one, she's never lost her nose.
Steve Hebert: That's not what her husband, Stryker Graff says.
Lex Robinson: My god, they're not married.
Steve Hebert: Hell yes they are. It happened in that very ring -- back in February, no less!
Lex Robinson: You are something else.
Rolling into the ring, Nikita gladly receives her plaque and shows it off to everyone at ringside, allowing a flash of lightbulbs to go off, as she receives her award. Soon enough, Corey Page scuttles her out of the way, wanting to get on with the next order of business.
Steve Hebert: That's right, get out of the goddamn way, Nikita.
Lex Robinson: Hey, let her enjoy her time in the spotlight.
Steve Hebert: Meh. Fine, I'll give it to her; at least she ended the Flame title reign.
Lex Robinson: And let us never forget.
After shoving Nikita aside, Corey Page returns the microphone up to his mouth.
Lex Robinson: Who'll be number two?
Corey Page: As for our next inductee, she -- yes, unfortunately for "The Creep", it's another she -- has been the longest-running Television Champion in the history of Sin Wrestling. Not only that, but she's had a marathon run with that title not once; but twice. She's one-half amazing; and the other half Wifey, she is...
Corey Page: Adorafey!
Steve Hebert: Adorafey?
Corey Page: Err... Adora!
"Somewhere" by Soundgarden plays and everyone's attention turns towards the entrance, where the golden-haired Adora makes her way out, looking gleeful about her induction. Marching to the ring, she slaps the hands of several adoring fans, continuing to receive a grand ovation from the fans.
Steve Hebert: Oh great, another whore. Don't you know these whores slept their way to the top? It's common knowledge. Jimmy Luciano told me so.
Lex Robinson: That's so sad.
Steve Hebert: That they slept their way to the top?
Lex Robinson: No, that you ever listened to anything that douchebag said.
Steve Hebert: How dare you. Jimmy Luciano has guns, you know.
Lex Robinson: Screw that. This is a grand ceremony for Adora; to hell with Luciano.
Steve Hebert: Fine.
Lex Robinson: In the ring, Corey Page hands the plaque over to Adora, who graciously accepts it and holds it high in the air, proudly showing it off.
Steve Hebert: What would be nice is if she dropped it and it broke.
Lex Robinson: You must think of the worst possible scenarios, don't you?
Steve Hebert: Someone's got to do it.
As the flashes die down, Adora steps to the side, taking a place next to Nikita, who is still proudly showing off her Hall of Fame award; and still has her fingers, fortunately. Corey Page returns to announcing the final inductee.
Lex Robinson: With a little cough, Corey begins.
Steve Hebert: Maybe he had a frog in his throat.
Lex Robinson: Insert French joke here.
Steve Hebert: Hey, I'm French-Canadian; don't sass me, boy.
Lex Robinson: Yes, sir.
Corey Page: Finally, we get to the third entrant. You know this person quite well; and once again, much to Chris Carson's disdain, it's another woman. Another woman whom he knows quite well, too. She's the longest reigning World Champion... in fact, she's the current World Champion. Our third and final Hall of Fame inductee is...
Corey Page: Morgana!
"Celebrity Skin" by Hole plays over the speakers, leading a pink-haired trail out from behind the curtains. Morgana, despite wrestling earlier in the evening, walks out with the World Title strapped snugly around her waist, allowing several fans to slap her hand.
Steve Hebert: Morgana comes out to The Hole.
Lex Robinson: "The Hole"?
Steve Hebert: It's an inside-joke, Lex.
Lex Robinson: Ah.
Gallantly strolling into the ring, Morgy happily receives her own Hall of Fame award from Corey Page, who hands it over to her.
Lex Robinson: Flashes of lightbulbs go off all over the place, as everyone gathers around. Finally, all three women surround Corey Page, still holding their plaque, and stand in a circle.
Steve Hebert: Oh yay, it's a gangbang!
Lex Robinson: Uhm, no. They're standing around getting a picture taken.
The fans in attendance rise to their feet, giving all three ladies a grand ovation. When the class of 2007 group photo is taken, all three inductees disperse, leaving Corey Page alone in the ring.
Corey Page: There you have it, everyone, your 2007 Hall of Fame members. As for me, I feel like shit, so I'm going to go lay down, watch the main event, cough onto my Christmas presents and give a cold to everyone else. Merry Christmas to all; and to all a--...
Another coughing fit erupts from Corey Page.
Corey Page: Ah, shut the fuck up. It's main event time.
Corey Page drops the microphone and then walks to the back, sniffling and snotting all the way through the curtain.
Steve Hebert: Note to self: don't open the Christmas present from Corey Page.
Lex Robinson: Good idea.
Steve Hebert: Last year, that asshole gave me a used, broken toaster, anyhow. So, screw it.
Lex Robinson: Eh... anyhow, we have our three newest Hall of Fame inductees. It's now time for the main event...
Steve Hebert: Hooray!
The image turns towards the entrance area.
The image returns to the backstage area, showing Leah Petrelli laid out on the stretcher, still with blood pouring out of her mouth. Things aren't looking good for her; but luckily, things are about to pick up... or so it seems.
Walking into the scene is Mark Davis, who has put his mistletoe pole back together, leading it over an unconscious Leah Petrelli. Clasping his hands, he smiles wide, knowing that he has finally found a suitor.
With gusto, he hunches over, placing the mistletoe over her head and kisses her on the lips, getting some of her blood on his own mouth. Pulling away, he wipes the blood off his mouth and then walks off, leaving her alone, until...
Booger: Bo Christmas turkeys. No Christmas hams. No candy canes. Booger so hungry. Booger want foo--...
He eyes Leah Petrelli, who is laid out on the stretcher.
Booger: This girl is covered in ketchup.
He confuses the blood with ketchup.
Booger: Save the Booger, save the world.
Seconds later, Booger pulls random salts, vinegars and other condiments out of his pockets and then places them all over Leah's body.
Booger: Booger so hungry.
He even removes a bib and places it across his chest. He places Leah's right foot into his mouth; and so it begins. Inch by inch, Leah is swallowed by Booger, with her head being the last body part to be digested.
Booger: So good. God bless us, everyone.
And then Leah Petrelli is devoured by the voracious Booger.
The lights dim into a bloody red glow, then throb to life with a guitar riff like an alarm. As the song evolves into a rhythmic drumbeat and bass line, a haunted version of Queens of the Stone Age’s “Sick, Sick, Sick”, two symbols embossed on alternating red-black backgrounds--the universal red symbol for “no”, and the circle-cross symbol for the female gender--flash with the downbeats across the projector screen. A red-and-black "CC" mix into the subliminal display, while the symbols fuse into a new logo as the flashes quicken.
The first person out is Chris Carson, with Cooter McCoy walking directly behind him. Walking slowly behind them is Sebastian York, who is fresh off his grueling ladder match against Stevie Swing, who is the last in line to make it to the ringside area.
Lex Robinson: It's main event time, Steve!
Steve Hebert: Thank God. Let's go Team Creep!
Lex Robinson: "Team Creep" looks awfully beaten up; especially Sebastian York and Stevie Swing.
Steve Hebert: Probably because they just beat the hell out of each other about 5 minutes ago.
Lex Robinson: Seriously. Sebastian York's right arm is still dangling oddly. On top of that, Chris Carson is still pissed about what happened earlier.
Steve Hebert: Deservedly so. Morgana was his own partner and she went and betrayed him.
Lex Robinson: Oh god, you're speaking as if "The Creep" hasn't done the same thing to her.
oh make me over
i'm all i want to be
a walking study
in demonology
The arena darkens as the first chords of "Celebrity Skin" by Hole tear through the sound system, sparking the words "Morgana" to etch across the blank screen in bold pink script, accompanied by images of Morgana. The crowd cheers loudly as pink and gold fireworks explode down the ramp, and Morgana saunters out from back stage, leading her team, featuring Chris Extreme, Declan Turner and Mark Davis, all moving towards the ring in that succession.
Lex Robinson: And here's Team Morgy! Morgana, Chris Extreme, Declan Turner and Mark Davis.
Steve Hebert: With Chris Extreme being the only useful member of that hack team. Errr... excuse me, future president, Chris Extreme. He's in an upcoming Uwe Boll film to endorse his candidacy, did you know?
Lex Robinson: Amazing. I'm sure millions of people will watch it.
All Team Morgy members enter the ring, thus officially meaning everyone has reported in for the match.
Lex Robinson: Remember, ladies and gentlemen, the rules of this match are as follows: there must only be two people in the ring at all times; tags are not necessary, meaning if someone leaves the ring, someone else from their team are allowed to immediately enter; the match goes until all members of one team are eliminated; once one team is eliminated, it is then down to the final team members to battle out to become the sole survivor.
Steve Hebert: Or the "Ultimate Survivor".
Lex Robinson: Yep, pretty much; hence the name "Ultimate Survival Match".
Steve Hebert: Good; now let's get this goddamn match started.
Lex Robinson: After some inside-discussion on both teams, Team Creep decides to start things off with their leader, Chris Carson. Team Morgy, meanwhile, starts things off with...
Steve Hebert: Chris Extreme! Lord Nazi and President of the United States!
LeX Robinson: Wow, imagine that. Both of these men have known to be quite the enemies; and they're starting things off tonight. Granted, their feud has died down a little bit over the months and years, but it was just a few weeks ago that Chris Extreme narrowly defeated Chris Carson in a singles match.
Steve Hebert: Yup, they beat the bejesus out of each other, too.
Lex Robinson: They really did. In any event, the bell rings and the match starts, with both circling each other, looking for an opening.
Steve Hebert: Like a rabid dog, Chris Extreme throws himself at Chris Carson. Maybe like a dobermann.
Lex Robinson: Stop the dog metaphors.
Steve Hebert: Fine, fine. Chris Extreme drags Chris Carson down with a double-legged takedown, straddles him and begins firing left-and-right hand punches at "The Creep"'s skull. Here we go!
Lex Robinson: Taking offense to that, Chris Carson swings Chris Extreme onto his back and straddles Chris, instead, hammering him with a mixture of fists and forearms!
Steve Hebert: Chris Extreme, looking for an escape, knees Chris Carson in the rear and successfully flips over, bringing him onto his back. Up to a kneeling position, Chris Extreme begins choking and throttling "The Creep", who fires back with some elbows to Extreme's gut. "The Creep" better watch out; he doesn't want to hurt the future President of the United States.
Lex Robinson: In fact, it was after Chris Extreme beat Chris Carson that he announced his candidacy, too.
Both Chris' get to their feet and exchange a series of punches, with one punch from Chris Carson knocking Chris Extreme into the ropes. Taking no guff, Chris Extreme propels himself off the ropes and fires back with a lethal punch upside Chris Carson's head, knocking him back into the ropes, as well.
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is knocked back. Using this momentum, he charges out and swings a clothesline at Chris Extreme's head. Extreme ducks, hoists Carson up and then atomic drops him!
Steve Hebert: Right into the ass-bone.
Lex Robinson: Ass-bone?
Steve Hebert: Yes, you know it.
Lex Robinson: I... uh... okay, then. Either way, Chris Extreme whips Chris Carson into the turnbuckle pads, allowing him to stumble out, only to walk right into a high-backdrop from Chris Extreme!
Steve Hebert: "The Creep" scrambles up, though. As he sees Chris Extreme tip-toe towards him, he grabs onto Extreme's pants and then slingshots him face-first into the middle-turnbuckle pad!
Lex Robinson: That allows him to scoot over into his corner and tag out to Stevie Swing, too!
Steve Hebert: Chris Extreme may have been a little dazed from that previous shot, but he rolls into the corner and tags in Morgana! Booo! I hope she trips when she enters.
Lex Robinson: Alas, she hops in over the top rope and does not trip.
Steve Hebert: Goddamnit.
Right away, Stevie Swing charges at Morgana, shrugging off the damages done unto him in the prior match. Stepping to the side, Morgana drop-toe-holds Stevie, jumps to her feet and goes to deliver a somersault senton. Stevie, very much aware of Morgy's maneuvers, is able to roll out of the way and prop himself up.
Lex Robinson: Stevie trickles out of Morgana's direction!
Steve Hebert: Good! He even gets up and sweeps her leg out from beneath her, dropping her onto her back! Now it's his turn for a senton... but he misses, too! Son of a Morgy.
Lex Robinson: Just like Stevie, Morgana is able to quickly roll out of danger. Up to her feet, she tries for a standing Shooting Star Press...
Steve Hebert: Stevie Swing rolls to his right, she misses...
Lex Robinson: But she's aware of this; and thus is able to land on her feet! Turning around, she allows Stevie Swing to get onto his feet, deciding to charge at him once he rises. She leaps onto his shoulders and victory rolls him...!
Steve Hebert: Oh God, the referee counts. He's tired from his previous match; he may not have the energy to kick out!
...1...2...
LeX Robinson: Stevie rolls out of it, though!
Steve Hebert: Phew. Thanks be to dead Jesus.
Lex Robinson: Both Morgy and Stevie rise at the same time, though. Morgy again runs at Stevie, who goes for a clothesline attempt, but she tilt-a-whirls around him, sending him down with a satellite headscissors! Morgana is using her speed to outwit Stevie Swing, much like their last encounter.
Steve Hebert: Both Stevie and Morgy are up and charging at each other like two sprited, angsty anime characters. Morgana rolls through Stevie's legs, definitely confusing him. Jumping up, she turns around and watches as Stevie Swing faces her.
Lex Robinson: With a burst of speed, she steamrolls forward... John Woo Kick! That double-kick is enough to send Stevie Swing stumbling backwards, spiralling him out of the ring, leaving him in a confused state!
Steve Hebert: And that's not at all, either. She's measuring him up...
Lex Robinson: Using the top rope, she springboards herself through the air and hits a 450 degree plancha to the outside, landing hard on Stevie Swing!
Steve Hebert: Sebastian York and Mark Davis are in now!
Lex Robinson: It's legal, remember? Once someone exits the ring, another person can enter.
Steve Hebert: Well Jesus. I hope these two handsome faggots beat the queer out of each other, then.
Lex Robinson: Well, Mark Davis has begun things by swatting at Sebastian York with a mixture of martial-arts kicks! A kick to Sebastian's legs... a right leg to his thigh... a left to the ribs... and he delivers a leaping spin-kick to Sebastian York's jaw, dropping him on his back!
Mark Davis continues to kick Sebastian York, who still cowers his arm, trying to keep it from damage, picking him up, only to deliver more kicks to the gut. Stepping back, Mark winds up and then throws a Roundhouse Kick towards Sebastian's right arm...
Lex Robinson: Despite the pain soaring through his arm, Sebastian York is able to lift his injured arm up and trap Mark's leg between his armpits. Snapping in, Sebastian dragonscrew-legwhips Mark Davis!
Steve Hebert: I hope they kill each other.
Lex Robinson: Up to his feet, Sebastian York begins stomping and kicking at Mark Davis, picking him up, only to Irish-whip him into the ropes. As Davis springs back, Sebastian ducks down...
Steve Hebert: As if he were some sort of godforsaken ninja, Mark Davis backflips over York. Using this time, Mark allows for Sebastian to spin around, granting him the ability to climb Sebastian, trying to hit him with a kick to the head...
LeX Robinson: An enziguiri, to be more precise...
Steve Hebert: Yes, well, either way, York ducks.
Lex Robinson: Damn right. Mark is tucked into a wheelbarrow position by Sebastian York, who recklessly heaves his opponent overhead with a release wheelbarrow-suplex!
Steve Hebert: Rolling into the corner, Mark Davis struggles to his feet. After being flung through the air like that, I can certainly see why.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York charges in. Halfway in, Mark Davis spots him storming in, and decides to duck down and backdrops Sebastian out to the floor!
Steve Hebert: The unfortunate thing about that is Sebastian York is able to land safely on the side of the apron, which Mark Davis is unaware of.
Lex Robinson: Once he is aware, he turns around and tries to hit a chop to Sebastian's head, but it gets blocked. In response, Sebastian York grabs onto Mark Davis and suplexes from the apron; all the way out to the floor!
Steve Hebert: Both of them go crashing out onto the floor, too!
Lex Robinson: Which, of course, means...
Steve Hebert: In comes Declan Turner and Cooter McCoy.
Lex Robinson: Cooter's still brandishing his share of burnt skin, all thanks to Declan stuffing him inside Morgana's oven, of all things.
Steve Hebert: Don't remind me of such awful things.
Lex Robinson: Morgana even tried washing the oven out, but she had to spring for a new one because Cooter is just so goddamn filthy.
Steve Hebert: You're just jealous because he made out with Leah Petrelli.
Lex Robinson: And now Leah Petrelli has been eaten by Booger.
Steve Hebert: She made a good sandwich.
Lex Robinson: Speaking of sandwiches, Declan Turner receives a knuckle-sandwich from Cooter McCoy, which knocks Declan back into the turnbuckles. In here, Cooter levels Declan with a repeated series of back-elbows, certainly jarring Declan. Hell, Cooter even headbutts Declan...
Steve Hebert: But that slimey lawyer fights back... only to receive another headbutt from Cooter! That should keep him held back.
Lex Robinson: Cooter whips Declan across the ring, throwing him into the opposite set of turnbuckle pads. Cooter charges in, hoping to smash the life out of Declan, who is able to get his foot up and bash Cooter in the face! Turning around, Declan uses the top rope to push himself into the air and then mule-kick Cooter in the head!
Hunched over, Cooter holds his face, while Declan climbs to the second rope. He dives off, sending a double-knee to the back of his head, dropping him down onto his knees!
Lex Robinson: Declan pulls Cooter up by his arm, only to shift things into the Blood Money, driving Cooter's face directly into the canvas! He rolls over, making the cover!
The referee counts.
Steve Hebert: Oh fuck...
Seeing one of his troops down and out, Chris Carson goes to re-enter the ring, but he is cut-off by Chris Extreme, who chugs across the ring, delivering a wicked strike to "The Creep"'s head!
Lex Robinson: The referee counts. Anyone that can help Cooter is preoccupied; Stevie is still down because of Morgana, Sebastian and Mark Davis are still on the floor, and Chris Carson just took an awfully painful strike from Chris Extreme!
...1...2...3!
Eliminated: Cooter McCoy (Team Morgy: 4 - Team Creep: 3)
Steve Hebert: Ugh... Cooter, first you fuck up and let Tony Millennia walk away with $20,000, and now you fuck up Team Creep by being the first person eliminated.
Lex Robinson: Good riddance, I say. The guy's a filthy scumbag.
Steve Hebert: Hey, look, speaking of scumbags, in rolls Morgana.
Lex Robinson: You wish, Steve.
Steve Hebert: I know.
The World Champion gets to her feet, only to go face-to-face with Sebastian York, who has slipped back inside. Along with those two, Chris Extreme and Chris Carson remain in the ring, exchanging more fists and chops; while Declan leans back, fresh off eliminating Cooter McCoy.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York and Morgy face off. Sebastian quickly catches her with a kick to the gut.
Steve Hebert: And in comes Stevie Swing, who decides to join the party.
Lex Robinson: Yup, Stevie pushes Sebastian York away, plucking him away from Morgana. Unfortunately for him, that push leaves him open for an attack from Declan Turner, who steps into him, knees him in the gut and then gutwrench powerbombs Stevie Swing!
Steve Hebert: Ugh...
Lex Robinson: Ironically, though, Sebastian York steps in and sticks up for the person he beat in the previous match! Before Declan can do any more damage to Stevie, Sebastian York steps in and starts kicking and stomping at his back, coupling those shots with some jarring fists and forearms. Lifting Declan up, Sebastian hoists him up into a suplex position...
Steve Hebert: The lawyer is so greasy that he is able to slip behind Sebastian, though! This allows Declan to waistlock Sebs.
Lex Robinson: Not only that, but Morgana leaps up and connects with a dropkick to Sebastian York, just as Declan heaves him backwards with a release German suplex!
Steve Hebert: Chris Carson, taking offense to this double-teaming on his own partner, decides to calmly poke Chris Extreme in the eye and then dump him to the floor, where Extreme lands with a sickening thud. Racing over, "The Creep" grasps Declan, swings him around and punches him square in the jaw, following that up with a belly-to-belly suplex! Fuck yeah! Go get 'em, Creep!
Lex Robinson: Morgana moves in and grabs "The Creep", who shrugs her off and pushes her into the ropes, where he looks to lob her head off with a clothesline. He misses and she ducks, resulting in her speeding towards Stevie Swing. With nothing else to do, she leaps onto his shoulders, swings around, positioning herself into a victory-roll position. However, she then swings back around, twirling her body around, enabling her to drive Stevie's head into the canvas with a torrid DDT!
Steve Hebert: Jesus, that was a mouthful.
Lex Robinson: You think?
Getting back up, Morgana eyes Chris Carson charging at her, with venom in his eyes...
Lex Robinson: Morgy drops down, but not before pulling down the top rope! As a result, Chris Carson spills out to the floor!
Steve Hebert: Argh, he even receives a punch to the head from Chris Extreme, who drops "The Creep" on his asshole. Slipping back inside, Chris Extreme stomps Sebastian York, keeping him down in the corner. This is madness.
Lex Robinson: This is Spa--...
Steve Hebert: If you say it, I'm kicking you into a well.
Lex Robinson: Fine.
With a path cleared, Morgana steps back, watching as Chris Carson rises to his feet, while Mark Davis slips back inside, where he stomps at the back of Stevie Swing's head.
Lex Robinson: Morgy charges forward; moving with full-speed!
Steve Hebert: She cartwheels... and then does a handspring...
Lex Robinson: She flips over the top rope, performing a complete corkscrew 360 dive out onto Carson, contorting her body around, driving "The Creep" into the floor!
Steve Hebert: Holy Jesus, it looked like she came from The Exorcist for a minute there.
Lex Robinson: And now, Chris Extreme, who just finished dropping Sebastian York on his face with a sit-down suplex, stands up and looks to the floor, seeing Morgana and Chris Carson barely standing. What's he up to?
Steve Hebert: You'll see. We'll all see.
Reckless abandon surrounds Chris Extreme as he trudges towards the ropes and slings himself over the top rope. Literally plunging onto Chris Carson and his own teammate, Morgana, Chris Extreme topples everyone like bowling pins.
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme flagrantly throws himself to the floor!
Steve Hebert: He even took out his own tag partner! God, I love that guy.
Lex Robinson: If you love him so much, why don't you marry him?
Steve Hebert: Maybe I will; maybe I will.
Lex Robinson: Meanwhile, inside of the ring, Stevie Swing grabs both Declan Turner and Mark Davis, bashing their skull together. Bouncing off the ropes, he returns with a leaping double-reverse bulldog, dragging both men down to the mat, thus freeing up Sebastian York. York, having the injured arm, climbs to the top rope, still favoring it.
Steve Hebert: I hope it gets amputated.
Looking down at Morgana, Chris Carson and Chris Extreme, Sebastian York dives off, jumping into the air with a crossbody block out to the floor, knocking everyone down!
Lex Robinson: Yep, down goes everyone once again!
Steve Hebert: Jesus, no one can get a second to stand up.
Lex Robinson: Just as you say that, Mark Davis reverses a suplex attempt from Stevie Swing, only to jump up and hit a lungblower! He then heads towards the ropes, looking at the disaster that's to our right. Stepping out, he observes everyone standing back up -- Morgana, Chris Carson, Chris Extreme, Sebastian York. From the apron, he runs, dives and then somersaults onto everyone else!
Steve Hebert: It never ends! You may as well get up there and jump off, as well.
Lex Robinson: If it comes down to it, I just might!
Steve Hebert: Well Jesus, even Stevie Swing is getting into the act now, too!
Lex Robinson: Attempting to steady himself on the top rope, Stevie looks down at everyone, who try to scramble to their feet. Unfortunately, he doesn't jump in time. Why? Because Declan Turner comes running up behind him, charging up the turnbuckle pads and release belly-to-back superplexes him, sending him flying through the air and crashing into the ring!
Steve Hebert: Oh my Jesus!
Seeing Stevie Swing splatter to the ring, Morgana reaches up, crawls onto the apron and then further climbs to the top rope. With Stevie laying in prime position, she leaps off, hitting The Morgasm!
Lex Robinson: Morgana with The Morgasm!
Steve Hebert: I thought Stevie Swing was her friend!
Lex Robinson: Hey, you gotta do, what you gotta do.
Steve Hebert: I'll remember that the next time Chris Carson blasts a chair across Morgana's face.
The referee makes the cover...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson slides inside, hoping to save Stevie Swing...
...3!
Steve Hebert: Once again, "The Creep" is too late! Stevie Swing has been eliminated!
Eliminated: Stevie Swing (Team Morgy: 4 - Team Creep: 2)
Lex Robinson: Another blow to "Team Creep"!
Steve Hebert: They're down 4-to-2; this is awful!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" shows his displeasure, too, by rolling inside, grabbing Morgana by her pink hair and literally heaving her into the corner. In here, he bashes her face and head off the turnbuckles, possibly wanting to rip her brain out.
Steve Hebert: Her brain is probably pink, too. You know, from all of that hair-dye.
Lex Robinson: At that point, I'm sure she'd have brain cancer.
The referee gingerly rolls Stevie Swing out of the ring, allowing Chris Carson to repeatedly batter, kick and stomp at the World Champ, who turtles into the corner, trying to protect herself. It's all no good, as "The Creep" soon picks her up again, hoping to unload on her with some more damage.
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson is really going after Morgana. He wants her out.
Steve Hebert: No doubt. That'd be awesome. Not only would she be eliminated, but we'd be lined up for a new World Champion, too. I mean, she's held the belt for over 300 days now -- that's just a goddamn monopoly!
Lex Robinson: She's fought and earned all the acclaim, Steve.
Steve Hebert: Pffft, so did The Sentinels of Insanity in '04, but they don't get the same acclaim.
Lex Robinson: Considering they are in the Hall of Fame -- along with the newly inducted Morgana -- I think they do.
Steve Hebert: Don't bullshit me, Steve.
Lex Robinson: I'm not. Anyhow, Chris Carson chokes Morgana against the top rope, stopping only because Declan Turner comes from behind and knees him in the back.
Steve Hebert: These three were in the ring with each other, too.
Lex Robinson: Remember what happened then?
Steve Hebert: Don't you dare bring that up.
Lex Robinson: Hah, Declan walked out as winner, that's what.
Steve Hebert: I told you not to--...
Lex Robinson: He walked out as the first-ever Sin Wrestling Tag Trophy winner.
Steve Hebert: Oh, shut up.
Lex Robinson: And Declan is continuing where he left off. After striking with a flurry of elbows, Declan now begins hitting Chris Carson with rapid-fire kneelifts! Boom, boom, boom. Over and over again, he strikes "The Creep", until he falls to his knees.
Steve Hebert: Sebastian York comes in, amputated arm and all...
Lex Robinson: He actually stops Declan from striking Chris Carson! He turns Declan around, kicks him in the gut, puts him into a pump-handle position and then swings him out, driving Declan Turner into the canvas with a pump-handle fisherman's buster!
Steve Hebert: Finally, here's one for "Team Creep"!
Lex Robinson: Before he can make a count, though, he stands up... only to have Mark Davis roll inside of the ring and charge at him! Mark Davis connects with a spinning Roundhouse Kick to Sebastian York's face, knocking him onto his back and out of the ring!
Steve Hebert: Serves him right... I think. Actually, this is too hard.
Chris Extreme slithers back inside, watching as Chris Carson creeps up behind Mark Davis and strikes him with a lowblow.
Steve Hebert: Haha, Chris Extreme stood back and let his own partner get punched in the balls. Best moment, ever.
Lex Robinson: He doesn't stay still for long, though. Seeing Chris Carson about to hit "The C.C. Cracker", Chris Extreme runs at "The Creep" with a valiant burst of speed...
Steve Hebert: Chris Carson side-steps the attack and ends up spearing Mark Davis off his feet! Haha, whoops. Before realizing what just happened, Chris Extreme is plucked to his feet by "The Creep", who then kicks Chris Extreme in the nose and throws him to the outside.
Lex Robinson: Focusing on Mark Davis, he turns the hunched-over kid around and pulls him up into a vertical-suplex position. He vaults him forward, hitting "The C.C. Bomb"! He's put many people away with that maneuver!
Steve Hebert: Good! Mark Davis will fall to it, as well.
Lex Robinson: Far from done, though, Chris Carson grabs onto Mark Davis's left leg, spins him over so that he is on his stomach and then applies a modified Camel-Clutch, which sees him jam his knee into Mark's back! This is one of his moves, too! This is "The Silencer"!
Steve Hebert: He's even fish-hooking Mark Davis, who has no other choice but to tap out! You, Mark Davis, are no "Ultimate Survivor"!
Eliminated: Mark Davis (Team Morgy: 3 - Team Creep: 2)
Lex Robinson: That's one down for Team Morgy. Mark Davis, we hardly knew ye.
Steve Hebert: Chris Carson squeezed that motherfucker until he had no choice but to tap out.
Lex Robinson: And he's refusing to let go.
Steve Hebert: Kill him, "Creep"!
Lex Robinson: He finally releases his hold, stands up and proceeds to stomp Mark Davis until he is out of the ring. Turning around, he notices Declan Turner stirring, having obvious issues with this. He gives Declan a stiff kick to the neck, turns around and now sees Morgana rising.
Steve Hebert: Chris Carson batters her with a running-knee to the side of her stupid pink head! Positioning her between his legs -- which is pretty hot, by the way -- he holds her up into a powerbomb position, having her smelly crotch in his face. He drops back, sending Morgana throat-first across the top rope!
Lex Robinson: Good lord, Morgana's neck snapped right back! That could be an awful case of whiplash right there!
Standing alone in the ring, Chris Carson watches as Chris Extreme crawls back to his feet and slips back inside, white boxers and all. He stumbles towards Chris Carson, who blocks a punch from Extreme, only to return with a punch of his own. After some rapid headbutts, mirroring those delivered to each other in their last encounter, Chris Carson comes out on top, despite having his forehead a little bloodied.
Lex Robinson: Both Chris' wither and tear at each other, with "The Creep" gaining an advantage. Winding up, Chris Carson goes for a hard-hitting punch to the skull, only to have Chris Extreme punch him in the, uh...
Steve Hebert: Chris Extreme punches Chris Carson in the cock!
Lex Robinson: Right, there we go.
Steve Hebert: Chris Extreme grabs Chris Carson and then hotshots him across the top rope, choking him! Holy hell, he goes for a cover! Will "The Creep", of all people, be eliminated next?! My God, I hope not. Don't do it, President Chris!
Chris Extreme hooks a leg and the count is made...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York slides in and kicks Chris Extreme in the back of his head!
Steve Hebert: I don't know what to think anymore!
Lex Robinson: You're so conflicted, aren't you?
Steve Hebert: You can say that again.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York picks Chris Extreme up, scoops him upside-down and then hits a Tombstone Piledriver! He goes for a cover...
...1...
Steve Hebert: But that faggot, Declan Turner, grabs Sebastian's foot and pulls him off Chris!
Lex Robinson: Unfortunately, Declan gets a Sebastian York boot-to-the-face for his efforts.
Steve Hebert: Now that's something I wouldn't mind doing.
Lex Robinson: In the meantime, Chris Carson and Chris Extreme simultaneously rise, with both men eyeing the other. Chris Extreme kicks Carson in the gut and then applies a front facelock... only to have Sebastian York leap towards him and clothesline him!
Steve Hebert: Uh oh. Chris Carson soon picks Chris Extreme up, interlocks his arms and holds "Lord Nazi" in front of him, readying him for an attack from Sebastian York. Here we go...
Sebastian York charges forward, extending his right leg, looking for a superkick...
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme bursts away from Chris Carson's clutches, resulting in Sebastian York smashing "The Creep" in the face with a superkick!
Steve Hebert: Oh Jesus. Sebastian York, you are truly useless and awful.
Lex Robinson: Free from Chris Carson's clutches, Chris Extreme blasts forward, catching Sebastian York with a running-clothesline, knocking him on his back and then out to the floor. He then turns around, watching as Declan stands up, scoops Chris Carson into the air and then brings him down with a Northern Lights Bomb!
Steve Hebert: Ugh, oh no...
Lex Robinson: As he's dropped on his head, Morgana climbs to the top rope, with everyone's attention pouring towards her. She leaps off... Morgasm! She hits it again!
Steve Hebert: And onto "The Creep", of all people. My God, this is awful.
Lex Robinson: She hooks the leg. She's going to do it. She's going to be the one to eliminate Chris Carson!
...1...2...3!
Eliminated: Chris Carson (Team Morgy: 3 - Team Creep: 1)
Steve Hebert: There it is. Ughhhhh...
Lex Robinson: Are you going to be all right, Steve?
Steve Hebert: Not goddamn likely.
The referee restrains an extremely pissed-off Chris Carson, who tries to re-enter the ring, trying hard to believe that Morgana has pinned him. As he is forced to the back, the crowd breaks out with a "Na na na na, goodbye!" chant, lead on by Morgana.
Steve Hebert: Listen to these awful people sing! This is atrocious. They should have more respect for "The Creep"!
Lex Robinson: It's now 3-on-1. It's up to Sebastian York to win it for "Team Creep".
Steve Hebert: As if that's going to happen. Goddamnit, this shit sucks.
Lex Robinson: Well, if he wants a chance at walking out with all three Sin Wrestling titles, he'll have to do it.
Steve Hebert: Ugh... terrible.
Re-entering the ring, Sebastian York takes a look at the three opponents that stand before him, not backing down an inch, knowing that he will have to put up a fight in order to become the "Ultimate Survivor".
Lex Robinson: Sebastian steps up to the trio before him, here goes nothing...
Steve Hebert: At this point, he may as well get murdered, for all I care.
Lex Robinson: He swats at Chris Extreme with a punch, using his uninjured left arm. He kicks Morgana, holding her off. Finally, he strikes Declan with a forearm with the same left arm.
Steve Hebert: He'll wear down, eventually.
Lex Robinson: Grabbing Morgana, he whips her into the ring and catches her with a beautiful, crisp dropkick, knocking her out of the ring. He gets back up, but is thwarted by Chris Extreme, who catches him with a running kneelift.
Steve Hebert: Thank God. Kill that fucker, Chris. Break his other arm.
Lex Robinson: You shouldn't speak so soon. Despite the kneelift, Sebastian York is firing back on all cylinders. He ducks beneath a clothesline attempt, turns around and then hurricanranas Chris into a rollup!
The referee counts...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Declan Turner makes the save!
Steve Hebert: Well, that's a good thing, I guess.
Lex Robinson: It certainly is for Chris Extreme.
Steve Hebert: Declan unleashes some elbows into Sebastian York's head, trying to grind him down.
Lex Robinson: After giving him some bionic-elbows, Declan whips Sebastian into the ropes and ducks down, looking for an apparent backdrop. However, Sebastian doesn't fall for the trick. Instead, he kicks Declan in the face, grabs onto his head and then drops him down with a facebreaker to the knee!
Steve Hebert: Hurrah? I don't care. Just do something, assholes.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian does something; he bounces off the same set of ropes and returns with a leaping heel kick. He goes for the cover...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: But he can only get a two on Declan!
Steve Hebert: These fans were thinking he had him, too. Haha, I laugh at these morons. I demand a mass-suicide right now.
Lex Robinson: I don't think that'll be happening. Sebastian York jumps back up to his feet, walks around to Declan's ankles and picks him up by his legs. He goes for a Figure-4 leglock...
Steve Hebert: Wait, no, Declan rolls him up with an inside-cradle, dummy!
Lex Robinson: You're right!
The referee counts...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: One... two... and...
Steve Hebert: Sebastian York rolls to safety! But before he can get up, the adept Declan Turner grabs onto Sebastian's right arm and applies a staunch armbar submission!
Lex Robinson: Declan's got Sebastian in perfect position! There's not even anyone here to help him, either.
Steve Hebert: Tap out, you mook!
Lex Robinson: All the pain and damage is too much for Sebastian to handle! He's tapping out!
Steve Hebert: Oh my Jesus, yes!
Eliminated: Sebastian York (Team Creep is defeated)
Lex Robinson: Thanks to Sebastian's submission, it is now down to Team Morgy to walk out as the final winner! To be more specific, it is now down to Morgana, Chris Extreme or Declan Turner, who has eliminated two people already.
Holding his arm, Sebastian York rolls out of the ring, upset at the fact he had no other choice but to submit. In the ring, Morgana, Chris Extreme and Declan Turner begin circling each other, knowing that they are getting closer and closer to becoming the last person standing.
Lex Robinson: The trio stand back, looking for an opening. Chris tries to talk to Declan, trying to get him to team up with him to take out Morgana...
Steve Hebert: Do it, Declan. It's the smart thing to do. Get rid of the World Champion and become the World Champion yourself.
Declan responds to Chris Extreme's requests by chopping him across the chest and following that up with a ridiculous European Uppercut, which snaps Chris's head back.
Lex Robinson: I guess we have an answer to that question!
Steve Hebert: That idiot! He could have taken Morgana down with ease, alongside Chris Extreme... but now... gah...
LeX Robinson: Over and over, Declan uppercuts Chris Extreme, trapping him against the ropes. With a spinning back-fist, Declan catches Chris directly across the face, sending a trail of spit flying across the ring. He then takes Extreme and whips him into the ropes.
Steve Hebert: And he returns, only to have Declan lift him up into the air...
Lex Robinson: Thus allowing Morgana to break into the scene, springboard off the top rope and fly back, hitting a flying dropkick into Chris's face! Along with that, Declan slams him forcefully down to the ground, smashing his head off the canvas.
Steve Hebert: However, Morgana then attacks Declan! That two-faced whore!
Lex Robinson: Hey, she's his opponent, what else can you do?
Steve Hebert: Surely, she didn't have to kick him in the back, turn him around and then unload with some slops and chops to his face... which, she sure as hell, is doing right now!
Lex Robinson: That quickly gets halted by Declan, though, as he blocks another strike from her. Trapping both of her arms, he belly-to-belly suplexes her, sending her flying across the ring! Like a wild animal, he springs back up, continuing to focus on Morgy, who tries regaining her footing.
Declan pulls Morgana close, about to strike her with another clubbing blow. Before he can strike, she rolls to safety, regains her senses and gets to her feet. Turning around, Declan whips his arm at her head, trying to take her out, but again, she rolls to safety. This time, though, she leaps onto the middle rope and flips backward, catching Declan Turner's head on her way down, jamming it into the canvas with a moonsault-DDT!
Lex Robinson: Morgana finds herself out of harm's way by using her own high-flying ability to out-match Declan!
Steve Hebert: Chris Extreme is back up to his feet, now, though. He's focusing on Morgana, who has back turned to him. He races in at her...
Lex Robinson: But she turns around and ducks beneath a clothesline from him. Charging into the ropes, she climbs effortlessly to the top rope and flings her body back, taking Chris Extreme off his feet with a twisting corkscrew moonsault!
Steve Hebert: Oh, for Christ's sake. Or should I say Christ Extreme's sake.
LeX Robinson: Standing up, she gives blows to both of her opponents -- a kick to Chris Extreme; a kick to Declan's head. Allowing for Declan to rise to a kneeling position, she bounces off the ropes, jumps onto his back and kicks off, flying into the air. On her way down, she twists and contorts her body some more, landing atop Chris Extreme with a corkscrew Shooting Star Press!
Steve Hebert: No! She's making a cover!
Lex Robinson: She's hooking Chris Extreme's leg, here goes nothing!
The referee drops down and makes the count...
...1...
Lex Robinson: There's one...
...2...
Lex Robinson: And two...
...
Lex Robinson: Thr--...
Steve Hebert: No! Chris Extreme is able to get his foot on the bottom rope!
Lex Robinson: So close!
Steve Hebert: Too close. I think I just had 700 heart-attacks!
Not satisfied with the lack of a pinfall, Morgana stands to her feet amd climbs out to the outer portion of the ring apron. Waiting for Chris Extreme to rise, she springboards off the top rope and soars through the air, extending her legs, hoping to wrap them around Chris's head.
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme sees Morgana flying towards him like a godforsaken meteor!
Steve Hebert: He drops down! Fortunately for old Pinky, Declan Turner's standing behind Chris; and she is able to land on his shoulders.
Lex Robinson: She isn't able to convert the move into a hurricanrana, though. Instead, Declan has plans of his own, as he holds Morgana high into the air. He runs forward, delivers a powerbomb and tranfers it into a jackknife pinfall attempt! The count is being made!
Steve Hebert: He's going to do it. He's going to eliminate the World Champion!
The referee counts, as Morgana's body is crumpled up and her legs are held down...
...1...
Lex Robinson: One...!
...2...
LeX Robinson: ...Two...!
...
Lex Robinson: She kicks out!
Steve Hebert: Jesus, why?!
Lex Robinson: At the last possible second -- a microsecond, even -- Morgana is able to kick Declan off her, allowing her to continue in this match.
Steve Hebert: It's just not fair.
Lex Robinson: To you, nothing is fair.
After the previous kickout, Chris Extreme strolls up behind both of his opponents, grabbing Declan from behind and gouging his eyes with his thumb. Lifting Declan to his feet, Chris Extreme chops Declan in the throat, knocking him into the corner and then whips him out, sending him scurrying into the opposite corner.
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme disposes of Declan Turner. Next, he turns his attention to Morgana, who is barely skittering to her feet. Taking no time, he delivers an influx of knees to her face, grabs her by the hair and lifts her up to a standing base. Throwing her into the opposite corner of Declan Turner, Chris whips her across the ring, heaving her towards Declan.
Steve Hebert: As she traverses in, she bicycle kicks Declan and then kick-flips off his chest, landing on her feet! Christ, that bitch is like some sort of ninja.
Lex Robinson: Just as she lands, Chris Extreme bursts forward...
Looking over her right shoulder, Morgana ducks down, resulting in Chris Extreme smashing into Declan Turner with a forearm to the jaw! As Chris stumbles back, Morgana leaps onto his shoulders and starts pounding on his forehead, trying to knock him silly.
Lex Robinson: Morgana is belting Chris Extreme's head with a flurry of shots.
Steve Hebert: They form some kind of.... Voltron, with Chris stumbling back, trying to get the pink-haired whorebag off his shoulders.
Lex Robinson: Chris is able to throw Morgana off, but she is able to leap onto Declan Turner, placing both feet on his shoulders. Standing on his shoulders, Morgana corkscrews back, now landing on Chris Extreme's shoulders, bringing him down with a hurricanrana!
Steve Hebert: Maybe she's not a ninja; maybe she's a Crash Test Dummy. It's the only thing that makes sense!
LeX Robinson: Jumping up to her feet, she turns around, having to duck beneath a running clothesline attack from Declan. When he turns around, she kicks him in the gut, 3/4 facelocks him and propels herself in the air.
Steve Hebert: He's fighting back...
Lex Robinson: That's useless, though, as she's able to kick off Chris Extreme's chest, giving her enough force to go up-and-over, hitting the Fata Morgana!
Steve Hebert: Declan Turner is down!
Lex Robinson: She isn't getting the chance to pin him, though, as Chris Extreme moves in, grabs her by the hair and forces her to stand up. Balling his right hand into a fist, he strikes Morgana with vigor, snapping her head back and knocking her into the corner. In here, he delivers a mixture of back-elbows and forearms, which do nothing but wear Morgy down, allowing for Chris to plop her on the top turnbuckle pad. Delivering an uppercut to her jaw, he re-enforces her position, places both of his hands underneath her armpits and then flips off the top rope, delivering a Splash Mountain Powerbomb!
Steve Hebert: He's grabbing her by the hair again, too. Lifting her up, he literally throws her into the corner, where he then uses his right shoulder to charge into Morgana's gut. For the second time in a row, he sits her on the top turnbuckle pad.
Lex Robinson: He's rubbing his cock, too!
Steve Hebert: You know what time it is! It's Cock Factor time! This will be hot.
Lex Robinson: Chris goes to climb up alongside Morgana... only to receive a kick in the jaw from Morgy, knocking him back down to the canvas. Furthermore, she grabs onto his head and swings out, looking for a Tornado DDT.
Steve Hebert: He throws her off, though!
Lex Robinson: Yup, but she's able to safely land on her feet. With Chris still in the corner, Morgana charges in... but is thrown into the air by Extreme! Luckily for her, she is able to land both feet onto the top turnbuckle pad.
As she moonsaults back, Chris Extreme simply just side-steps the attack and punches her in the face, snickering as she plummets to the ground, landing on her face.
Steve Hebert: Now that was a bad mistiming.
Lex Robinson: Morgy probably wishes she could have that one back.
Steve Hebert: Fortunately, Chris Extreme stands before her, tugging on his cock, getting it erect, ready to slap against her face. It's just likethe old days, Lex!
Lex Robinson: This is sick and disgusting. Chris Extreme has his pants and he's about to, uh...
Before anything bad can happen, Morgana punches Chris in the dick, catching him off-guard, thereby breaking his erection.
Steve Hebert: Oh boy.
Lex Robinson: She figuratively says "Fuck no!" to that, leaps to her feet, kicks Chris in the balls and then stunners him! Just like Over The Top Rope 3!
Steve Hebert: No! This cannot happen!
Lex Robinson: Trust me, it's happening! Having Chris laid out on the mat, Morgana begins her ascent to the top turnbuckle...
However, as she climbs, everyone's attention turns towards the entrance, where "The Creep" Chris Carson is running down.
LeX Robinson: Wait, what is he doing here? He was eliminated earlier!
Steve Hebert: He's got a little bitof vengeance up his sleeve, I'm sure.
As Morgana goes to throw herself off the top turnbuckle, Chris Carson leaps up onto the apron, hooks onto her foot and makes it so that she's unable to leap off.
Lex Robinson: He's grabbing onto her! She can't move! She can't hit The Morgasm!
Steve Hebert: That's what she gets! This is not over between he and Morgy! It'll never be over! Not until one of them is bleeding to death!
Lex Robinson: This distraction allows for Chris Extreme to rise... he notices Morgana held into position and runs up the corner. Oh no...
Steve Hebert: Cock Factor! Chris delivers The Cock Factor to Morgana!
Once Chris Extreme drives Morgana down from the top rope with the Cock Factor, Chris Carson hops off the apron, mouthing words that say, "This is not over."
Steve Hebert: He's making the count! This could be it!
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: One... no, it can't...
Steve Hebert: Two...
...
Lex Robinson: C'mon, Morgy...
...
...3!
Steve Hebert: Three! Morgana has been eliminated! We're going to have a new World Champion! After 300 days, we're finally going to have a new World Champion!
Eliminated: Morgana
Lex Robinson: It's a shame. It's an absolute crime.
Steve Hebert: Hell no, it's hilarious. Die Morgy, die. You had it coming, bitch; with your stuck-up, snobby attitude.
Lex Robinson: Come on, already.
Dazed, Morgana rolls out of the ring, realizing that she has lost the World Title. Turning to the side, the first person she notices is Chris Carson, who is grinning from ear-to-ear, thinking he has one-upped Morgana. A thunderous rage pours across her and she deftly storms towards "The Creep", who returns the favor, starting a gigantic brawl at the ringside area.
Lex Robinson: Morgy is going after Chris Carson!
Steve Hebert: Chris Carson is giving it right back!
Lex Robinson: It's taking a dozen or so officials to break this up. They're fighting all the way to the back!
Steve Hebert: I can't say I'm not pleased. Thank God for "The Creep". If we had to go one year with Morgana as our champion, I probably would have thrown up.
The camera shot returns to inside of the ring, where Declan Turner is getting to his feet, along with Chris Extreme. Both men are finally figuring out that they are the final two remaining and that one of them will be the last man standing; and will also walk out as the new World Champion.
Steve Hebert: Besides, who cares about Morgana? Right now, we have two people in the ring that have the chance to walk out as the new World Champion. Let's focus on that. Let's focus on Chris Extreme hopefully winning.
Lex Robinson: You are something awful.
Staring each other down, an equally amazed Declan Turner and Chris Extreme stagger towards each other in the center of the ring. In here, they meet up and begin exchanging forearm shots, with each shot ringing loudly out into the air.
LeX Robinson: Looking to become the next World Champion, both Chris and Declan hammer and blast each other with shots! After 3-4 shots, back-to-back, from Chris Extreme, Declan Turner wobbles against the ropes, only to storm out with a Busaiku Knee Kick to Chris Extreme's face!
Steve Hebert: Argh! That running knee-shot takes Chris down, knocking him into the ropes, where Declan stands up, continuing to smash and attack. This is truly terrible.
LeX Robinson: Declan lifts Chris up and then hoists him up onto his shoulders, putting him into a standing fireman's carry position. He swings Chris out, hoping to drop him face-first across his knee, but Chris is able to come alive and land on his feet! Delivering a wicked throat-thrust, Chris knees Declan in the gut and hooks him for a suplex.
Steve Hebert: Before doing anything, Chris figure-fours Declan's legs... and lifts him up, dropping him down with a figure-four brainbuster! Yes! Right on the top of his head! All Chris has to do now is to roll over and make the cover!
Lex Robinson: He does. He lays the back of his arm across Declan's chest. The referee starts his count...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Declan kicks out!
Steve Hebert: Fuck! That should have have him! Chris dropped that homo squarely on his head!
Lex Robinson: Peturbed at the lack of a pinfall, an onery Chris Extreme rises, lifts Declan up and places him between his legs with a standing headscissors. Raking his claws against Declan's back, Chris proceeds to hoist Declan into the air, holding him up into a powerbomb position.
Steve Hebert: Declan slides his way out, though, and lands on his feet, where he strikes Chris Extreme with a rising-uppercut!
Lex Robinson: That shot probably broke Chris's jaw, too!
Steve Hebert: God, don't say such terrible things.
Lex Robinson: Declan runs at Chris Extreme, rolls up him and places himself into a hurricanrana position, but swings out, completing the "Irish Rattlesnake"!
Steve Hebert: Ugh, not good. Not good at all!
Lex Robinson: Walking around to Chris's legs, Declan hooks on, apparently going for his move "The Payback". This is the move that he made Cooter McCoy tap out to, he's hoping he can do the same thing to Chris Extreme!
Steve Hebert: These fans are chanting for Declan Turner, wanting him to submit Chris Extreme. How horrendous! Horrispicable, too!
Locking the modified Boston Crab on, Declan places his foot on the back of Chris Extreme's neck, trying to stop him from squirming out of the way. Nevertheless, Chris writhes and shakes, trying to break free from Declan's clutches.
Steve Hebert: Come on, Chris, get out of that hold!
Lex Robinson: The fans are calling for him to tap!
Steve Hebert: No! Don't do it!
Closer and closer, Chris nears the bottom rope, reaching out for it...
Lex Robinson: Chris was almost to the ropes, but Declan slides him back into the center of the ring!
Steve Hebert: No! No! Don't tap! For the love of God, don't tap!
Lex Robinson: Declan is pulling back harder... Chris is going to have no other choice but to tap... or to pass out.
Steve Hebert: Agh! Hell no, never. He'll do neither!
Luck shines on Chris, as he is able to twist his body, enabling him to reach up and apply a Testicle Claw on Declan, while "The Payback" is still locked-on.
Steve Hebert: Testicle Claw!
Lex Robinson: Holy crap, Chris Extreme may have just found his only way out of this hold... with a handful of testicles!
Squeezing on Declan's privates, Chris Extreme is finally able to find some slack, allowing him to release himself from "The Payback". With the claw still applied, Chris slowly rises to his feet, kicks Declan in the gut and then spike-piledrivers him!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Go Chris! Go for the cover!
LeX Robinson: He's opting not to, though. He's standing up and playing with himself, again.
Steve Hebert: Ugh... go for the cover!
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme plucks Declan to his feet and throws him into the corner. Striking him with a punch, Chris attempts to lift Declan onto the top turnbuckle, only to receive a knee-to-the-face!
Steve Hebert: I knew he should have gone for the cover.
Lex Robinson: It's too late, now. Coming up behind Chris, Declan Turner applies a sleeperhold!
Steve Hebert: No! It's not bedtime yet!
Lex Robinson: He's got Chris drowsy! Once again, the fans are going crazy over this!
Steve Hebert: Fuck the fans! Wake up, Chrishy!
Stumbling around, Chris looks for a safe haven, finding nothing until he climbs up the turnbuckle pads, using the top turnbuckle to kick himself back and roll atop of Declan, getting a pinfall attempt in!
Lex Robinson: Chris Extreme kicks himself back and rolls onto Declan!
The referee starts his count...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Declan releases the sleeperhold and stops the count!
Steve Hebert: Fuck! I thought he won it. I think Chris thought he won, too.
LeX Robinson: Uhm, Steve, considering the look on Chris's face, I don't think there's many thoughts perusing his head.
Steve Hebert: Too much awful.
Lex Robinson: Breathing deep, Declan Turner pops up, eyeing Chris Extreme stumble around. Walking up behind him, Declan hammers Chris across the neck with an elbow, which drives him down to one knee. Turning around, he faces the corner, climbs out onto the apron and begins to elevate himself to the top turnbuckle.
Steve Hebert: Ugh, snap out of it, Chris!
Lex Robinson: This could be the diving spear, which he calls "Dissention"! In fact, I'm pretty sure of it!
Steve Hebert: Ugh...
Seeing Chris bent over, Declan shoots himself off the top turnbuckle, looking to hit the flying spear. Unfortunately for Declan, Chris is well aware of this dive, prompting Chris to grab onto Declan's head and then Cock Factor him into the canvas!
Steve Hebert: Yes! What a reversal!
Lex Robinson: Cock Factor! Chris Extreme hits The Cock Factor onto Declan!
Steve Hebert: Make the cover, Chris!
Lex Robinson: This time, he heeds your words... he makes the cover...
The referee begins his count...
...1...2...
LeX Robinson: One... two...
...
Lex Robinson: Three!
...3!
Steve Hebert: Chris Extreme does it! He's the last man standing! The "Ultimate Survivor"! The new World Champion!
Lex Robinson: Oh God, Chris has just won his second Sin Wrestling World Title.
Steve Hebert: Let the reign of terror begin! The next Reich starts in 2008! Merry Christmas, everyone, Chris Extreme is your new champion!
Lex Robinson: This is horrifying.
In the ring, Chris Extreme stands to his feet, trying hard to believe what just happened. Once he is handed the World Title, he holds it close to his heart, only to then punch the referee, knocking him out of the ring!
Steve Hebert: Get out of here, ref. You don't deserve to be here.
Lex Robinson: Worst Christmas present, ever.
Fake snow falls from the rafters, as fans jeer at Chris Extreme, who continues to celebrate inside of the ring. Soon enough, Chris Extreme is joined by Dr. Mengele, Booger, and even Roscoe, who is dressed up as Rudolph.
Lex Robinson: Thanks to Chris Carson, Morgana has been defeated. The new World Champion is Chris Extreme, narrowly beating Declan Turner. I... I don't know what else to say.
Steve Hebert: Say "Happy holidays!", dipshit.
Lex Robinson: No way. This will lead to nothing good. We'll see you in 2008, folks.
Steve Hebert: Merrrry Christophermas!
The image fades out, last showing Chris Extreme holding his newly-won title high above his head, while Declan Turner walks to the back. Booger and Roscoe build a snowman, while Chris Extreme and Roscoe have a snowball fight, while Chris wears the World Title.
...and he said, "Merry Christmas to all; and to all a goodnight!"
Winner: Chris Extreme